HI there,

My question is, I don't know if I can get over the fact that my girlfriend, who I'm thinking of possibly marring in the future, has had way more sexual partners than I have in the past. Has anyone been through something like this or any advice in how to deal with this.

If this is something that bothers me now, will it always be there and will I be better of with marrying someone who has had less partners or none at all?

I've been with 2 other girls and I'm 27 years old
She has been with 13+ other guys and she is 23

Everything else about my girlfriend is great. This is the one thing that I'm trying desperately to get over in my head to be 100% happily in love with her, but my mind is not at rest.

I really love her and I've been thinking of marriage in the future but the thing that scares me is that this will always haunt me and that it would eventually weaken our relationship and my image of her as the sweet girl that I see in her.

Anyone had similar experience? Or advice
Anything would help

-4ever-

What should matter is that you two are together now. The past should not really matter. As long as you know your both free of diseases and std. The past is the past. If you keep bringing up or can not get past the idea that she has had quite the past with men. Then maybe it is better to move on now.

On the other hand, if you trust her right now, your happy right now. Why not let go of the past. Look to her and yourself the way you both are together and make that more important then any past experience.

Best wishes and good luck.

Hey Everafter- I've been in your shoes man. I met a girl well.. 10 years ago now that had a very permiscuous past. And people even told me about it. Well.. you have to make a decision before you get too serious if you can look past it. Because if it is always going to haunt you, and you are always going to be bothered by it.. then move on. But if you can accept the fact that some people just enjoy sexual activities, and if she wasn't cheating on anyone and just having fun- so be it. She might have been young and dumb too- who knows. The person I dates past is just that- their past. If they are not that person anymore, and they are loyal to you, and love you with all their heart- TRY to take those good things into the relationship.. not something that she can not change.

Many people make a lot of mistakes growing up, even the best of guys/girls. Now I'm not saying those were mistakes to her- but in your eyes it's not very 'acceptable'.. it's up to you man, but don't lose a good girl just because she was having fun growing up. Take her for how she treats YOU now, and how you really feel about her for who she is today.

Thumper

If you have this problem about her past do her a favor and don't marry her. This is your problem not hers.
Does she know you feel this way about her?

If you had more ex partners then her would you expect her to accept it? Would it be okay with you then?

She's never cheated on you, she slept with these guys before she met you, so what's the problem?

Neither one of you were virgins when you met, you both have a past, you've both had lovers, it just so happens she had more than you.

Is this a male ego thing? Are you feeling threatened because you think she's comparing you to the other men she's been with?

If you can't get past this, then move on, she doesn't deserve to be judged over something in her past.

Just fyi. I'm female, my husband and I are the same age and I had many more partners then he did when we met. He was never threatened by that, you see, he loved me for who I am. What I did before I met him didn't have anything to do with our relationship.

Love her or leave her.

Good luck.

Why does it bother you? Could it be a bit of insecurity on your part that possibly there was a great lover in her past that you may feel was more gifted? It would be normal to feel that way but she is with you now and if you don't deal with this either in your own way or you don't discuss this with her it will haunt you for as long as you are with her. The past is gone, those lovers are gone, the future hasn't happened yet so all you really have is right now and you have her right now.

My only fear in this is that you will not come to a resolution on this issue and move ahead with your relationship anyway. Does she have any idea the possible punishment she has in store for her? Will you warn her?

One of the little truths my wife and I acknowledged out loud years ago in an effort to stop it was this:

"We save our worst behaviors for the people we love the most. We give total strangers our best behaviors."

Sometime, when an argument is getting too heated or unfair, one of us says, "Please treat me like a stranger.." to request more civility from the other person.

Think about it.

My fear is that you won't resolve this in your own heart/head, and will later feel perfectly fine laying hail on her about it. You'll do it directly stating your dissatisfaction, or more likely you'll just treat her badly in other ways over this unspoken/unconscious grumbling in your spirit.

My fear is that you won't ever grasp the real point of permanent bonding with someone... to elevate them, honor them, cheer them, praise them, support them, accept them, and stand proudly/strongly at their side come what may in your lives...

A lasting love is one of quiet admiration, not simmering anger.

Unconditional love is choice. It's not earned. You give it because you love. You do it because unconditional love of another person IS THE REWARD.

What do I mean? Think about the fact that you're here... on the internet... fretting a potentially pointless issue regarding her past. You aren't dating her past, but I understand your concern. Do you understand mine?

