How many previous sexual partners is too many? I'm seeing someone right now who has told me he's been with no more than 30 girls... I feel like that is too much. Am I right? He is 21.

Is he maybe thinking if he stretches the truth you will be impressed?
That seems like a lot for a guy so young.
I would question his morality and wonder if he is one of those guys who see women as sex objects.
Yes,I would say that is too many.

If your honestly happy with yourself and comfortable with the decisions you've made than your okay. Once in a relationship it now depends on the partner feeling comfortable; some people draw their limit at 5 others at 60.

If this plays a factor in the relationship, then it's obviously not the right one to be in.

MRS.S

Some people would say that TWO is too many.

Others would say that there is no limit.

Personally, I think people shouldn't talk about specifics of their sex life previous to their current partner, and shouldn't EVER bring up numbers. All it ever does is cause problems with one partner or the other.

This all depends on your age... obviously what's fine for someone with 50 years to play around is going to be a real bad number for an 18 year old.

Personally, I think people shouldn't talk about specifics of their sex life previous to their current partner, and shouldn't EVER bring up numbers. All it ever does is cause problems with one partner or the other.

In this day of more STD's than flavors at a candy shop it's more important than ever to be up front about sexual specifics when getting into a relationship - it gives everyone involved an idea of what they're getting into. When I first started dating my girlfriend several years ago we had a frank discussion about all of this - to the point that she asked me if I could remember all of the names (first names at least) of the women I'd been with to that point and it was quite the list. (I could) The issues come to play when you start comparing partners - that's when things can get messy.

Now if you're talking about a one night stand... bring your raincoat and prepare to secure the dam

How many previous sexual partners is too many? I'm seeing someone right now who has told me he's been with no more than 30 girls... I feel like that is too much. Am I right? He is 21.

Are you right? DO you love him? How long have you been together? What is you personal perspective on sex? Is it a casual thing, only serious relationship thing?

I'm a guy, I've been with 5 women. I'm now 24, and realise that those realtionships weren't meant to last. I prefer to wait before I have sex with a girl. If I can't see being with them for very long, or looking after a child should one be born, then I refrain form it.

It's getting harder and harder to find women who have not had sex with less than 10-15 guys, as it seems people are doing the casual sex thing more and more.

So, what does it all come down to? What do you see happening to you two in 10 years? Does it look good or bad? Are you right? If you feel that you are, then don't let us diswade you. Hold tight to yourself respect and Love yourself.

PEace and kindness be with you.

I've always used your age as a good test.

In this day of more STD's than flavors at a candy shop it's more important than ever to be up front about sexual specifics when getting into a relationship - it gives everyone involved an idea of what they're getting into. When I first started dating my girlfriend several years ago we had a frank discussion about all of this - to the point that she asked me if I could remember all of the names (first names at least) of the women I'd been with to that point and it was quite the list. (I could) The issues come to play when you start comparing partners - that's when things can get messy.

Now if you're talking about a one night stand..... bring your raincoat and prepare to secure the dam

Wrong.

You can talk about STDs and issues like monogamy and safe sex without EVER bringing numbers into play.

I've had the very frank, very up front talk about sexual expectations (like monogamy and honesty), STDs, pregnancy, etc. That talk has NEVER included numbers or names of previous partners. Frankly, that's none of his business.

Guys especially seem to dwell on any number past 5. They also get all weirded out if you happen to be friends now with a guy you had sex with 5 years ago--and they want you to end that friendship, which to me is irrational.

Bottom line is this: if your partner cannot handle the frank talk about your sex life before it happens WITHOUT that talk including names and numbers, then you probably won't have a relationship that will last because of SOMEONE's insecurities anyway.

So---I didn't deserve the reddie, because being safe has NOTHING to do with telling someone the details of your sex life before them.

Wrong.

Guys especially seem to dwell on any number past 5. They also get all weirded out if you happen to be friends now with a guy you had sex with 5 years ago--and they want you to end that friendship, which to me is irrational.


It's not just guys that dwell on stuff like that.

