I just don't wher eto start on this one to be honest, il try and make it as quick and to the point as possible. I was with a guy for a couple of years (more off than on), when we were together things were fine.

In June last year we split up again and he contact me again in the August and we met and kissed and he asked me to get back with him and I said yes, I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said there has been know one since me!! That turned out to be a lie, we were seeing each other of and on (no sex) for a couple of months and he said he had to go away in the November, I found out only in January that the trip he made in Nov was to see his GIRLFRIEND who lived a distance away who he had been seeing since June, he was emailing me from her house saying that he missed me and loved me and wanted to start a family with me.

Anyway, at New Year (this was before I knew about the girlfriend) he asked said to the girlfriend that he couldn't make it down to hers as he was busy and asked me to go to his to have sex, thank god I didn't go as I knew something wasn't quite right at this point.

Anyway, I found out about her in Jan and asked him, he said that they were over in Dec (which I know was a lie as I sawwhat he put on her social networking site wall isn't it was clear they were more than mates, I even got one of my friends to get in touch with this girl and she said tha they split in Jan but still told each other that they loved each other!!

By this point I was sick to my stomach, what if id slept with him unprotected which is what he wanted (as he wanted to get me pregnant) and I could have been carrying his child by now.

He denied it and he ex deleted him off her friends list, then whilst still trying to get me back I find out in the Feb that they are back in touch via Facebook, and as a double whammy, he is saying he loves me and is meeting other woman off the site as well??

Just to add insult to injury, whilst professing hisundying love to me I found out he is planning a trip to Europe with a female mate!! (he had great pleasure in telling me so as well) he is playing head games with me all the time and I'm sick of it, but I do love him.

Ive realised that he only cares for himself and knowone else, as long as he is happy then knowone else matters, now he is busy planning his hol with this woman he won't think of me, but when he gets bored then guess who he will come running too.

He only tld me that he loved and wanted to start a family with me on the Thurs and at the same time planning a trip with a female friend at the same time (I know she likes him)

I'm so confused and lonely right now

Good ridence. You deserve SO much better and you shouldn't have to take this guys twisted, selfish mind games. Move on and get you life back. Guys like him need to be shown how to treat women and the less women stand for guys like him the weaker they will become. You have given your own reasons for leaving him and I don't think anyone would disagree with me in saying that you don't have to take this and its time you are shown the respect you deserve. Be strong and let go.

Ive realised that he only cares for himself and knowone else, as long as he is happy then knowone else matters, now he is busy planning his hol with this woman he won't think of me, but when he gets bored then guess who he will come running too.

Since you have realized he is a selfish jerk who will say anything to get what her wants,you have two options,continue to let him use and abuse you or learn that sometimes in love you lose.

It is awful and it hurts but you must respect yourself and not allow anyone to hurt you this way.

He will not change,love does not make people better and you can't make him an honorable person.He is not.

There is a ton of advice on this site to help you get over the relationship.

Number one rule to begin is No Contact!

I've not contacted him for 2 days now, but he hasn't contacted me either, my friends have told him that if he loves me then he will contact me but I've heard nothing and that hurts so bad. The thing that hurts even more is that it is always him in the long run that gets back in touch with me, usually after 12 weeks is the norm for him, then he professes his undying love etc etc and says that he loves and misses me

Im so down and confused, and hate being used by him, he knows I love him and plays on that I'm pretty damn sure of it

Is it me or is it not right to ask an ex to get back together with you and all along you are planning a holiday with another woman ? Even if she is just a friend that's something that a guy really should not be doing right??

I know they have know each other for years and they are getting very cozy latley, my friends have told her that he keeps coming back to me and that the trip with her is just to get back at me but she won't have any of it. So I'm not pushing anymore, she has been told that he is using her and she don't want to listen. The thing that hurts me is that he told me they are just very very good mates but made a suggestion to me that he would like it to lead to more between them. So now I have this pic in my mind (which he probably wants me to have) of them "together" in bed on hol whilst I'm here upset and hurt.

Im thinking of planning a trip to Oz, its what I've always wanted to do, when my friend told this guy that I may be going he wasn't even bothered and didn't ask me to stay.

