Hello,
Recently I found out that my wife is having an affair with a younger man.
When I say younger I mean young enough to be her son. It is obvious to me and the people that I talk to that this won't end well for her. Even after she has destroyed my children and my world I still care for her and don’t want to see her used and thrown to the side.
I have been married for 14 years and to say my marriage has been a truly happy one is a bit overstated, we have had our trials like any other couple, but as long as we were together I felt that there was nothing that we couldn’t overcome.

About 3 weeks ago after a lot of “gut instinct” and fact finding I finally found out she has been cheating on me with this 20ish man, I asked her what she wanted to do.
I asked her about a divorce and she says she doesn’t want one but at the same time she isn’t willing to give him up. I have given her an ultimatum if she won’t end the relation ship with him in 2 weeks that I would file for divorce.

In all reality I know she won’t give him up and I have heard rumors that she is looking to get a house right across the street from him and I’m OK with that, but what I’m not OK with is the fact that I know she will be taking my daughter around him and his lifestyle.

I have tried to talk to her and work this out but every time I approach her on this matter she gets mad and won’t tell me what she wants to do. I ask her what does she want, and I get I love you and I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want to lose him either.
I realize I am being played but I can’t bare the thought of losing my daughter should I continue to put up with this and sacrifice my happiness for my kids well being or should I just boot her out and let the chips fall where they may. There is a lot more to this sorted tale and perhaps if relevant I will elaborate later. Any advice is welcomed

Wow, you gave her two weeks, too long to end the relationship.

I wouldn't wait to find out what she wants to do, she should be begging for your forgiveness, not in charge of this.

Boot her out and file for divorce, let the chips fall where your attorney puts them.

I asked her about a divorce and she says she doesn’t want one but at the same time she isn’t willing to give him up. I have given her an ultimatum if she won’t end the relation ship with him in 2 weeks that I would file for divorce.

So... I feel some real empathy.

I'm married 9+ years. Just found out my love has had an extended affair, 6 years, since before my son was born. I will always be his daddy, but he might not be mine via genetics. It runs so far back and so deep that I can't even remember much before the affair.

So... I'm living in some of the same place you are.

My partner and I have always had fairly "open" rules about our relationship... we each could flirt, spend time with other people of other sexes, just at the end of the day we pledged to sleep in only one bed. I held up my side for years. She deceived me for years.

So I have an issue with her (your wife) not giving him up. Really. Big time! Really??

She doesn't want a divorce and she doesn't want to give him up. That's convenient.

I've tried to live and love within the context of a covenant marriage, not a contractual marriage.

A contract states "if you do this, i will do that, and our partnership is useful as long as we both do this and that"...

A covenant marriage states "i will, i promise, i vow..." even when my partner fails. I vow to do certain things, and my word is my word.

We talked about boundaries and limits. We both push the envelope compared to many couples.. but if shed held up her side, wed have been lock in step together.

I just think I can do only all I can do to keep my word... something includes forgiveness and reconciliation. A covenant marriage doesn't mean no accountability. It does mean a willingness to suffer some for what you believe.

Obviously, this theory is being tested on a supreme level in my relationship. I can't tell you how its going to end.

If I leave it will be because I do not believe she can love me as I need to be loved... not because I love her less.

But, back to you situation, if my love said "im not giving him up" I would be done. Hurt, and done.

Then again, on at least one level, I'm being hypocritical. My lover silently pledged her body and mind to her lover in a notebook I just happened upon... so while my mates affair had physically ended and won't resume, she still is with him, in part. Willing to try to love me honestly, but a part of her belongs to him.

So... *sigh*

Guess I'm here to say I feel for you. Been there, am there, in some ways.

A refusal to leave him is unacceptable.

I am a private person so posting this is a huge step for me. I am seriously at my limits as this pain is so huge and won't stop. I don't think I am strong enough to survive this. My kids are the only thing that keeps me going if they are taken what's left for me?

There isn't any reason your children should be taken from you, you have just as many rights to your children as she does.

Do you both work?

You can talk to a divorce attorney, just to find out what to expect once you file.

I sympathize with your pain, but there is just as much pain waiting for you in your relationship, begging for your wife's attention as there is leaving the relationship and standing on your own.

So get an attorney, file for divorce, file for custody of the children and move on.

The two weeks only gives her the chance to get her ducks in a row first.

If you have joint checking or bank accounts, get the money out now, so you have money to use for legal fees.

You'll have to decide if you would even be able to trust her again if she did come back. It can be done... relationships can be rebuilt, but only when both parties are completely committed to making it that way. It simply will not work if one partner has one foot out the door.

You can accept it that way, some people do, or you will have to go through the painful journey of separation and divorce. There is no easy way through it, I wish there were... but you will get through it, and you will be wiser on the other side.

If she is willing to work towards rebuilding, perhaps going through some counseling with you to determine the reason for it happening in the first place and arming yourselves with ways to avoid it from getting to that point again... you can regain a lasting and loving relationship. Both of you have to want it.

I can only imagine the pain you are feeling.
She is not willing to sacrifice her relationship for you and your family so it would seem that she is already gone to you.
You can't rebuild trust in the relationship if she isn't willing to end her affair.
Assuming your children will be taken away is yet to be proven.The mother does not always automatically get custody.
I would get a good lawyer and protect yourself from here on out.She may not be done with destroying you but you can do things to insure your property and your rights to your children are protected.

She has told me she knows what's right and she knows where she needs to be but she stops short at saying she will leave him. She is 40ish and I know its just a mid-life crisis.
It would be easier to accept if it was just sex but I know emotions are attached now. This kid has nothing to offer her outside of a wild life style and to be honest with the way the economy is at present I know she can't make it on her own. I think she is ready to bolt but is waiting for the right time. I have talked to a lawyer and because my state is a no fault state we would have 50/50 custody and split any assest acquired during the marriage. The bottom line is I love her and I can't imagine my life without her but I am a realist and know that if we decide to work it out, great strides need to be taken to regain the love and trust we both had.
She works with this guy so I know she will see him everyday, should I ask her to quit her job or insist on it. I believe in order for this to work all ties with him need to be severed. So far we have maintained a some what semi calm manner but it always comes back to her not wanting to discuss this. I feel that this may be the guilt part that she may be ashamed. Like I stated before this is so much more to this sorted tail and if this thread keeps going I will reveal more.

I don't think you should explain an affair away as a mid-life crisis.

I admire your desire to work things out because you love her, but she has to step up to the plate and thus far she has not done that.

If she was willing, she would want to quit her job herself and cut all communications on her own and she hasn't even said that she leave him. You really need to do what is right for you, if she comes around, it shouldn't be because you begged her to. She has to want to. Fourteen years is a HUGE investment but she isn't making the effort and you can not do this or force this on your own.

Yeah it does seem like I am making all efforts, but this woman has been my world for so many years I just am trying everything I can think of to save this sinking boat. It may be that Im just polishing brass on the Titanic. Life sometimes pushes us in down paths that should have be taken long ago. Jesus 14 years is a long time to throw away

Believe me ,no one is trying to under mind the difficulty in severing a 14 yr.marriage.It is a huge change but the bottom line is she is simply not willing to give up her fun.

Have you asked yourself if you could truly rebuild what she has destroyed.She rocked the entire foundation of your marriage.

I get the impression you think she just needs to somehow get this all out of her system but I think that is wishful thinking.

She said she loves you,well clearly you do not share 14 yrs. And children without feeling love.The question is ,is she in love with you? It the feeling she has for you enough to rebuild your marriage,should she decide she made a mistake?

I have told her that anytime she wanted to leave she was free to go she could take what she wanted. She tells me that if I want to file for divorce to that she couldn't blame me if I did. It almost sounds like maybe she wants me to make the first move in ending it permantly but why, it makes no sense to me. Why wouldn't she just go to him and try to make it work. She knows if she leaves that our kids will want for nothing that they will be safe and well looked after. I may have been a crappy husband in her eyes, but Im an excellent father

I have told her that anytime she wanted to leave she was free to go she could take what she wanted. She tells me that if I want to file for divorce to go ahead and that she couldnt blame me if I did. It almost sounds like maybe she wants me to make the first move in ending it permantly but why, it makes no sense to me. Why wouldnt she just go to him and try to make it work. She knows if she leaves that our kids will want for nothing that they will be safe and well looked after. I may have been a crappy husband in her eyes, but Im an excellent father

Sadly,it seems she has made a choice and I don't see that she has left you with any alternatives.

You may have been a crappy husband(your words) but her action does not justify anything.
There are so many other roads she could have chosen to help the marriage ,but instead she chose to help herself and have no consideration for anyone,including her children.

I think it is time for you to move past the * I can't believe this* stage and begin to accept what seems to be the inevitable end of your marriage.Again,I do not say this lightly.

Alas my friend I think you are right I have been thinking about this long and hard and in all honesty I want it to work so bad with my heart but my head knows different.

Alas my friend I think you are right I have been thinking about this long and hard and in all honesty I want it to work so bad with my heart but my head knows different.

I am quite certain that along with shock and confusion,you will run the entire gamut of emotions before this ordeal begins to be something you can handle,instead of it handling you.
We are here to listen ,even if you just want to rant.

I have experienced all the emotions that this one person can handle. There are so many things that I want to say and do that my mine literally races when we are apart but when we are together I clam up because I don't want to risk making her angry and pushing her farther into his arms. I know I probably need to "Man-UP" but people who read this and say, "Id do this ", or "Id say that" really don't know unless they know my situation. Trust me this woman can be vindictive as all hell.
Sometimes its best to not poke the bear. I think by me telling he that I love her and I'll do whatever it takes to fix this, I am enabling her or giving he the power to control the situation instead of me taking control. I don't know what to do but I know that I can't share her anymore. If I keep this up I may be required to turn in my Man Card and get kicked out of the club lol

I really feel for your situation.

