Pirandello, can you give us some extra info about your relationship? How long had you been together? Did you ever talk about marriage? What were your future plans? Did you share the same dreams about future?

Keep up with strict NC buddy, I have found out that ignoring your ex, is the only way to gain back your dignity, no matter how much of it you lost during your break up. It's the best way to take "revenge", to regain your lost status.

It's been 1.5 month I broke up, and already I feel like she's not necessary for me anymore. I am happy with myself, I can live without her. In fact, if somebody would ask me "how come you don't feel like calling her anymore, it's not a long time since you were crying for this woman", my answer would be "it just doesn't occurs to me, I don't feel like it".

BTW, have you ever watched the movie called "Swingers" (1996)? I watched it a couple days ago, please do yourself a favor and go rent it, it helps a lot. I already feel much better after watching it.

Be confident about yourself. As silly as this advice may sound coming from me (since it's not a long time I broke up), I can tell you that now I laugh about my ex, because I'm sure she'll someday regret her decision, regret for losing a special person like me, when she'll see how guys will treat her from now on. Self-confidence pal, is the most important thing. There is no need for us to try to read their mind. Probably they have some issues which need to get resolved.

OK tree56, we were together for about 14 months and a half. Yes we did talk about marriage and kids. I wanted to settle down with her but she wasn't ready yet, she wanted to travel more, not thinking of starting a family not yet.

She needs to mature and see what's out there, so I am setting her free to go see for herself. She will not find another guy who had the patience I had with her I can guarantee it.

I'm surprised your doing that well after 1 month and a half. It's been 3 months and a half for me and I am still having a hard time with it. June 14 with be the 4 month mark. I hope by then ill be OK, so far I'm doing better than I was 2 months ago.

Like you say, they have issues to resolve. They cannot be happy in any relationship if they don't resolve their own issues first. I know I tried hard to make it work, but there comes a point where you can't do it anymore and you just give up because their not showing any signs of effort or interest. At this point you just got to let go, if they truly love us they will come back...

If not, we got the rest of our life to find someone who truly cares and will take a bullet for you. Why waste time, money and energy on a woman who is cold and distant and is at the most 40% there for you, when you can have someone who will be 80% 90% for you, for better or for worse.

Let me ask you, did your ex threaten to break up often when you had arguments?

You asked Why waste time, money and energy on a woman who is cold and distant and is at the most 40% there for you, when you can have someone who will be 80% 90% for you, for better or for worse...

My answer is that people often do this, mostly because our partner -as a whole- is the very best we can find out there, and with little (or sometimes greater) effort, we can fix their flaws, make them become more interested to us.. As a matter of fact, I myself was thinking that she pretty much had everything a guy wanted. If a % score can be used (difficult though, but just to give you a picture), I would say that I believed that my ex was close to 100% for everything, i.e 90% as beautiful as I would desire, 90% as caring as I would desire, 90% of the times she would understand my needs, etc.. So, to answer your question, people are often afraid that their next partner, might be -for example- 100% beautiful as they would like, but only (e.g) 20% a good personality.. Or the other way round..

To be honest, I still have the same fear.. That maybe the next girlfriend of mine will be f****ng hot, but we won't have real mental connection between us.. Or something like that, anyway..

"let me ask you, did your ex threaten to break up often when you had arguments?"

No, she'd never threaten to break up.. In fact, I was the one that threatened her 4-5 times, during our 7-year relationship.. I'll give you a brief picture: for the first 5 years, I was the nervous guy, that couldn't quite control his temper.. But she knew it from the beginning, she accepted it as my only fault, since otherwise I was a great guy.. But, over the last 2 years, don't know how, I managed to eliminate this flaw of mine.. So, what remained, was an -almost- perfect guy (not my opinion, this was something SHE would admit).. However, in the last 2 weeks before our break up, I suggested 1-2 times we should break up, because I saw she became very very distant & cold.

Hope I answered your questions. Once again, a very long post of mine :):):)

Thank you for your reply, this is clear indeed. Do you think she is regretting that she threaten to break up with me so many times and it finally happened?

Maybe she wanted to see my breaking point. I saved the relationship from a break up many times, but this time was the last. After 2 months we broke up, she said to me, ''i thought you were going to try to get me back... ''. I didn't, I was fed up of her stupid childish mind games.

All I can give you as advice, do not fear the future, do not think you will not find a great girl, you will. Just take your time, make sure your over your ex, don't compare your ex with the new girl and do NOT talk about your ex with the new girl.

