Hi There,

I am dating my first cousin (my dads elder brother son) for the past nine years. Which means we follow the same religion and cultural values. We really want to marry each other, but our main problems are as follows:

1 - we have a 10 years of age difference, I started dating him when I was 13 and he was 23

2 - We are blood relatives (and that my mother hates his mother and his mother hates my mother. They are in talking terms but just for the sake of it) and because we are blood related, they could be chances of not having a baby or having an abnormal one. We both have consulted the Doc but not yet got a blood test done. But on the other hand, the Doc has shown a positive sign - because our marriage would be first in the family as in the cousin wedding or we don't have any kind of fertility family problems.


After staying with each other for such a long time, we both can't afford to break up, tried many times but it doesn't work, he will be moving to another country for good, and on a separate note, without my parents consent, I have also applied for my visa for that particular country.

FYI - We can't get married now due to finanical stabiliy and also that I am in my final year of MBA, we both think that I should complete my studies and then get married and in the mean time save as much as we can.

Please advice.

First off- is it legal and are you of age to marry? Find that out first! If it is legal, go to some pre-marital counseling.


It's good you are quite aware of what can happen if you have children. First cousins are two-times more likely to bear offspring with a birth defect than children born of couples who don't share a common grandparent. If cousin couples happen to be carrying known genetic diseases, the risks faced by their offspring can jump. Experts say 1 out of 4 such children will have some sort of disorder. If you do want children please seek a genetic counselor [a doctor or nurse whom will perform test and learn about your family history].


Lastly, if you both want to be married, well it really nobody's business to tell you whom to love or marry. However, when you said "After staying with each other for such a long time, we both can't afford to break up, tried many times but it doesn't work, he will be moving to another country for good, and on a separate note, without my parents consent, i have also applied for my visa for that particular country."- it really gave me a little red flag. What do you mean by "you can't afford to break up?"- do you want to break up, the fact that you tried many times makes me think that you feel you are stuck in this relationship. One thing is for sure; you can always leave a relationship. Sometimes it's a lot harder to leave, but it's much better than spending the rest of your life unhappy and feeling obligated to be with someone.



MRS.S

Thanks Mudweiser for your reply.

To answer your first question, yes I am legally aged to get married, I am 23 at the moment.

What I meant by breaking up, was due to the age difference, and family being against it, sometimes we think to part our ways, but find it extremely difficult. My elder sister and mother have a doubt on us and they continue to warn me against this relationship.

But I can assure you about one thing we both are extremely happy together and can't stay without each other and no we ain't stuck with each other for sure.

Thx

But i can assure you about one thing we both are extremely happy together and can't stay without each other and no we ain't stuck with each other for sure.


Honestly that is all that matters! My parents detested and I mean really disliked my husband. Although he wasn't my cousin, I still experiences some of that "hate" from family AND friends.

So if your truly in love, seek premarital counseling [I really urge you to do this] AND stay true to your partner.

When it all comes down to it, it's about you and the one you love.

MRS.S

Thanks :)

I hope you understand the biological risks of marrying a relative.

But aside from that, I think it's going to be really difficult for your family to accept this marriage, especially if you say that they're very religious and that your moms hate each other. The obstacles are tremendous.

I'm going to have to go with mudweiser, you're going to have to seek some professional help. There's no quick fix. This is going to take some work. Good luck with everything!

The link below is a list of U.S. States and the laws regarding marriage to first cousins.

Cousin Marriage Laws in the United States (http://marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/a/cousin.htm)

Hi Sim,
I'm avid believer in LOVE and the fact that you were able to recognize yours at such a tender age is wonderful in itself, albeit a little unorthodox according to some.
On my account, I know many couples who happen to be cousins, some knew, others did not, some had a significant age difference, most didn't, but in all cases, they had
The strongest connections to each other I have ever seen between couples. It's hard to ignore such a thing.
As for some of your questions, I believe in your case, the hardest issue will be the taboo behind it with your family, some will accept it gracefully and be very happy for you both, others... not so much. Im unsure why there is such a social stigma attached to it... it's been done for centuries... proven fact. Look at Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin, two of the most revered scientific minds in the world, both fell in love with their cousin, got married and had tons of Kids (charles had 10 I believe, all healthy). Which brings me to my second point, when it comes to children, unless there are several immediate generations behind you of cousin couples, the risk is negligeable at best. An unrelated HEALTHY couple have a 98% chance of having a perfectly healthy baby... a coucin couple... it drops slightly to 96%. Still far above the risks associated to couples who are alcoholics, heavy smokers, drug addicts, people with KNOWN genetic disorders... yet their allowed to have children.

In the End, I recommend what I usually do in matters of the Heart... Follow it! The rest generally falls into place :)

Thanks Mudweiser for your reply.

To answer your first question, yes i am legally aged to get married, i am 23 at the moment.

What i meant by breaking up, was due to the age difference, and family being against it, sometimes we think to part our ways, but find it extremely difficult. My elder sister and mother have a doubt on us and they continue to warn me agianst this relationship.

But i can assure you about one thing we both are extremely happy together and can't stay without each other and no we ain't stuck with each other for sure.

Thx

Hi I am 18 years old and I am also dating my first cousin we both really like each other but our family does not agree with it they have called us sick and a embarrassment to the family. Sometimes it hard. But we really want to be with each other. But we are also losing family over it. I need advice..

Hi i am 18 years old and i am also dating my first cousin we both really like eachother but our family does not agree with it they have called us sick and a embarrasment to the family. sometimes it hard. but we really want to be with eachother. but we are also losing family over it. i need advice..

Do the laws of your country permit relationships of relatives that close? Are you aware of the biological risks of reproducing with a close relative?