Hey all,

I have a situation here that I need help with before I go with my heart, and NOT my head. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years. We do not live together. I spend the night though on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Recently my job has been starting to cut hours by 20 hours a week. I have my bills, she has hers... we are both struggling... I don't think this is the issue though...

The problem is this. Saturday morning, she called me after she got off work and got upset at me because she thought I opened her mail... and honestly I DID NOT... so she said OK whatever and we ended the call... throughtout the entire Saturday we did not talk... however she "text" me and said that I told her I was going to call her... I never said that but you have to understand that her and I usually hang out every weekend. So we didn't talk all day Saturday, and she didn't call me on Sunday... she texts me Sunday night and says... "i think you are only over my apartment when its conveinent for you," "you dont care about me or what im going through with my probation and sobriety....she violated probation a 4th time.....SO i tried to call her sunday night 3/15/09 when she sent these texts and she would not answer the phone.....

Then on monday 3/16/09 I repeatly called. Because I could not get a hold of her, I called my cousin-in-law who is best friends with her, and my cousin-in-law said this to me: "its funny that you text me when you and her are going through problems, but you didn't text me when your cousin hit me or council your cousin for hittimg me 2 weeks ago".....and i said to myself where in the heck did THAT come from.....Im only looking for my girlfriend because she is ignoring my calls.....

On monday night 3/16/09, I gave up calling my girlfriend as I called ALL DAY. Then on Tuesday morning she sends yet ANOTHER TEXT saying: "my job says I'm slacking, my relationship is failing, you don't seem to care about me, the court system slapped me really hard for this violation"...so i texted her back and said "your relationship is failing because you are creating this... you are ignoring ME"... no response...

Today is Tuesday 3/24/09... its been 10 days since we verbally talked on the phone... I haven't received a text from her since last tuesdat 3/16/09 in the early AM...

Should I call again if I blew her phone up ALL last MONDAY and she didn't answer? What am I suppose to do? She didn't say she wanted to break up or anything... Again keep in mind we had a close relationship we talked everyday and spent time everyday... we couldn't hardly do anywhere because of financial issues...

I texted her just a minute ago to see why she has been ignorning me, but STOPPED myself and saved it in my text box draft... I decided to come on here and get your opinions after reading some of your valuable input on other people's posts...

Any input? Please help in any way you can. I would really take your valuable input to heart

I am extremely sad and unable to eat... Ive ben having fun with my friends. I went to the club this past wekend(friday, Saturday, and sunday) to keep my mind off this situation, but now I'm just tempted to pick up the phone and call again to see if this time she will answer

You need to calm down.

This girl has ALOT she needs to sort out. Starting with her own head.

Why not try sending her a letter outlining how you feel about all of this.

If you don't get an answer, well then you have to respect that she needs some space.

If it was me though, I'd just back off there is no reason for her to treat you with such little respect. Let her figure herself out then you two can try to sort your relationship.

I would look at how much you want to be in the relationship. It seems like a lot of hard work and strife to be ignored by someone for a simple misunderstanding. She's also in trouble with the law and apparently slacking at work, and blaming you for all of this!.. she doesn't seem like someone I would want to be in a relationship with?

Its not that she is blaming me for her job or the law... she used all of her problems in the same sentence and one was her failing relationship... but I see where you are coming definitely coming from


Her problem is that I haven't been telling her she's beautiful a lot anymore, and that we don't do things anymore like go to the movies etc, and that she is the one who has to always call me

It's a very complicated situation... Text and tell her that you want to meet her.. Tell her everything you feel about her and suggest a solution.. I don't know if this is over for her or nor but at least make a move.. calling and texting isn't going to solve your problem... And of course let her tell you everything bothering her in you and your behaivior and try to change. Hope everything get fixed as soon as possible.. Make any possible effort to see her even she won't answer to your text...

It's a very complicated situation... Text and tell her that you want to meet her.. Tell her everything you feel about her and suggest a solution.. I don;t know if this is over for her or nor but at least make a move.. calling and texting isn't going to solve your problem... And of course let her tell you everything bothering her in you and your behaivior and try to change. Hope everything get fixed as soon as possible.. Make any possible effort to see her even she won't answer to your text...



That's where I messed up... I kindve been ignoring all these things she would tell me about the relationship... and I do admit that was wrong on my part... I just got fed up with the constant attention wanting and complaining all the time.

If I haven't heard from her in 10 days, no phone calls, nor texts, I can assume its over... no one goes without talking that long, especially if you are use to hanging with this person everyday... we are talking about a girl who would blow my phone up 20 times in a row constantly if I didn't have my phone near me and therefore couldn't answer the phone... if my phone was off, if I turn my phone back on my phone would be full... Therefore I know she loves me... but this is just odd... I just tried calling and again, no answer...

