Let me start by introducing myself, my name is dubluv05 and I never thought I would be asking complete strangers for there insight on this matter but I'm so lost and confused I don't know what else to do. I'm going to have to tell this story in a couple posts so please help after hearing the whole story. I'm using my cell phone for this too so please excuse poor write up.
Ill start from the beginning to give you the full story. I met my girlfriend about 4years ago through a friend. We hit it off pretty good at first. She was cute, funny, not annoying and cool with my friends. After a couple days of dating she tells me she is leaving to go to college with her best friend in like 3 months but still wants to date me. I was very hesitant getting attatched after I found this out. A couple weeks her friend and her were going to the beach for senior week so I stayed home and hung out with my friends. The first night she was gone my friends and I got pretty drunk together and were having a great time.

So then my friend invites over a girl and long story short we ended up sleeping together. I felt extremely guilty and knew it was wrong. I decided I wasn't going to tell my girlfriend and just live with the guilt. Once she got back it was like nothing ever happened which really helped me to put what I did behind me. When it came time for her go to college with her friend she asked if I would come up and stay the first week with her so I did. Well after about 4 days her friend and her got into a huge fight and both left college to return home and go to a community college. Dumb girls. Anyway they stopped talking so she had no friends but mine. Since she decided to go to school locally and everything was going well we got a place together. Living with her wasn't that bad but then I started seeing a different side of her. Since she got comfortable with me she started telling me what to do like how I can't go out unless she's with me, I can't talk to girls at all, and she even tried telling me to quit talking my friends so after she showed me this side of her I was really skeptical on the whole relationship. We were like this for a couple months. Once our lease was up we decided to move to a diff house and have a fresh new start with each other...

Here's where it gets messed up. We were getting along pretty good for the most part with the occasional bigger fight every now and then. Well one day in October we get into a big fight and she leaves to go hang out with a couple of friends we know while I'm at work. When I get off I call her to try and talk about what's going but she doesn't answer. So I get ahold of her finally and her attitude is completely changed towards me. She refuses to make things better and says she may not come home tonight. She has never tried anything like this before and I didn't know what to do. Being angry with her I said screw it do whatever you want to do and hung up the phone. As hours go by late at night I can't sleep without her and am worried to death what she could be doing. Next day she calls me on her way home and wants to talk things over. I said OK and then she tells me there's something I need to know. She says she was drinking last night and girl that was there gave her a hicky but it was nothing to worry about. I immediately knew something really wrong happened by the guilt in her voice. I kind of figured she could have slept with one of our friends so I called him as soon as I got off the phone with her and he answered immediately as if he knew why I was calling. He told me how she was practically begging him to have sex with her and he was drunk so they did. I have never felt a feeling like that in my life. My girlfriend of almost 3 years did what I would have never expected. She just didn't seem like that type of person to me. I was completely crushed and had no idea what I was going to do.

So now I'm full of so many emotions all at once but the worst one was jealousy. I put that one first. Without reasoning to myself I immediately just wanted her to myself. After we talked about it she was confused as to if she wanted me or him. I begged her to be with me and I tried my hardest not to lose her to another guy. After I won that battle I was left with the feeling of pure hate towards her. I began treating her really bad and she knew why so she didn't fight it to bad. Eventually we calmed down after a couple months. I tell her things don't feel the same anymore and she says I just need more time and I need to try harder. Since then she's been doing a lot better but I'm still stuck with all of these messed up thoughts in my head of what she did. I thought telling her I cheated in the beginning would help how I feel but it didn't and I just don't feel I could ever love and trust her ever again. This October will be 2 years since she did that my feelings towards her haven't changed much. I know its not fair for me to cheat and her take me back but her situation in my eyes completely ruined what I loved about her. Is it possible her cheating on me could completely change how I feel about her even if she's doing everything the right way now? Any insight on this will be greatly appreciated. I just don't want to give up on her if time will help my problems but yet the way I'm feelimg about her hasn't gotten better since. Thank you

Never mind...

