My wife and I have been married for 7 years. Originally when we began dating and throughout the first few years of our marriage she was very jealious. As time progressed I became more like that myself. About 2 years ago I found out she had an internet fling. It abruptly was stopped by myself. Everything appeared to be fine for about the next year. Her mother at that time became ill with cancer and was dying. I took a demotion to move the four of us back to care for her mother. Shortly after the passing of her mother she began online affairs and email affairs with (2) other individuals. I understand the emotional stress and again forgave her and began attempting to move on. In September she became heavily involved in Facebook and tracked down a childhood friend whom through conversations and email began fishing for more. She recognized this and ended it even though it took 4 months and weeks of torment for me. I'm not perfect but over the past 2 months she has befriending 2 more male friends whom she had dated 1 and the other wanted to date her. I had a problem with the emails outside Facebook and she gave me access to everything attempting to help with my issues. It has but now one of the two has began making sexual remarks. She sees them as innoscent, but it is apparent to me he is pushing to define boundaries. I was kind and made and innoscent post when he slammed me for responding. My wife has blamed me for responding and felt that deleting the comment was sufficient. I find that my healing process is constantly stalled by her need to reconnect with male friends from 15 years ago? Am I crazy or just Stupid?

No, you are not stupid or crazy, It is normal for you to feel this way,although your wife has been going through emotional stress ,there is no excuse for her behavior. She need to be connecting with you as her husband, not other men. Have you supported her while she was grieving from the loss of her mother?

I think you have the patience of a saint, and the constitution of a very supportive and loving man.

She has pretty clearly defined her intent to hook up with other men. For whatever reasons, that's a problem that she chooses not to address.

It is natural under the circumsances for you to feel betrayed, hurt, and confused. Especially when she admits that it is innapropriate and doesn't follow through to stop.

I know the first time I hooked up with anybody my would be out the door.

My opinion is you need to insist that she get counselling. The need to address the why's of her behaviour, and the tools and direction to stop doing what she's doing. Set some boundaries, and expect some changes. You deserve at least that much.

To give her excuses for her behaviour, i.e. grieving, is only allowing or almost giving permission for it to continue. She knows she can turn to you, yet she doesn't. This is a problem she needs to address. I hope she gets the help she needs, and makes a commitment to change her behaviour, and mean it.

Your wife is repeatedly doing this, knowing each time how much it hurts you. Either she has no respect for your feelings or she has a problem.
Jake2008 is right, you need to get her to talk to a professional to find out why she does this and help her to stop.

Apparently your wife did not get the memo:
No dating while married.
It is internet dating in my opinion.

These people are answering some need in her,she needs to figure out what that is and have you fill that need.

She is being very disrespectful to you and there is one cure for this,unplug the computer and put it where she can't have access to it.
Chatting very often turns into phone calls and then to meeting up and the prognosis for fidelity goes downhill from there.

She had her chance to do the right thing over, and over. A more drastic proactive approach is needed, so start packing. Until you draw the line, and STOP accepting her bad behavior, it will continue. Enough, is enough.

You are neither crazy nor stupid. One thing for sure you are patient. My advice is to talk to her and put your foot down once and for all. You cannot stay unhappy with your wife. Both of you guys deserved to be happy. Talk first and see where it leads, if she doesn't stop then you need to perhaps spend sometime alone to figure things out.

"Crazy or Stupid"

You don't have to choose. She seems to be both.

I know... you were talking about you...

I've done "smart" things I wish I hadn't done and I've done "dumb" things that I won't regret.

She is channeling emotional energy outside the relationship that belongs within the relationship. Its not OK.

Its one thing if both sides agree to where the "lines" are in any relationship... but she is obviously stepping out of bounds over and over.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite here and give you advice I won't follow. My wife, of 9+ years has just admitted to an extended affair, years long, and only after I found out myself.

The affair was over, but the effects were still lingering and the deceit runs long and deep.

Will I stay with a woman who cheated when I would tell anyone else to leave? Don't know anything yet.

If I leave my wife it will be because, despite all we have to offer each other, it'll be because I won't feel that she can love me the way I need to be loved.

So I guess that's the best advice I have.

I think marriage is a covenant, not a contract. I believe when one says "i will, i shall, i promise" that you say this without strings attached. All that said... at some point you must decide when you are voluntarily taking abuse and choosing to stay in that place.

Long term... if I stay, I own the choice. I don't get to choose to stay and to punish her for the past.

I have no problem with a flirty mate who is monogamous and sleeps in only our bed. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who has flirted but stayed within the "lines" we agreed to.

In your case... I can't tell you how much is too much. As a friend, id say I think she is offering little in terms of concession or real reconciliation.

My friends might call me crazy if I choose to stay... but if I do, it'll be because I believe she can love me as I need to be loved. At this time, I don't know that she can... but I'm willing to bide some time... partly for my sons sake... and the fact I do love her.


If you choose to stay, you need to be assured of the same. Why would you choose to stay... what would make you leave? That answer comes from within you, not from her responses...

Sorry you are in this place.