And if you into her 90%, she better be into you in the 95% and up. If she is not, your in trouble, cause she will sense that she will have control since your interest is higher.

Remember, the one who has less interest in the other has control.
The minute you appear insecure, less confident, inferior, your screwed. Did you notice when you appear like you don't care or evasive, they want you more, it's like you become a magnet. That's how I was in the beginnng. Then I changed and started to get attached to her and she changed too and became more distant.

May I ask, what are the main reasons she broke up with you tree?

"The minute you appear insecure, less confident, inferior, your screwed. Did you notice when you appear like you don't care or evasive, they want you more, it's like you become a magnet. That's how i was in the beginnng. Then i changed and started to get attached to her and she changed too and became more distant."


Oh yeah that's true. From the day we got engaged, it seemed as if she needn't prove to me things, as if she felt secure, thinking like "oh ok, now he's mine, he gave me the ring".. And, guess what.. I became more and more attached to her, as well.

So, to answer your question, what were the reasons she broke up with me.. Well, the reason she says that made her take the decision (although not true), is that during our last fight, she made me SO angry, that I spoke a few bad words to her.. So, she said that she couldn't forgive me (despite the fact that I said a thousand times how sorry I was)..

Obviously, she had other issues.. Now that 1.5 month has passed, I can think clearly. Trying to remember what happened the days (2-3) prior to our break up, I can see that she was desperately looking for a reason to make me angry, just because she knew I will misbehave, using this as a good reason to break up, so that she wouldn't feel guilty. Get it? Simple enough.

So, the real reason she broke up with me was because she wanted to explore what's out there, wanted to make new friends, possibly find a new partner. Otherwise, I can't explain how on earth could she be in the mood to open a Facebook account on the day we broke up, getting socialized with a bunch of new guys, etc (plus, having a blast at the town's most famous club, a few days after our break up)..

Pirandello, so let's say it's our fault, we shouldn't get that attached to them.. Do you think there is any chance of them getting back to us, using the NC rule? Is there any way to right our wrongs, or did we reach a point where's nothing we can do, even if strictly apply NC to show them we don't care anymore?

Pirandello, so let's say it's our fault, we shouldn't get that attached to them.. Do you think there is any chance of them getting back to us, using the NC rule? Is there any way to right our wrongs, or did we reach a point where's nothing we can do, even if strictly apply NC to show them we don't care anymore?
Why would you want someone that has dumped you on your a$$, back??

That's crazy, to want someone who has proved they don't want you.

The ifs and buts are the Devil in disguise right now , its stops you concentrating on yourself and that's why you get stuck.

What she did or what she thinks are irrelevant and a complete waste of energy because you have absolutely no control over it anyway.

Pirandello, so let's say it's our fault, we shouldn't get that attached to them.. Do you think there is any chance of them getting back to us, using the NC rule? Is there any way to right our wrongs, or did we reach a point where's nothing we can do, even if strictly apply NC to show them we don't care anymore?

In my opinion, and not everyone will agree with me, but I think if they come back they deserve a second chance, but you cannot make it too easy for them to come back, if you love her and if she still loves you and regrets what she did. You must show her that if she does this again it's over for good. She only has one second chance. You must be clear about this.

Look once I broke up with this amazing woman and I regretted it later, but she gave me a second chance and I loved her even more for that. She had a forgiving heart. It is possible for a woman to dump a guy and regret it later, we are all humans and we make mistakes. But for you to refuse her and make her suffer for the rest of her life, when all she wanted was a second chance?

Set her free by doing NC, if she comes back she's yours forever, if she doesn't she was never yours to begin with. If she comes back and you refuse her, than you will never know if she really loved you. I can tell you that a woman can regret breaking up because of many reasons, I will name you a few : Peer pressure, Parents and family pressure, she had mixed emotions after a big argument, she thought she could find a better guy than you. Money, pms, different culture. etc...

If one day she realizes she was wrong and her love for you is stronger than the above reasons than she deserves a second chance. But if you just block her forever even if she begs for forgiveness, I think it's a big mistake and you might regret it the rest of your life.

If she doesn't come back, at least you did NC and showed her you have a life and you can live without her. In my situation she broke up, so I ain't doing nothing to try to get her back. Tough to do, but it's for my own good. If she don't regret what she did then so be it, she will never see my face again. No friendship, no casual, nothing. Gone forever.

You got to be strong bro, let me ask you, did you take back the ring or she kept it? Tree.