If she wanted to talk to me, she wouldve called... am I right? If I were on her end, I would not go 10 days without talking to me boyfriend of 4 years... no breakup mentioned, no anything... Now that would be just cold of her to break up in her own mind, not tell me, and just decide to ignore me cold turkey

She wants your attention.. she ognore you to show something (or its already over for her and doesn't even want to talk. Childish and really rare) text her for the last time and ask her to talk, she won't deny.. calling is not helping

JUst wondering any chance of a freak pregnancey maby she is scared and has no clue what to do

JUst wondering any chance of a freak pregnancey maby she is scared and has no clue what to do




Lol no not at all... and she is not able to have children

Honestly this women sounds like she has a lot of personal problems..

A big infestment in my view. A bit too much. For what you are getting back

Maybe some space is what you both need. To clear your heads

She can't go around saying you have done things.. when its not true.


And you need to tell her to not take her personal problems out on you
Tell her how you feel

Regards

honestly this women sounds like she has a lot of personal problems..

a big infestment in my view. a bit to much. for what you are getting back

maybe some space is what you both need. to clear your heads

she can't go around saying you have done things.. when its not true.


and you need to tell her to not take her personal problems out on you
tell her how you feel

Regards




Well everyone, I got to work this morning and my boss told me my paycheck was returned this morning stating: "he no longer lives here"...

I was getting my paychecks sent there because they weren't coming to my po box on time...


So doesn't that tell you, it is over? I have never heard of someone just ending it like that...

I actually feel even dumber because I sent a text this morning saying: "I know we both will be back in the dating scene eventually, but i hope we can remain friends even if its at a much later date in the future"

I know that was bad but I am pissed... of course as usual, she didn't respond back...

Friends!?


Fu##! ME! Mate! Honestly? Are you kidding me.. you want to be friends with this person?


UH! I wouldn't even have send that TEXT just based on the stuff she has done to you in the past! Now you are hit with this?

My friend count your lucky stars you are getting this.. . this Trash out of your life.. honestly she sounds like a waist of time, space and effort!

You are willing to come on here and ask for help and try and work things out.. all she wants to do is blame you for her mistakes in her life..

Trust me this has happened to me before. And it hurts when you put yourself out there on a limb for people who are lower class than you. Now I am not a class person. But I feel most of us.. have personality we know right from wrong. None of us are perfect but yeah. The people that treat other people like that..

Have no class at all. And should be left back where they belong.

Im sorry you have to go through this my friend.
It will get better

But please for me.. cut her out of your life.

Do you know what?

You can take this one of two ways you can

a) take this as a reflection on yourself, or your relationship or anything else concerning you.. be pissed at first, then sad

Or

b) be pissed and see the situation for what it is. Count your blessings that you can now be well and truly out of this, and away from this lady who has no ability to look past her own selfish problems and see that there is more than her own feelings involved here!

You have shown in that one text, no matter how stupid you feel now, that you have more class and decency in your thumb than she has in her whole existence. And that will get you farther in life than she can possibly expect, decent people don't kick a man when he is down.

Agreed A listen..

Never feel bad.. for your feelings.. OK.. we all have them. You have done nothing wrong in this

Apart form being a good guy that loves someone. Simple as that.

Her loss my friend.. Not yours!

Regards

Than you all for your comments... I REALLY appreciate them... when I texted her about the dating, I was saying that eventually we'll be back in the dating scene meaning we will be dating other people, but hope to still be friends at a later date... howevewr I've learned from you all that I shouldn't even be friends


It sucks because she is really tight with my family, and I know she will be at family gatherings because my family loves her... she doesn't show this side of her to them...

She doesn't have to be. Your family invariably love you more, you can insist on this.

Everyone will understand.

When was the last time you saw her in person??

When was the last time you saw her in person???


The last time Ive seen her in person was Saturday morning 3/14/09... and she got mad because I didtn call her all the rest of the day nor Sunday, and that she had to text me and that's when she blew up...

We've been together 4.5 years and have always gone through this break up get back together, break up get back together... etc... but usually that happens the same week... its been 14 days so far since I've seen her, 10 days since her last text she sent me... I responded but she never responded back and won't answer my calls. Maybe there is someone else in the picture...

If that is the case, oh well, I guess all I can do is suck it up and move on.

Throw the phone away, and no more texts. Go talk face to face, right frakking now!

Throw the phone away, and no more texts. Go talk face to face, right frakking now!


