5 threads merged for the whole picture



Hello me and this girl have been together for 5 months it's a high school realationship and she is younger... today I told her that I wish she could try more in our relationship and that to not always put her friends before me and manage time for me... well turns out the choice of words I used were not good.. we now are on a break and I'm just really confused I could picture myself with this girl for a while I just don't understand what I should do? I tried appoligizing and telling her that she is perfect in everyway she says that she needs time to think and she isn't mature enough for me how can I change all this or should I just give up?

I have been in a relationship like this, I vote you move on, no girl is worth it if she doent make time/want to spend time with you. You have been fair enough with her by seeing a problem and telling her what you see, and it looks like she didn't care, so if she doesn't care about how you feel and take into some connsiderations(sp?) some things you ask then she isn't worth it

Give her a week to think, maybe you scared her with all of this slightly serious talk, if she hasn't come back to you, or if there's no progress... it's time to start moving on.

Should I contact her or should I wait till she contacts me?

Wait let her contact you if that's what she wants to do. Don't make a fool out of yourself for anyone.

If she doesn't come back, plenty more in the sea that will appreciate you, for you.

Leave her alone, as I think she wanted a break up, any way.

K basically I have been dating this girl for quite some time and the last couple weeks have been rough I feel like were not as close as we used to be... like I'm a affectionate guy and am truly committed to a relationship... I don't no who is to blame of this but she told me her feelings haven't changed towards me its just that were dating and we only see each other once a week and this bothers me... also I'm the one who's always asking her to do things.. and when she tells me she has other things to do I'm always getting rejected to see her so I get angry about the situation.. I think I'm more into the relationship then she is.. is this bad?

How old are you guys?

How about this time you let her make the plans- your always doing them and she declines. So for the next week don't plan anything, it's up to her now to make the date.

There's other things to life than girlfriends and boyfriends you know. Go out with friends, get a job [if you don't have one already], volunteer, just get out of the house.

Sarah

K ill do that but I have a feeling she won't ask me until I make the first move.. then what?lol

k ill do that but i have a feeling she wont ask me untill i make the first move..then what?lol

Don't make the first move. Relationships are 50/50. You'll get bored, annoyed and eventually angry with her because you're the one doing all the work.

Sarah

"im a affectionate guy and am truly commited to a relationship"

I think that says a lot. You probably come on way too strong. Not to mention, that says committed to a relationship, not to her. I am guessing that you are like that in all your relationships.

She says that her feelings haven't changed, but who knows if that's true? Something has obviously changed. I can tell you that it is never good when the guy is more into the relationship than the girl. You may come across as jealous, controlling, or worse, needy. None of these are good, or attractive qualities. And there are really only two reasons that she would constantly turn you down when you ask her on dates. She is either really busy, or just not that into you. Actually three if you are teenagers and she is concerned that you may be pressuring her into sex. In any case, putting more pressure on her will not improve the situation.

What you need to do. Stop talking to her about the relationship. If there is a problem then you are most likely making it worse. You have tried, now let it go. You need to stop thinking so much about the relationship. Accept the fact that that it may not last and just enjoy dating. If she is content with going out once a week, then only ask her out once a week. If she says no, and doesn't suggest another night (without you asking), then don't ask her out again until the next week. Do not keep giving her opportunities to reject you. If she turns you down a few weeks in a row, then it's probably time to move on. When/if you do go out, be relaxed, casual, and fun, like when you first started dating. No relationship pressure. If things get better, great. If not, time to consider moving on.

Thanks everyone for the help above... but we broke up last night... and now I'm just lost like I no it takes time to get over a person but is there anything that helps it go by faster?

thanks everyone for the help above....but we broke up last night...and now im just lost like i no it takes time to get over a person but is there anything that helps it go by faster?

Keep busy.

Here is a link a sticky that may help you:
List of things to do after a breakup (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html)


AMHD is here for support.
Sarah

K so lol were back together.. but we agreed that things are going to change and were going to not start so serious... does anyone have any suggestion for the round 2

k so lol were back togehter..but we agreed that things are going to change and were gonna not start off so serious...does anyone have any suggestion for the round 2

Take it slow. Communicate well. Respect and trust each other. Move on from your past problems and don't bring up past mistakes.