You're at the point of deciding what's important to you and what is not. Mature love bears all things, it takes it all in and loves all the same.

Are you there yet? If not, admit it. Do your best not to put her down for a past that has nothing to do with you. You CAN break up with her over it, and it might be honest of you to do that. But don't you DARE break her spirit over it at the same time.

Treat her like a stranger, with all the respect and calm we give to strangers, then decide the issue of "love or not to love".

If you stay, be a man and keep your stuff off her head.

If you leave, be a man and protect her even as you exit the door.

Choose well, but choose absolutely and be noble in the implementation of your choice.

Before you, she had a life.

To be viewing her life before you as somehow tainted, or indicative of her character, loyalty, or fidelity now, to you, is unfair.

If you have had only a few partners before her, and she has had many, perhaps you can use her experiences to better yourself?

To be haunted by this in my opinion, shows that you put too much judgment value on a person, where it doesn't belong.

Perhaps if this doesn't work out, you might want to consider some sort of disclosure from another prospective mate, and save yourself (and her) a lot of trouble.

Clearly,she had no obligation to tell you about her past.That would indicate to me that she is being very open and honest with you.

I suggest you do the same and honor her by admitting your concerns and talking it out.Until you can honestly say ,you can let it go.


I really love her and I've been thinking of marriage in the future but the thing that scares me is that this will always haunt me and that it would eventually weaken our relationship and my image of her as the sweet girl that I see in her.


She is still a sweet girl,she is simply a sweet girl with a past.You should never put someone on a pedestal as you are creating a false image that is impossible to live up to.

If you decide to go further with the relationship,it should be on the condition that you have a solemn pact to never throw this up in her face.

Everyone has baggage,some more than others.I suspect there are things you have done in your past that you are not very proud of but that make you who you are today.

In answer to *has anyone else felt this way* Yes !

Before you, she had a life.



[QUOTE]To be haunted by this in my opinion, shows that you put too much judgment value on a person, where it doesn't belong.

About the "Judgment value on a person" that you're talking about,

I mean isn't that an important thing to think about, how you value a person, who you value your potential wife to be?

I mean their past is their past i know that and theirs nothing i can do about it, but it can tell you a lot about a person?

If I'm looking to marry someone, I'd like to know about their past? Not only the person who they are today?

I mean how many partners is too much? 14? Guys? 22? 50 guys?

I mean like if there's this girl that you absolutely love but you find out she's an ex-porn star? And has been in like 75 movies

Would you put a value on her as being possible wife material as compared to a girl that has been with 3 guys or is a virgin?

Is there a number were a guy that's dating a girl would be like, wooow, that's a lot, I'll date you and have fun, but I'd probably never marry you.


Perhaps if this doesn't work out, you might want to consider some sort of disclosure from another prospective mate, and save yourself (and her) a lot of trouble.

that's an idea that would save a lot of time true.

[QUOTE]you're here... on the internet... fretting a potentially pointless issue regarding her past.


Someone's past is not pointless.
Knowing about where they have been, what they have done, the decisions they have made are all crucial, because this is a person I'm not just dating but thinking about marriage.




You're at the point of deciding what's important to you and what is not. Mature love bears all things, it takes it all in and loves all the same.


Is it wrong of me to desire a person that has had less sexual partners for a potential wife in the future?



But don't you DARE break her spirit over it at the same time.



Another point that I have found out is that some of these people she has slept with are her friends.

Does that change anything?

I mean if I'm going out with her and we are hanging out with her friends and one or two or more of them happen to be a guy(s) she has had sex with, do you think there's anything wrong with that?

I mean should I ask her who these guys were? Or should I not say nothing and assume that she wouldn't want to see those people again?
Is it wrong of her to be friends with those people that she had sex with and be with me?
Should she break of ties with these people? Would that me normal?

All valid and good points everafter love.

What I wanted to say was that to value a person's past, as indicative of their character and sincerity now, isn't fair. But that's just my opinion, and on the other hand, that you are so sure of what you want, and what you are comfortable with, isn't exactly a bad idea either.

If you do meet someone who really knocks your socks off, I would bet money that her past is not so important as the person she is now.

As artlady said, it would be terribly unfair to go ahead with the relationship, and throw her past up in her face. You either accept it and move on, or keep looking for a more compatible mate.

Either way, I hope that things work out for you. Life is short, don't waste too much time thinking you'll find love again because you may not. It would be a shame to give up on someone simply because they've been sexually active in the past.

I never asked my husband, and he never asked me. The past was, and is, the past.