I don't want her to think I'm stalking if I did that... if she's ignoring me like that when I call or text, to me that is saying she doesn't want me around... correct?

Your logic is flawed, do as I say, and talk face, to face.

i dont want her to think im stalking if i did that....if shes ignoring me like that when i call or text, to me that is saying she doesnt want me around.......correct?

No, it could mean, I wish this guy had a set and would come and talk to me in person. Over a text is so impersonal. If my fiancé broke up with me, and then didn't speak with me for 14 days but still texted me, I wouldn't respond either. She has two legs and can get to my place just fine. Cell phones make things far too complicated. Too many times I've had arguments that started over texting because of my "attitude" or "tone" How the fakk do you have a tone over a text! I mean seriously, you read it, it's not said to you!

Ok so finally spoke with her last night, and these are the things she mentioned:


1). I don't say I love you, or that I miss her often anymore... That she doesn't think I'm attracted to her anymore. That I am selfish (when I asked to explain how, she said at one point I was using her address for my car insurace, and she thought I was selfish because that week I just happened to spin the night over there every night, when usually I spend the night 3 days a week as we do not live together)

2). We always hang around her friends, but not mine... (I've only hung around 2 friends of her and they are in a relationship TOGETHER... she has hung out with 2 of my friends that are also in a relationship... so its been like a couple's hangout)... I'm not comparing tit for tat, or 1 friend for 1 friend. It just happened that way. She wants to be able to vent to my friends just like I do and also was upset because she doesn't even know any of my friends phone numbers

My friends do not like her because they think she treats me bad. Her friends do not like me because they think I treat HER bad... bascially when we argue or get into it, I may vent to my friends... She on the other hand will also vent to her friends, mother, and sister which explains why they are "one-worded" when I'm around. How can you vent to your friends or make me ou to look bad, turn them against me, and then EXPECT ME to want to hang out with them... Her thing is that, my friends only know one side of the story and hasn't had the opportunity to sit down and have a talk with her.

3). She believes I'm more in her life than I am in hers meaning, I always come over to her apartment, but she can never come over to my apartment. Basically I live with my brother, who does not like this girl because of her attitude. Therefore he doesn't want her over. I can't say to my brother "deal with it"... He lives there too...

4). She was upset that I deleted her off Facebook, on the 5th day of her ignoring me, and stated "if you really love someone, you wouldntve done that"... but my response is "why can u ignore me, but care enough to recognize I deleted you.....

5). She feels that she calls me more than I call her. I get off work earlier than she does which is why I dont bother her at work as she works in a fast-paced environment, then she has church thats why a lot of the time I wait for her to call.....

the final question she asked me is this: "So what are you going to do about yourself moving forward... what is going to change? "

At that time, I guess I choked up but I honestly didn't know what to say... so I told her that maybe I just need to work on myself for a while before continuing this relationship... She HUNG UP

I called her back, she answered... but I could not think of the words to say when she asked me that question. Then she said her sleeping pill was making her tired and she needed to go to bed... This was at 1am this morning


Any input I would rather appreciate. Please do not get the assumption that I justify every single action of mine, because that is not always the case. I'm not perfect and neither is she... any criticizm I will accept by you all

Its obvious she doesn't know your friends don't like her and it's a red flag she wants to be able to vent to your friends.

If you stay together it will take a clear definition of boundaries, that you both agree on, and the truth. She can't be in your life without knowing how the people in your life feel about her.

That's a sticky situation, but keep talking, and giving each other feed back. Face to face, that texting has to go!

She still has not mentioned the fact she wants to see me. And when I say I miss her, she says things like "why"... and now she calls every now and then to say what's up, or to ask me for a phone number to different places because I know a lot of phone numbers...

Anyway, I'm going NO CONTACT on this one. I feel like a puppet on a string... Saturday morning at like 6am she sent a "?" to me in a text...

I've decided to turn phone off since this Monday and it only goes to voiemail. I will turn it back on this Sunday to check messages that other friends have left but that's it. I'm just tired of the BS so it's a go. NO CONTACT


My reasoning for turning the phone off is so that I can be strong not to call or text, and also so that I wouldn't jump up every time the phone rings to see if its her, like I've been doing./..

Do you agree?

Change your phone number... thus eliminating all possibility of her getting ahold of you... that's what I did.

So you are prepared to end this??

If you own a iPhone you can buy an application called "iblacklist" - for jailbroken iphones only. And it can

a) send them directly to voicemail. b) pickup hangup. Or c) create a busy signal.

It also deletes the SMS messages. And it does all this with no notifications (unless you ask for notification, but why bother if you know when someone calls, might as well just ignore them).