I suppose I'm better off without him, leave him and her to play happy families and go and see Oz but my heart is breaking

I glad a child wasn't produce and added to this immature mixture of confusion. That idea wasn't a great one.

You should 've been out the door once you heard of him having a girlfriend and should value yourself more. This guy is no good and you knew it but instead of accepting that you deciding to live in denial. Then almost had a planned baby with him.

Glad you woke up and smelled the coffee and hope you stick to your guns and stop this cycle of being on and off again. I mean really! And don't ever consider having a baby with someone that your aren't in a stable relationship with.

Yeah, I knew something wasn't just rght, call it a woman's intuition!! Hence I didn't sleep with him. What really gets my goat is that still to this day he denies being with her when we were together when there's so much proof out there for all too see. His other woman "girlfriend" gave him an iPod and put a certain song on "love song" for him to listen to which I found out as it was written on his wall on Facebook, but he still denies it. He must think I'm a fool, well I am a fool in love at the moment.

The thought of him and this other holiday woman is driving me nuts, I'm trying to keep busy but its so hard.

How can a man tell a woman that he loves and misses her so much and wants to have a baby with her and then the next minute turn round and say that he has changed his mind?? I'm lost for words on this one, I really am, I feel hurt and used and I'm so upset and he is probably at it like rabbits with his friend as I type.

Hi Rooster,

Welcome to AMHD! I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I know how you feel, we have all been there. Honestly, you need to be rid of this guy. He is hurting you and by reading your post, he is also taking advantage of you and the fact that when he is done hanging out with other women, you are always right there for him. Not good, sweetie. You need to be strong, hold your head up, and show him where the door is. You deserve so much better. You need to cut all contact with him, even though it is hard. Go out and do for you, you don't need anyone like this in your life. You are so much better than that.

He knows you're a fool and you prove that point by staying by his side. Ain't that much love in the world and if you think this is love than you need to really research the meaning of that word.

The thing that hurts even more is that it is always him in the long run that gets back in touch with me, usually after 12 weeks is the norm for him, then he professes his undying love etc etc and says that he loves and misses me

After he has gone out and sowed his wild oats he come back to old faithful you and you take him back.
All he has to do is say he loves you and you are so in love you accept it.

It will never change.

Are you happy with him just throwing you a bone to keep you satisfied and docile?

I would go get a STD test and tell leave this cheating ,lying man.

You love him. What's to love? A memory or a fantasy you have created of him?

I'm sorry dear for being harsh but you need to wake up and face facts.

What does he have to do to you to get you to stop believing it will change?

This is emotional abuse and you can be a victim or a survivor.The choice is yours.I hope you choose wisely.

I'm not a sill woman I don't think, I stuck by him when I heard of this other woman who lived away as he said it was over and I had no reason not to distrust him. The penny dropped when I found out from this other woman that they were together until Jan, that's when I started to find out lots of other things, like this woman that he is going on holiday with etc etc.
I can't believe he said he loved and missed me when he was at the other woman's house!! What a cheek??

I'm considering going to Oz in may for a month, need to have a different change of scenery

After he has gone out and sowed his wild oats he come back to old faithful you and you take him back.
All he has to do is say he loves you and you are so in love you accept it.

It will never change.

Are you happy with him just throwing you a bone to keep you satisfied and docile?

I would go get a STD test and tell leave this cheating ,lying man.

You love him. Whats to love? A memory or a fantasy you have created of him?

I'm sorry dear for being harsh but you need to wake up and face facts.

What does he have to do to you to get you to stop believing it will change?

This is emotional abuse and you can be a victim or a survivor.The choice is yours.I hope you choose wisely.

I didn't sleep with him so don't need an STD clinic, thank god I didn't now. How can someone say they love you one day and doubt it the next?? That's not love is it.

I think he gets off on me texting him and telling him that I love him, but lately he has never replied. Im not going to text him anymore, I've not text him/had any contact fwith him for 3 days, its hard but I'm determined not too be seen as a pushover anymore. I think I've had a lucky escape as I could be sat here pregnant and alone rather than just alone and hurting like mad

Thanks all for your advice xxx

Good Girl!

Keep the no contact going. No calls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING! Even if he contacts you, IGNORE HIM! I know it will be hard, but you will be so glad that you did. Move on from him, find yourself again, and then you will meet a man who is deserving of your love. Not this guy!