I'm not clear how your responses to the lines out of my post actually relate... except for the first one but there you just say you disagree. That I can respect. The others... I don't know, it seems like you didn't actually absorb the context of what I said.

Look, I won't pull out lines and quibble. I'll take your post as a whole and say this... as a whole... "no, no, no and no!"

I suppose we have different ideas about when thinking about marriage is appropriate. Go back and read my first post and each time you read a sentence you don't like, read the whole paragraph again so you get the whole context.

A person's past isn't pointless, but this debate you're having is over a "potentially pointless issue". I say potentially because you DO have to decide what's important to you and what is not. YOU have to decide.

Real love is a giving, accepting, lifting, "oh my gosh I can't believe how much light you bring into my heart" thing. None of this discussion so far falls into that category.

You're examining her PAST as if it's critical in some way without really saying WHY it's important. You ask questions as if the question itself proves it's important. It doesn't. It just proves you're distracted by these things.

This is saying a lot about YOU, not her. Every one of those questions you've asked is more revealing about you than her. And that's actually OK, if you pay attention.

As I said earlier, YOU decide what's important and what's not in terms of your "lifemate's job application". When you decide she's not your ideal applicant, you'll move on. And when you do, you will find some way to do it without breaking her spirit over it at the same time. That's the noble thing to do.

Tell you what, scroll up and read the VERY FIRST SENTENCE in your original post. Doesn't that say it all? Isn't that all you really need to know. Isn't the rest of all this just you trying to rationalize your disconnect from her and make it all her fault?

Isn't it?

It doesn't have to be this way. It's OK to just date this girl and get to know her (and her past) without being Sherlock Holmes-ish about it. It's OK just to go with how you two are together. You aren't together with her past, it's just facts. You're together with her. Right?

And it's OK to not be compatible with someone and move on. It's totally OK. But every breakup doesn't have to be dramatic hurricane. It could just be two grown people acknowledging they're different, wishing each other well and parting friends.

That's totally possible.

May be to harsh for the sensitive reader

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You have been wrestling with this issue a while dude, and honestly, your insecurity has poisoned any love, or hope for a happy future. If your having trouble accepting her past, and questioning her motives, why the frakk are you still there. Its obvious you don't love her enough to forgive, or accept, and at this point, all the justifications, and rationalizing your feelings, and position, means absolutely nothing at all.

What does matter, is what you do about it. If a persons past is that important, then leave her alone, and find a virgin, so at least you can puff out your chest, and teach her to be a woman.

This is your issue, and one male to another, stop pretending you love, and want to marry this woman, until you get over your ego, and solve your own problem. Need some help with that? Go get it!!

Her past can't be changed, but your insecurity can. I suggest you leave her alone, she is way out of your league, and get someone you can handle. Thats your solution.

You can't handle a healthy, adult relationship with her, so marriage is out of the question. Why are you still there, if you know the past cannot be changed, and it bothers you?

Go get help, and do you think she would stay, knowing how you really feel? Obviously you haven't had the nerve to be honest about your feelings, with her.

May be to harsh for the sensitive reader

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You have been wrestling with this issue a while dude, and honestly, your insecurity has poisoned any love, or hope for a happy future. if your having trouble accepting her past, and questioning her motives, why the frakk are you still there. Its obvious you don't love her enough to forgive, or accept, and at this point, all the justifications, and rationalizing your feelings, and position, means absolutely nothing at all.

What does matter, is what you do about it. If a persons past is that important, then leave her alone, and find a virgin, so at least you can puff out your chest, and teach her to be a woman.

This is your issue, and one male to another, stop pretending you love, and want to marry this woman, until you get over your ego, and solve your own problem. Need some help with that? Go get it!!!

Her past can't be changed, but your insecurity can. I suggest you leave her alone, she is way out of your league, and get someone you can handle. Thats your solution.

You can't handle a healthy, adult relationship with her, so marriage is out of the question. Why are you still there, if you know the past cannot be changed, and it bothers you?

Go get help, and do you think she would stay, knowing how you really feel? Obviously you haven't had the nerve to be honest about your feelings, with her.

Can't rep you Tal but if we had a star system this is a 10!

This girl is good enough to bed down with and have sex with,but not good enough for you to think of her as the mother of your children.
You need to grow up and stop trying to make yourself out to be some innocent person here.You added to the number,remember that.
Your holier than thou attitude is so immature and selfish,this girl would be better off without you.
If you TRULY love someone,you love them warts and all as the saying goes.