Divorce is an emotional trying experience and you are currently being held in an emotional hostage state. Could you plan a getaway for yourself, help you gain some perspective?

It is easy to tell you what is best, imagine we are just your brain working without consideration to your heart. We can easily see the red flags and without any emotional attachment we clearly see the tragedy of your situation.

I think any encouragement that there is an easy fix, is a lie. I think that while you are committed to the fourteen years you have shared, your wife is not. If you recommended counseling would she go? That maybe one of the only options that may save your marriage. If she is not willing to put in the effort, you will be fighting a losing battle and giving up more of yourself with the passing time.

While I feel for your situation, no way do you get to wallow in shock, and disbelief without taking some strong positive decisive actions for yourself and your kids.

That means get a lawyer and get her out of your life, so you can heal regroup, and do all the crying you want.

Handle the business first DAD!! Cry later.

Her actions are unacceptable, and she has to go! She can't choose, you must choose for her.

If you don't feel ready for such a drastic step... and have the desire to give it every last possible chance, go for a separation for now. You both will have some time and space to step back and reevaluate the situation, your life together, your family, your needs, etc..

I have experienced all the emotions that this one person can handle. There are so many things that I want to say and do that my mine literally races when we are apart but when we are together I clam up because I dont want to risk making her angry and pushing her farther into his arms. I know I probably need to "Man-UP" but people who read this and say, "Id do this ", or "Id say that" really dont know unless they know my situation. Trust me this woman can be vindictive as all hell.
Sometimes its best to not poke the bear. I think by me telling he that I love her and I'll do whatever it takes to fix this, I am enabling her or giving he the power to control the situation instead of me taking control. I dont know what to do but I know that I can't share her anymore. If I keep this up I may be required to turn in my Man Card and get kicked out of the club lol

I always thought men were human first.
You are a man,just a very hurt one.

Don't beat yourself up my friend,just know that the time for grief has to be suspended while you do everything to protect yourself and your children,emotionally and financially.

I agree that there has to be some hard, physical consequence to her here. My gut feeling is that she is the one calling the shots with both you, and the boyfriend. When it suits her convenience, she will do what she wants to do. I would legally separate, and in so doing, at least draw a line in the sand.

She has made choices, and they do not include you, other than for convenience. She's made it quite clear, right down to buying a house across the street from her boyfriend, that her life is moving in a different direction, and that is a done deal.

Her saying she loves you are empty, meaningless words. What she is doing is not out of love for you. She is not even willing to talk, because she sees no reason to flog a dead horse. (meaning the marriage, not you).

You also have to consider here that this may not be the woman you thought she was. I suspect that the way you describe her as being vindictive, is also a woman who is controlling. You are likely the one who has kept the peace in the marriage until now. Just my opinion, but there must have been some sort of history leading up to this.

I don't think that her getting marriage counselling would do much good at this point. However, I do think that YOU should seek counselling with an impartial person who can help you work through all the confusion and fear.

There may never be answers to why she has done what she's done, but she has created this situation, and at least for now, you have to protect yourself by seeking legal council.

As others have said. Do the legwork now, cry later. You have to take care of yourself and your interests here.

My friends where have you been all of my life lol This is some of the most sound advice I have gotten yet. You can't imagine how much better I feel just discussing this with mature intelligent people who obviously care about their fellow man.

Sometimes hearing the hard truths are just the incentives needed to getting off our behinds and wallowing in our own self-pity.

Keep us posted, there are a lot of helpful, intelligent, kind (yet sometimes firm) individuals on this site and the reason many of us never leave.

It's good to be able to express yourself, and I think it helps, at least with me, to get other perspectives from people who have no vested interest, other than they simply care.

I hope that as time goes on you'll post and keep us up to date.

Take good care of yourself in the meantime.

Its good to know you understand your not alone and many of us have been through similar situations. Some are going through them right now.

That's why we understand the pain but know that with a lot of work,the sun does come up again.

I forgot to mention that we did go to counseling but the affair never came up because I promised her that I wouldn't throw her under the bus so to speak. We have a session tomorrow but I doubt that it will do any good and the matter won't be raised by her Im sure

You are giving your wife too much control.

The affair is a huge issue and she needs to face the bus.

You really let her off the hook too easily. This is not your fault.

I forgot to mention that we did go to counseling but the affair never came up because I promised her that I wouldnt throw her under the bus so to speak. We have a session tomorrow but I doubt that it will do any good and the matter wont be raised by her Im sure

I must say,going to therapy and not telling the whole truth is like throwing money out the window.

She even controlled what you said in therapy.

I say tomorrow you tell the entire story and get your moneys worth.

This is painting a real control picture here, by her. Wow.

I totally and completely agree, without a doubt, and no reservation whatsoever, that you should raise this issue. Upfront, honest, put those cards out on the table. You do not need her permision.

Keep it simple when you do get there. Try something like this.

"I feel the need to address an important issue here."

The counsellor cannot possibly get a total and complete assessment on what she's dealing with, until she knows all the issues.

It is double unfair to you that she managed to get you to agree not to raise the issue, and when you finally get to counselling to sort things out, the counsellor is not aware of it.

No good can come, and no healing will happen until everything is out on the table, and neither party is silenced through intimidation or control.

This is painting a real control picture here, by her. Wow.

I totally and completely agree, without a doubt, and no reservation whatsoever, that you should raise this issue. Upfront, honest, put those cards out on the table. You do not need her permision.

Keep it simple when you do get there. Try something like this.

"I feel the need to address an important issue here."

The counsellor cannot possibly get a total and complete assessment on what she's dealing with, until she knows all the issues.

It is double unfair to you that she managed to get you to agree not to raise the issue, and when you finally get to counselling to sort things out, the counsellor is not aware of it.

No good can come, and no healing will happen until everything is out on the table, and neither party is silenced through intimidation or control.

Can't rep you Jake but I could not agree more.
What an exercise in futility to go to therapy and not get any! I have the sneaking suspicion that anything she saw as a wrong on his part was brought to the table A.S.A.P.

I had to spread the rep with you and with justwant fair, but I agree also, with you two.

That's a good point about going to therapy, and not getting any.

I am waiting for him to get some satisfaction here, and I think he can do it. Angrychair, are you listening? :o

I promise I will keep you all posted on what happens here. At 130.00 bucks a session I am getting short changed lol

Oh yeah the first session was before I knew for sure she was cheating and it was all about how I never trusted here and how I acted like her father IMAGINE THAT. You aren't paranoid if they are out to get you lol

Oh yeah the first session was before I knew for sure she was cheating and it was all about how I never trusted here and how I acted like her father IMAGINE THAT. You arent paranoid if they are out to get you lol

A guilty conscience was speaking volumes in that session.

I forgot to mention that we did go to counseling but the affair never came up because I promised her that I wouldnt throw her under the bus so to speak. We have a session tomorrow but I doubt that it will do any good and the matter wont be raised by her Im sure

You need to raise the issue. What is the point of counseling if you aren't going to lay it all out there to sort through the ugly mess? It is painful, it is hard, it is gut wrenching, but you have to dig through all of that if you want to try to make peace on the other side of it. Otherwise it is just putting a bandaid on it and the wound will still fester.

OK here is the latest . We had agreed that when we got home from work that we would talk about this in great detail. As always I have to initiate the conversation and literally drag the info out of her, I swear to God at one point she actually tried to tell me what a good guy he is and how he had to grow up so fast. Am I an for telling he that I couldn't care less about him and that his hard life isn't her or my problem, at that point all I wanted to do was, well lets just say it deviates from my normal behavior. Again I told her its him or me and again I got no definite answer. I think most of you are correct when you say the end is near I just missed it. Counseling session is today during our lunch hour, Im taking bets she doesn't show, any takers?

OK here is the latest . We had agreed that when we got home from work that we would talk about this in great detail. As always I have to initiate the conversation and literally drag the info out of her, I swear to God at one point she actually tried to tell me what a good guy he is and how he had to grow up so fast. Am I an for telling he that I couldn't care less about him and that his hard life isn't her or my problem, at that point all I wanted to do was, well lets just say it deviates from my normal behavior. Again I told her its him or me and again I got no definite answer. I think most of you are correct when you say the end is near I just missed it. Counseling session is today during our lunch hour, Im taking bets she doesn't show, any takers?

If she doesn't show,good for you.It will give you the chance to vent your feelings without someone dictating your every move.
Perhaps you can actually get something for your $130.00.


I swear to God at one point she actually tried to tell me what a good guy he is and how he had to grow up so fast.

I can not believe the nerve of some people. I would have told her she should put her compassion toward the family she is ripping apart.


I think most of you are correct when you say the end is near I just missed it. I think the end is here,not near. Protect your assets my friend, even if it means closing out your bank account.

It sounds like this woman will stop at nothing to achieve her aims and if the new guy has money problems,she may just decide to redirect your funds to him.

You my friend and Jake have been a God send and if any good has come from it it is the fact that caring people do exist.

I forgot Justwant as well God bless you all

Whew, I was thinking my posts were for naught... :D

I agree with Artsy, if she doesn't show to the counseling session, it will be a wonderful opportunity for you.

I think that it is hard to face an end, but the longer she keeps avoiding the problem the easier it will be.

You are not at fault in this.