Good Girl!

Keep the no contact going. No calls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING! Even if he contacts you, IGNORE HIM! I know it will be hard, but you will be so glad that you did. Move on from him, find yourself again, and then you will meet a man who is deserving of your love. Not this guy!

starlite1, thanks, for the past 2 yrs its been a case of contact then we get back together, he hurts me and disapears and it takes me ages to recover, then the same thing happens again. He got in contact with me last Aug because one of our friends died and he wanted to let me know. Im going to try extra hard this time, if/when he contacts me telling me he loves me etc I'm not going to reply.

Ive told him before that I'm changing my number and to contact me if he wants to before I do so and he never does so that speaks volumes, he knows that I won't change my number and he can come crawling back.

It is hard to let go of someone you love, no doubt about that. Even when the odds keep stacking up against you, you are honest enough to admit you still love him regardless.

While on the outside it seems like you should just dump him, but you are having a hard time letting go. Maybe it is because the truth has not yet settled in, and doesn't make sense yet. Each time he comes back he has to be more convincing to get what he wants from you. And if you want to believe him, you will. Liars and cheats are very convincing people. He is also playing the same game with the g/f he is taking on vacation.

You are lucky at the moment that you aren't married to him, and you don't have children with him. Your future would certainly be one of heartbreak. So, you are in a position of being in charge of your own destiny here.

Set the love aside for a moment and think about what you consider a healthy relationship to be. Be selfish- this is your life. You probably want honesty, truth, reliability, respect, consideration, and a solid foundation based on the character and morals and values of your prospective mate. You want somebody that wouldn't ever consider lying, cheating, having women on the side, and treating you with so much disrepect that you doubt yourself and yourself worth.

When a player gets his hooks into you, he does what he does best- plays. To continue to be involved with a man like that, is to consider never having anyone in your life that truly deserves to be loved by you, and that you can truly love in return.

Only you can change things and make them better. Nothing wrong with being fooled by a worthless user, they are smart and know what to say.

To keep letting him fool you, though is ALL your fault, and stupid.

Stop the misery, and pain, by cutting off all contact with him whatsoever, and disappearing from his life, in every way you can.

At least then the healing process can begin, and you can learn to love yourself enough, not to be a fool for your feelings.

It will take time and hard work on your part Rooster, but you know, and we know you can do this and let him go. No contact!! :-)

We are all on your side here.

It is hard to let go of someone you love, no doubt about that. Even when the odds keep stacking up against you, you are honest enough to admit you still love him regardless.

While on the outside it seems like you should just dump him, but you are having a hard time letting go. Maybe it is because the truth has not yet settled in, and doesn't make sense yet. Each time he comes back he has to be more convincing to get what he wants from you. And if you want to believe him, you will. Liars and cheats are very convincing people. He is also playing the same game with the g/f he is taking on vacation.

You are lucky at the moment that you aren't married to him, and you don't have children with him. Your future would certainly be one of heartbreak. So, you are in a position of being in charge of your own destiny here.

Set the love aside for a moment and think about what you consider a healthy relationship to be. Be selfish- this is your life. You probably want honesty, truth, reliability, respect, consideration, and a solid foundation based on the character and morals and values of your prospective mate. You want somebody that wouldn't ever consider lying, cheating, having women on the side, and treating you with so much disrepect that you doubt yourself and your self worth.

When a player gets his hooks into you, he does what he does best- plays. To continue to be involved with a man like that, is to consider never having anyone in your life that truly deserves to be loved by you, and that you can truly love in return.

Jake2008, thank you for your reply, my ex told me that he is going on hol with this woman as he is hurting too!? Because he says he keeps telling me he loves me and I don't believe him or won't meet him!! he says that she is just a mate but you never know what may happen. Isn't that a horrible thing to say to me when a day earlier he was telling me he loved and missed me so much. This other woman didn't even know about me and considering they have been friends for yrears I find this hurtful. My friend told her that he is going on hol with her to wind me up and that he is still hurting over me but she don't want to believe anyone but him. He has fed her a pack of lies I bet my botoom dollar.

