View Full Version : Giving up parental rights
LRE
Mar 29, 2009, 07:56 AM
I need to know how my husband can sign over his rights to his other children? We live over 400 miles away from them. One child he has never seen before in his life and that child I think is around three and all the mothers care about is the money they want nothing to do with him just his money. One child even calls another man daddy that his mom is not even with. Not to forget to mention they don't do the child support right and we are so broke and my child has because all they want is his money. Can someone help me and give some advice?
stevetcg
Mar 29, 2009, 08:00 AM
Yeah - he cant.
You cannot just give up rights because you don't want to pay support anymore. If that were the case, there would be no such thing as child support and no deadbeat parents.
If he feels that support is being calculated wrong, he needs to go back to court and have it modified. If he wants to see his children, he needs to go to court and get visitation.
If he wants to just stop supporting his children because its inconvienient to him, he needs to go back in time and not have sex with the kid's mothers.
danielnoahsmommy
Mar 29, 2009, 08:01 AM
You husbands child is entitled to his money. Your husband made a bad choice on whom he made babies with. Just because he wants to sign his rights away does not mean his obligation to support his children.
LRE
Mar 29, 2009, 08:09 AM
He don't want to sign over rights for that reason I mean you are totally right but also the child support should be done right. We don't see the kids anymore and don't even want them we have started a family of our own. Even the mothers of the children don't want there kids to see him and they won't request to sign over rights because they won't have that money coming to them. They look at is free money for there selves.
stevetcg
Mar 29, 2009, 08:18 AM
he dont want to sign over rights for that reason i mean u are totally right but also the child support should be done right. We dont see the kids anymore and dont even want them we have started a family of our own. Even the mothers of the children dont want there kids to see him and they wont request to sign over rights because they wont have that money coming to them. they look at is free money for there selves.
It might be 'free money' but its still money that they are entitled to and money your husband is obligated to pay, regardless if he sees them or wants them.
The only way they could request that he signed over rights is if they got remarried and their new husband wants to adopt them.
Sorry that it sucks for you and your child, but those children need support too.
liz28
Mar 29, 2009, 09:24 AM
Oh, so your husband wants to sign over his rights because he doesn't want them due to his new family that he started with you? What a man!
You say that he doesn't see his kids but ask yourself did he really want too? What effort did he make to reach out to them?
Whether you and your husband likes it or not, he will be paying child support to his kids until their 18 or sometimes 21. He can't stop that whether if chooses not to be in their life. He is fiancially responsible for them. That's the way the cookie crumble.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 07:24 AM
Your just not understnding what I am saying! It has nothing to do with the money. The mothers don't even want the kids around him so he has grown apart from them I mean there only three, three and five. Its all just so hard to explain. It's a matter of want from the mothers and his self, love that he does not receive from the other children my 15 month old child has showed him more love than the others have in the two years I have been around. He doesn't see his kids because he chooses not to he doesn't call them because he chooses to. He has made mistakes big ones that he can't fix and in return the mothers of the children hate him for the fact he married me and we had a child so they request more child support and what ever else they can get from him. Now please tell me why should he keep his rights when he nor the moms want him to they just want the free money??
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 07:29 AM
And you don't seem to understand that his or their motivation *does not matter*. If it has nothing to do with the money then why is it even something that is being talked about?
Why should he keep the rights (and responsibilities)? Because he is the children's father. Its not free money. You have a child. You think children are cheap?
liz28
Mar 30, 2009, 07:43 AM
LRE, you don't understand that his reasons behind signing his rights away aren't valid no matter how hard you try to make me think so.
However you don't have to take my word or others. Go to court and file the necessary paperwork to get an adoption. At least the judge might get a good laugh or fine him for wasting his or her time.
Or better yet go have a consult a lawyer and tell them your story and see what they say. The sad part is they going have a good laugh and have no problems doing so while taking your money.
This what happens when you married a guy with 2 baby mommas.
ScottGem
Mar 30, 2009, 07:52 AM
Your just not understnding what i am saying! It has nothing to do with the money. The mothers dont even want the kids around him so he has grown apart from them i mean there only three, three and five. Its all just so hard to explain. Its a matter of want from the mothers and his self, love that he does not recieve from the other children my 15 month old child has showed him more love than the others have in the two years i have been around. He doesnt see his kids because he chooses not to he doesnt call them because he chooses to. He has made mistakes big ones that he can't fix and in return the mothers of the children hate him for the fact he married me and we had a child so they request more child support and what ever else they can get from him. Now please tell me why should he keep his rights when he nor the moms want him to they just want the free money????