Sarah

I once had a girlfriend like that. She was totally emotionless and we saw each other once a week as well. I had to do all the planning. If I didn't call her, she wouldn't call me. Obviously it didn't end well. We had to break up, I couldn't take it.

Is she your first serious girlfriend? The thing is, your personalities don't match. You can't force her to be someone she's not. You can tell her how you feel about her not taking the initiative enough. You can take it slow all you want. But the thing is, if she doesn't have it in her, you can't force it out of her. She is who she is. So you got to decide if you can accept her personality the way it is or find someone who matches you better.

So she broke it off with you then wanted to get back together so now the two of you are back on again.

Maybe the two of you should try to be friends first before the two of you start dating. Get to know one another first and then build a foundation from that. Otherwise I just see the two you breaking up then getting back together again. Being part of this yo-yo cycle is very unhealthy.

Also, I must ask "Did the two of you express your feeling to eachother that lead to the break-up? If so, did you come up with a solution?". Also, you never answer the "how old are you" question.

Iunno if she's like that.she cares and shows emotion... like when were together things are fine... just were both tennagers... her parents are really strict and I no that's not her fault she can't go out all the time... its just I'm having a hard time accepting that... and seeing the girl you like a lot only once a week... it bothers me... like how do you become closer to the person with the little time you get together?. maybe things will be different for the summer I really don't know.

Ohh and we have been friends for a while!

K so I have girls that are my friends and we sometimes hang out... should I be upset that my girlfriend is hanging out with a guy... I trust her but I guess its just the thought of her being with someone else... am I just being overprotective?

It depends, you really didn't give much detail.

Just based on what you said, you don't have the right to get mad at her if you allow yourself to have friends of the opposite sex.

If you can hang out with friends that are girls, why can't she hang out with friends that are guys? Isn't this a double standard?

I really don't know maybe its cause she lost her virginity to a one night stand? Like I'm not sure maybe that could be it...

But I'm also not a virgin so iunno maybe its just me

Sounds like you are being insecure more than overprotective.

Did she do something to make you not trust her?

Did she cheat on you for that one-night stand? Or was it before you started dating?

It sounds like it's your problem though. It's all happening in your mind.

It was before we started dating but I sort of no who the guy is... I no its my problem like I'm to involved with her and its not good like I'm becoming attached and in the long run its just going to hurt more it shouldn't bother me that she has guy friends but it does like I'm just confused

Sounds like you have issues. That was her past, not her present. If you can't live with that you are going to have to have a relationship with a virgin.

Lol I practically love this girl... its just deveolping trust I guess... which how do I do if I'm scared of getting hurt

Getting hurt is part of a growing process. We all get hurt we all learn from it.

Although it sounds as though you may be hurting her worse than she is hurting you.

Mhmm I agree with you... kk but thanks a lot though! Will c what happens!

Look at it this way... If we never get hurt, how do we know what true happiness is?

that's true... but actually I think I no why its bothering me... I think really because its kind of random how there hanging out and I don't even no if there close friends... so why would they hang out 1 on... and how do I talk to her about it so she doesn't get mad/hurt

K so make a long storey short me and my girlfriend have been seeing each other for a while we have been on 2 breaks all because of her... umm last night she ditched telling me she had to babysit but really I found out her and her friend went out with some guys... im really confused in weather what I should doo.. like how am I suppose to build trust if she lied to me.. I just feel heartbroken... but I always get mad when she hangs out with other guys so maybe by her telling me she was babysitting was for my own good. I've talked to her and told her for her to talk to me when she finds out what the problem is she told me she couldn't tell me the problem so I'm just confused

Don't cover for her, saying that her lying to you is for your own good. She lied to you to go out with her friend and some guys. That's something serious man, she might not be faithful to you to be honest.

You need to ditch this girl, she seems too into herself and too worried about herself. What you need to do is find yourself again. Pick up all the pieces in your life and get yourself back, without her. She is no good.

I know you want to sugar coat her lies and deny them. I know you want to twist the lies into something more positive. But if you were giving advice to another person, you would be more objective.

If she lost your trust, it's her job to earn it back. If she can't even put the effort, then she's not the one for you.