I feel bad so to clear the record Thanks to all who have posted here your advice has helped more than you know.
I wish I knew you in real life I would take you all out for a beer or beverage of your choice. Sometimes it helps to vent to total strangers. Im sure that what ever happens this little bump in my life's road will make me a better man, better father, and in general a better person. My main focus is my children that ar paramount at this point.
If she wants to work it out she will if not "her loss". I have beaten myself up over this for so long that my selfworth is severely lacking. You all have shown me that this problem is hers as well and Im not the one who needs forgiveness its her. She has not once come to me and show any sign of remorse or asked for forgiveness.
I know she doesn't naturally roll that way but some sign of sorrow would have maybe given me some hope.
Now I need to prepare for the legal end of this I think I have finally got my head around the fact that she has checked out of this relationship(maybe not for good) I am the "The glass is half full kind of guy".
In time I may grow to trust and love again , but who in their right mind would want a 41 year old man with these kind of issues. Anyway I feel safe in here with all of my new cyber friends and I will continue to post not so much for the response, but as a coping mechanism. Please bare with my rants from time to time as I am on a long road to recovery and redemption

I feel bad so to clear the record Thanks to all who have posted here your advice has helped more than you know.
I wish I knew you in real life I would take you all out for a beer or beverage of your choice. Sometimes it helps to vent to total strangers. Im sure that what ever happens this little bump in my life's road will make me a better man, better father, and in general a better person. My main focus is my children that ar paramount at this point.
If she wants to work it out she will if not "her loss". I have beaten myself up over this for so long that my selfworth is severely lacking. You all have shown me that this problem is hers as well and Im not the one who needs forgiveness its her. She has not once come to me and show any sign of remorse or asked for forgiveness.
I know she doesnt naturally roll that way but some sign of sorrow would have maybe given me some hope.
Now I need to prepare for the legal end of this I think I have finally got my head around the fact that she has checked out of this relationship(maybe not for good) I am the "The glass is half full kind of guy".
In time I may grow to trust and love again , but who in their right mind would want a 41 year old man with these kind of issues. Anyway I feel safe in here with all of my new cyber friends and I will continue to post not so much for the response, but as a coping mechanism. Please bare with my rants from time to time as I am on a long road to recovery and redemption

Rant away,although I don't see you ranting at all.You are going through a terrible trauma and its good to write it out,get a different perspective from your own.It is very therapeutic and it won't cost you a dime.Although that beer sounds pretty good :)

I am 54 so 41 is is very young in my book.Life does not end at 41 and opportunities for love don't either.I met my BF at 42 and we will be 12 yr.s strong this summer.

You will get through this,I know it feels like your world is crashing down but it gets better once you have accepted the inevitable and begin the work of healing.

I hope you have a good session today and keep your head up!

Totally agree with artlady... It will certainly be a life lesson regardless of how things turn out. Life has a way of throwing things at you sometimes and you learn just how resilient you really are... even if you don't always want to be. It helps tremendously to speak to others who have gone through the process themselves... who have taken those difficult steps. Or even those who haven't, but can still be an objective and compassionate shoulder.

If things don't work out, and you go your separate ways, you will find that in time you will be open to a new relationship. You will be able to trust and love again.

My husband took me on when I was 40 and a package deal with 4 kids... :) It's been 8 years so far for us just this passed Sunday!

I need to think of this as a new beginning and not the end. Maybe things will be brighter sooner rather than later. Lets hope so. BTW congrats on 8 years DoulaLC

I think you have wonderful qualities that you have forgotten about, even the devotion in wanting to work through this is a strong male quality.

This will no doubt made you a better person, it will be a hard battle, but one that will make you strong again. I have a feeling you have not been treated the way you deserve to be treated very often in the last fourteen years.

It's good to hear you aren't just going to lay down and take it, you deserve so much more than she is offering.

I think it is wonderful that you are heading in the right direction, and getting some confindence at the same time.

What concerns me is that you offered her an ultimatum, "him or me", and while she said she didn't know, I still get the feeling that you hang onto hope that she chooses you.

When the reality begins to set in for her, and she has no access to the life she's known financially and has also realized that you've taken that choice from her, she is going to see him in a different light.

All of a sudden, changes are going to happen, with or without her making them. She is now going to have to think about paying the rent, perhaps chid support, a car payment etc. and as she faces an unknown future, as opposed to what she knew, well... you may not seem that bad anymore (in her eyes).

That may be one of the reasons she hasn't moved yet, she's enjoying what both men can give to her, and she doesn't want to give either up. She needs you and him, to keep living this huge lie she has created for herself.

You may not see this as forcing her hand, but it will. When there is no 'part B' anymore, part 'A' might not look so good. She doesn't have to be a rocket scientist to see that where once both men were equally important for different reasons, now there is only one man, and he's beginning to not look so good.

This is something you have to think about. What if she realizes that she's rather have you, what are you going to do. How are you going to handle deflecting more smoke and mirrors, as she manoeuvers herself back into a position of power in your home again.

It is because you love her that these things will be extremely difficult to handle. Your reslove, even if she does move, is weak I suspect, and do you honestly know you wouldn't say no to her?

Don't be fooled by the love someone says they have for you. What YOU show, IS love for her, and your children's well being. What she shows is not love. There is no substance there because love isn't what you say, it is what you do.

With your situation, I do believe you love her, and getting beyond that, and realizing she has no love for you in return, is going to be very difficult.

Something to think about.

You just stated what the Counselor said. OMG were you there lol. Oh by the way she didn't show

She doesn't have ANY commitment to the fourteen years of marriage the both of you shared, to you or your children.

Time to think about protecting your finances and filing for a legal separation (at the very least), if not a divorce.

Good for you for going to the counsellor, and I would have been surprised if she had shown up.

It's good you are hearing this from impartial people. None of us have a vested interest so to speak, and that's one of the best things about this forum.

Hello all Im on vacation to coincide with my kids spring break. Here is the latest. She was home for Easter but I went to "his" house and she was there (after telling me she was at work) We had a great weekend like nothing was wrong she still was telling me that she loves me and we can work it out. Here's the kicker she leaves Monday morning and says she needs to spend time away from me to "miss" me. Guess where she is YEP staying at his house. I check my bank account this morning and its 75.00 bucks short. Now I kept our joint account active because I have bills that will be drawn from it. Then I happen to check our email and find out she ordered another 90.00 in goods. I told you this woman has no shame. Anyway all is closed now so Im safe I think.

Wow!

I've just been following this post this morning, and I have to say, WOW!

You sound like a really good man, willing to stay with the woman he loves and make it work with her, but sorry to say, no offence, but she doesn't seem to be up to your standard. She doesn't seem to love you as much as you love her.

This thing with the younger man has a very good chance of going south and she may or may not realize what a huge mistake she make, sticking with the wrong side, but at least you know you deserve better.

I don't think its right for her to have the power in this situation, where she is saying she loves you but she won't leave the other guy. In life, you can only truly give your heart to one person. You gave yours to her, but she didn't give hers to you.

Luckily you have your daughter. I don't know how old she is, but I'm sure she would know what her mum did is wrong and she will not make the same mistake.

I don't know how, but I'm sure some good will come of this and God has His reasons for allowing this to happy. I just pray you will never blame yourself for this or put yourself down, because you are blameless in all this. As much as you love her, maybe she just didn't fit together with you as well as you thought she did in the beginning. God bless

I have a son as well. But your right I do realize that Ive been a fool for thinking that this situation would ever swing my way. Its just hard to think 14 years is over but slowly the facts are showing themselves

Oh sorry, well, yes, both your kids would know what is happening is not right.

14 years is a long time, I can't deny that, but sometimes, no matter how long you have been with someone and how much you love them, it still may be time to let go. You need to think about yourself and how you feel. Yes you love her, but if she left that other guy and came back to you, what is stopping her from doing it again? How can you believe she isn't even still seeing this guy, considering they work together? It will just cause more stress and headaches for you, on top of life's usual problems and that is something you don't need.

I'm glad the facts are emerging now, and I can imagine they would be painful to see, but you will learn and grow from this experience, and like you said, it may make you a better father, and a better person.

Hello all Im on vacation to coincide with my kids spring break. Here is the latest. She was home for Easter but I went to "his" house and she was there (after telling me she was at work) We had a great weekend like nothing was wrong she still was telling me that she loves me and we can work it out. Here's the kicker she leaves Monday morning and says she needs to spend time away from me to "miss" me. Guess where she is YEP staying at his house. I check my bank account this morning and its 75.00 bucks short. Now I kept our joint account active because I have bills that will be drawn from it. Then I happen to check our email and find out she ordered another 90.00 in goods. I told you this woman has no shame. Anyway all is closed now so Im safe I think.


Monday morning and says she needs to spend time away from me to "miss" me.
We have teenagers on here that say that lame stuff and I tell them how foolish and immature that sounds.Coming from an adult woman,it is almost laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.
Why is she sending you this mixed signals? In case he doesn't work out,she still has you.
Unreal!
How is the counseling going ?I hope you are sticking to it if only for your own piece of mind.

She wants her cake and eat it too. She is playing games with your emotions because she doesn't want to give up what she has with you but she has moved on.
She is counting on you loving her so much that you don't follow through with your ultimatimums. You NEED to follow through or she is just going to keep seeing how far she can push you. She doesn't want to lose you but you HAVE lost her! Don't be a doormat.
She has made her choice for him at this point.
You know the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think you need to take the gamble and force her to leave. She might try and get back with you but don't let it happen until you have a genuine guarantee that she sees the light.

Truly wise words. My friends this is the best therapy in the world.
Oh BTW Im a bastard now for cancelling the debit card and her order "I dont care what happens to her and Im a liar when I say I love her" She also hates me now and "Im insecure". Im telling you you can't make this stuff up Danielle Steel are you getting this.

AngryChair, I appreciate that you are reading comments and taking things to heart, but I really have to wonder about your expectations here with your wife.