All this guy does is lie, he builds lie on lies, even his mates don't believe a word he says. I know that even if he did come back to me and we got back together that I could never trust him and what type of relationship would that be without trust??

He had the cheek to turn round to me about 2 weeks ago and say that I don't trust him so he don't think the relationship will work!!

Only you can change things and make them better. Nothing wrong with being fooled by a worthless user, they are smart and know what to say.

To keep letting him fool you, though is ALL your fault, and stupid.

Stop the misery, and pain, by cutting off all contact with him whatsoever, and disappearing from his life, in every way you can.

At least then the healing process can begin, and you can learn to love yourself enough, not to be a fool for your feelings.

I feel a failure and stupid for being taken in by him time and time again, its only through my love for I'm that I do it, or should I say I did. I may go to Oz as that's something I always wanted to do?

Don't beat yourself up, just pick yourself up, put your sneakers on (running shoes) and run like hell away from this guy, and into a new and better, happier life for yourself.

By the way? What is Oz?

It will take time and hard work on your part Rooster, but you know, and we know you can do this and let him go. No contact!!! :-)

We are all on your side here.

starlite1, thanks again for your kind words, I'm hurting so much now. Im not coping well at the mo, hence writing on here. Ive lost a lot of weight, I'm 5"10 and weigh just 8 stone at the mo, my ex knows how ill I am and he hasn't got the decency to text me to see if I'm OK and that hurts me so much. But to be honest, from what I'm learning about him I don't know why I expected a text to make sure I was OK

Don't beat yourself up, just pick yourself up, put your sneakers on (running shoes) and run like hell away from this guy, and into a new and better, happier life for yourself.

By the way? What is Oz?

Sorry Oz as in Australia, I may go there as its something I've always wanted to do but always put it off xxx

Sweetie, don't let this guy or anyone make you ill. Believe me, I know what you are going through, we have all been there, but you will get through this, and you will meet a great man who will treat you great, and this creep will be a thing of the past. He is a selfish, insensitive, self-centered jerk who doesn't deserve to even be in the same country as you.

Sweetie, don't let this guy or anyone make you ill. Believe me, I know what you are going through, we have all been there, but you will get through this, and you will meet a great man who will treat you great, and this creep will be a thing of the past. He is a selfish, insensitive, self-centered jerk who doesn't deserve to even be in the same country as you.

starlite1 you are very kind, I'm trying to eat I really am. I thought that if this guy knew how ill I was that he would coming running back into my arms!! How wrong was I eh?? He hasn't even bothered to get in touch to see if I'm OK. Ive recently had a cancer scare and my ex knew about that too and again he hasn't even text to see if I'm OK and whether the scare was just a scare or the real deal. How nasty can one person be??

Like I said, Rooster, he is heartless, and doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself. He is a cheat, and a lyer and he has no idea what love is or how to love. You on the other hand know how to love, and there is a man out there who will be deserving of your love.

I'm glad all is well, and that you don't have cancer. Thank God.

Like I said, Rooster, he is heartless, and doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself. He is a cheat, and a lyer and he has no idea what love is or how to love. You on the other hand know how to love, and there is a man out there who will be deserving of your love.

I'm glad all is well, and that you don't have cancer. Thank God.

Thanks starlite1, I just don't understand how a person wouldn't get in touch when I had the scare, even just to see I'm OK? That really has woke me up to the type of person he is. He is not a person I can rely on at all. I just don't understand why I fall for these lines at the time, I'm a highly educated lady with a masters degree, my own house, lots of friends and family etc. Its not like I need him but I love him so so much. I wish I could turn my feelings off. At times I just want to die so the pain will go away

Right at this minute I just want to curl up and die, I'm sure most of you have been in this position and know how I feel. How do you stop the hurting? When will the pain go away? When will I stop thinking of him? And then him and this other woman together ? I just hope I'm strong enough to get through this horrible time

I know, it is the worst feeling in the world. But, you will get through this, it will take time. You just have to remember how he treated you, the cheating and not being there for you. Stay strong and know you will find someone better soon.

I know, it is the worst feeling in the world. But, you will get through this, it will take time. You just have to remember how he treated you, the cheating and not being there for you. Stay strong and know you will find someone better soon.