You don't have to suffer this way. You choose to suffer. You can leave her and find someone else who won't break your heart this way.

A lie is lie no matter how big or small it is. Once someone starts lying you never know what to believe and it leads to you questioning everything that person said because they created you to doubt them.

If your having problems with her hanging out with guys then I must ask why? Not to try to cover or take out for her but maybe she lied because she knew it would lead to an agruement and who wants to agrue? So it was easier not to be honest in order to bypass an agruement.

If your insecure with your girlfriends having male friends then maybe she isn't the girl for you. Now if she gave you a reason not to trust her male friends then that is another story.

I've a fiancé and we both have friends of the opposite sex. I have met and hung out with his friends just like he have with mines. There is no funny business nor lines being cross with my male friends. Actually I have more male friends than females because the a few of the females friends I had was flaky, pity, and a little jealous. They did some things I didn't want to go through and surprise me with their mailcious ways.

So the question is, "what are you going do?"

She lied to you. Trust is broken. You will always second guess her. If you can overcome that, and completely trust her, it is up to you if you can forgive her but don't hold that on her forever. If you cant, move on.

K guys thanks u everyone I am going to move on! Wish me luckk

K this might sound really stupid but if your young and not anywhere close of getting married... what is the point of dating when it just hurts to get out of a relationship... like if you know a relationship isn't going to go anywhere what is the point of starting it in the first place?knowing your just going to get hurt in the long run as it progresses

I used to think the same thing but I guess it's to experiment with different kinds of people and learn more about yourself and the kinds of people you're compatible with. Anyway, you have to date a person before you decide to marry them anyway, so I guess you never know if you're going to end up marrying a person.

If that's how you see it then there isn't really a point to dating.
Dating can be fun. It can be worth the pain of the breakup because of how much fun you have. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You can also learn a lot about yourself and other people by dating.
That's my take on it.

Yea I can agree with you guys but every relationship I've been in its like its so hard to let go of everything and I can't stand that part of it... likes its so hard to say good-bye when you had so much with the person... like me and my girlfriend broke up but now I'm worried she's going to be with someone else or make stupid decisions cause I won't be there

You can't let yourself be responsible for someone else. If she's going to make stupid decisions, then it is something that she will have to learn from. Sometimes you just have to let go when it's time to let go. I know it can be painful, but as Megan said, it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Threads merged


Helloo everyone!. k so my story goes I'm going to be graduating this year and well my ex girlfriend is younger then me.. and we recently broke up because she said she needs time.. we still like each other and still have feelings for each other just I'm worried were going to drift apart... and were not going to get back togther? We still talk to each other normal though does that make sense.. or should I be giving her the time she needs?she says that the piece will fall together soon and that she can't go the summer without me... I'm willing to wait for this girl she means so much to me.. any suggestions

She wants space, then give it to her. Recollect your own life and find happiness without her, because she's not in your life right now

Us girls can be a confussing species lol, but usually when we say we need time its just usually to have a little time to think about things in our lives, and how we feel all together, speak to her as a friend not only as her partner ask her what she is thinking about and how she is feeling. You could also ask her out straight, where does she want this relationship too go, ask her to picture her future, is it with you?. I wish you all the best in your relationship and future.

Cle, sorry but that line about picture your future only works in The Notebook. When someone asks for time and space, it means they want to think about things without an outside influence, which that is what he is and it's only delaying his recovery.

He needs to stop talking to her, get his life back on track. Check out the NC rules and FAQ it's a great read...

Not a shameless plug either

If he's willing to wait for this girl she must be really special too him, it proves that he has love for her. I agree he should get his life on track, carry on with things. But if he truly loves this girl then he needs to step up and ask what she wants from this relationship in the near future, otherwise what's the point of wasting your time just to be let down? He should approach her as a friend not a partner and just discuss things, such as her life why she called on the break is there anything he can do to help any current situations. If she still has feelings for him but still no longer wants too be with him, he needs to make sure she makes this clear for him that she doesn't want a relationship with him now, or the future. She hasn't been fair with him.

She broke up with him, I don't see what is so unclear about that. You're new around here, so I won't make things too difficult, but read the stories on here. People ask for breaks as a easier way to let the other down, they keep in contact with them to ease their guilt and keep them on the backburner in case their next plan doesn't work out that way.