Yeah, I did get back the ring pal.. I asked a female friend of mine to visit her at her place, she gave back an expensive watch I received when we got engaged, she gave back the ring I bought her. But, she (intentionally?) "forgot" to give back my clothes (2-3 pieces). She's still keeping my clothes pal, don't know what that means. However, I don't really care, at least as much as I did a month ago.

You have a truly big heart Pirandello. Don't know if I could ever forgive her, no matter what her explanation will be when (and if, ever) she comes back. Even if she has the most rational explanation on earth for her behavior, I doubt if I can ever have feelings for her, anymore.

You've heard the phrase that goes like "once a cheater, always a cheater".. I'll paraphrase, and say "once a dumper, always a dumper".. Bro, in my opinion, even if she begs/pleads/cries to have a second chance, and you give it to her.. Guess what'll happen? Next time she gets bored with your relationship, she'll think "ah, I need a break again, I'll dump him one more time.. What the heck, I'll have some tear-dropping sessions & waterworks, I'll make some promises, he'll forgive me again"..

If they can live once away from us (I mean long breaks, for >2 months), they'll be able to do it again pal... True love is when your partner can't live even 1 day away from you.. Watch out...

If they can live once away from us (I mean long breaks, for >2 months), they'll be able to do it again pal... True love is when your partner can't live even 1 day away from you.. Watch out...

OK you are right, but... Let's say she is doing this to test her feelings, maybe she did this to see if she can live happy without you or not. Maybe she wants to be sure you are the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Maybe she will go and date a few guys and it will never work out and she will want to come back because she misses you like crazy.

By doing NC, they will miss us even more, we won't be there for them to make them feel secure, I think this will drive them nutts. Sometimes it takes a long break to teach them a lifetime lesson.

Bro she expects me to run after her, try to get her back. I told her clearly that will never happen. I think it's her ego or pride talking. I think even though they are apart from us for more than 2 months, it is still possible for them to love us and have feelings, to say it's true love then I must agree with you, I doubt it's true love.

I would never dump my true love and ask her to be my casual girlfriend 2 months later. That would be a big insult to her.

What would you do if she calls back and asks to be casual with you? (friends with benefits)

Aahhh, come on.. I don't believe in friendship, after a devastating break up.. Neither does my ex, what about your ex?

If she calls back and asks for my friendship, it's a definite sign she wants us to be a couple again.

Pirandello, there is something u said, that has been swirling my mind, that put me in deep consideration.. "Sometimes it takes a long break to teach them a lifetime lesson".. However, her dumping is a very, very hard pill to swallow.. So, I guess, if she calls back, whether I'll forgive her or not really depends on what she has to say (although I admit there are few explanations that can make me forgive her)..

Would you accept your girl back, if she told you that she dated a couple other guys, but finally understood that all others are jerks and you are THE one?

If ever my ex told me such a thing, I wouldn't be able to forgive her.. Picturing her, being touched/kissed by another guy (or having sex with), makes me want to puke.. Yikes.. This should be a definite non-return point... Last time I checked, I was not a spare part... Neither are you.

Already, seeing pictures of her on Facebook having fun at the club with new guys, that was enough for me.. Let alone if I'd ever find out she hooked up with one of those...

Interesting comments young fellows. I would not assume, or presume the actions, of an ex, especially given you can't control the feelings of another through NC, or any other means. Sounds good on paper, and for your egos, to punish them for life, because they dumped you, but the reality is, they find someone else, and so will you.

Not realistic to really think there is only one person in the world for you either, as reality and life, will prove that is not the case.

I comment just to point out, your healing is not complete as of yet, just because most of us who do heal are very wary, if not down right against, giving exes a second chance. Like respect, that's not something anyone deserves, they earn it through actions, and deeds over time.

Willing to bet you both, soon that will be your attitude also, if you have truly found out what we all do, happiness starts with you not them.

A little update, it's been 4 month's today since the breakup. What can I say? What is my conclusion of this, How do I feel?

Simple, in life sometimes we do not want to accept the reality of things but unfortunately it happens. We see it as a bad thing for a while, but slowly we start to realize it's for the better. You will lose less hair and probably get less gray hair and will lead a healthier life.

A bad relationship can affect your health and your life in a significant way. If money or other superficial things come between a couple, it's time to talk about it or get the hell out of there.

My conclusion is, yes I loved her very much, but I could not deal with her bad attitude anymore, if she loved me as much she would have stopped the bad attitude, but she did not.