My bottom line is this: if knowing the 'magic number' will affect the way you feel about your partner, you probably shouldn't be with them in the first place.

To be honest I wouldn't want to be with a guy who judges me on how many people I've slept with, I'm not really into double standards or conservative types.I can really say I don't have any regrets sleeping with any guy I slept with in the past, because it was really good with each person, and I've always practice safe sex and get tested regularly.

I recalled a guy telling me his magic number and than he had the nerves to tell me "I have no sexual experience because my number was lower than his". After the shock of his statement wore off I told him "All because you have been around the block over and over doesn't make you an sex expert. A number is just a number because there are guys out there that slept with over 50 females but don't even know how to find the g-spot, and I bet your one of them--so please". He was livid but I didn't care.

I'm with Liz. When guys post here saying they're troubled that their female partner has had more sexual partners than them, we jump to the defense of his partner. Why is this any different? If the person has been safe and tests out clean for STDs, who are we to judge? What is the magic cut off number for sexual partners?

I personally refuse giving names and numbers because as Synn pointed out, it's not the new guy's business. He doesn't need to know what I did, who I did it with, or how many there were before him. Bottom line is I'm with him at that moment and the past is the past.

But in the same fashion, I don't ask about his previous partners either. It's a private matter and none of my business. I'd only be concerned if those relationships either resulted in an STD or a child.

As long as we're being safe and enjoying the present relationship; what does the number matter?

I feel like that is too much. Am I right?Hello chrissy:

Sure, you're right. My number is 23. If a chick I go out with has had 24 lovers, I dump her immediately. BUT, if she's only slept with 23 dudes, that's just fine with me... No, how I feel about the person doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that number. One less, and she's a marrying kind of woman. One more, and she's a slut.

This makes soooo much sense to me... You?

excon

I do not think it's my partner's business. I have never asked and I have never told. I think the question following how many is how they rate on the list and I don't want to have that discussion, either.

I do care about bad breakups, though, because I think a series of them indicates a problem and I do care about safe sex.

I get spooked about men who go on and on about how awful/psychotic/mean the "ex" was/is.

We've been dating for about a year now and only just now had that conversation about the "magic number". I love him very much (even though at times we have a thousand different issues) it just shocked me when he told me. He is very very good in bed so I guess I should have already kind of had an idea that he had some or a lot of experience. I felt different about his number then how I feel today. I don't think I should have asked him his number... and he didn't ask me mine back because he knew better lol! His past is his past. We were both tested for std's when we first together and everything was fine. I should have just left his sexual past behind in that clinic.

Now the only thing that kind of worries me about this "magic number" is the fact that I know he is such a horn dog... does that make him more prone to cheat?

Now the only thing that kind of worries me about this "magic number" is the fact that I know he is such a horn dog... does that make him more prone to cheat?
__________________
I don't think the two necessarily go hand in hand.
Cheating is about your sense of morality,horn dogs can be just as moral as any other man.

Well in my opinion every time your man slept around, someone else did to. They are all just numbers. So for men who get upset at there women's number, well someone slept with them to one up it, so they are one up to... how is that OK... does that make sense? Guess it boils down to double standard.

I don't want a count, I want to judge a man by who he is with me.

Now if he has three children, three different women and only had three sexual partners... that is JUST as bad to me, as if he had 300.

Well it all boils down to just a number and who cares. Some people are bothered by it and some aren't. If you don't like it, move on. But every relationship before you is what made the person your with today. So you might want to forget the number and thank them!

Chrissy, you said it best when you wrote "his past is his past", so hold the information he give you over his head. He could've easily lie to you but he didn't, he did the total opposite by being truthful.

Don't start negative of him and judge him by it. If your going judge him on anything judge him by his current actions towards you. If he is doing right by you, like a man should, than don't let his "magic number" break you apart.

Me, I like to know her past... but then I wouldn't hold it against her either. Reason being the possibility of certain STD's without cures such as Genital Warts, herpes, etc... not to mention the fatal ones.

If I'm gong to be muff diving I'd like to know what the risks are. After all she may not care all that much about her health and risks she takes... I on the other hand care a great deal about risk. Many of those risks have very long incubation times and present little or no symptoms that they are there until you find out YOU have them and YOU aren't asymptomatic.