Why on earth did you allow her home for the Easter weekend? I just sort of imagine you and her, and your children, all pretending that everything is okay; everyone has a good time until she leaves again, and it's back to trying to figure it all out, until the next time.

You are treading in very dangerous waters, emotionally, financially and psychologically. As this pattern continues with her coming and going, and you up and down like a yoyo, it becomes a lifestyle. It gets easier to accept, and because you haven't let go, you keep that lifeline going, and she keeps grabbing it.

So, in my opinion, it has become not so much what she is doing to you, but what you are allowing her to do to you. You've become a little too complacent with the new status quo, and that comfort is not leading to any closure.

Instead of being in a position of power and control over your life, you have created a new relationship with your wife and her boyfriend, and your life revolves around them.

Is there still more to this? I just don't understand the direction you are going. Help me to understand why it isn't over.

Truly wise words. My friends this is the best therapy in the world.
Oh BTW Im a bastard now for cancelling the debit card and her order "I dont care what happens to her and Im a liar when I say I love her" She also hates me now and "Im insecure". Im telling you you can't make this stuff up Danielle Steel are you getting this.

I hate to be rude but it almost sounds like she doesn't have both oars in the water.

If my husband was cheating on me I know I would be feeling a little insecure as well.

And to accuse you of being a liar.What does she expect from you?Have you always been this easy to manipulate because she is clearly taking supreme advantage of you and your really allowing it to happen.

Wow,this woman just has no shame what so ever.

I think you have the patience of Job my friend and I don't know how you are able to even be in the same room with this woman.

You really must start thinking about your future.Your kids are better off with two happy parents than one broken unit that is not working.

Danielle Steel are you getting this.


Speaking of getting, have you talked to a lawyer, and a locksmith yet??

There is more to this than I am saying. Trust me I am keeping this in play for very good reasons. My wife is possession and money driven and without going into too much detail she would have the upper hand financially if we were to divorce and then she would have free range to do whatever she wanted with my daughter. I am well aware that this is a dangerous situation but I have very good reasons to keep her as close as I can for now.

OK, I thought there must be behind the scenes power plays going on. I don't want to know the detail, I just hope that things are moving along legally for you to protect yourself and assets.

Im not sure what a legal separation is. I think this may be a viable option at this point.
I have heard this mentioned several times. I hate to sound ignorant but my lawyer only discussed divorce

You need to get your lawyer to explain the laws applicable to your State. It does vary.

Tips for Filing Legal Marriage Separation - Associated Content (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/27753/tips_for_filing_legal_marriage_separation.html)

Yeap I would do the legal separation AND specify NO CONTACT as long as she wants somebody else. Then later take it a step further (divorce) if necessary.

She makes more money?? Make her pay child support, or maintenance.

For some reason today has been especially hard to deal with. I guess it is reality setting in that it is truly over. I called her today to discuss the plans with my daughters school and I heard "The other man" in the background my heart sank so low then I finally got it she is GONE. I don't think that I can shake this feeling of loneliness I miss her more than ever.

For some reason today has been especially hard to deal with. I guess it is reality setting in that it is truly over. I called her today to discuss the plans with my daughters school and I heard "The other man" in the background my heart sank so low then I finally got it she is GONE. I dont think that I can shake this feeling of loneliness I miss her more than ever.

Now that you have accepted what she has been showing you ,you can begin the work you need to do to get your life back.

It isn't easy and it sucks but believe me ,it is better than being used as someone doormat and being emotionally abused.

You have shown incredible patience and strength,now you must show those things to yourself.

Healing, how do you begin to recover from this. What do you need to do to make this deep agonizing pain stop. I thought earlier when I began these posts that I was semi strong enough to weather this, now I know that I am not. I know people around me are sick of hearing my sob story.

You need moral support and encouragement from friends and family. Take the necessary steps to put her in the past and find new friends, hobbies and groups that can help you start a new life.
I know it is easier said than done but you can't lie around crying while she is out living it up. In the end she could end up with everything if you don't fight for your own.

We aren't sick of it... you can always come here.

Healing, how do you begin to recover from this. What do you need to do to make this deep agonizing pain stop. I thought earlier when I began these posts that I was semi strong enough to weather this, now I know that I am not. I know people around me are sick of hearing my sob story.

No one in here is sick of hearing your "sob story". Your emotions will be all over the place for a while. You have just lost someone important to you. You will alternate from strong to weak, until your weak time lessen and your stronger times are greater.

We have all been through a break up, we have all felt the pain you are going through. We will provide all of the emotional support that we can. Continue to vent and also take a look around the site at other break-up and relationship posts, you will see you are not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel sorry for your situation. We are all hoping for the best and I personally know the healing process in just talking about it and feeling heard.

It is literally a grieving process... and there is no time frame for that. You will have good days, where you feel sure of yourself and confident in your decisions... and bad days, where the feelings are still raw and you feel like you are backsliding.

Allow yourself to have those moments where you just can't be strong all of the time. "Talk" on here, find a friend who will just listen when you need to purge the hurt and anger, write things down, whatever you feel helps.

As Justwantfair said, the hard times will slowly start to diminish and the stronger times will increase.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix... some people will forge ahead quickly, others will find they slip back and forth for awhile, but you will make it through... you will start to feel more of those stronger moments, and your heart will start to heal.

Talking to others who have gone down that path before you can be very helpful... they know what you are feeling, they know what you can expect, and they know how it feels to move forward. A part of it will always be with you, it's another dimension to who you will become, but in time you will be able to see the lessons that can be learned from the relationship and the experience.

For now, in this early stage, focus on taking care of your basic needs, spend time with family and friends, and sort out what you need to financially and so forth.

>>>>artlady agrees: The first days are sometimes just about being able to get out of bed.


Definitely... I remember those days very well...

Definitely....I remember those days very well........

Somedays I didn't. It's so difficult, but you find a way and you remember those people who depend on you and you just keep moving forward.

Time to learn to love yourself again. :D Plus what a wonderful time to spend all the quality time with your child(ren).

I hope he is listening. I hope that you are getting your financial situation straightened out and ready for that legal separation. The sooner you can stop contact the sooner you can start healing. Every contact is a new, fresh wound to be dealt with.

Healing, how do you begin to recover from this. What do you need to do to make this deep agonizing pain stop. I thought earlier when I began these posts that I was semi strong enough to weather this, now I know that I am not. I know people around me are sick of hearing my sob story.

Believe me,no one is turning away from you here.We are not sick of anything.

How you make the agonizing pain stop is sometimes ,one minute at a time.You just have to put one foot in front of the other and take baby steps.Try to eat well,try to get out and exercise.As has been said,right now just functioning on a basic level is hard and so all you can expect from yourself right now is being able to keep yourself afloat.

I know the feeling of walking zombie like through life,thinking how can the birds still sing,how is life going on outside when everything inside is dead.

Come here and share you pain and confusion and I think now would also be a good time to share with your friends and family.Let them know what you are going through.

Don't try to tackle everything at once.Be patient with yourself and know that this will pass.I promise.

I agree that the support is very important, and the ups and downs will be enormous for some time. It is not easy letting go.

That being said, I worry that the lack of effort to protect yourself legally is perpetuating the dream that she will come back, and things will be okay.

Remember that anything you do to protect yourself now, should she come back and you accept her, can be undone.

I think yourself esteem and confidence will grow when you have at least a legal separation in hand. That sets some boundaries and distance between you, and that is a good start.

I brought her some items that she left behind and saw her. It has been a week and now and I had a heavy heart seeing her. She looked fantastic and seemed happy to see me I can't explain the joy and sorry I had at the same time. I need serious mental help

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this... I know it is not easy. She has already gone through some of the separation process as she has already distanced herself from the relationship through her actions. For you it is still the beginning stage.

It does get better; hard to see that just yet though. It's normal to expect some bad days along the way... many in the beginning. Sometimes it may seem as though you are on autopilot... just going through the motions... some extra sleep can be an escape right now... that is OK. At some point, you will see a difference as the healing progresses.

Do what you can to focus on your needs... spend time outdoors if that is something you enjoy, watch a movie to take yourself away for a couple of hours, get lost in a book for awhile, hang out with some friends. Speaking with your doctor or counselor can sometimes be helpful as well.

I brought her some items that she left behind and saw her. It has been a week and now and I had a heavy heart seeing her. She looked fantastic and seemed happy to see me I can't explain the joy and sorry I had at the same time. I need serious mental help

I will admit that I didn't read all the posts, not enough time, but I did read the first two pages and the last. I hope I don't repeat what's already been said.

The end of a marriage is like a death, it involves grief, time, and lots of tears. This won't be a quick ordeal, it won't be something you get over overnight. In some ways the grief will always be with you, but it won't rule you forever, I promise.

She has made her bed, for better or for worse, now you have to make yours. Will you live the rest of your life mourning what you lost, or will you move on, make the best of it, find the happiness you deserve, and live!

Only you can be responsible for you, no one else. She is no longer your responsibility, only someone you're connected with through your children.

You're beginning a journey, the hardest of your life, and like any other journey, it begins with the first step. Once you take that step, there will be hurdles, there will be times when you want to turn back, not go any further, there will be hills, and obstacles, but, if you keep walking, you'll get to the end.

This site is wonderful, lots of caring people, many of whom have been in the same boat, or are in the same boat that you are in. You don't have to take the journey on your own, you have support, and we'll never tire of helping you, it's what we do.

So, whenever you feel you've reached a point that's too hard to handle on your own, then ask for help, we'll be here.

Good luck.

I brought her some items that she left behind and saw her. It has been a week and now and I had a heavy heart seeing her. She looked fantastic and seemed happy to see me I can't explain the joy and sorry I had at the same time. I need serious mental help

If you feel that you need serious mental help, I agree.