I'm sorry, but its YOU that is not understanding. Let me try to make this clear.
First you say its not about the money, but your posts keep harping on the money.
Second, what if I said to you that he can give up his rights, but not his reponsibility. So he might relinquish his rights but still be paying child support. Would that be agreeable to you?
Because that is the legality of this. No court will terminate his rights to allow him to get out of child support. So you can forget that right now. It isn't going to happen. He can try for a modification of the support, but not get out of it.
He does not have to exercise his rights if he doesn't want to. He does not have to see the kids or have anything to do with them other than pay support. So there is NO need to try to get his rights terminated, just don't use them.
But don't wate you time and money trying to get his rights terminated. And forget about getting support terminated.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 08:33 AM
Look I came on this site for help not for any of you to abuse me. I am only 20 years old and when I met this man he told me he didn't have children because I would never date a man with childern that's just not what I wanted to get into at 18 years old I was a child myself. I later found out on my own he has three by three different women and one he claims not to be his and I just don't know the truth I can't seem to find anyone to help me out. I got pregnant around the time I found out he had kids so what was I suppose to do just walk away? Unlike the oher moms I mant my son to have a father not just money and I know they cost a lot and when you can't get ajob its a lot harder. Its just not fair that my child means nothing when comes to the others because they were the first three. My husband and the others were never married. I also can't understand how its possible for the third child gets 600 dollars a month when the first child only gets 203 a month when he is suppose to come first? I am not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me because its my fault for trusting a liar. I just need a little support here and some help or options not for anyone to be mean.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 08:38 AM
No one is being mean. We are telling you the truth. The truth is harsh sometimes and the simple fact of the matter is that the only option you have is to go back to court (all 3 of them) and try to get support modified. It will NOT be canceled and his rights will NOT be removed.
I am sorry that your husband is a waste of oxygen... but he is REQUIRED BY LAW to support all of his children. It wouldn't be any different if all 4 kids were with you.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 08:43 AM
He has been to court many of times and its in the women's favor not his. I just don't know what else to do. We moved 400 miles away and one of the girls got mad and some got the suppoat raised 188 a month with out us having paper work on it. So tell me how thst possible because by law review papers have to be sent to us to be filled out and a aggrement has to be made and if not have to go to court. It has to be based on both incomes and the mom makes way more than my husband does. So I just don't see how that is possible when laws are not followed and have not been since day one.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 08:47 AM
And he is not a waste of oxgyen you don't even know him. He is a wonderful husband and a wonderful father to my son. He made mistakes as everyone does maybe not as bad but everyone makes mistakes. That was rather rude of you stevetcg.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 08:48 AM
He has been to court many of times and its in the womens favor not his. I just dont know what else to do. We moved 400 miles away and one of the girls got mad and some got the suppoat raised 188 a month with out us having paper work on it. so tell me how thst possible because by law review papers have to be sent to us to be filled out and a aggrement has to be made and if not have to go to court. It has to be based on both incomes and the mom makes way more than my husband does. so i just dont see how that is possible when laws are not followed and have not been since day one.
The problem is that the laws ARE being followed. Just not by your husband. If there was a hearing to have support modified, he was entitled to attend and defend.
Which law is it that says that he has to be sent paperwork? He has to be sent a summons... which I am quite sure he was.
Listen... I'm happy to sit here and argue with you all day about this, but the simple fact is that if he wants ANYTHING to change, he needs to go back to the court where the order was issued and request a modification.
And just so you are clear... it is in the CHILDREN'S favor, not the women. I assure you the court does not care any more for the woman as they do your husband.
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 08:52 AM
Child support is based on income, if they found that his support was warranted for the income he has then that is what is ordered to be paid.
It is unfortunate that your child is the last in a string of children as the first child is granted the highest percentage. In the hopes that by child number four the couple is wiser about having children. If you had four children in your home your husband would have to work two-three jobs to support them, it's the same concept with children not living in the home. If he has four children to support than he needs to work his behind off to do that.