Your relationships is doomed. You both cheated, and there is a lack of trust all the way around. Karma dude, learn it, live it, love it. Sucks when the shoe is on the other foot, but it was only a matter of time. You both are too toxic for a relationship together, so end it, for the sake of both of your futures.

Hi Dub,

I don't mean to sound mean, but both of you cheated on each other, and there doesn't seem to be very much positive communication between you two. Honestly, I think the two of you should move on from on another, and take time alone, and heal.

Hi Dub,

I don't mean to sound mean, but both of you cheated on each other, and there doesn't seem to be very much positive communication between you two. Honestly, I think the two of you should move on from on another, and take time alone, and heal.

Thank you for the advice and it doesn't sound mean to me in any sense. I know both of us cheated and I'm not blaming her completely for how I feel about her now but I'm only 22 and I've never had to deal with a situation like this. I appreciate the great advice but I still have a couple questions if anyone can help. I've broken up with her before but I instantly feel an uncontrollable urge to be with her even when I know it won't get better. Is this normal? Should I fight it? Am I confusing missing her with needing to be with her? Any help is greatly appreciated

ive broken up with her before but i instantly feel an uncontrollable urge to be with her even when i know it wont get better. is this normal? should i fight it? am i confusing missing her with needing to be with her? any help is greatly appreciated

It is ALWAYS hard to rid yourself of something, or someone, whom you have become comfortable with and are attached to. It isn't easy to just let go, which is why we preach no contact, so you can rid yourself of the emotional detachment. Even if you KNOW the situation is not good for you, it is still very hard to let go.

You will miss her, the time spent, the little things you did, all of the good times will rush into your head and create a utopia that isn't realistic at all. Once your emotions subside and you are able to see things in a clearer view, it will become apparent that you are making the right move. Right now, you are venturing into the unknown, which is a scary thing, but it isn't a bad thing, just new to you, that's all.

It is ALWAYS hard to rid yourself of something, or someone, whom you have become comfortable with and are attached to. It isn't easy to just let go, which is why we preach no contact, so you can rid yourself of the emotional detachment. Even if you KNOW the situation is not good for you, it is still very hard to let go.

You will miss her, the time spent, the little things you did, all of the good times will rush into your head and create a utopia that isn't realistic at all. Once your emotions subside and you are able to see things in a clearer view, it will become apparent that you are making the right move. Right now, you are venturing into the unknown, which is a scary thing, but it isn't a bad thing, just new to you, that's all.

Thank you I really appreciate the advice. I think I'm going to take care of this when the right time comes. I'm sure you will hear back from me as I don't have too many experienced friends that could give advice like some of you. Thanks again

It's the age old problem we all face and we have to deal with... the break up. Whether it's a good one or a bad one we still have a lot of history and attachments that takes time to heal from. If you leave her alone and stay busy doing your thing and let her do hers, time will heal the broken heart.

You said it yourself, you really like her a lot, so it is understandable to want to get back together after you break up. It's not like you can switch on and off your feelings.

Sometimes, feelings for one another is just not enough for a happy relationship.

Whether it's out in the open or not, both of you are slowly drifting emotionally apart because of the cheating. Like you said, lack of trust, insecurities, can't see her the same way, etc.

Your heart might not feel up for it, but breaking up is a logial move.

If you do break up, you will definitely need to refer to these no contact rules: (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html) to help you move on.

Hey dub,

Seriously if you do break up, use the No Contact rules they work regardless how old you are, where you are, what sex you are - it doesn't matter, just use them. You will be so grateful thereafter.

-Xm8

Thanks everyone I appreciate the feedback, it means a lot

No problem buddy,

-Xm8

Just thought id give a little update...
Saturday I told her how I felt as honest and sincere as possible. She immediately got upset. It was really hard to see her that way then leave her alone in that state but I did my best. After getting in my car I felt a great amount of relief and I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be. Since then I've just been hanging out with my friends who are very supportive and just living life the way I want. Thanks again