I do not regret my decision to refuse casual relationship with her, I know I did the right thing, I keep my dignity and it won't be on her terms. Yes at times I still miss her, was it attachment? Love? I do not know.

Anyway just wanted to say it's been 4 months and it is possible to live happy again without her. One day at a time, we find ways to survive and not fall into depression.

When do you know you have completely healed and moved on?
I met some girls recently and I could not get into a serious relationship with them and they got hurt when I refused.
When do you know your ready again?

When do you know your ready again?

When your happy with what your doing.

When do you know your ready again?

When you don't need to ask anymore , just be patient.

Hmmmm, difficult question..

I guess it depends on each individual... I suppose that you know you are ready, when:

1)you don't check your email inbox as often as you did 3 months ago. Or,

2)last time you went out with your friends you realized that you had a really good time without her. Or,

3)the ratio between happy/sad moments in your daily life is something like 80/20 (compared to a 10/90 a couple of months ago). Or,

4)you felt the desire to flirt again with those pretty ladies that kept staring at you the night you went out with your friends

I strongly believe that if more than 2 conditions from the above are true, then you're ready to move on (which can eventually lead to complete healing).

Pirandello, you said you refused to get in a serious relationship with some girls you met recently. Have you ever thought that it's not necessary to go for a serious relationship? You can just start flirting, and then you'll see what happens, your progress. It's not necessary for you to get seriously committed with a woman so soon.

Pirandello, you said you refused to get in a serious relationship with some girls you met recently. Have you ever thought that it's not necessary to go for a serious relationship? You can just start flirting, and then you'll see what happens, your progress. It's not necessary for you to get seriously committed with a woman so soon.

Absolutely, I will not get serious with any girl right now, not ready, it's summer and it's time to have fun. Flirt around and just stay happy and cool. No time for comittment.
Be happy with yourself first. Enjoy the freedom of the single life again. No pressure, no pms from a nagging pain in the... girlfriend. More financial freedom to do what you want.
So many things to look forward to.

2 months ago it felt like a big nightmare, now it's sinking in and acceptance and moving forward is the best things you can do. Don't look back anymore.

You will know. When you don't have to ask about whether you are ready to move on or not, is when you're ready.

2 months is not that long in the whole time line of things. It will take longer for you truly except everything an let go. Once that happens, you will be ready.

Give yourself time and don't rush. There is plenty of time left in your life to find someone else.

A little summer update, July 3rd will be 3 months I have'nt heard or spoke to ex-girlfriend.

I have made a little analogy of the relationship I was in to help me move on. Here it goes.

Basically the relationship we had was like an airplane.
In the beginning we have the take off (making out)
Then as the plane takes altitude we go in cruising mode (best times of the relationship).
Then we get turbulence (first arguments and obstacles)
Then for those that could not survive the relationship you get the crash landing, ( The breakup ).
Then you try to pick up the pieces, try to get back together, but if the breakup was really bad, there is too many pieces to pick up.
It's broken, it crashed.
If you suvived the crash, pick up your gear and move out, go find a new airplane and start a new trip.

It will be a better trip and this time maybe you will stay in cruising altitude for a longer time and a smooth landing.

A little message of hope and cheer up to those who are still sad about their break up. Better times ahead.

a little summer update, july 3rd will be 3 months i have'nt heard or spoke to ex-girlfriend.

I have made a little analogy of the relationship i was in to help me move on. Here it goes.

Basicly the relationship we had was like an airplane.
In the begining we have the take off (making out)
then as the plane takes altitude we go in cruising mode (best times of the relationship).
Then we get turbulence (first arguments and obstacles)
Then for those that could not survive the relationship you get the crash landing, ( The breakup ).
Then you try to pick up the pieces, try to get back together, but if the breakup was really bad, there is too many pieces to pick up.
It's broken, it crashed.
if you suvived the crash, pick up your gear and move out, go find a new airplane and start a new trip.

It will be a better trip and this time maybe you will stay in cruising altitude for a longer time and a smooth landing.

a little message of hope and cheer up to those who are still sad about their break up. Better times ahead.


Very good analogy... How you been Piran? Haven't talked to u in a while. Glad to see you are doing well!!

The girl reminds me of my ex.
We broke up 3 weeks ago, like a fool
I chased after her all over the place
And kept asking her to come back EVERY SINGLE DAY. Starting NC now...
Need to get my life together

PL, glad to see that you are doing well. Things only go up from here.