You have stuffed SO MUCH that I feared for your state of mind for some time.
I think you should call your counselor and tell her how you are feeling.
I would do that real soon.
We are in your corner,I so wish I could do more to help you.

I brought her some items that she left behind and saw her. It has been a week and now and I had a heavy heart seeing her. She looked fantastic and seemed happy to see me I can't explain the joy and sorry I had at the same time. I need serious mental help

It is very painful in the early stages. Contact can be such a setback to any progress you are feeling during the separation. I wish we were there for a big group hug, I think that you are an emotional person and I really feel your pain through this.

You are on a better path and there is a brighter future ahead for you. Keep plugging ahead one moment at a time. Reach out whenever you need/want to. We are always here listening.

You will be in my prayers tonight.

It is very painful in the early stages. Contact can be such a setback to any progress you are feeling during the seperation. I wish we were there for a big group hug, I think that you are an emotional person and I really feel your pain through this.

You are on a better path and there is a brighter future ahead for you. Keep plugging ahead one moment at a time. Reach out whenever you need/want to. We are always here listening.

You will be in my prayers tonight.

I meant GOOD loving Justy Saturday night ,watch out for me .duh!

Hi u answerd my question, and said to look at yours. We are kind of in the same boat. I hurt every day. Your right its hard some days better than others. After being on here I know I'm not alone so its not just me. I know deep down I have to move on. You seem to have it together more than me. Just look real deep and you can find the will to do what u need to do. Something that helps me is to spend time with my kids and just think of what I want for them. It helps. Good luck to you, I'll have you in my thoughts.

I have been through something like that before. I was with my BF and was with another man. I also got mad when my BF questioned me about it. I also said I loved him and didn't want to leave neither one of them. But in reality you can't live that way. Your wife has to set standards in life( positive ones for her self and her child and her marriage). YOur wife has to make a choice for herself whether she wants you or him. On her own time . Not yours. Don't stick around to find out the answer either. I mean don't sick around for a month. I would say a week or 2 at the most. Just to see if she will do it again. But you got to tell her to stop now or you will be gone by next week. And when you say gone. You need to be gone. Once you have decided to leave her you will have pain now if yo leave now and you will have pain later if you leave later. So you might as well get it over with now. (the pain).

Her head is in between her legs right now. Once she figures out this young guy doesn't want her (which could be 1 month form now or 2 years from now) then she may stop.

I left my BF for the guy I was cheating with. Only because my BF was still married and was supposed to be going through a divorce (which never happened). My point here. My BF and I had no potential. So I did not stop my cheating and soon left him.

Your wife is your wife, that should be enough for her to stop this mess, but she has not yet. And has not even taken steps to do so.

So tell her if she does not stop you are out. If she stops then continue because she has realized what is important. If she does not stop then boot her. You will know this in one week because she will not be able to go 1 week without being in the bed with this young guy. So keep your eyes open.
WIDE OPEN.

Graphic description but some sound advice

Fawn chin up It can't rain all the time I guess

That's our update?

No new info, no need for moral support?

I am now taking medication to curb my depression the situation here is not going well. There are all indications that she is needing money and when I refuse to talk about it she gets angry. I can't see any of the woman I fell in love with anymore. She has changed so drastically that I almost don't know her. Its almost like she is doing whatever she can to hurt me or obtain what she wants by any means. How can one person change so fast or did she change and I didn't notice before.

I am now taking medication to curb my depression the situation here is not going well. There are all indications that she is needing money and when I refuse to talk about it she gets angry. I can't see any of the woman I fell in love with anymore. She has changed so drastically that I almost dont know her. Its almost like she is doing whatever she can to hurt me or obtain what she wants by any means. How can one person change so fast or did she change and I didnt notice before.
I know how you feel. I can't see the person I know and love. He has changed so much. Just keep moving forward that's all you can do for yourself and kids. Mine blew up on Monday now everything is real crazy, but I'm going to keep my head up. Just remember your note alone. I'll be thinking of you.

I am now taking medication to curb my depression the situation here is not going well. There are all indications that she is needing money and when I refuse to talk about it she gets angry. I can't see any of the woman I fell in love with anymore. She has changed so drastically that I almost dont know her. Its almost like she is doing whatever she can to hurt me or obtain what she wants by any means. How can one person change so fast or did she change and I didnt notice before.

She probably changed but love is blinding.

There is a lot of truth to the thought that there is a very thin line between love and hate. You can move very readily between both side of those feelings. Please feel free to vent, mope, release some of those frustrating emotions.

This saga continues she is still living at home but bouncing between home and his place. I finally got her to tell me it was over but then next evening she was home and said she doesn't want to split up. So basically Im back to square one. As I speak she is out with him and getting more brazen with her carrying on. I am aware that I am enabling her and she seems to think it is OK now to do it in front of me. I wish I had the courage and testicular fortitude to tell her to leave, but then all hell would break loose. I know what need to be done I just can't seem to do it for fear of the repercussions.

Has she admitted the relationship to you yet or is she still trying to force you to believe that she is 'just friends' with him?

Don't play her games, we understand that you love her, but your love deserves to be reciprocated. What steps have you taken to get yourself out of that house? Do you have a time frame set?

I have known about the relationship and she has admitted she is in love with him. I haven't tried to remove her that is what Im saying I don't have a clue how to pull the trigger.

You must have really good reasons for putting up with her humiliating you like that.

I'm not even going to mention her behaviour, because I think this should be about you now.

Why do you put up with it. Surely you have a good reason other than all hell is going to break loose?

There are reasons but the more I think about them the less they become good. I guess I am under the delusion that it will fix itself and we will go back to a happy life.

I have known about the relationship and she has admitted she is in love with him. I havent tried to remove her that is what Im saying I dont have a clue how to pull the trigger.

I think it's time to get up off the ground.

Pull the trigger.

Break down after this is all over.

She isn't going to change, you are holding a dead bird in your hand... you can keep squeezing, but it isn't going to come back to life. It's time to let go and mourn your loss.

There are reasons but the more I think about them the less they become good. I guess I am under the delusion that it will fix itself and we will go back to a happy life.

You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!
You deserve better!

I know I deserve better. Its just hard to do what you know in your heart is right.

I know I deserve better. Its just hard to do what you know in your heart is right.

What is it you think your heart is right about?

It's not right about her and surely not right about sticking around while she humilates you and your marriage.

This saga continues she is still living at home but bouncing between home and his place. I finally got her to tell me it was over but then next evening she was home and said she doesnt want to split up. So basically Im back to square one. As I speak she is out with him and getting more brazen with her carrying on. I am aware that I am enabling her and she seems to think it is ok now to do it in front of me. I wish I had the courage and testicular fortitude to tell her to leave, but then all hell would break loose. I know what need to be done I just can't seem to do it for fear of the repercussions.

What can she possibly do to you that she has not done already?So what if all hell breaks loose! What can she do to you?

She has used you and abused you emotionally and she shows total disregard for you in any manner.

Are you hoping they will break-up and she will somehow be the kind of partner that you deserve? Maybe when hell freezes over.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you,I don't think she is a decent human being and what the attraction is is beyond my comprehension.

What repercussions?

I hope it does not come down to you stuffing so much anger and resentment that you snap.
I would have snapped long ago.
Take care of yourself and know that we are here.

What is it you think your heart is right about?

It's not right about her and surely not right about sticking around while she humilates you and your marriage.

Have to spread the rep Justy but I could not agree more and the YOU DESERVE BETTER post was right on the money.
I fear for this mans sanity.People are not meant to endure this blatant pain and humiliation!

What does your lawyer say?

Move out or ask her to. The relationship you had has changed; it is over. Simply tell her that since she has chosen to be with him then she needs to leave and be with him; you will no longer be subject to the pain that it causes.

No more back and forth... if she says she wants the marriage but also him, then you will have to make the decision for her.

Tell her that you can't do this anymore... it is too painful and you need the space to start healing.

It won't get better as it stands... it will likely only get worse... cut it off now. Those first steps are horrible, but you have to push through them so that you can get to a place where you can see things clearly, have some breathing space, and get on that path to healing and making a better life for yourself.

If you have friends or family that live elsewhere, maybe consider taking some personal time and go pay them a visit so you can be away from that environment for several days.

Here is my reason for enduring this and you may think its not a good one but I tend to overthink stuff. If I divorce her she stands to acquire a substantial amount of cash which in turn will enable her to secure a foothold in leaving with my daughter and exposing her to a lifestyle that no parent would want a child to be around. Its not about the cash believe me is about my kids They are my life and the reason that I have endured this LIVING HELL

Your right, that's not a good reason, as it does far more long term damage to a child to see you both going through this adult crap.

Even worse, what kind of healthy relationship role model is she getting. Kids understand divorce much better than adults do, so no excuses there.

You really need to get this to court buddy, and let them set the new rules.

Don't understand what you mean that she will get a bunch of money from this, since you are married. But that's not the point, the point is what YOU do about this situation, not what she does. Come on Dad, man up. Or is there something else we should know?

Well you would have too be in this situation to really understand. She asked me if she could see him one night a week and us stay married and that was the last straw. I told her that I was not willing to share her and that if she went to him tonight that it was the end. The last thing she said was that she loved me. My words in reply to her was "Its all about who you choose to love". That was the final contact Ive had with her. I kind of expected this to happen so at least for now the pain isn't so great. I guess it will be harder when she comes to get her stuff.

Well you would have too be in this situation to really understand. She asked me if she could see him one night a week and us stay married and that was the last straw. I told her that I was not willing to share her and that if she went to him tonight that it was the end. The last thing she said was that she loved me. My words in reply to her was "Its all about who you choose to love". That was the final contact Ive had with her. I kind of expected this to happen so at least for now the pain isnt so great. I guess it will be harder when she comes to get her stuff.