Know that I'm not judging you, because I actually do the same thing but am trying my best not to. Anyway, here's my story.



I've been with 2 other girls and i'm 27 years old
She has been with 13+ other guys and she is 23


I hear you. I have a tendency to be critical and it's hard for me to deal with that kind of stuff as well. The more promiscuous a girl is the less likely I'll feel like she's dating me 'cause she likes me, but instead because I have a penis. My only long-term relationship was based on this (sex).

At any rate, had you slept with more girls things would be easier because then you could relate. When I was 17, I briefly saw a girl who slept with 16 guys by 17th birthday, and she said she made a lot of mistakes, I didn't believe her, so I never wanted to treat her with any amount of respect even though she was super-nice to me. But now 6 years and many dates later, I can finally see where she's coming from, because I know how many mistakes I've made. I still wouldn't date her, but that's because we want two different things out of life; we don't jive.

On the other hand, the last girl I dated had a number of less than half of mine, but when I'd treat her nice, rub her back after sex until she fell asleep, she'd make comments suggesting I was giving her the same treatment that I did with all my sexual adventures and that she was just another notch in my belt. I really liked her so this bothered me... a lot. I felt so wrong to talk about sex and was reticent to tell her about my past even if she asked. I was genuinely worried what she thought of me and it put me on edge, I couldn't relax and stay cool like you always should in a new relationship. This was a new experience for me that I only realized as I started writing this reply, and we broke up six months ago. It put into perspective how I must make others feel when I judge them like that. It made me feel like she's out of my league and I don't have a shot in hell. It really sucked; this is what you're doing to your girlfriend.

And tal is right, true love is not jealous and keeps no record of when it was wronged. If you can't deal with her now don't even mention marriage.

This is why some people lie about their past because their partner might hold it over their head.

This girl was honest and now she has to feel gulity over it when she was sharing with something with you that might have been hard for her. Now she is being judge for it by you.

Her past is her past and that can't be change. If anything in your relationship is going well why dwell on her old ways. Do you know how hard it is to find someone that you want to share your life with? I don't think you do.

If you can't get over her past then leave because it isn't fair. Maybe you would meet someone that is going replace the truth with lies.

I don't get some guys. Next time don't talk about the past if you can't handle it. ZGeezzz.

How long have you guys been together?

I can honestly say I am in the same situation, though I'm the girl. Worst off my boyfriend was my best friend when all these guys happened and yet he trusts me like no tomorrow.

You would think he would be overreacting about the whole thing and thinking far more into it then it actually is, instead he has the full confidence in me.

From my point of view, maybe you don't feel man-up enough because usually it's the guys who have the rep and the girls are the ones dealing with it.

Maybe you should have a talk with her about it, and if it bothers you that much, marriage should be out of the question and find ourself somebody that you would not judge on who they were before they met you!

Those guys are in the past, she's with you now, stop focusing on who she was with in the past, and try focusing all your attention on the present, what you have and what you want to accomplish.

After all if she hasn't been with those guys, I doubt she will be the person she is today.

is it wrong of me to desire a person that has had less sexual partners for a potential wife in the future?


I think this line says it all. You love this girl but her past is not what you want it to be. I understand that I really do. Look there are people in my wife's past that I wish weren't. But she is a great person and I love her so much that I finally got past it. It took a while I won't lie and it bothered me but it came to a point (and I think you are at that point) where you either have to accept her for who she is past and all or move on.

Jake2008,
JBeaucaire
talaniman
artlady
slapshot_oi
liz28
18Ahunnie
spitvenom

Thanks so much to every single one of you for all the wise words of advice,
After reading all what you guys said, I must say, I was quite shaken, and my heart felt heavier than I could last remember, because there was so much truth in what I was reading.

I know I have a lot of work to do on myself, but now that I know, I feel better and also motivated to become a better person, a better man, and focus all my positive energy that I have and love for this girl that I've always had, but was just being blocked by my close mindedness


JBeaucaire, thank you for this: "Real love is a giving, accepting, lifting up, "oh my gosh I can't believe how much light you bring into my heart" thing. None of this discussion so far falls into that category."

After reading that, i knew what i was wanting was exactly that, but my judgment and lingering of her past made this feeling of "real love" impossible to reach, thank you again.


talaniman: "then leave her alone, and find a virgin, so at least you can puff out your chest, and teach her to be a woman."
"Need some help with that? Go get it!!!"