As far as him telling you that he didn't have children and entrapping you when you were eighteen, your husband doesn't sound like a stand-up man who faces his responsibilities. Hopefully he will learn to set a better example for your child or you have decided to stay in a relationship for a poor cause.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 08:55 AM
Have you ever dealt with this before? It seems that you have not. You are sent review papers ever three years or unless you request a review. We did not receive any papers on it because I make him stay on stuff like that. We received papers on where he is behind on child support because he has not had a job and on there it was raised 188 dollars. I am telling you the gods honest truth. I isn't trying to argue with you. You just think I am lying about the laws not being followed and they are not. I am in college for criminal justice where I have learned the laws and they are not being followed I have even been on the child support website for Tennessee reviewing the laws and they are not being followed on so many levels.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 08:58 AM
Justwantfair,
You are right about income and one mother makes more than my husband and her child is the third so how is she recieivng over 600 dollars a month where the first child only receive 203 dollars a month? This is what I am talking about that the laws are not being followed.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:00 AM
That 188 increase was a payment on the arrears (back owed support). That gets added onto the amount owed until all back support is paid.
I'm sure your undergrad courses in criminal justice college cover family law in TN. Except they don't.
You need to understand this:
1) there is NOTHING you can do. This is his issue.
2) support is calculated by the court based on a number of factors. If he failed to supply required paperwork, default judgments are issued.
3) no one gives in the court gives a fig about your CJ courses and what you think the law is.
And yes, everyone talking to you about this has extensive experience with this.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:01 AM
have you ever dealt with this before? It seems that you have not. You are sent review papers ever three years or unless u request a review. We did not recieve any papers on it because i make him stay on stuff like that. We recieved papers on where he is behind on child support because he has not had a job and on there it was raised 188 dollars. I am telling u the gods honest truth. I aint trying to argue with you. You just think i am lieing about the laws not being followed and they are not. I am in college for criminal justice where i have learned the laws and they are not being followed i have even been on the child support website for tennessee reviewing the laws and they are not being followed on so many levels.
Please cite the law that is being broken.
liz28
Mar 30, 2009, 09:05 AM
This is why your husband should have used condoms if he didn't want to be a father. Having 3 baby now 4, mothers say about his character.
Nobody is abusing you. You just fail to accept the answers that was given.
You was already given reasons for terminating someone right and given information on what to do regarding child support, what more do you want?
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:07 AM
Look I know what I HAVE READ on the TN.GOV website and that's all the laws in TN. You don't know crap I know what I have learned in college probably something you haven't done and I know the laws I haved reviewed and in case you didn't know all states are different because I now live in indianapolis and the laws here are totally different in Tn so when you get some education in TN laws in child support then try and tell me something. I am here for help not for you to be a head. So good Bye
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:08 AM
Look i know what I HAVE READ on the TN.GOV website and thats all the laws in TN. You dont know crap i know what i have learned in college probably something you havent done and i know the laws i haved reviewed and in case you didnt know all states are different because i now live in indianapolis and the laws here are totally different in Tn so when you get some education in TN laws in child support then try and tell me something. I am here for help not for you to be a head. So good Bye
Well, if you already have all the answers you must not need us.
Good luck.
danielnoahsmommy
Mar 30, 2009, 09:11 AM
Lre, just so you know your income can be taken and used toward child support in a form of a garishmet as well. You make think your husband made a mistake... three babies with more than one mother and then not supporting them in anyway shows a lack of character.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:11 AM
Steve the support being paid is not the issue he does have to pay it I know that but THE LAWS ARE NOT BEING FOLLOWED!! And all I wanted was other options on how to go about doing it. Not for a people to "think" they know what they are talking about to just blab on and talk down on my husband
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:12 AM
Steve the support being payed is not the issue he does have to pay it i know that but THE LAWS ARE NOT BEING FOLLOWED!!!!!!!! and all i wanted was other options on how to go about doing it. Not for a people to "think" they know what they are talking about to just blab on and talk down on my husband
Again, please cite the laws that are not being followed.
danielnoahsmommy
Mar 30, 2009, 09:13 AM
No one is talking down on your husband.. we are basing our answers on the info given.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:15 AM
danielnoahsmommy, He is paying childsupport and has never stopped it was coming out of unemployement when he was not working his support is being paid all 1,000 dollars of it each month. He is supporting them so his character tells me even though its not done right he is still taking care of them
danielnoahsmommy
Mar 30, 2009, 09:16 AM
Where is the love!