Stick with the NC. And yes, if at all possible try to see your dentist at another location where you won't run into her, even if you have to go out of your way to do so.

I've been like NC for I think 3 weeks now and man I haven't felt better. I actually like being single lol, I now kind of wish she broke up with me earlier.

Very good analogy.....How you been Piran?? Haven't talked to u in a while. Glad to see you are doing well!!!!

Hi lovestoned, I am doing well thanks, I can say I have improved a lot since last post.
I still have thoughts of her in the morning, but then goes away...

I met a few women, but I could not continue seeing them as I kept thinking of my ex while I was with them, not healthy.

So I just keep busy with my 3D modeling work and maybe going back to school soon.
I think a year being alone will do me good.

How about you Lovestoned? How you doing?

The girl reminds me of my ex.
We broke up 3 weeks ago, like a fool
I chased after her all over the place
and kept asking her to come back EVERY SINGLE DAY. Starting NC now...
Need to get my life together


Keep to strict NC my friend, it will help me you a lot. Chasing her will just push her away.
You got to show her and yourself, you can live your life without her.

Think of it as a break, just like a soccer match, the first half has ended, time to pause and reflect and if destiny wants it you will have a second half with her, if not, well...

Move on and start a new soccer game...

Never beg someone to take you back if they don't want you in the first place.
In time maybe they will be the ones begging you to come back...
It has happened to me before.

Cheer up dude you can do it.

Stick with the NC. And yes, if at all possible try to see your dentist at another location where you won't run into her, even if you have to go out of your way to do so.


I arranged something and I won't have to go back anymore and in the future I will go to a new dental office closer to my house.

I haven't broken NC for 3 months now and it's going to stay that way.

Thanks cianci

Hi Piran, great to hear from you, again.. I'm glad you've made progress.. But, I disagree with what you said about staying a year alone, and then commit to a new relationship.. Pal, it's going to happen sooner than that, I promise.. 3 months of NC, have the positive thoughts about your ex been dissolved, even to the slightest degree? Normally, after that period, we tend to forget about positive aspects of our ex and concentrate on their bads

hi Piran, great to hear from you, again.. I'm glad you've made progress.. But, I disagree with what you said about staying a year alone, and then commit to a new relationship.. Pal, it's gonna happen sooner than that, i promise.. 3 months of NC, have the positive thoughts about your ex been dissolved, even to the slightest degree? Normally, after that period of time, we tend to forget about positive aspects of our ex and concentrate on their bads

Definitely I been concentrating on all the bad thoughts. I concluded she was a bit crazy and she drove me crazy too. I think it depends for each person. I believe I will need longer before I can get in another relationship.

Whatever the time it takes, take the time to heal properly and not do a rebound, your just going to hurt someone else's feelings for revenge of your ex.

It's OK to be alone for a while. No big deal. And when you meet the right girl you will appreciate it more because you waited and you know how it feels to be alone for a while.
You will deserve it.

Piran is right

Everyone has a different time frame and it's actually not a good idea to say how long before you can back out there.

Just enjoy your new found freedom and take each day as it comes , only you will know when your ready.

Glad to see you've come out of it well Piran , you seem to have learnt quite a few lessons from this , don't lose them :)

Good luck!

Exactly. However, I strongly believe that, when it's meant to happen, it will happen.. And it will be sudden.. One day you're sobbing over your ex, the other day you unexpectedly meet a new person which might change your life out of the blue..

General rule is not to push yourself over this, not to force yourself think "i have to get into a new relationship, in order to move on".. it just comes naturally.. in the meanwhile, it's just so fun to be a single, do things for yourself, even go out discover the dating & flirting scene, without feeling the need to make the flirting lead to a relationship

Keep to strict NC my friend, it will help me you a lot. Chasing her will just push her away.
You got to show her and yourself, you can live your life without her.

Think of it as a break, just like a soccer match, the first half has ended, time to pause and reflect and if destiny wants it you will have a second half with her, if not, well...

move on and start a new soccer game...

never beg someone to take you back if they don't want you in the first place.
in time maybe they will be the ones begging you to come back...
It has happened to me before.

cheer up dude you can do it.

Wow, so which girl begged you to come back?

Wow, so which girl begged you to come back?

A girl I dated for 8 years

a girl i dated for 8 years

Did she break up with you and then later ask to come back with you?

Her plan didn't work out with the other guy?

Did she break up with you and then later ask to come back with you?

Her plan didn't work out with the other guy?

It was a mutual break up but yes she wanted the break up more than me.