Yes I do need help and I have a problem with this ego of mine, of wanting to ideally be with a virgin girl, fall in love with her, and get married have kids and live happily everafter with her, where would I go to get help so I can not want this anymore?


artlady:"Your holier than thou attitude is so immature and selfish,this girl would be better off without you."

Thank you artLady, these words are harsh, direct and hard to take at first but I do understand you. So I will try my best to eliminate these immature and selfish thoughts of mine and hope that if I just love 100% instead, that that would make the sun shine brighter each day that follows with me holding her hand.

slapshot_oi:
"And tal is right, true love is not jealous and keeps no record of when it was wronged. If you can't deal with her now don't even mention marriage."

Not jealous and no record of when it was wronged, it's so true, and I know I have much work to do. Thank you, now I know what to tackle and eliminate directly.

liz28:
"Do you know how hard it is to find someone that you want to share your life with? I don't think you do."

You're right liz28, I don't think I do.. . But maybe I'm beginning to see.


18Ahunnie: "From my point of view, maybe you don't feel man-up enough because usually its the guys who have the rep and the girls are the ones dealing with it."

We are now together for 5 months,
I think something inside me would want to experience what she has, her past and number of partners.
I do feel like I'm not the one with the "rep" as you say, and that could be seen as something a guy should have, but I don't.
I get confused about this issue.

I mean I think I'm feeling this way is because all I wanted was to marry my ex g/f that I was in love with, that I was with for 5 years, we lost our virginity with each other, but she left me after 5 years for a relationship she was having over the internet on the video game "world of warcraft". And at that time, my mother abandoned me and left my family with some guy she slept with and when I pleaded and cried to her face to face, "please don't leave mom", she screamed at me and said "why don't you want me to leave?, is it because you don't want me to go out and have sex".
I was traumatized from that moment on, I felt it in my heart.

After that I was in terrible shape mentally, I lost my focus on what my plan for life was. I mean people sleep with many other partners, why? Cause they just want to have many sexual experiences? Is that what I should do now? Or not? Is it wrong to do that? Or is it not a question of right or wrong? Is it just something that would be viewed as if I feel like it, I should just do it? And I wouldn't be labeled as a bad person?
Should I not be in a serious relationship were the objective is to get married and instead just find girls who want to sleep with me? And "have a good time or lets have fun" as I've heard many people say. Should I find someone that I'll fall in love with again and then only sleep with them?
I really didn't know what to do cause I felt like the issue, question, or decision of sleeping with people as a moral thing? Or just a modern day thing that I must just accept that people sleep around cause they want to have sex.

I think I'm in terrible shape inside, and my fear is if this current relationship doesn't work out for me, I might just want to sleep around with as many girls as possible and not believe in a thing like marriage anymore or everafter love, cause it seems like everyone sleeps around without thinking of how their long sexual list of sexual experiences would impact their future husband or wife mentally and what they would think of them.:confused::confused::confused:

What I can say to you is this, the idea of marriage is stuck in your head and I think the idea itself is overpowering reality. You guys have been together for 5 moths, That's IT!! You should be talking about marriage in a couple of years, not months. That should not be your goal in life hun. Try keeping yourself busy and the relationship fresh. Do not tie her down, our both still young and instead of thinking about the past, work towards what you want with her.

If you start sleeping around with everybody and not giving a f... k, where would your morals be?

Not every person your with is the right person for you to marry,. when I was single gwetting out of a really bad relationship I figured that's what I was going to do, I concentrated on what I had to do and then dated around quite a bit, coofee here, dinner there, blah blah blah. But I had a friend that was always there for me, and in th end he is the one I ended up with.

Just try to enjoy the best you can your time with her because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow!

The Guys She Has Been With in the Past thast Over. That's None Of Your Concern. Honestly... yeah she's been with plenty of guys but still that was in the past. You're her future and that's all that matters.

This message is for 18Ahunnie,

I'd like you to give me your definition of Dating, and then your definition of sleeping around.
Please define them in detail, how they differ or are similar. You said if I start sleeping around, where would my morals be?
OK
Well what about dating? You said you dated around quite a bit?
What is dating, when you say "dating" exactly, Go to a movie? Dinner? And that's it? Or do you end up doing something sexual with the person?
Please explain.

Dating; Kind of lik friends with benefis but nothing sexual seriously a coffee here movie there, dinner there, just to keep life ineteresting.

Sleeping around: going to someone's house doing the deed and leaving

Dating: friends with benefis but nothing sexual seriously
just to keep life ineteresting?????????????????.