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:16 AM
1) Its not being based off both incomes
2)We never received paper work for a review
3) The first child is always granted more then the rest and he is not the third child receives about 300 dollars more than he is
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 09:20 AM
That just means that mother three is more deligent then mother one actually.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:20 AM
He does love them but has grown apart from them because they don't want to spend time with them and the mothers don't won't him to have anything to do with the children.
Fr_Chuck
Mar 30, 2009, 09:21 AM
TN is one of the states that will put you in jail very quickly for not paying child support, And I am sure you were told this, but if, even if, somehow he was allowed to give up his rights, ( unless someone adopted the child) he will always have to pay support.
But I would say from a moral side of it, if you only live 400 miles, he should be seeing the child at least 2 times a year, no excuse what so ever.
But as you seem to refuse to accept there is no way at all he can just give up his rights, the other parent can take it away in some cases, prison time, abusive, danager to the child and more.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:21 AM
1) Its not being based off both incomes
2)We never recieved paper work for a review
3) The first child is always granted more then the rest and he is not the third child recieves about 300 dollars more than he is
What review? You mean the review that said you were in arrears and the amount was adjusted to pay back support?
As for who gets what, there are 3 different courts handling 3 different cases. It is up to your husband to attend ALL of those hearings and fill out whatever paperwork is required. If you are dealing with multiple states it is possible that the laws are handled differently in each so just because TN law says first kids gets more doesn't mean that the court that has jurisdiction over the 3rd agrees.
Do you have a lawyer? I'd get one.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:21 AM
Wantitfair, exactly what do you mean? Can you explain a little more
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:22 AM
He does love them but has grown apart from them because they dont want to spend time with them and the mothers dont wont him to have anything to do with the children.
The mother's don't get a say in the matter if your husband wanted to actually see them.
danielnoahsmommy
Mar 30, 2009, 09:24 AM
Maybe your husbands life would be better if he fought as much to see his children... maybe then the moms would give him a break.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:25 AM
Steve, a review is where your income and expense are reported. The other is called like a payment coupon and it has the amount that is paid every month and then below that it has a place where 50 dollars is added to it for arrears that he has.
liz28
Mar 30, 2009, 09:26 AM
where is the love!
There is no love. He doesn't want to be bother with them. If he did he could've march himself down to court for visitations.
However, he is a good father to the child they have together. I sure he is and hope she wouldn't stay with him if he wasn't.
To the OP, again if your sure the courts are wrong than go and get a family that specialize in family law. Maybe than and other then you would understand things.
Best of Luck!
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:27 AM
He got his children every weekend that he was suppose towhen we lived in the state they live in. The moms will never give him a break because they hate the fact we got married and have a child of our own.
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 09:29 AM
Then the father HAS to go to court and have HIS rights enforced, he doesn't just decide to do nothing or walk away.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:30 AM
Steve, a review is where your income and expense are reported. The other is called like a payment coupon and it has the amount that is paid every month and then below that it has a place where 50 dollars is added to it for arrears that he has.
Thanks... cause you know... I didn't know ANYTHING about family law. /sarcasm
So because YOU (personally... not your husband) didn't see the paperwork, it was never sent. There is no possibility that he didn't show/tell you about it. Its all the court's fault. With all 3 families.
Like I said before - we can argue this all day, but its not going to change the fact that the ONLY thing that can be done is your husband needs to go back to all 3 courts and file for modification. There ARE no other options.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:31 AM
FR_Chuck, We just moved a few months ago its not like we have lived here for years. I am saying when we lived in Tn we got the two the when we were suppose to the other kid he has never seen before and I don't know the truth around that sitituation.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:32 AM
He got his children every weekend that he was suppose towhen we lived in the state they live in. The moms will never give him a break because they hate the fact we got married and have a child of our own.
Why should they give him a break? Because he is obviously such a winning guy?
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 09:33 AM
Must be wise to spend all your time educating us on your situation when you don't know the truth of the situation.