Thanks starlite1, he is blaming my friends saying that they interfered and that's why he don't want to get back with me?? When I found out he was back friends with his ex who lived away I text him and asked him about it, he never replied to my texts!!

He has to lay blame on someone or something because he obviously isn't man enough to take responsibility for his own actions and horrible behavior towards you. Do not sit around and wait for this guy to contact you. And if by chance he does, ignore him. Show him that you are strong, and that you don't need him in your life, because you really don't.

He has to lay blame on someone or something because he obviously isn't man enough to take responsibilty for his own actions and horrible behavior towards you. Do not sit around and wait for this guy to contact you. And if by chance he does, ignore him. Show him that you are strong, and that you don't need him in your life, because you really don't.

Thanks starlite1, what gets me is the fact that he has been caught out and just won't put his hands up and admit it!! If he had said yes I was wrong and I want to change then maybe it would make this feel a bit better for me. Instead he said he didn't cheat and when he was found out he ignored my texts and ran off.. gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr

Yes, he is a heartless coward! GRRRR is right. I'd like to tell this son of a B*&^% a thing or two LOL!

What hurts is that he had the cheek to put it all back on me, that it was my friends that had caused him to walk away!! All they did was question him to why he treated me like s%$t all the time. He just couldn't handle it and told them too tell me tha he didn't want to get back together, the day before he was asking me to give him another go and that he loved and missed me!?

That is such crap on his part. He is a loser, he doesn't have a clue to what love is and he doesn't know the meaning of respect. You will see the light soon, and you will sooo glad that you are rid of him, believe me. You may not see it right now, but you will. He is no man, that is for sure.

I thought it sounded like crap and was starting to blame myself and my friends, then realised that he is just trying too turn the tables round on me I think.

It just hurts like mad when I think of him with someone else, but I'm finally coming to the point to realise that they are welcome to him and his lying ways, he was really bringing me down and making me think it was all my fault

Ah yes, because he is the manipulative type. And just know that none of this is your fault.

I feel an idiot, he is probably laughing at me behind my back with this other woman and that hurts so much. The thing that hurts as well, is that I bet my bottom dollar that he gets back in touch in the next few months, when the dust has settled and he think he can give me the smooth lines.

I asked him why we keep coming back together and he said that it was because we love each other??

Do not let somebody use you.

"If this one goes, I have somebody else in waiting"

Guilty I am.

Be wise, stay away !

I just wanted to say thanks for all the comments and advice. Im just hurting so much right now, all I want to do is go to bed and not wake up and that scares me. I don't want to feel like this over a loser guy but can't seem to help it

You are hurting, and I understand all too well. You thought this guy really loved you. He is nothing more than a heartless jerk, and now you are seeing that. Do not feel like an idiot at all. None of this is your fault. You will have the last laugh when you are feeling better, and arm in arm with a real man who loves you.

You are hurting, and I understand all too well. You thought this guy really loved you. He is nothing more than a heartless jerk, and now you are seeing that. Do not feel like an idiot at all. None of this is your fault. You will have the last laugh when you are feeling better, and arm in arm with a real man who loves you.

Thanks starlite1 for taking the time to offer advice at this difficult time, I do appreciate it. I just can't see the day that I'm not going to stop hurting, the last time I stop hurting he came back in my life and the pain was dug up again, every time he comes into my life he promises that he won't hurt me again!!

Yes, but he does hurt you over and over again. And if you keep letting him back into your life, he is going to keep doing this to you, because he knows he can. He's not going to change, sweetie. But, you are... you are not going to allow this guy to do this to you anymore no matter what he says and no matter how many empty 'I love you's'. You may hurt for a while, but you will get through this, and just think, this is the last time that this guy will ever hurt you again. Now you can heal your broken heart, and make yourself stronger.

Yes, but he does hurt you over and over again. And if you keep letting him back into your life, he is going to keep doing this to you, because he knows he can. He's not going to change, sweetie. But, you are...you are not going to allow this guy to do this to you anymore no matter what he says and no matter how many empty 'I love you's'. You may hurt for a while, but you will get through this, and just think, this is the last time that this guy will ever hurt you again. Now you can heal your broken heart, and make yourself stronger.