Sleeping around: going to someones house doing the deed and leaving??????????

Ok 18Ahunnie, both your definitions involve SEX or something sexual.

My definition for dating does not involve sex. It's involves talking, "drinking" coffee or"watching" a movie.

So, me saying I would "sleep around" would be equivalent to your definition of "dating" or "friends with benefits".

So when you tell me "where would my morals be if i slept around?"

If I said, instead, I'd like to have "friends with benefits", but nothing serious, "just to keep life interesting."

Would that be OK and not go against my MORALS??

Its okay to define your morals, but not someone else's. Accept them or you don't. You can't change them though.

Listen buddy that's my definition of dating and sleeping around, dating coffe, movie, NOTHING ELSE, no other intentions, friends with benefits not by sleeping with them. Just by going out with them and having fun,

Sleeping around----> having sex with them



You asked me what my definition is, I told you, instead of quoting me and questioning me, just think about what you are going to do for your situation.

You ever notice how many women get angry when a guy has a problem with a girl sleeping with tons of guys? Guess what? Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone! Some of the people who have responded to this question should take note. You might not like it but its REALITY. Nobody buys the cow when she gave the milk to the ENTIRE VILLAGE. This isn't his problem, its her problem and she needs to help him with it or he should dump her. I know modern society says you should be able to sleep with tons of guys, and have no consequences. But guess what? There are!

Ever, Your mom left because she was sleeping with someone else and your GF of 5 years left because she met someone on "world of warcraft". So I can see why you are thinking the way you are thinking. But remember your current GF is not them so don't put their faults on her. She is a different person and you have to give her a clean slate. Yeah it is hard but you have to try.

Oh isn't this the old double standard thing again! But remember everyone... for every woman who has slept around a man has slept around also. It takes both to make that majic number. I couldn't care less what the numbers are. Every "number" is what makes us each the way we are. Of course when a man is sleeping with someone to get his kicks its totally OK. But if he were to hear his soon to be wife did that, its wrong. Hmmm... we all like our kicks boys!

Workedtoohard thanks so much. You are awesome!! :D
I agree entirely with all that you say,

Your point of a women sleeping with tons of guys and still thinking a guy should want to marry them, and that the man should not be upset with their long list of sexual crazy tales and experiences. I guess that's what they mean by -->"girls just want to have fun"



You ever notice how many women get angry when a guy has a problem with a girl sleeping with tons of guys? Guess what? Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone! You might not like it but its REALITY.

So true, Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone.
And Men should not marry them. That's how it should be and girls need to know that, even in today's modern ways.
If they don't want to get married, do whatever you want. Sleep AWAY! But if a girl wants to, she need to have respect for herself and RESPECT for her future! Husband!



Nobody buys the cow when she gave the milk to the ENTIRE VILLAGE. This isn't his problem, its her problem and she needs to help him with it or he should dump her.


She's the Village Bicycle! "Everyone's had a Ride" (quote from Austin powers, the movie)


I believe the concept of a women sleeping with tons of guys degrades her self-worth as a respectable women considered for marriage. If you want to get married, you're going to become a "mother" and "wife" keep that in mind, you don't want to become a mother that was basically once an ex-porn star. I mean what would your future son or daughter think of you??


A man that wants to get married, wants to be with a women he respects and trusts for the rest of his life. A women that respects her body and knows her self worth.

And a women that has had many sexual experiences with various men under her belt, cannot expect to be considered marriage material.






I know modern society says you should be able to sleep with tons of guys, and have no consequences. But guess what? There are!


And as for you 18Ahunnie, I'm not your buddy:cool:, and you need to learn to communicate better and not be so vague.


"friends with benefits not by sleeping with them"
?? What the:eek:?? this term "Friends with benefits" is also called a (F--K buddies or FF F--K friend, look it up:D) and that involves sex, if you are not talking about having sex or doing anything sexual with a friend, don't use the term "friends with benefits"

Workedtoohard, you the man:)

But if he were to hear his soon to be wife did that, its wrong. Hmmm.............we all like our kicks boys!

Remember 88sunflower:cool:, men are the ones that get down on their knees and propose and give you that big diamond ring that you've been dreaming about since you were a little Cinderella princess girl.

If you still are that princess girl :) you'll get it and your happily everafter, if you're the Village bicycle, everyone's had a ride, or the village cow that's used up all her milk say goodbye:eek: to your future husband and that big sparkly giant diamond ring:D:D:D
You choose your own destiny.