Maybe it's time to have a sit down with your lying husband and find out just where he has been letting these situations slide.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:33 AM
No I get the mail because I am unemployed I got laid off he works from six thirty in the morning to eight at night so there is no possible way I didn't see it. And again I am not arguing with you some things I just don't think you understand as well as some I don't understand what you are saying
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:34 AM
FR_Chuck, We just moved a few months ago its not like we ahve lived here for years. i am saying when we lived in Tn we got the two the when we were suppose to the other kid he has never seen before and i dont know the truth around that sitituation.
Listen, I'm not trying to be mean here... but I suspect that there is A LOT about all of this that you don't actually know the truth of.
I appreciate that you are trying to make a better life for your child... but he has 3 more that he is responsible for. And all the arguing in the world isn't going to change that.
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 09:35 AM
How do you know that they had it mailed to that address?
They are not in contact with you, then how would they know the correct address with which to send it.
They could have also mailed it to him at his work, since that address they would have because of child support.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:40 AM
Well we receive things from child support at this address and two he just started a new job today so it was not sent else where thsts how I know
liz28
Mar 30, 2009, 09:41 AM
Does all the kids even live in TN? If not, you can't go by the law where you live you have to go by the law in which the child resides.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:42 AM
Well we recieve things from child support at this address and two he just started a new job today so it was not sent else where thsts how i know
Ok then - if he really didn't receive the paperwork, he needs to go back to court and have the judgment reversed due to improper service. The mother will then file the same paperwork again.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:45 AM
Yaeh they all live in TN
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:48 AM
Well we go back to TN in May so he needs to take care of it then cause we can't afford to drive to Tn every month
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 09:50 AM
Well we go back to TN in May so he needs to take care of it then cause we can't afford to drive to Tn every month
Um... the court doesn't care what your schedule is like. He will very likely need to go back there half a dozen times... for EACH child that he wants to modify support for.
More if the mother's are vindictive.
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 09:51 AM
Good luck with that.
Seems like if it was calculated so incorrectly you would find a way to ensure that it was handled properly.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 09:58 AM
Well I guess what every takes to get things right I am just tired of him being run over by everyone and not knowing himself what to do I am just here to try and help him and support him with everything he needs help with. He is 30 years old and his parents treat him like his 10 I am just here to help with all of this not boss him around.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 10:00 AM
Just one of the supports need to be modified the others are acutlly done right
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 10:01 AM
Well i guess what every takes to get things right i am just tired of him being run over by everyone and not knowing himself what to do i am just here to try and help him and support him with everything he needs help with. He is 30 years old and his parents treat him like his 10 i am just here to help with all of this not boss him around.
Not for nothing, but having someone boss him around might be what he needs. He doesn't seem capable of handling things himself.
stevetcg
Mar 30, 2009, 10:02 AM
Just one of the supports need to be modified the others are acutlly done right
Or one is done right and the other two are wrong. That IS a possibility.
All I'm saying is that they ALL need to be revisited.
Justwantfair
Mar 30, 2009, 10:02 AM
His parents treat him like he is ten because that is what his behavior shows...
If he steps up and matures then he may see some relief from that.
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 10:04 AM
Well thank you for your advise even though I am little hard headed with some of it. I guess we need to request it to be modified and go from there. THANK YOU
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 10:07 AM
No you just don't understand they agree that the child support is done correctly it has nothing to do with that its just how they are and it doesn't help our issues at all it just becomes more problems
LRE
Mar 30, 2009, 10:08 AM
I mean not done correctly
ScottGem
Mar 30, 2009, 01:59 PM
Steve, a review is where your income and expense are reported. The other is called like a payment coupon and it has the amount that is paid every month and then below that it has a place where 50 dollars is added to it for arrears that he has.
Well this tells me that at some point he fell behind.
Well thank you for your advise even though i am little hard headed with some of it. I guess we need to request it to be modified and go from there. THANK YOU
OK, lets cut to the chase here.
Since this is a Law forum, lets stopp ragging on the father, who is not posting here. Whether he should be a better father to his earlier children belongs in another forum.
So lets go back to the original request about terminating rights. I think you now understand that that isn't going to happen. Even in the unlikely event it did happen, it wouldn't affect the support he owes. So lets drop that issue.
If you feel that his child support is being deducted unfairly, then you need to first learn the rules for child support in TN. You then need to go back to court and ask for a modification if the rules are not being followed. And, if you are disputing that the rules are being followed, I strongly suggest getting an attorney on your side.