I just understand how someone can say to a person that they love them so much and then treat them like this?? I could never treat anyone like this. This is the last time I'm going to be a door mar for this loser, his arse is going to be for the high road the next time he comes running

Exactly! He doesn't know how to love, let alone the meaning. He used that word to get what he wanted from you. I can't stand people like that!!

Thanks starlite1, for everything xx

Anytime Rooster! Anytime you want to talk and keep us updated, we are here!

Anytime Rooster! Anytime you want to talk and keep us updated, we are here!

My faith in humans was waring a little thin until I came on here, it shows that there are nice people out there, not just scum bags like him around. Thanks to everyone that has posted inc starlite1. Il keep you updated, I'm up to 3 days, even though I'm dying to tell him how much I love him I know that he won't reply and it will make me look like a desperate bunny boiler!! So I'm not going too

Sweetie, no problem. I'm here for you. And do yourself a favor and don't contact him again. No more I Love You's to him. Take care of YOU and love Yourself! Hey, why don't you take yourself out, by a new outfit, get your hair done, and a manicure and pedicure? Treat yourself special! And who knows? You may run into a nice, caring hot man along the way ;)

Sweetie, no problem. I'm here for you. And do yourself a favor and don't contact him again. No more I Love You's to him. Take care of YOU and love Yourself! Hey, why don't you take yourself out, by a new outfit, get your hair done, and a manicure and pedicure? Treat yourself special!! And who knows? You may run into a nice, caring hot man along the way ;)

Thanks again starlite1, today is day 4 and I'm feeling a little better today, lets just hope I continue to go forward. I know that I'm better off without him but that does not make the pain any less sharp. Ive just been made redundant so have loads of time on my hands at the moment, I'm desperatley looking for a new job but its tough out there at the moment. Anyway the only way is up so they say, il keep you informed, thanks everyone for there help :D:D:D

Hi Rooster,

You will be fine. Go out today, go have some fun, GO SHOPPING :)

Thanks starlite1, I'm trying to be brave and carry on regardless of my feelings. When your ex tells you that him and tis other holiday woman are just mates then you see them on Facebook sending each other "naughty poker" messages e.g I want to make you wet, I want to make love to you it does hurt!! And he still says there friends?? But I'm trying to move on hun,

I know you are sweetie, and you will move on from this. Right now this is so pain staking, but each day you will get a little stonger and the pain will soon be removed.

One suggestion I have... don't go onto Facebook anymore. Delete your account if you have to. It isn't worth having it, because it could tempt you to keep checking up on him, and he isn't worth your time or energy sweetie.

Facebook account deleted and never to be reinstated xxx let them get wet, see if I care xx

That a girl!! EXCELLENT!! Who cares what they do, if anything. Let her see his true colors, then him coming running back to you, and you SLAMMING THE DOOR ON HIS FACE! And in your sweetest voice, as you are slamming the door, you give a little wink and simply say "F*&^ OFF"

That a girl!!! EXCELLENT!!! Who cares what they do, if anything. Let her see his true colors, then him coming running back to you, and you SLAMMING THE DOOR ON HIS FACE!! And in your sweetest voice, as you are slamming the door, you give a little wink and simply say "F*&^ OFF"

That's so true starlite1, I'm keeping busy, if they want to send stupid poker messages then that's up to them. Ive had my fill of his bd behaviour and I'm moving on and up!! Im better than him and deserve much better, even he has said that too me (and I should have taken note and listened!! ) but I suppose better late than never. I feel for this other woman as she has a 12 year old daughter, but if she won't listen then what more can I do. If I stick my nose in I will just look like the jilted ex, so I'm not going to bother, I'm going to look out for ME for a change, I always put others ahead of me and ow its time for me, that may sound selfish but I think we need to be at time. Thanks again for all your help xx

You are not selfish at all. You are finally going to take care of you! Keep that positive attitude, you will do just fine!

You are not selfish at all. You are finally going to take care of you!! Keep that positive attitude, you will do just fine!!

Just a quick update, I'm a bit confused on what to do and need advice please. My ex has just text me you see, apparently one of my friends emailed him the other day and said "im assuming that you have heard about Jackie, i hope you are finally happy" (I made the name up for obvious reasons), and he has text me today saying that he has heard that something bad has happened to me and has asked what's wrong.