I am confused, as what are you tripping about, when you can just leave, and go to other pastures.

You have a choice, so why be stuck on one female, and make an issue if you can't deal with her??

Not everyone will fit your ideas of what you want, so why are you wasting your time berating someone else, for what they have done in their lives?

I'm sure all those fun loving girls you have put down, will find there own happiness, without your help. Let them, why dontcha.

Lol, I'm not tripping, I'm stating my opinion, just like everyone else and you.

I now know that I'm not considering her "this one female" as you say, marriage material.


I know that not everyone will fit my idea of what I want, that's a given, if they did I wouldn't be having this discussion and that's OK.

If those girls found happiness good for them, but I didn't find happiness with them so it was good that it didn't work out.


So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Would you consider them marriage material? Wait are you a dude or girl and are you married, or are you one of those computer bot things?

I'm very interested in hearing all that you have to say about the subject old wise one:D.
Why don't you enlighten me with your knowledge, why dontcha:D:p:D:p:D

So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Thats their business, not mine, and honestly I don't care. I do know that what ever you do, you will be no better than the next human, plain, and simple. If you can't handle it, leave it alone. Why cry over it, as you seem to want to.

Re read what I have written, why don't cha, and you would know how I feel about it. You want background, click on my name above the avatar, and see my profile. Why don't cha.

lol, I'm not tripping, I'm stating my opinion, just like everyone else and you.

I now know that I'm not considering her "this one female" as you say, marriage material.


I know that not everyone will fit my idea of what i want, that's a given, if they did i wouldn't be having this discussion and that's ok.

If those girls found happiness good for them, but i didn't find happiness with them so it was good that it didn't work out.


So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Would you consider them marriage material? wait are you a dude or girl and are you married, or are you one of those computer bot things?

I'm very interested in hearing all that you have to say about the subject old wise one:D.
why don't you enlighten me with your knowledge, why dontcha:D:p:D:p:D

How dare you?

I have a past, and I was promiscuous. I won't share my past with you because you don't deserve to hear it, but suffice it to say, I was one of those "fun loving girls" and yes, I am and was "marriage material". Do you want a wife, partner, lover or an ideal?

Before you continue to berate me because of the things in my past, I've been with my husband for 19 years, married for 14, always faithful and still in love. You see, he's not a narrow minded arse, he loves me for me, no matter what and I wouldn't accept anything less then that because I deserve to be loved for who I am, not what I've done!

So why dontcha just cut the girl loose, you don't deserve her!

I was promiscuous.

Enough said.

enough said.

Really?

And being molested as a child and raped as a teen didn't have anything to do with it? Well, you'd be wrong.

See what happens when you judge people? They judge you right back!

I have kept a quiet eye and a closed tongue to this point, but now you are just insulting the well respected board members. I know I don't have to but I'm coming to the defense of my girl Alten.

You can't get over her past, then freaking leave! That simple! Good luck finding that perfect girl who hasn't done anything with anyone because it's rare and you will be missing out on a lot of terrific woman with your egotistical thoughts. You have got to be the biggest horses arse I have met on this forum. You don't want to marry the girl, and you know you have no intentions of doing it. So why are you still in the relationship? Perhaps being her freak buddy is comforting for you. I guess it's okay for you to use people, but not for them to have a life before you.

if you still are that princess girl you'll get it and your happily everafter, if you're the Village bicycle, everyone's had a ride, or the village cow that's used up all her milk say goodbye to your future husband and that big sparkly giant diamond ring
You choose your own destiny.

I'm looking at my big sparkly giant diamond ring right now, and according to you I'm the village cow. Wow, could you be more degrading and insulting? I doubt it.

How did you even get a girl to agree to date you? Or does this side of your "personality" not come shining through when you're dating?

Need I remind you that you aren't a virgin either. You claim you've had two partners before this girl came along. So, why didn't you save yourself? After all, 2, 20, 40, it doesn't really matter, you're still used goods!

Also, fun loving girls are great to hang out with! I have a few friends that are fun loving, they are doing what makes THEM happy. When it all comes down to it, it matters what THEY feel about themselves not what some half witted immature adult does.

Also, fun loving girls are great to hang out with! I have a few friends that are fun loving, they are doing what makes THEM happy. When it all comes down to it, it matters what THEY feel about themselves not what some half witted immature adult does.

Wish I could rep you, but boy do I agree and then some! :)

I really hope the OP lets this girl go, she doesn't deserve to be treated like a second hand whore by a holier than thou arse!