I loved my ex, but she wanted to go out and be without me. So I let her go, she still called me and sent me texts "I hope this is the right decision" and then even tried telling me who I can and can't hang out with.

He also said she said that the piece will fall together soon. This is why he should sit down with her and discuss this whether there together or not, obviously he needs too know what she means by this. Whether it means she just wants friendship or not, its always best too talk things through. Why just waste love for somebody that took so long to build. He should accept the fact there not together but also she should accept the fact he needs an explanation. I may be new on here but I've had my own experiences with relationships. Im just trying too give a different point of view, if he wishes too know the awnser then basically he should talk too her himself.

It's late here so I won't get into an argument with you. Everyone on this board at one time or another wanted answers, the OP should realize this that sometimes we don't get the answers to questions we want. It sucks, but that's how life is.

It's also not best to talk things through, why keep rehashing broken wounds? Would you go ask someone who lost a family member to describe what they went through when it happened? No, so why ask about the break up again.

If she wants to be with him again, she knows his address and is capable of finding him at anytime. Right now, he needs to leave her alone and cut out the contact so he can get control of his life back

Leave her alone and do your own thing until she figures things out. She will find you when she sorts it all out.

I understand what you are saying, and its late here too but like I said if he wishes for answers the only real person able to give him what he wants is himself and her. It may open broken wounds but he'd know where he stands with this girl. A family member who's been lost is a completely different feeling to a breakup, losing a family member, you know you will never have in your life again its more heart breaking. But this girl is STILL alive and the answers he is seeking can only be told by himself or her. Even though were here to discuss our opinions and thoughts, still he is the one with the question and how he chooses too find an answer is his. Like I said I'm just here to show my opinion and my own advice just like you.

Ahha thanks everyone! The thing is I'm still holding on due to you I do love this girl and I'm trying to make everything work.. but we ever admitted were not happy right now and were happy when were together.. but that's why I'm confused I'm she still likes me and has feelings why arnt we together? I want to give her the time she needs but like when she keeps talking to me I wonder what's going to happen...

I also don't want to be waiting forever by soon I hope she means at least a week or so its already been a week so I don't know how much longer I can stand this

Tell her out straight, you need to know what's going to happen, express your love for her, tell her exactlly how you feel, what this break up is doing to you physically and mentally, she obviously still wishes to talk as she still do. But just stand up and ask her. Otherwise you could be waiting another week maybe 2 just for a simple explanation. Take control.

Just start moving on with your life. She already knows how you feel, so she will find you when she's ready. If she comes back to you, then great! But there's no reason for you to put your life on hold.

Move on doesn't mean go for other woman, but start accepting that you might be single and get on with your life.

She does no how I feel.. we talked today she said she misses me and still likes me she just needs time with herself... and the only reason why she still talks to me is that her feelings don't change... but I don't want to find out later down the road that were not going to get back together and that I've wasted all this time talking to her thinking were going to get back when were not... also like I told her that if we both no this isn't going anywhere then its better off we don't talk so I can let you go... is this right?

I have been merging your posts since March, to keep the confusion down and let people see the whole story.

The simple truth is you've been going through this for quite sometime and your answers haven't changed much even though you have been holding on to false hope because your still in contact with her.

That's the problem, your stuck because she has been feeding you the same song just to keep you confused and unable to move beyond her.

Its not her call, and her story hasn't changed, so its you who must make a decision and stick to it.

Yes you did right now stick to what you and stop letting her toy with you. Move on!

More thread merging,

Hey everyone I have a question that's been really bothering me... well me and my girlfriend were suppose to get back together for the summer but everything is pretty much gone we both don't want to get into relationships.. but the thing that bothers me the most is its killing me what she's going to do this summer cause were not together... should we still keep in contact even though its going to make it that much harder to let go but at least I can see what's she's up too?

When your heart is broken the best thing to do for yourself is try to move on. If you keep in contact with her, you will never get over her.

But then you loose everything you had with the person? But I guess your right

Unfortunately that is what usually happens when relationships end.

The idea of a break up, is to move on, and build new things with other people.

Ever try to hold on to something you can't have? You try so hard, but can't keep it. But you knew that, but want to stubbornly try any way.