21 and 30 partners! Did he start when he was 12!

Full disclosure.. hmmm.

I'm a 36 year old fully grown women,and I'm not above admitting these things, but I'm chicken when it comes to full disclosure.

My humble advice is,unless he has been tested,don't let him go bare back.

If he wants to be with you he won't have a problem getting tested.

Me, I like to know her past....but then I wouldn't hold it against her either. Reason being the possibility of certain STD's without cures such as Genital Warts, herpes, etc...not to mention the fatal ones.

If I'm gong to be muff diving I'd like to know what the risks are. After all she may not care all that much about her health and risks she takes...I on the other hand care a great deal about risk. Many of those risks have very long incubation times and present little or no symptoms that they are there until you find out YOU have them and YOU aren't asymptomatic.

Well see I think this goes along with my earlier comment; I feel that I have a right to know when it comes to STD's or if a child was the product of a past relationship but so far as the number and/or names, I don't need that info. And don't want it.

Wrong.

You can talk about STDs and issues like monogamy and safe sex without EVER bringing numbers into play.

I continue to disagree. Numbers allow you to better quantify the risks. In addition, knowing about a partners experiences good and bad can help in that area as well. I've been vetted by my long-term partners and I do the same with them. It's nothing ultra formal but it's as detailed as a blood donation questionnaire. I'd want to know if she'd had a threeway with IV drug users, just like she should know if I'd had sex with a Tijuana hooker.

I continue to disagree. Numbers allow you to better quantify the risks. In addition, knowing about a partners experiences good and bad can help in that area as well. I've been vetted by my long-term partners and I do the same with them. It's nothing ultra formal but it's as detailed as a blood donation questionaire. I'd want to know if she'd had a threeway with IV drug users, just like she should know if I'd had sex with a Tijuana hooker.


Got to disagree - the number of people you've had sex with is no indicator of whether you are "safe" or not.

All it takes is one infected person. A person who has one partner can also be infected.

I don't know that numbers = risk factor. I personally don't think so.

There is a two issue on this,
1. the chance of risk which is discussed
2. the reason to have 30 partners in what 5 years if they started at 16. So they are sleeping with someone new every 2 months at least.

What is their commitment, why you are not going to be merely 31 in two months.

On the risk, even one partner has to be feared as much as 50, since it only takes one partner to infect you.

There is a saying.

When a man tells you the number of people he's been with, divide by 3 to get the truth.

When a woman tells you her number, multiply by 2.

:)

I'd want to know if she'd had a threeway with IV drug users, just like she should know if I'd had sex with a Tijuana hooker.

I disagree again.

The IV drug user is a bigger risk than the threeway.

And the hooker is as big a risk as the IV drug use.

However--ONE time with a Tijuana hooker is JUST as dangerous as 30 times with a Tijuana hooker.

The questions should be as follows:

1. Do you practice safe sex, and have you done so with ALL of your partners?
2. Do you have any STDs? Are you willing to back that up with a test?
3. Do you have the ultimate STD---a child with someone prior to me?
4. Have you done any drugs, and if so, have you practiced safe usage (not sharing needles and such)
5. Are you willing to wait until we've been dating at LEAST 6 months before you jump into bed with me?

Having intercourse with 30 people is as dangerous as having intercourse with ONE wrong person. And how many people ever even THINK to ask about oral sex? What about foreplay? All it takes is an exchange of body fluids, really---so a hangnail bleeding into a body cavity can ALSO pass AIDS--do you ask your partners about their hangnail habits?

Whether I've slept with 3 men or 30 men, my husband will never know. I'm not giving out that number to anyone. I'm disease free, and have always practiced safe sex, and that's all anyone needs to know.

Any guy that HAD to know how many guys I've invited into my pants would be left at the curb wondering where HIS invite was.

I disagree again.

the IV drug user is a bigger risk than the threeway.

And the hooker is as big a risk as the IV drug use.