Yes she tried with another guy and it didn't work out.

So after about a year without talking, she called me back and wanted me back badly.

it was a mutual break up but yes she wanted the break up more than me.

yes she tried with another guy and it didnt work out.

So after about a year without talking, she called me back and wanted me back badly.

I guess to her, it was "the grass is greener on the other side thing" and then she discovered that it wasn't as green. Did you move on already by that point and have a new girl in your life?

This was like 5 years ago, yes I moved on and found someone else and it ended after a year, then stayed single for 2 years, then met my ex that broke up on feb 14.

So yes we are going to move on and find someone else, we just don't know when and where it's going to happen.

true, your right, i also told her that i still love her no matter what happened and i still want to be with her. i admit this was a mistake of my part because it no good to show your emotions, but i said this right after we broke up, in the first e-mail freshly after the breakup. So i think emotions were still high and i wasnt thinking right.

i'm thinking of writing a final e-mail after the last time i see her next week. Saying that i wish her all the best and there wont be a comeback or reconciliation because i am moving on and im cutting the strings, i don't want her to string me along and keeping this false hope will only hurt me more in the long run.

The things is i am confused to if she wanted a break or a breakup. That's why i am having trouble getting this closure. She did not say it's over final period. She said let's take a break and be friends, but i refused the friendship, so does that mean for her it's a breakup since i refused to keep contact?

Believe me your not alone I've done the same thing now my ex is back she got her life really messed up and is coming to me for some kind of support which I refuse to give her basically its like dangling a thread in front of a cat... before your ex does come back you may think its going to be great when she returns... BUT when it happens it really isn't!! As the memories that you've locked away come back to haunt you and if she's really hurt you all you can do is remember the pain and never trust her again... your story matches mine this last valentines day was kind of a curse for me too.

Believe me your not alone ive done the exact same thing now my ex is back she got her life really messed up and is coming to me for some kind of support which i refuse to give her basically its like dangling a thread infront of a cat ... before your ex does come back you may think its going to be great when she returns... BUT when it happens it really isn't!!! as the memories that youve locked away come back to haunt you and if shes really hurt you all you can do is remember the pain and never trust her again... your story matches mine this last valentines day was kind of a curse for me too.

So what are you going to do? Do you still love her? Are you going to take her back?

I thought she just came back for emotional support and not to be with you

I thought she just came back for emotional support and not to be with you

Don't they have friends for emotional support?

Hi guys. Long time I did not post... so since I was feeling bummed out I decided to come say hello...

It's been 6 months since the breakup, why am I still thinking of it...
I saw a picture of her on Facebook on her friends page since it was her friend's birthday and some of her friends are still on my list. I felt screwed up ever since. Why am I feeling like this?

Because seeing her brings back all of those harsh memories that hurt. It will take a couple of days/weeks to recover, but you will. Do get on Facebook for a while. Facebook is the devil when it comes to break-ups.

-Should it be the dumper or the dumpee to start talks for reconciliation?
Dumper

-If the dumpee decided to do no contact.
-how much time after the breakup can this be a possibility?
If the dumper wants you back, no contact won't stop them.
Quote:
-How can you know if the dumper still has an interest in coming back?
They will rock heaven to let you know.

What if the situation is based on the case, You as the breaker who broke up with you're ex for his/her cause like you've lost someone in your family and you're devastated and than you're ex wanted to experience like date around (more or less liking someone else lol) cause she/he wants to make mistake cause she/he feels like she/he can't make mistake with you but either way it's a mutual break up... than how does that work?? Lol close and long distance relationship wise.. I'm just curious. Pretty much broke up due to family issue and maybe other issue like school, long distance, etc. (for the ex's sake) and he/she can go experience w/e he/she (ex) wants lol does it matter who does what at that point? Or only time can tell?

Hope I'm not making it too confuzzled

Eh hi yes a bit.we break up for a number of reasons-a break up indicates that one or more aspects of the relationship were painful difficult etc.picture a broken glass-how often do we put one of them together and they re something we d actually want to drink out of again?NC is for your own healing a period for you to start finding yourself and to have a relationship with you.its not a magic wand that's going to get you back with your ex .remember they are an ex for a reason.

But having an ex sometimes do end up together if it's meant to be... that is if it's based on true love right? Having an NC is to find yourself again like you said, so there would always be chances in life where some people would always end up back with the ex and possibility married. I just don't understand this whole mind thing lol it just seems like any relationship could go any way just depends on how oneself handles it and how you deal with it with the one you love?. lol no one can really tell each other what to do but only you could do what is right. But being needy, desperate, and clingy won't ever work lol that's how I see this whole thing works out lol

How long does the pain last when you saw a recent picture of her ?