This way I don't have to change my phone number and my XGF gets the busy signal. She actually emailed me about the busy signal, so I removed the busy signal and let it go to voicemail straight out, then it auto deletes the voicemail. Same with SMS. So she can think she's leaving a VM but basically my phone is off 100% of the time even though its not for anyone else.

I'd look into it if you have the iPhone, its well worth it.

Speaking of the IPhone, I heard it has an application that can get your ex back for you... isn't technology wonderful?!

So you are prepared to end this???

Yes Ialaniman, I am... She only calls me now when she wants something that has nothing to do with us... And the crazy thing about it is she doesn't even call really, she texts...


Hopefully our mutual doesn't go back and tell her but I have a dinner and a date tomorrow night... I just need to take my mind off her and get out and have some fun


Our mutual friend is still on my Facebook and the status was that I have a dinner/movie date tomorrow night... There are quite a few girls that are trying to go to dinner with me, and I'm not using them at all. I am not going to wait on my g/f... Its funny because when we get into like this, she uses our mutual friend to text me saying something like "you know she misses you"... then we make up, etc... I'm not going through this again this happens repeatly

Your question may be, wow you broke up on 3/15/09 and already you have a date? My answer to that is life is too short to be sitting around miserable

Talanmiman, I'm just fed up. I sooo want to cut my phone back on to see if she's called... but I'm being strong and not... Im sure she'll wonder when she sends a "Text" if she hasn't done so already why I haven't replied, and she'll just get the voicemail...

If she is dating someone else, which seems to be the case, because she acts so over it when she calls, then that is not fair to me... I REALLY think she's dating someone already which MAY have started doing the relationship and that she is just calling me to see if I'm still around just in case it doesn't work out with the new person...

Am I jumping the gun here?

If you have MADE YOUR DECISION, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SHE DOES ANY MORE. Only what you want to do means a darn thing!!!

Never forget that!

Well, I spoke to her yesterday and I am truly confident she won't be bothering me anymore. I COMPLETELY let my hair down last night, and told her how I felt she has been a complete since the beginning of the relationship in 2004 and that it takes 2 hands to clap... Its not ALL about what SHE wants... Its about what I want as well... She called me selfish and I called her that as well... I ended the conversation stating that... "I CAN and WILL find someone who will treat me better than this.."... there is no ned to change my phone number because I have a feeling she won't be calling anymore. Thank goodness!! And I'm sitting around here blaming myself for everything...

And of course she says I'm doing all this to make myself feel better... yeah, WHATever

Its been a month snice I last seen my ex who I use to be around EVERYDAY(we didn't live together. I know it was good that it ended... Its been 2 weeks since we had a bad text message argument that caused a lot of hurt feelings, bitterness, etc... She basically ignored me for a week and half so I went off on her.

If there is another topic on this site that addresses my situation please post the link


I was with this girl for 4.5 years. I've read that you can get over your ex and your mind off your ex by keeping BUSY. I am a VERY busy person all day most of the day. Even throughout all these busy times, I am not able to get my ex off my mind... I still wonder what she's doing, etc. She has TONS of friends... The problem with her is she can make friends VERY easy... but relationship wise is different with her.

Even though I keep myself occupied and my mind busy, is it still normal to wonder what their up to? I want to call badly or even text but 2 weeks ago, I said I was through... AND I MEANT IT. I have beem living the fun single life with my friends i.e.. Going to bars, clubs, restaurants, movies, etc... but still throughout the midst of this I sometimes get this OVERWHELMING power over me that makes me think about my ex... Any suggestions?

When we broke up 2 years ago, and then got back together, I was in therapy(trying to get over the relationship), but either my therapist was horrible or his approach... It hard for me to even visit my aunt because she stays DIRECTLY across the hall from her in her apartment.

I went on a date last night and had a good time. My ex found out of course because there seems to be some friend out of my 400 friends on Facebook that told her about this, as my status stated that I was out on a movie + dinner date

Back to the busy part, am I still going to get those urges to contact or text even if I keep busy ALL the time... I keep hearing that sooner or later, one or the other is going to call and or text even if its months from now... is that true?

Every break up is fact specific. But you can refer to these no contact rules to help you recover from the break up: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

Just keep in mind that if you want to get over her, you got to stick with the rules. Every time you contact her, you are going to prolong the pain and restart much of the progress that you made.

Word of advice: If you are going to have Facebook, don't post things like "Going on a date tonight" as your status... I am not sure what the point of doing that was, other than to let everyone know.

Just stay busy and keep living your life. In time, your emotions will simmer down.

back to the busy part, am I still going to get those urges to contact or text even if I keep busy ALL the time... I keep hearing that sooner or later, one or the other is going to call and or text even if its months from now... is that true?