However--ONE time with a Tijuana hooker is JUST as dangerous as 30 times with a Tijuana hooker.

The questions should be as follows:

1. Do you practice safe sex, and have you done so with ALL of your partners?
2. Do you have any STDs? Are you willing to back that up with a test?
3. Do you have the ultimate STD---a child with someone prior to me?
4. Have you done any drugs, and if so, have you practiced safe usage (not sharing needles and such)
5. Are you willing to wait until we've been dating at LEAST 6 months before you jump into bed with me?

Having intercourse with 30 people is as dangerous as having intercourse with ONE wrong person. And how many people ever even THINK to ask about oral sex? What about foreplay? All it takes is an exchange of body fluids, really---so a hangnail bleeding into a body cavity can ALSO pass AIDS--do you ask your partners about their hangnail habits?

Whether I've slept with 3 men or 30 men, my husband will never know. I'm not giving out that number to anyone. I'm disease free, and have always practiced safe sex, and that's all anyone needs to know.

Any guy that HAD to know how many guys I've invited into my pants would be left at the curb wondering where HIS invite was.

Haha, interesting... I niether disagree nor agree, and yet I probably would not use your above statement as guidance. But then again, I'm a bit of an odd ball.

haha. Heated conversation. I've come to ponder the idea that maybe the best way to go with some one is compleate honesty. I mean really who wants to be with some one that doesn't even like you for you, let alone love you. Unless you just want non-serious meaningless relations... But then do you still have self respect? It's all very situational dependent, and therefor the importance of anything we say is only relevant if the values and beliefs of what is right and wrong are accepted by us, and those we wish to share our info with.

How obscured, and well pliable. :rolleyes: Leave it to life to be complicated. :p At least we know that we don't need to agree eh? Haha.

We all have our way, and in the end, we can nither be absolutely right, nor absolutely wrong. Or can we?

May peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. Technically, JudyKayTee, we are full of dorment virusis, and some virusis can hide for many years. Like herpees, it can be dorment for a long time in some cases. (I got this out of "The Mercks Manual of Medical Information Home Edition.) You may have bin tested, but have you had sex since? And there is always genetic Diseases, and cancer. Sorry, I was just wondering if you knew that? Not trying to call you a liar...

I disagree again.

the IV drug user is a bigger risk than the threeway.

And the hooker is as big a risk as the IV drug use.

However--ONE time with a Tijuana hooker is JUST as dangerous as 30 times with a Tijuana hooker.


You need to read what you quote. The threeway was with the IV drug users.

The ultimate point I'm trying to drive home here is, in my view, pretty simple, but I guess I have to draw a bloody picture.

Sex today is a lot like playing dice in a mob den, sure you can crap out on your first roll, or you can get lucky. The thing is, the odds don't improve the more you roll they keep getting worse. More rolls = more opportunities to roll snake eyes when your life depends on a seven.

We're not that far apart here - hopefully you can see that now.

My entire point is that if I have been tested, and am disease free, and am willing to discuss the fact that I have not had any "risky" behavior, such as sharing a drug needle with someone or having unprotected sex---the number of partners I have had is absolutely NO ONE'S business.

I do believe that people should talk about their sexual history in general terms. It's when you start getting specific that there are problems in the relationship, because many people cannot handle the fact that you DID have a sex life before them, and that it was more than your high school sweetheart you lost your virginity with. Why CREATE problems by bringing up a number?

Haha, interesting... I niether disagree nor agree, and yet I probably would not use your above statement as guidence. But then again, i'm a bit of an odd ball.
P.S. Technically, JudyKayTee, we are full of dorment virusis, and some virusis can hide for many years. Like herpees, it can be dorment for a long time in some cases. (I got this out of "The Mercks Manual of Medical Information Home Edition.) You may have bin tested, but have you had sex since?? And there is always genetic Diseases, and cancer. Sorry, i was just wondering if you knew that? Not trying to call you a liar...



First, why do you feel the need to "haha" on so many of your replies?

Secondly, I have no idea what I wrote that you are addressing. I am well aware that "we" are "full of dorment virusis." I know all about Mercks Manual - including the Physicians Edition. Please cut and paste whatever it is you are answering.