Few days... maybe a few weeks. It's best not to dwell and fill your time with fun things to get your mind off it.

STAY OFF FACEBOOK!

Here s one of my little thoughts:pain only lasts as long as you allow it to. Does that make sense?

Makes sense.

Look after yourself :-)

A little update...

Hello friends, yesterday I met the most amazing girl, she is really something. It's almost 8 months after the breakup already...

We shared stories about our ex's and we understand each other so well, we are the same zodiac sign and we have so many things in comon that she told me she got scared... lol

I find we really connected quickly in person, after a week of chatting on msn, one night we chatted for like 7 hours non stop.

I want to say thanks to you guys for showing me that No Contact really works. By refusing casual with my ex, not only did I heal quicker, but I kept my dignity and self respect and I met my match, the most amazing girl I have ever met. I felt happy again last night and she saw it in my eyes. She has this ability to read my eyes and know what I am thinking.

Also yesterday afternoon, my brother told me he went to the dental clinic where my ex works, aparently she took the day off cause she knew my brother was going to be there that day, I guess she was afraid or felt guilt and did not want to face my brother. I am glad she did not show up, so I have no info on her and she has no info on me.

All I want now is to share happiness and great moments with my new girl. Never think or hear about my ex again and forget her name.

Thanks again guys for helping through the hard times, I am finally seeing the light again and it feels great.

Hate to be the eternal skeptic, but just make sure you take it slow. It is awesome to meet such an amazing girl, but let things develop slowly and with realistic expectations.

Good for you, by the way. Now enjoy getting to know each other and don't rush anything. Bravo to you by the way!

Thanks KC, I will take my time...

Good job, especially with meeting the new girl. Don't rush into anything. Just enjoy getting to know her and see what develops.

KC, you type too fast, lol!

We made out on our first date is that bad?

We made out on our first date is that bad?

No, not really. Just keep things in perspective and remember that when things move too fast, "crash and burn" usually occurs... (shameless Tal plug).

So should not see her today right? Or is it OK to see each other 2 days in a row?

It's OK to do whatever you want, just enjoy and don't push anything. Let everything happen naturally, just don't question everything as if it has meaning. The more we look for a meaning in something the less we enjoy it.

Go out, enjoy each other's company and enjoy things together. Nothing wrong with that! Just have fun Luigi.

Go see her. Just don't get hot and heavy too quickly.

Well, looks like we going to spend some time together, we going to stay home and watch some movies and cuddle...

So I will do my best to resist her sexyness...

well, looks like we going to spend some time together, we going to stay home and watch some movies and cuddle...

So i will do my best to resist her sexyness...

Child Pleeze... :cool:

LOL, I know, that's how it is when you fall in love...

Have fun guy, just don't get carried away by her sexiness. Even if its not love, you can enjoy it!

LOL, i know, that's how it is when you fall in love...

S L O W L Y does it... you aren't in Love yet it's the infatuation stage. Don't blow it by being too available or smothering her.

Like the others have said just enjoy getting to know each other and remember the lessons you learnt from your previous relationship.

Good luck , because I'd hate to see you back here in a months time lamenting why it didn't work.

I read this entire thread, good to see that time and NC has really seemed to help.

I read this entire thread, good to see that time and NC has really seemed to help.

Yes it helped, what did not help is that every time I tried to get in a new relationship with a new girl and it failed, it brought me back to hating and thinking of my ex.

It made me feel like she screwed me up and I can't date any new girls seriously. Make sure you wait a little before you date again, I ended up hurting a lot of girls feelings cause I kept rejecting them. I tried to replace my ex with them and it did not work.

I decided to stay single for a while until I will be fully over her and ready to be with a special girl, hopefully my soulmate.