This is like adding insult to injury, let her come and get her stuff and do whatever she see's fit in her life. You seem to be a loving dad just focus on your children.
Don't look for any reason's to stay cause frankly I cannot see any, the marriage is over, accept this fact and start to make plans to move on. Your wife seems to want an open marriage and if you where OK with that well that's OK but since you are not you need to make decisions that best suit your needs. You have endured too much emotionally and mentally her behavior and lack of consideration for YOU and the children is not acceptable.

Yeah it does seem like I am making all efforts, but this woman has been my world for so many years I just am trying everything I can think of to save this sinking boat. It may be that Im just polishing brass on the Titanic. Life sometimes pushes us in down paths that should have be taken long ago. Jesus 14 years is a long time to throw away

If she continues seeing this man tell her, "you gotta go." "I am not going to make it easier for you by letting you have your cake and eat it too. " If she does not want to work on the marriage, then she has no right to be in the home that you two share as a married couple. Your child stays in the home with you. She is the one going outside the marriage, so she needs to get out.

I think both of you need a refresher in just what a marriage is, as opposed to what it isn't.

The voluntary union for life of one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others.

There is no compromise or inclusions, or allowances. There is also nowhere that I can find in any definition that allows for a third party, i.e. the boyfriend, or marriage one day a week, and adultry 6 days a week.

The definition of course, could be... one man and another man, or one woman and another woman, as gay marriage is legal here in Canada.

But, for the purposes of the mess you are in, I think that definition of it applies.

You are not longer married to her, she is no longer married to you.

You need to make the distinction legally, and protect yourself, and your children.

Here is the latest example of having your cake and eating it too. She wants a divorce now but she wants to stay at our house she wants to keep my name and she wants to be a couple but she's tired of being married

Tell her that is no deal and certainly NO type of relationship and NOT fair to you.
Maybe tell her for now to separate and her move out. Go for child custody orders asap.
I don't know if you can be separated to do that but if it ends up in divorce do it asap.

Here is the latest example of having your cake and eating it too. She wants a divorce now but she wants to stay at our house she wants to keep my name and she wants to be a couple but shes tired of being married

That makes absolutely NO sense, why are you talking/listening to her?

What is your escape plan?

What step are you on?

Here is the latest example of having your cake and eating it too. She wants a divorce now but she wants to stay at our house she wants to keep my name and she wants to be a couple but shes tired of being married

She wants to be a couple?? What does that mean? Don't let her call all the shots. She has entitlement issues. Time to set her straight.

AngyChair, are you still going to counselling? Have you seen a lawyer?

I get the impression, and I hope I'm wrong, that you are stuck in this toxic dance with her, and neither of you are going to make the final call.

If you want to take a few steps back and come up with a plan, then do it. Nothing should be determined asset/child custody wise, without the advice of a lawyer. Those negotiations should go through them, cut and dried.

Please consider not encouraging her to keep coming back like a stray cat. Tell her that on such and such a date, the locks will be changed, and any further contact will be via your lawyer.

This has to have some resolve, it is getting more and more twisted by the minute. Lay it all out, and deal with it.

Nothing good can come from what you are allowing to happen now, for any of you.

Get a lawyer now... the marriage is over, she has already made that decision whether you are ready to or not. She is a few steps ahead of you on dealing with the dissolve of the relationship... which is common, one partner often has already started to "check out" before the other is even aware of what is going on.

Now is the time to focus on what you want... what you need to secure yourself financially and so forth. Of course things will be divided, and depending on where you live and how long you have been married, it may not be up to you how that will happen, but you need a lawyer to make sure everything is handled on the up and up.

I agree, little thing someone told me when I went through it... moms don't always get custody but statistically, he who files first gets it. If you establish residency right out of the gate, she has to prove you unfit.

I feel your pain, but don't understand you inaction. Read the excuses you give, just can't buy them.

Yeah I tend to agree I just can't seem to find the courage to do what needs to be done, what the hell is my problem. I feel like a huge part of my life is dead if I do this. She said we could file without a lawyer and just go in front of a judge but I think at least I need to get one involved to protect my best interest. She said we can be civil and agree on what to do with the kids which is a huge step from where we were a month ago.

This divorce is going to get ugly, there isn't really going to be anyway to keep this civil, although you may have civil ups and downs. You are right to get a lawyer and protect yourself.

Have you talked to one? Found out what you need to be doing to protect yourself? I know it is painful, but you are hanging on to a dream. It's time to wake up and do what you have to for your children, if not for yourself.

You can remain civil about it, and that would be a wonderful course of action to make things easier for everyone involved, but with children, assets, and any debt involved, you really want a lawyer to make sure everything is sorted out appropriately.

Divorce can often times cause partners to square off on issues, and it can become quite heated, even when you would never expect someone to behave that way. But keep in mind, you probably never expected her to cheat on you either.

It is hard, even when your head is telling you it's over, sometimes your heart can't quite come around as quickly to that fact. It often takes people a bit of time to work through the various steps of breaking away from a relationship... especially one of any length and with children involved. But do keep moving forward, little by little, and be sure you protect yourself legally. It gets easier... but unfortunately, you have to go through the rough parts to get there... there is no quick fix.

Yeah I tend to agree I just can't seem to find the courage to do what needs to be done, what the hell is my problem. I feel like a huge part of my life is dead if I do this. She said we could file without a lawyer and just go in front of a judge but I think at least I need to get one involved to protect my best interest. She said we can be civil and agree on what to do with the kids which is a huge step from where we were a month ago.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this pain. Notice I said "through" this pain. You will come out the other side. Now, she does not want you to get a lawyer because she is depending on your good nature to make it easy on her. She on the other hand has shown herself to not be very trust worthy. Get yourself a lawyer asap. How old are your kids? Boys or girls? Do you feel equipped to take the major responsibility of raising them? I was 10 when my parents got divorced. My 2 sisters and I were terrified that my dad would get custody. My mother had the affair and later married this man. But, I knew that MY dad did not have a clue how to raise us. What we needed. What to teach us. But, that was just my dad.

I have a son 13 and a daughter 6 and step 28 but she is married with 3 kids of her own. I am well equipped to take care of my children and consider the opportunity a honor. Nothing means more to me than my children. Neither of my children want to go with her but the way my state laws are written its almost certain that she will get my daughter and that I can't bare the thought of. My older daughter has told me of the life she had growing up and hell will freeze over before I let my youngest go through that.

She doesn't want you to get a lawyer because she is getting one first. Go to divorce thread and ask how many people heard "don't get a lawyer, we will file together." Heck, my ex-husband said that. It just means she doesn't have the retainer yet.

I know she isn't working so a lawyer for her isn't possible except maybe legal aide. I have been playing it cool and trying to help her with incidentals to try and keep the peace but I can't finance her forever.

I know she isnt working so a lawyer for her isnt possible except maybe legal aide. I have been playing it cool and trying to help her with incidentals to try and keep the peace but I can't finance her forever.

Do you have joint checking and savings? You might want to open your own acct. and transfer money to it. She could go in and take large sums of cash.

Step away from the computer, and TALK with some legal counsel, and get a plan going.

Why should she need a lawyer, when she can disrespect you, and make you go along with her program, without one??

I have a son 13 and a daughter 6 and step 28 but she is married with 3 kids of her own. I am well equipped to take care of my children and consider the opportunity a honor. Nothing means more to me than my children. Neither of my children want to go with her but the way my state laws are written its almost certain that she will get my daughter and that I can't bare the thought of. My older daughter has told me of the life she had growing up and hell will freeze over before I let my youngest go through that.

I believe that your kids would be in good hands with you. Why would your daughter stand a bigger chance of going with that crazy woman than your son? Just because she is a girl? Even the grown daughter would probably testify against her if it came to that. I believed it 40 years ago and I believe it now, that I feel the court should ask the KIDS who they want to live with. I think that should carry a lot of weight. I know in my case, I prayed that my wants and needs meant something.

I know she isnt working so a lawyer for her isnt possible except maybe legal aide. I have been playing it cool and trying to help her with incidentals to try and keep the peace but I can't finance her forever.

If I recall your situation correctly, doesn't that mean that you are helping to support the other man??

That is to keep the peace?

I believe that your kids would be in good hands with you. Why would your daughter stand a bigger chance of going with that crazy woman than your son? Just because she is a girl? Even the grown daughter would probably testify against her if it came to that. I believed it 40 years ago and I believe it now, that I feel the court should ask the KIDS who they want to live with. I think that should carry a lot of weight. I know in my case, I prayed that my wants and needs meant something.

Unless the mother was proven unfit... and having an affair does not constitute being unfit... as a spouse, yes, but not as a parent, he is correct... odds are good his daughter would remain with her mother. The 13 year old may be asked for his input, depending on where they live, but it won't usually carry a great deal of weight on its own merit. In some situations it would be nice for the kids to have more say so, but young children should not be asked to choose between their parents, and that could be difficult for an older child as well. It would not be unlikely that a child would tend to side with the more lenient parent, not necessarily who would provide a more stable environment.

Having an affair, and not knowing what she wants in her relationships, does not make the mother crazy. Disrespectful... sure, unfaithful... no question, but not crazy. The OP does sound like a loving and caring father... but so too may be the mother to her children, and obviously we only hear one side of the story.

Retaining a lawyer is of the utmost importance... doing so before the wife may also result in some benefit. If there are documented incidences of instability or less than sound judgement on the mother's part in the past, that will be presented. If there isn't, it then becomes a case of "he said" "she said", which is all too common in divorce proceedings.