Third, we aren't talking about genetic disease and cancer. We're talking about sexually transmitted diseases. I am not aware of anyone who has ever "caught" cancer from having sex. I do know a few people have have contracted sexually transmitted diseases.

Fourth - whether I've had sex or not since I was tested is, quite frankly, none of your business. If I don't discuss this with a sexual partner, I'm sure as heck not going to discuss it with you.

Got to disagree - the number of people you've had sex with is no indicator of whether you are "safe" or not.

All it takes is one infected person. A person who has one partner can also be infected.

I don't know that numbers = risk factor. I personally don't think so.
Simple statistics... increase numbers and risks actually increase nearly logarithmically. Its not a linear progression.

Now some people can deal with it, some not. Personally I'd rather go with a woman that honestly admitted to sleeping with 50 guys and one that lied abd said she's been with 3 and real number was actually 30.

Just how I think... I value honestly over deception.

Simple statistics.... increase numbers and risks actually increase nearly logarithmically. Its not a linear progression..


You took me out of context. I never said that higher numbers didn't mean higher risks.

My point was that lower numbers do not indicate a person is "safe." One partner is all that it takes.

Hello again,

Let's do the math... Higher numbers DON'T mean higher risk...

What are the odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tonight has an STD? Let's say it's 50/50. The odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tomorrow night are the same. But, did your odds go up because you've already had a 50/50 shot?? Nooooo, they don't...

You can screw 453 chicks in a row, and your odds of getting an STD DON'T go up. But, screw ONE who has an STD, and you're infected.

excon

PS> It IS true. I screw odd chicks...

[QUOTE=nikosmom agrees: Yes, the question of "Who was the best/worst?" would inevitably follow the Numbers discussion.[/QUOTE]



This is why I had a set of flash cards, the same ones used by Olympic Judges, printed up. I keep them stored under my bed. :)

Being rated seems to spur men to greater... heights.

Hello again,

Let's do the math... Higher numbers DON'T mean higher risk......

What are the odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tonight has an STD? Let's say it's 50/50. The odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tomorrow night are the same. But, did your odds go up because you've already had a 50/50 shot??? Nooooo, they don't...

You can screw 453 chicks in a row, and your odds of getting an STD DON'T go up. But, screw ONE who has an STD, and you're infected.

excon

PS> It IS true. I screw odd chicks....

You are assuming every person out there knows if they have an STD or not... and fact is quite a few aren't even aware of it, you can carry Herpes and show no symptoms, you can have HPV with no symptoms... a woman in particular can have genital warts internally she isn't evena ware of. Thus the more you go out with that "Think" they are clean, they higher the risk you will catch something.

Fact is everyone isn't getting weekly or even monthly STD tests so few people can claim definitively they are 100% clean.

PS> It IS true. I screw odd chicks....

I read this earlier and thought the Exy was telling us he liked old chicks... which would be too much information ;)

I think that honesty is much more admirable then lying about partners and I think it is human nature to ask, unfortunately numbers do give background information that some people will not be comfortable with, which may encourage them to lie the next time they are asked.

Primarily, I would want to be judged by me not where I have been, as where I have been made me who I am. It's just time to decide if the number bothers you, if it does, move on. If you can accept it, enjoy your relationship and know that his number is now 1, for only you.

I'd be a little more concerned if they had multiple partners without using a condom. My ex never told me about her past until we were in the middle of our relationship. She had over 30 partners, and never used a condom. I had to get tested right away, luckily I came out OK, but it's still scary.

Condoms don't guarantee you remain STD free. But they are far better than relying on luck alone.

It is just not as simple as described.

An increase in the number of sexual partners over time can translate into increased std's. It is exactly why HPV is seen in increasing %s as a person ages. The older you are, the more partners you have and the more partners your partners have had, the more likely you are to be a carrier. It is an std that has no cure (tho there is now a vaccine approved for young women), one that condoms don't necessarily prevent, and often has no symptoms in carriers. This translates into a "cascade effect"...

