Ok here I go, I'll say my story I know I am mistaken but these are the heart rules and I need help.

I am a 36 female, married with 2 kids, I used to have a happy life all concerned about my family and work, I had minor problems with my husband but nothing major but no deep love between us, we just got used to each other.

Three years ago, someone came to work with us, he was 25 years old, I dealt with him normal as any office colleague. After sometime I caught myself thinking about him a lot, I rarely talked to him, I admitted it to myself that I love him but I didn't do anything to show this love thought he got close to the family and friends and nearly saw him everywhere, at work, at any family or friends gathering. He showed nothing so I was sure that these feelings I had were only my mid life crises and I hided them as much as I could.

After a while he started chatting with me on the internet while I was at work, 2 days later he admitted he loved me and he was afraid to say it ( I encouraged him actually cause he was like trying to say it but afraid), we had great time talking together for sometime we were so much in love so much alike so very in love. We met for not too many times, we talked on the phone a lot. And I discovered that all my past life I was just living with no feelings and with him all the feelings of the years just came out as a volcano.

After sometime he told me we can't go on like this, cheating everyone around us and these people we were cheating are the most people close to us, I agreed, then I begged him back cause it was so hard for me, when he was back he told me he does not know how he held himself that long time away from me and that he loved me more everyday.

This thing happened more than once, three times may be, every time he asks me to stop I do, then I beg him back and he is back, when we come back it becomes stronger each time and we get more and more closer.

The one time it happened but it was adjoined with some travelling out of the city for both of us when we were back we talked couple of times he was so very tense very nervous all the time then one time he told me he is sorry but he cannot talk to me anymore in private cause there was a catastrophe that might have happened but didn't -thank god- and he told me that when he was able to talk to me he did but now he couldn't.

After that I thought he would get away a bit from the family or friends gatherings so he won't have to see me but he didn't, in fact he got closer to family and friends even closer to my husband, even he moved his desk at work closer to me. But he was giving me a message that you can look but you cannot touch, I know he still cares for me, I know he tries to do things (normal things in public that he knows that will make me happy) but nothing in private.

I don't want anything now, I know he has his life that he should start with someone his age, but why he is sticking around, why is he still close.

I still love him very much, I can't get him out of my mind for a second all day, I live on the dream that one day we will be together but on the right track, though I know it is close to impossible, but this is the only thing that is making me living still

Can you help me? Can you tell me why did he confess his love to me and why did he take it back and how could he (if he loved me as he said) take his love back? Or was he bluffing me, or did he love me as some image in his mind then when he got to know me he found that I don't match this image?

And above all this why is he sticking around and close but he is not allowing me to talk to him in private what is he thinking??

Tell us about your husband. Tell us how he's a good husband. Talk at length about your husband. I'm very interested in hearing.

Speculation as to why he has sent these mixed messages is an exercise in futility.What purpose does it serve to guess his feelings?

The message he has given to you is he values you as a friend and that is as far as he is willing to go.

Perhaps getting to know your husband made him feel a sense of shame that he was deceiving this man.

He has taken a moral high ground and you should follow suit.

There is something lacking in your marriage and I suggest you concentrate your efforts on trying to figure it out and fix it.

This is a fantasy and you need to let it go.


i had minor problems with my husband but nothing major but no deep love between us, we just got used to each other.
That happens in many marriages.That is why marriage takes work and commitment. Turning to something else to make you feel better about what is lacking in your marriage will never be the quick fix you think it is.

If you are unable to resurrect your marriage,then leave but not for some fantasy that is never going to happen.

Do the honorable thing,in the end you will be glad you did.

Hollywood has helped spoil us for generations relationally. Deep love is not something you "feel" (thanks Hollywood!), rather it is something we DO. It is something we GIVE.

Lasting love is about willingness, commitment and protection.

Your "willingness" to respond to your natural attraction to someone other than your husband is the problem. Forget the heat for a moment, you need to stop asking yourself Qs about why this guy does/says/thinks ANYTHING.

You need to ask yourself "are you capable of mature, committed love...or not." Are you a slave to your feelings like children are?

You promised your husband (however you rationalize it, you promised him) in front of the universe to give him your all. It was a significant thing you did. There is nothing else on this planet that matches the level of commitment you offered, nothing more special. Nothing.

One of the benefits of "marriage" is the "forsake all others" part. Most people think that means "I won't cheat"... which it does, but that's not ALL it means, maybe not even the most important thing it means. Look at you, even if that's all it meant, you couldn't even do that with normal "modern" thinking that says "If you feel it, do it."

No, forsaking all other means, more importantly, setting aside your own heart's ability to respond to the attractions to others, it means "forsake yourself".

If deep love is something you DO, something you GIVE, then it requires an army at the gate to fend off the natural attractions you feel towards others. They will never go away. Ever. But mature love observes those feelings from afar and then goes and does something FOR our beloved instead. Mature love takes that heat back to your committed relationship.

REALLY mature love even talks to each other about the occasional attractions one feels for others.

But forsaking means you don't pursue the thought, the idea, much less the ACTION of giving intimate time to anyone other than your husband.

So, I ask again, tell us about your wonderful husband. Tell us how he's worthy of you. Tell us how he succeeds for you. Tell us why you're going to honor and cherish this man instead of pursuing someone else.

Sounds like he really cares about you, but he also knows that you are married.

I was in a similar situation but the girl had a boyfriend and not a husband. I told the girl how I felt because it was eating me up inside. It is a selfish act, but I had to do it so that I can move on with my life.

I'm not saying that he is in the same situation as me. But it is possible that he likes you too much and just has to let you know, so that he can move on with his life.

I don't understand the point of him chumming up with your husband but that is beside the point. What he thinks is beside the point.
You are a married woman. You need to leave him alone. Stop fantasizing over this guy and either work on your marriage or get out of it.
Personally I think whatever this young man felt for you is now over and done wit. He is letting you know this by is actions.
Get over it.

I feel sorry for your husband. Why don't you try and work on your marriage first and if it doesn't work then you can go out looking for a toy boy.

This guy knows your married but is still willing to cheat with you , well if you ask me he's used you as a booty call and had his fill now. Not a very good friend in my opinion.

You crossed the boundary and now you have to see him every day at work , Sorry to be harsh but you made your bed , now you have to lie in it.

It seems like your in a loveless marriage because you don't love your husband, you even stated that in so many words. Living a lie is wrong and only hurts people and the ones who are going be affected by the decisions you make are your husband and kids.

If your unhappy than leave but don't add someone else to mixture or use that as an excuse to do what you did.

This guy left you alone because he wake up and realize his actions were wrong but you don't or chose not to accept this. So leave him alone and focus on what your going do with your marriage instead of acting like a senseless teenager.

If you had just kept your thought away from your actions, you could be enjoying your fantasy, instead of being confused. You crossed the boundaries of good behavior, and he has the good sense to not let you confuse him, and put his own happiness in danger.

Your volcano has gone dead.

Omg!

I don't want to be mean or anything, but how can you do this to your husband and your kids. The least they deserve is the truth. Its okay if you don't feel the same towards your husband but he deserves to know!

And you're family? What about them? Don't you care about them? Are you willing to break it up for someone you claim you love? You have something there so I suggest you try to make it work or you're going to lose it all. Sometimes you don't know what you've got till its gone.

Priorities, *****. Priorities. You know nothing about them.