Here is the latest example of having your cake and eating it too. She wants a divorce now but she wants to stay at our house she wants to keep my name and she wants to be a couple but shes tired of being married

She wants seems to be the prevalent theme in this marriage.
The bottom line is in life,No one always gets what they want ,especially at the expense of others.
As has been stated,she is the one leaving the marriage and she should be the one who has to suffer the repercussions of her choice and her total lack of moral character.

Your behavior has been above reproach and I think if you were to fight this in court she would be looked upon very badly,and clearly not someone who is deserving of anything!

I say its time to put on your boxing gloves and begin to fight for your rights!

I have a son 13 and a daughter 6 and step 28 but she is married with 3 kids of her own. I am well equipped to take care of my children and consider the opportunity a honor. Nothing means more to me than my children. Neither of my children want to go with her but the way my state laws are written its almost certain that she will get my daughter and that I can't bare the thought of. My older daughter has told me of the life she had growing up and hell will freeze over before I let my youngest go through that.

If your step daughter is willing to put her statement in writing ,it may very well have an impact on the outcome of custody.
In the past,custody was almost certain to go to the mother but things have changed dramatically.
The court will look at who can best provide.
She is not working.
Who has been providing and in some cases trying to keep the children in a lifestyle and environment they are accustomed to.
There is also the issue that she left her children on numerous occasions to be with the BF.

His past should be looked into as well.What type of influence will he be in the children's life?
What is his history?
As has been said,getting a lawyer is long overdue.Be proactive, as clearly.she will stop at nothing to get her way.Stop her before she takes anything more from you!

Unless the mother was proven unfit... and having an affair does not constitute being unfit... as a spouse, yes, but not as a parent, he is correct... odds are good his daughter would remain with her mother. The 13 year old may be asked for his input, depending on where they live, but it won't usually carry a great deal of weight on its own merit.

I've been there, done that. I was 10, my sisters were 12 and 8. We KNEW who would be the more capable parent. Maybe all kids don't but there were no doubts in our mind that we should go with our mother. It made me furious that no one ask ME what I wanted. Children don't have a voice. I think that is so wrong. You better believe I use my voice now.


In some situations it would be nice for the kids to have more say so, but young children should not be asked to choose between their parents, and that could be difficult for an older child as well. It would not be unlikely that a child would tend to side with the more lenient parent, not necessarily who would provide a more stable environment.

This is always a possibility. My point is, what will it hurt to hear them out. You can tell when a child is earnest and when they are b.s.ing.


Having an affair, and not knowing what she wants in her relationships, does not make the mother crazy. Disrespectful... sure, unfaithful... no question, but not crazy. The OP does sound like a loving and caring father... but so too may be the mother to her children, and obviously we only hear one side of the story.


I beg to differ. Having the affair is not what makes her crazy. What makes her crazy is that she thinks she can continue the affair AND still be married to him and reap the benefits that her marriage brings to her. She is crazy because she is in the wrong YET, she still wants to call the shots.



Retaining a lawyer is of the utmost importance... doing so before the wife may also result in some benefit. If there are documented incidences of instability or less than sound judgement on the mother's part in the past, that will be presented. If there isn't, it then becomes a case of "he said" "she said", which is all too common in divorce proceedings.



The grown daughter may or may not have documented proof. But, she has stated that living with her mother was not a good situation.

AngryChair, I'm going to be totally honest with you here.

I think there is something more going on here for you not to move to protect yourself and your children legally.

This whole situation is starting to feel very werid to me.

There is no reason on this earth why you would put up with the behaviour of your wife, unless she has something hanging over your head.

Am I wrong? Or is there something you are waiting for before you finally make concrete steps to end the marriage.

No Jake she has nothing on me. After all of the horrid stuff that has been done and all the pain has been dealt, I guess in a nutshell I don't want to let her go I know it needs to be done but I just can't come to grips with the fact that's things are what they are and the won't change ever. I still consider myself married and I have tried every conceivable way to get my marriage back. I know that its over I know I need to begin to heal and that it won't happen till she is gone. I have sought legal council and he has given me the divorce scenario and what I can expect which is basically a 50/50 split of everything. I have secured my finances so as to shield myself and my kids. Her bags have been packed for a week and sitting in our/her room just waiting to be loaded. The only thing that remains is to actually ask her to leave which I just can't seem to do. I still care about her and I don't want her to be on the street. She will not move in with him or so she says. I have told her that if she is in love with him and is always there why not just take the next step and live with him. Honestly she is getting no aide from me so what is he advantage for staying?

My friends I have not ignored you and I have sought legal council. My situation is a weird one I agree but trust me your advice has been the topic of many of mine and her conversations and I have brought up many of your very valid points. I don't expect you to agree with how Ive handled this mess I just want to vent and cry at times. Please don't judge me just listen like the friends I know you are.

Just know that you and your kids, even your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. It is a rough road ahead on everyone and I pray for the easiest, smoothest transition as possible. My mom cheated on my dad , but I NEVER heard him speak badly about her. He sure could have. That left me feeling a great deal of respect for him. He even admitted that maybe he did not contribute what he should have to her. That may not be the case for you, but you seem like a very good man AND your children will recognize this. If not now, certainly in hind site. And what is more valuable than our children admiring and respecting us? I see good things in your future because good begets good.
Take care.

AngryChair,

Nobody here that cares enough to post is judging you. Many of us have been in situations with cheating spouses, or we have a friend/relative etc. who has gone through something similar.

What you don't seem to understand here, or at least enough to get you moving, is that your happiness, and your children's happiness, and their future, depend upon you making decisions. They see her come and go, they see her bags packed but not gone. They see the moods, the upset, depression. They feel the lonliness, despair, and abandonment from their mother.

They, like many children, have hope. They do not accept it is over until they are not only told, but shown. Until that happens, you are really only prolonging this state of confusion for them.

It would be easier on them to see that it is over, and learn to cope and adjust and go on, than it is to remain silent, but desperate to have their lives back to the way they were. Which of course, cannot happen. Kids just can't put all your and your wife's emotional baggage into a perspective that allows them to understand any of this. It is harmful, to them.

We all know you love your children, no doubt about that. We also know you love your wife, no doubt about that either. But, love will not mend this marriage, the marriage was over a long time ago, and both of you know it. Many have loved, but learned they cannot sustain a marriage on hope and promise. Love is just simply not enough.

In my opinion, I would take your wife's belongings, put them in your car, drive them over to the boyfriends house, and leave them on the front porch.

I would then instruct your lawyer to contact her through her last known address, which is her boyfriends house. (afterall she's there six days a week right?).

Have him register a letter stating that any and all future contact will be done through the lawyer. Period. That includes visitation with the children. File for temporary custody until the issues of custody and visitation can be addressed in court. Protect your children.

Document any activity, i.e. phone calls, letters etc. Do not respond to any of them, give them to your lawyer.

Go and buy yourself a case of beer or a nice bottle of wine, change the locks of the door, put the kids off to bed, sit in a comfortable place, and think about enjoying your future, which is going to be the total opposite to what your past has been, and will only continue to get better.

You really can do this AngryChair.

I know it is to soon right now but I have a friend that seems to have taken an interest in me all of a sudden. Would it be inappropriate to talk to her about this situation and have a human shoulder to cry on or just let things go until this situation with my soon to ex is over

I personally think your emotions are all over the place, dating isn't the option, but if you feel comfortable finding someone to talk to, that is nice, but you have to file for divorce FIRST.

Two wrongs, won't make this right. Don't stoop to that level.

While it may feel good to have some face to face talking going on, it should, for now, be reserved for your counsellor.

A relationship that ends takes time to recover from. To become dependent upon others emotionally, before you learn how to have strength on your own, is not a good idea. I think someone at a professional 'distance', at least for the time being, is a safer course of action for you right now.

Besides which, there is a lot of work to be done first. As someone said (I wish I could remember who, it was very wise I thought), you'll have plenty of time to cry after you get your life in order first.

It's not her decision, it's yours. She clearly is keeping this man in her life despite the fact that it's a gross violation of her marriage vows, and is terribly hurtful and disrespectful to you. Your decision is whether you want to have a wife who has another relationship that you abhor, or if that is unacceptable to you.

If it's unacceptable, go see an attorney to find out how to get primary custody of your daughter if you feel that is best. If the man is under 20 something - as in, not a legal adult - well, it would certainly help your custody case.

You may be wanting to avoid her being embarrassed, or dividing your child's home, or going through the decisions of who gets the crock-pot and who gets the fishing poles, but you know, you just have to do those things because she's made her decision, and you don't sound like a guy who can be healthy living with that situation.

A lot of people hate divorce, dread divorce, consider the time they were getting divorced to be the worst thing they've ever dealt with. But not one of the divorced people I know regrets getting divorced today. They view it as Christening of a new life, by fire. A new chance to build something better.

Even if your wife wants to stay married, I would recommend a separation so that you can havce some time and space to think about this without her constant presence. Even if it were to stop, would you ever trust her again? It's important to know that.

Take care... it's really terribly painful but it does get better.

Hi angrychair,
I fell for you. However, it is a very good sign for you actually. You are about to be bailed out from the unfaithful wife. Why would you want one? You will move on, meet a better lady and start over a better life.

Next time, pay close attention to your partner it can happen again to you. I can tell you that your wife will not have a good life with the young man as she thinks. Being a sugar mom to an immature man will not be an easy job. It is her loss not yours.