And then again, at the same time, the under 25 crowd often composes up to 3/4 of new std cases for gonorrhea and clamydia.

People, regardless of age, with concurrent partners have a higher incidence of std's... studies have statistically proved this repeatedly.

So, yes... you can sleep with one person and get an std or sleep with dozens and not get an std... just as unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy the first time or it can never happen, even with repeated attempts.

Over a decade, from the 90's to the new millennium, teen pregnancy rates dropped by a third. Some of this was tied to increased abstinance, with the majority of the drop associated with increased use of birth control.

The general trend is that over time people have more partners and over time people can be more careful about safe sex practices. The first trend increases exposure, the second reduces it.

So... its multivariate.

Its incorrect to say sleeping with one person versus the next has the same risk for stds. That simply isnt true. It assumes a person is a person is a person.

Not true.

A virgin is not the same as a nonvirgin.

Studies of age of sexual activity and multiple, esp concurrent, partners show increased std rates with certain populations. Period.

So... no... it is incorrect to say all risk is the same. It isn't.

The problem is you don't know the risk on the front side... you don't know that partners real history, so it seems like its always a crap shoot.

Sorry. It isn't.

It just isn't easy to know the truth. And the truth is that those who are voluntarily sexually active when younger and those who have more than one partner at a time (especially those with concurrent partners who also have concurrent partners) ARE at a higher risk statistically speaking.

What is true is women are at higher risk of contracting and STD versus a male, for obvious reasons.

Everyone seems to be disagreeing with sex, coin-toss analogy, and it makes sense. People who have a more cavalier sex-life are, generally, less careful than those who are conservative with who they sleep with. It's an arguable case for the sake of argument only, but that's the reality.

Sex isn't the only way to get an STD.

Lets not forget blood transfutions, and something as simple as drinking form some ones cup, or taking a drag from their smoke, and also, taking a pull of any number of drugs as well as sharing needles. Yuk.

I heard from a friend that a good way to go about things, don't share when you are out partying, don't have sex when drinking (as your attention to things is very obscured.), and get tested for STDs once a year, no matter what. That's her advice.

It's a good idea to get checked each year at there very least so you know that you were once upon a time healthy, and that since then and possibly 6 months back, you have been infected. (Provided you are infected.) This allows you to eliminate your sexual partners that you may have contracted the disease form. Also, even if you are with one person, it doesn't mean they are "faithful", and you can find out from them what the score is. Hopefully we never have to deal with this, retracing our sexual partners to find out "how" an STD spread.

I've just been reading a book called "The Merck Manual of Medical Information". It says that the herpes virus "...maybe present in the skin without causing an obvious blister; the virus in this state can serve as a source for infecting other people. There are two types of herpes simplex viruses that infect the skin: HSV-1 and HSV-2.
HSV-1 is the usual cause of cold sores on the mouth, and even on the cornea of the Eye. Usually transmitted through contact with secreations of the mouth.
HSV-2 usually causes genital herpes and is transmitted primarily by direct contact with the sores, most often during sexual contact." -page 1001.

Ok, there is some who debate that HSV-1 is not an STD, but if some one gets saliva or full contact on their genitals from some one with HSV-1, there is a good chance they'll get HSV-2. Some debate that, but I think it's and STD.

So does it matter how many partners you had, in a few ways, yes. 1) Self respect 2) respect for others 3) The risk of STDs is increased, remember that you sleep with every one your lover slept with. (sleep with one person, and if they have slept with 10 others, then you've got to 11. By that logic.)

Even if you use protection, the question is, did you nullify it's purpose by bypassing it? Drinking form some one's cup, taking a drag off a smoke and so on, then making out with some one, then oral sex, or even spit for lubrication.

It's up to you to decide how to play the odds. Personally, I'm almost starting to wonder if asking some one I want to have sex with, if they have been tested and how long ago it was... If you are tested and you know you are clean, then why not clear the slate, eh?

Once again, I will say it seems to all dependent upon your values, and beliefs. Only you know why something is relevant to you, so feel free to make your choice.

Good luck all
May peace and kindness be with you.