OP, break it off, move on and find your virgin! Good luck, you'll need it!

Insult after insult, gosh calm down peeps, lol.
Altenweg, in your promiscuous days, I'm sure you've slept with many of the "arse's" LOL
So you've inspired me to be one and yes you also Mr. Romefalls19, so I can attract, the amazing caliber of a fine women such as yourself Altenweg.
I'd like to experience the sexual fun that you've had in your youth, so bring on the fun loving girls!! I'm ready for you all, yum yum!
Thank you for showing me the way.

Perhaps being her freak buddy is comforting for you. I guess it's okay for you to use people, but not for them to have a life before you.
Had to spread the rep, but it is hypocrisy to think a female is good enough to bed, but not good enough to marry. That ain't love.

If you really loved someone, you wouldn't even care about their past, just that she makes you happy, and is happy with you.

I think your insecure and feel inadequate around a confident experienced female, and need one who your superior too. Good luck with that, its you who will miss out on a lot of good caring humans because of your prejudice, and insecurity.

I'd like to experience the sexual fun that you've had in your youth, so bring on the fun loving girls!!
You have one already, and your still not happy.

I'm ready for you all, yum yum!
Thank you for showing me the way.
If that were true you would be enjoying the one your with, instead of being intimidated by her.

I just don't understand why its OK for a man to have many partners and not a woman. How is this OK? Is it OK for a woman to know she is marrying a man who has slept around? No.

Honestly, it shouldn't matter... unless they're STILL promiscuous. If it bothers you, move on to someone who hasn't had a lot of partners.

You have a great woman, who is obviously way out of your league. I don't see her on here complaining about the fact that her "man" is upset that she has had more "game" than he has. Maybe you need someone to stroke your ego a bit, so a virgin can tell you all the things you want to hear. A boy wants to be a woman's first love, a man wants to be her last romance.

insult after insult, gosh calm down peeps, lol.
Altenweg, in your promiscuous days, I'm sure you've slept with many of the "arse's" LOL
So you've inspired me to be one and yes you also Mr. Romefalls19, so i can attract, the amazing caliber of a fine women such as yourself Altenweg.
I'd like to experience the sexual fun that you've had in your youth, so bring on the fun loving girls!!!, I'm ready for you all, yum yum!
thank you for showing me the way.

LMAO! What makes you think any women of my caliber would be interested in you? That's just funny.

As for sleeping with arses, yes, there were a few guys just like you that I had the misfortune of sleeping with, but they didn't last long.

I'm 38 years old, I have two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a wonderful life. You're the one who's here asking what you should do about your life, your misguided ideals. I found my way, I found my love, you are just running in circles chasing your tail.

Why are you being such an argumentative jerk? You don't know me, never will know me, yet you judge me because of my past. Who died and made you God?

You're the one missing out on finding someone you love. Why? Well, the chances of finding a women without a past, slim to none.

Good luck.

You tell 'em Alty!!

You tell 'em Alty!!!!

LOL! Believe it or not, I really censored that last post. If only I could say what I really want to say. Ahhhh, that would be bliss. :D

LOL! Believe it or not, I really censored that last post. If only I could say what I really want to say. Ahhhh, that would be bliss. :D
Can't rep you Alty but you done good girl !
Some people just aren't even worth the time.
But I love that you gave him a taste of what a real women is :D.It will no doubt be as close as he ever comes.

If you don't think she is marriage material, then she is definitle NOT for YOU

Don't waste her time and find somebody else.

insult after insult, gosh calm down peeps, lol.
Altenweg, in your promiscuous days, I'm sure you've slept with many of the "arse's" LOL
So you've inspired me to be one and yes you also Mr. Romefalls19, so i can attract, the amazing caliber of a fine women such as yourself Altenweg.
I'd like to experience the sexual fun that you've had in your youth, so bring on the fun loving girls!!!, I'm ready for you all, yum yum!
thank you for showing me the way.


OH MY GOD! Grow a pair!! Your like a little girl, your not 60+, your in your 20's for some people those are the best days of your life, Your still in your youth, quit whining and eigher suck it up with her, or go finish up your "youth"

When you get older your just going be a lonely,grumpy old man because you can't accept nor approciate when you've a good woman in front you.

Too bad because your lost will be someone else gain. Your thread is going be title "She left me what do I do or How do I get her back or I regret the break-up".

Your lucky I am not your girl because I would've been gave you your walking papers. You shouldn't be involve with nobody.