My friends said she sent the text when I was very ill and had the cancer scare, he obvioulsey wants me to text him back, but I just don't want to dig this all up again. I think my friend was trying to scare him (which was wrong I know, but you know what friends are like when they are trying to help, or think they are helping)!! Into contacting me.

He probably wouldn't hve contacted me if he hadn't received the text, I'm dying to text him telling him I'm OK, but the jilted part of me wants to leave it and make him wonder what's the hell wrong with me (not that he probably cares tbh)

I'm stuck

He is now constantly calling me as well, I've not answered any of his calls but I'm dying inside and would love to speak to him again, but I've been strong and not picked up xx

I think this is an easy one.

Contact the friend who messaged him in the first place, and let her take care of fixing the mess she has created. Tell her to phone him and tell him the truth. She is not much of a friend to do this to you.

She has tricked him into calling you, and if he is sincerely worried you might have cancer, he needs to be told you don't. But, not by you.

I think this is an easy one.

Contact the friend who messaged him in the first place, and let her take care of fixing the mess she has created. Tell her to phone him and tell him the truth. She is not much of a friend to do this to you.

She has tricked him into calling you, and if he is sincerely worried you might have cancer, he needs to be told you don't. But, not by you.

I don't know what he thinks is wrong with me, she just said to him, I'm assuming you have heard about /... hope you are finally happy, so he could be thinking anything tbh

You said he probably wouldn't have contacted you if he hadn't received the text from your friend.

You have no control over what other people do, say, or text. The point is he sees an opening, and is being persistent in getting through to you, giving you the impression that he cares.

You have no obligation to respond to a situation that will leave you in a position of thinking twice about your independence, and him in a position thinking he's managed to wear you down and win at getting through to you.

Just my opinion, but if it were me, I'd block him. You are under no obligation whatsoever to speak to him under any circumstances.

You said he probably wouldn't have contacted you if he hadn't received the text from your friend.

You have no control over what other people do, say, or text. The point is he sees an opening, and is being persistent in getting through to you, giving you the impression that he cares.

You have no obligation to respond to a situation that will leave you in a position of thinking twice about your independence, and him in a position thinking he's managed to wear you down and win at getting through to you.

Just my opinion, but if it were me, I'd block him. You are under no obligation whatsoever to speak to him under any circumstances.

I know he would have contacted me eventually, this is so hard. He keeps ringing me but I don't answer and my mobile has the answerphone turned off so it just rings and rings when someone calls me. I know that if I speak to him that my emotions will be stirred up again (not that they arnt at the moment). When he finds out I'm OK (not that I am the way I feel) he will disappear again for a while no doubt.

My head says that both my friends and I should just him the hell alone and let me get on with my life, but at the same time I find it flattering that he at least cares enough to see if I'm OK, does that sound wrong??

Rooster, you are not wrong to feel the way you do. That you are honest about it, is a good thing.

Now you have to figure out why you feel flattered that he cares about you. If he really cared about you, and couldn't get hold of you personally, logic says he would, if he wre sincere, call your mother, your best friend, your sister/brother etc. If all he really wanted was to know that you were okay, he would have found a simple way to do it.

He is a person who wears you down, and is used to getting what he wants. He was given an excuse to badger and drive you crazy via phone and text, but seriously, do you really think he is concerned about you, and/or your health.

Or, do you think it is more likely that he is up to his old tricks, knowing that you will be flattered, and/or just fed up, and you will break your resolve.

Either way, if you have contact with him again, regardless of why, is it going to change anything?

I know you're hurting, and all it would take is to pick up that phone to feel better, but each time you do that, it is going to be wose the next time around.

My opinion is, history will repeat itself if you don't stand firm.

Rooster, you are not wrong to feel the way you do. That you are honest about it, is a good thing.

Now you have to figure out why you feel flattered that he cares about you. If he really cared about you, and couldn't get hold of you personally, logic says he would, if he wre sincere, call your mother, your best friend, your sister/brother etc. If all he really wanted was to know that you were okay, he would have found a simple way to do it.

He is a person who wears you down, and is used to getting what he wants. He was given an excuse to badger and drive you crazy via phone and text, but seriously, do you really think he is concerned about you, and/or your health.