My problem has been that I had an undying love and no matter what she did I could look past it because I thought she would realize what she was giving up. Then some very smart people told me that I was being played and you know what they were right. She was playing both ends against the middle. I am not so weak anymore I have gained some self-respect and I now know that I am stronger than I thought , and every day gets a bit easier and in some way I owe her a debt of gratitude for making me a stronger man. It still hurts knowing what she is doing but in the long run she will understand that a love like mine is hard to come by. She will miss her old boring life and the routine. I will survive my friends that you can bet on.

Good for you, come back to this post often... other then owing her anything for your circumstance your post is extremely accurate for a step forward.

You can't look past being a doormat especially for someone who isn't making the effort. Marriage isn't a one-sided commitment. It requires both parties to work and grow and share in that commitment. You are trying to overcompensate for her lack of involvement in your marriage, but that isn't going to save the marriage.

Keep working on you, but start the legal process to protect both you and your children. We are always stronger then we think we are, challenges are what can show us our strength.

Every day will continue to get easier. With every contact with your wife, taking you back from your forward progress... get yourself out of the contact. Do it for you, do it for your child(ren).

You have great qualities to offer someone. Work on yourself and then offer them to someone who deserves a man like you because she does not.

Make that A guy like you, not I guy like you. The fingers were flying.

My problem has been that I had an undying love and no matter what she did I could look past it because I thought she would realize what she was giving up. Then some very smart people told me that I was being played and you know what they were right. She was playing both ends against the middle. I am not so weak anymore I have gained some self-respect and I now know that I am stronger than I thought , and every day gets a bit easier and in some way I owe her a debt of gratitude for making me a stronger man. It still hurts knowing what she is doing but in the long run she will understand that a love like mine is hard to come by. She will miss her old boring life and the routine. I will survive my friends that you can bet on.

You do often become stronger and wiser for having had gone through some difficult times. Getting through that journey is half the battle... expect some highs and lows along the way, but you will see that it does get easier with time.

I don't want to be a party pooper here, but while I applaud you for feeling stronger (although I don't think you owe HER a debt of gratitude for that as you said), you are still pinning your hopes (I think) on her coming to her senses, and realizing what she has lost, and somehow all of this is going to work out between the two of you.

I do not sense that you have emotionally broken ties with her, and I haven't heard you say that you have taken the necessary steps to secure your home, finances, custody issues either. What happened to the counselling, and when is the last time you talked to your lawyer. Does she still have access to the bank accounts? Does she still visit once a week and stay over?

Do the children see her bags still packed in the same place? Have you talked to them about what is going on, and what is going to happen i.e. divorce? Have you alleviated any of their fears?

I am happy that you are getting the emotional support from your friends, and from us here, to realize that you are doing the right thing in letting her go, and getting on with the business of making it legally happen.

What I haven't heard, is that you are actually doing anything to put an end to the relationship.

Am I wrong? What do you need to do that you haven't already done for not only your sake, but for your children's sake as well.

If you are going to wait for her to finally come home, then just say it. If your immediate goals are not to secure your future without her, and your children's future, then I hope you get them into counselling too. This has to be a terrible emotional upset for them not knowing which end is up.

Love makes us do crazy things that don't make much sense. I'm having a hard time understanding what direction you are going here.

Maybe you just need more time. But for the sake of your kids, I hope you get moving soon.

My problem has been that I had an undying love and no matter what she did I could look past it because I thought she would realize what she was giving up. Then some very smart people told me that I was being played and you know what they were right. She was playing both ends against the middle. I am not so weak anymore I have gained some self-respect and I now know that I am stronger than I thought , and every day gets a bit easier and in some way I owe her a debt of gratitude for making me a stronger man. It still hurts knowing what she is doing but in the long run she will understand that a love like mine is hard to come by. She will miss her old boring life and the routine. I will survive my friends that you can bet on.

Good for you! That is the kind of survivor attitude that will get you through this mess she has created!
You have officially gone from victim to survivor and you should treat yourself to something wonderful! You have earned it.
We have all become very invested in you and are so pleased that a positive outcome is finally coming to pass.
Do not be a stranger!
I also think you would make a great expert here ,given the fact that you have been through so much and have come out of it with your decency and self respect in tact. That is quite an achievement.

We have agreed that she can see the kids as often as she wants but they reside with me and agreed on property division. My lawyer has advised against a do it yourself approach but due to financial constrictions I may have to go in that direction. My bank account has been closed to her from day one of this ordeal so that isn't a issue anymore. As far as emotional ties yes its true I still have tremendous feelings for her but after 14 years how could I not. I see now that she won't come back and the truth be known I couldn't trust her if she wanted to. Complete separation isn't possible at this point but like I said each day get a bit easier.

We have agreed that she can see the kids as often as she wants but they reside with me and agreed on property division. My lawyer has advised against a do it yourself approach but due to financial constrictions I may have to go in that direction. My bank account has been closed to her from day one of this ordeal so that isnt a issue anymore. As far as emotional ties yes its true I still have tremendous feelings for her but after 14 years how could I not. I see now that she wont come back and the truth be known I couldnt trust her if she wanted to. Complete separation isnt possible at this point but like I said each day get a bit easier.

Good that you have taken measures to protect yourself.
I think we all agree that putting 14 yrs. Behind you and moving forward is not an easy task.
There will be days when it is still going to hurt but I know, from experience,they will become less and less as time passes.
If you ever studied the stages of grief after a death,there are so many similarities to the stages of grief for a divorce.
Keep working on you and healing and I have every confidence a year from not this will be nothing more than a painful memory.

Ok Angrychair, I am breathing a sigh of relief here, and I'm really, really impressed that you have taken concrete steps.

As you said, there is more work to be done, just don't lose sight of your goals.

Ok, you deserve a beer, and a fire in the firepit; put your feet up, you've deserved some R&R this weekend.

I'm proud of you.

Not promising I won't nag you next week, but for now, that's awesome news! :D

Since this whole ordeal began I have learned to ride a motorcyle and bought myself a nice bike as you can see somewhat in my just added picture. I think I may just go on a poker run this weekend

Since this whole ordeal began I have learned to ride a motorcyle and bought myself a nice bike as you can see somewhat in my just added picture. I think I may just go on a poker run this weekend

That is you! I was wondering.
Oh boy,you look mighty fine on that bike.
Watch out for the women now ,many of us have a secret passion for bikers ;)

Yep its me long hair, sleeveless shirt, sunglasses and all, Im searching for my inner bad boy

Yep its me long hair, sleeveless shirt, sunglasses and all, Im searching for my inner bad boy

You go rock it dude :)

So what kind of bike did you get... :)

Yep its me long hair, sleeveless shirt, sunglasses and all, Im searching for my inner bad boy

Could we get a close up?;)

I bought a 1996 Yamaha Virago and yes I will post a close up. Of me or the bike? Lol

I bought a 1996 Yamaha Virago and yes I will post a close up. Of me or the bike? lol

See, you already have girls flirting with you. :rolleyes:

Im blushing lol

Remember a long time ago when you offered us beer?
Now it's a beer and a ride as well ,and no blushing allowed. :rolleyes:

Got to be true to myself. Very positive message Thanks

Life seems a whole lot brighter I seem to find a sort of rebirth when I ride and I can think. I carry all your advice and thoughts with me. I think I am all right, and as you all have said healing will take a long time, but I feel Im on the right track. There is a small part of me that wants the past back with my wife, but I see things for what they are now and I know that it can never be. I choose to focus on the good times we shared and try to block out these last months. I hate to say our years were a waste because I was blessed with 3 magnificent children that I value more than life itself and I will always love my wife for giving them to me and allowing me the opportunity to love them.

yes the children make it all worthwhile.
I have 4 grown kids and I still say that the 7yrs with my x were worthless EXCEPT for my kids.

Hello all just checking in to say hi. Nothing new to report on the Wife Front other than she gets a bit more brazen as this ordeal putts along. I have adapted an I don't care attitude to whatever she does or say which tends to drive her crazy lol

Hi all just wanted to say things are a lot brighter. Im doing great and as you said time heals all wounds. Im still a bit tender but toughing up nicely.

It takes time... expect good days and bad. Moments that catch you off guard, but more and more you will find yourself thinking about the past less and less.

Treat yourself well... :)

Hello my friends it's been a while but I wanted to drop you a line to say that things are better.
I have started a relationship with God, bought a new Harley, and working on my marriage.
I am a much stronger person now than I was.
Thank you for all the help this past year, I couldn't have made it without you. I will check in from time to time to say hi and see how you all are doing. Take care of yourself and each other. GOD Bless

Wow a three month hiatus and we only get a four line update... ;)

Glad to hear that things are working out better for you, working out a relationship is always a great option, especially when you are taking the opportunity to grow.

That is very considerate of you to let us know how you are doing.

Awesome to hear things are working out.

I know I don't need to tell you to keep us posted. :)

I joined a really good church its called "The Bikers Church" no lie look it up on Myspace.
My wife was the one who initiated it. She came to me to work things out. To be honest I had washed my hands of everything and was ready to walk away.
I bought my Harley as kind of a sympathy gift to myself. Im still trying to get my head around this new found relationship with God, because displays of faith have always made me uncomfortable, Im sure I will get over that.
Im closer to my kids now more than ever and for the first time in a long while the sky doesn't look so dark and dreary.

To be honest I had washed my hands of everything and was ready to walk away.

Sometimes that is what it takes for people to appreciate what they had.
I am very happy for you.

Hi all its been a while. I just wanted to drop by and say Happy Holidays to you. Since we last spoke I have been dealing with trying to put the pieces of my life back together and for a time things seemed to be going OK but... many of you can look back on the past post and say I told you so. A leopard doesn't change its spots and I am sorry to say you were all right. Anyway Ill see if this thread is still alive and if it is I will go into more details. Hope to see you all soon.
Angrychair.

Hey there Angrychair,

An update would be good, how's it going for you.