Good luck mate

yes it helped, what did not help is that every time i tried to get in a new relationship with a new girl and it failed, it brought me back to hating and thinking of my ex.

it made me feel like she screwed me up and i can't date any new girls seriously. Make sure you wait a little before you date again, i ended up hurting a lot of girls feelings cause i kept rejecting them. I tried to replace my ex with them and it did not work.

i decided to stay single for a while until i will be fully over her and ready to be with a special girl, hopefully my soulmate.

good luck m8

You know this may sound odd, but the first girl I really was in love with broke up with me and strung me along for a couple years.. torturing me. I never knew about NC and just kept trying to make it work always getting hurt.. finnally I got so f'ed up I sent her a long message to never talk to me or think about me ever again. A year or more goes by and we go out to dinner and hangout a couple times, at this point I was over her but still in some way would have liked to see us work it out (crazy at this point I know) but you know because I was over her and could actually hangout with her and say to myself.. wow this girl really sucks! Instead of being a big sap over the whole thing I think I finnally had my closure with her. Then a couple months later I ended up meeting the next girl... every girl before that I would always think about my ex.. It just takes time it seems.

Wow, you had guts to see her again and go out for dinner with her. I could never do that with an ex. Once it's over and I know she been with other guys I cannot go back. Must be a territorial thing I have.

So basically you guys were hanging out again a year after the breakup? And you realized she wasn't a catch after all. If it helped you get over her, good for you man.

My ex tried to string me along too by asking me to be casual with her (friends with benefits). I refused because I know once you go into that zone you are trapped in an endless labyrinth of mind games.

Once she says '' No '' to the relationship you must disappear forever until she changes her mind and if she doesn't it's just too bad for her, she is history and it's her loss. Yes it's hard to just disappear and forget about someone you loved and shared amazing moments with, but in the long run it's less pain than if you stay as her 2nd option. She will just use you until she finds a better candidate.

Makes sense?

wow, you had guts to see her again and go out for dinner with her. I could never do that with an ex. Once it's over and i know she been with other guys i cannot go back. Must be a territorial thing i have.

So basicly you guys were hanging out again a year after the breakup? and you realized she wasn't a catch after all. If it helped you get over her, good for you man.

My ex tried to string me along too by asking me to be casual with her (friends with benefits). i refused because i know once you go into that zone you are trapped in an endless labyrinth of mind games.

Once she says '' No '' to the relationship you must dissapear forever until she changes her mind and if she doesn't it's just too bad for her, she is history and it's her loss. Yes it's hard to just disappear and forget about someone you loved and shared amazing moments with, but in the long run it's less pain than if you stay as her 2nd option. She will just use you until she finds a better candidate.

makes sense?

Yeah I guess I just have always talked to all of my exes. I don't hangout with any of them, but to be honest this girl was different for some reason.. just the way I felt about her and everything. She hurt me pretty badly and I pretty much nagged on her a lot and made her feel like a piece of sh*t.. She admits now she knows she was.. she was 18 then and is 22 now. She is like completely different on a maturity level.. she has a boyfriend currently and I talk to her on occasion but we really don't hangout.. I just enjoy that I can talk to her like a normal person now because we are both over it. I know it will never be what it once was but I care about her as a person.

My bigger dilemma is I'm now on NC with another girl I dated for a few months.. it's been a month today, I'm wondering if I'll be actually talking to her again after a long time passes. I'd hope if she's half a person we will put everything behind us just like I did with my old ex and be able to once again talk.. despite all the bs that has recently happened.

Happy new year 2010 to all. I was thinking of my ex today, so I decided to come here and post. It will be a year soon since the breakup. Feb 14.

I am doing a lot better, hope you guys are doing better too.
I dated some girls on and off, nothing serious...
I thought christmas and new years was going to be really hard but finally it was'nt too bad...

I had some news of my ex today from a family member that saw her, aparently she isn't looking too good...

I wish I did not get any news at all...
Why does it bother us to have news of our ex?

Can't you tell the family member that you want no updates on the ex? I hope you can look upon it as a minor bump in the road:what she does or how she feels honestly really doesn't matter anymore,does it?
Just keep busy doing your own thing.
Happy 2010 to you too!

why does it bother us to have news of our ex?
Because we are human, and our old memories, and feelings, get stirred up rather easy.

Thanks guys, it helped, I think I am at a point of no return, even if she would call me now, I would not be able to go back. Too much time has passed. I also met a great girl that I really get
Along with and enjoy spending time with.

Amazing.. I read all the posts.. It shows actually all stages after broke up. Piran.. U are a good guy and she lost you.. Some girls like that doesn't know what they want.. and they endup with whatever they can get after some ages... They always choice to runaway if something goes wrong in relationship because they now they can get some1else at that point.. But she will come to point that her decision was mistake.. But really it doesn't matter how she feels now... Love is gone..

U deserve someone really care about you.. and someone who can stay next to you when you lost your job or when you are down.. Someone you can trust...