Or, do you think it is more likely that he is up to his old tricks, knowing that you will be flattered, and/or just fed up, and you will break your resolve.

Either way, if you have contact with him again, regardless of why, is it going to change anything?

I know you're hurting, and all it would take is to pick up that phone to feel better, but each time you do that, it is going to be wose the next time around.

My opinion is, history will repeat itself if you don't stand firm.


Jake2008, thanks for your response, in answer to your questions, he has no way of contacting any of my family members and my best friend has blocked his email address so the only way of contact is through me. A sfor you asking does he really care for me?? I don't really know, if I did then I probably wouldn't be in the state I'm in tbh. He says he loves me but I just don't know if there words, all he seems to do is want to be with me and then hurt me, e.g. when he said he was going on hol with this girl and that something may happen between them. He said this a day after he was wanting to get back with me??

I haven't been in touch with him, I've been at a hen night tonight which was a good distraction tbh, I'm keeping busy. I think you are right when you say if you have contact with him then what will change, he will tell me what I want to hear then walk away when he feels fit.

I just don't trust him anymore, and I'm beginning not to like him very much either, when he rings now I want to pick up the phone and tell him to f$%* off rather than I love you. He just thinks that he can treat people like dirt and then walk away when he pleases and then just swan back into there lives when he sees fit.

My last texts to him where to say that I loved him but he didn't want to try and it takes two etc etc and he never replied, I sent him so many texts and none of them got responded too, to me that's just plain rude. He don't think twice of ignoring my texts for a week then getting in touch.

He plays mind gams with me all the time, he thinks he can come in and out of my life as he pleases and that annoys me so much, he must think I'm a fool in love?? Or just a fool

I love hen nights. I have them regularly in the summer with my girlfriends in the backyard, with a nice fire going. Very therapeutic!!

I think you are wise to keep talking. The more support you get the better.

Like anything major this all takes time and once you have gone from thinking about what a jerk he is to knowing he's a jerk, the rest starts to come easier.

Stay strong. :)

I love hen nights. I have them regularly in the summer with my girlfriends in the backyard, with a nice fire going. Very therapeutic!!!

I think you are wise to keep talking. The more support you get the better.

Like anything major this all takes time and once you have gone from thinking about what a jerk he is to knowing he's a jerk, the rest starts to come easier.

Stay strong. :)

Thanks jake2008, I thought as soon as he text me id be texting him straight back, I've surprised myself that its nearly 24 hrs since his calls/texts and I haven't replied. Im just fed up of the mind games he plays with me, and then to admit to my friend that he has been playing mind games for his whole life so he is good at it really threw me. One of the last things I had said to him was that I was changing my number (which I didnt) and that if he wanted to speak then he would have to have done in by a certain day, he never text me back so for all he knew id changed my number. Then when he had that email from my friend he called my old number. Its like he knows that I won't change my number and he can always get hold of me. I don't want to change my number as its far too much hassle but maybe its an option now I may need to consider.

If I'm honest I probably like him calling and texting me, but I know it's a bad thing in the long run as its just prelonging the hurt and pain he will put me through if I'm being honest. Thants the thing with me, I'm a realistic person, I know he is a liar and someone I can't trust but I still love him. He knows I love him and plays on that fact

Just a bit of a update really since my last rant above, he ex has rung me twice again and I've not answered. I got my mate to email him and tell him that I don't understand why he is calling me, that when I text him last week he never replied so she don't understand why he is calling. If it is because he is worried about me then he don't need to be, that if if I wanted him to know if something was wrong then I would have told him myself.

My friend also said that I have moved on and met someone new and that I'm happy (which is a lie as I haven't but thought it may have put him off ) but this afternoon he rang me after he read the email I bet. She told him that he has no business ringing me anymore, he made it clear that he had moved on and now so had I, but he still rings.

Sorry to rant, it just gets me down so much

My ex has now found out I'm seeing another guy and is starting to get interested again, he always does this as I'm moving on

Hi Rooster,

Sweetie, you are doing great! Don't give in to him. Let him wallow in his own sh*&. Keep moving on and away from him. Don't answer his calls/texts/emails whatsoever. You are doing great!