I think young people tend to do that more often than people who are a little older and wiser.
I think it is because young people break up over less important things.Silly arguments and petty things that are not real deal breakers but seem like it at the time.
Bottom line,if you do remake contact,it usually ends in some mixed messages and more confusion.It sort of negates the whole no contact tool which is intended to help you heal and get over someone.

Since you probably don't have a lot of past experience to fall back on, its so hard to know what to do after a break up, so yes, you will be having all kinds of thoughts of her, until you replace those thoughts with new ones, and get over the past, and embrace the new opportunities, and options, that are available for you.

You will have to cope with your feelings until then, and thats a life lesson we all have to learn.

Thank you everyone,

Ive been trying to keep myself busy ALL day and taking sleeping meds at night... I also cut my phone off during the week so I won't be tempted to call her or have the HOPE that maybe she will call me... So I just leave the voicemail on, and phone turned off... Other people who need to reach me just email me or send me an email... I usually turn my phone on on Friday nights through Sunday, and then cut the phone back off Sunday night...


Crazu huh? The things love can do to you

Do whatever you got to go, as long as you stick with the no contact rules... until you recover... lol... maybe just let your closes friends know that you turned your phone off so they don't think you disappeared?

Good luck buddy!

Do whatever you gotta go, as long as you stick with the no contact rules... until you recover... lol... maybe just let your closes friends know that you turned your phone off so they don't think you disappeared?

Good luck buddy!

Thank you I wish

Threads merged to get the whole story

Hey everyone, I have a situation... Everytime I hang out with mutual couplea, I always invite my girlfriend to hang out. However, when I hang out with my friends, I can't seem to be myself when she's hanging out with her.

For example, I can't go into a store with my friends and try on a muscle shirt, or anything that she thinks is not nice looking on me, without an opionion like " I don't like that, or its too small, etc...

We've been together for 5 years, but when we argue, we vent to our friends, and my friends are not too crazy about hanging out with her. I always tell my friends there are 2 sides to a story, and they seem not to care about her side. Maybe this is due to them knowing me many years before my girlfriend... other friends have been around her, and would rather not to again...


This weekend, my old college friends are coming down... and she is mad because I didn't invite her to hang out with us... Its a bunch of guys, and I know we will drink, maybe go to the club/bar, and I will be in about 2-3am... We don't live together for reasons such as always arguing and I love it this way because we have our own space


My question to you all is this: Shouldn't you be able to have your OWN friends in a relationship? What if we broke up, I wouldn't want her linked to my friends in ANY way... I've had that happen and hate that... Do you think she is trying to control what I do? I do things with my girlfriend that normal people in relationships do... go for nice walks, movies, bowling, etc


I just feel that I should be able to have my OWN friends, and that they should NOT have to like her if they don't. I don't feel I should leave my friends just because they don't like my girlfiend... although some of it is due to my venting to them sometimes when we argue

Any suggestions? I am asking you all because I know you all are not biased, so I know you will give me your honest opinions... Thank you in advance

It is important to have boundaries in a relationship.

If you and your girlfriend don't see your respective friends alone then you can both start to feel a bit smothered.

Her hanging out with your mates sometimes is fine if she wants to tag along but she needs to understand that you need to just 'hang out with the boys' sometimes.

I get along fantastic with my partners male friends, some of them are closer to me than my female friends but I still repect that he wants to hang out with them by himself sometimes and talk about 'guy things'
You need to have a chat to her and tell her that.
If she can't understand then in my opinion, she is too clingy and doesn't trust you.

So what has happened in a month where all of a sudden your back together??

It sounds like she may be controlling and or insecure.
You need to tell her that your time out with the guys is your time.
I am sure she has time with her friends without you there so she should understand that. If there are no other girls going to be there tell her that it would feel awkward being the only guy with the only girl there.




His (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/missing-ex-like-crazy-341439.html) threads have been merged for the whole story
So what has happened in a month where all of a sudden your back together???

It sounds like maybe they are down to a once a month relationship.

His (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/missing-ex-like-crazy-341439.html) threads have been merged for the whole story
So what has happened in a month where all of a sudden your back together???

Oh no... you broke the rules...

Your recent story is just adding to the list of red flags. I don't know how many more flags you need to snap back into reality.

We can't tell you what to do, but if after 5 years of dating your friends still can't get along with her, I think you can pretty much accept the fact that they will never get along with her.

If you choose to stick with her, you're going to have to accept the fact that you're going to have to see your friends separately. If she can't handle it, then you're going to have to choose between your friends and her. Can you really do that?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering?

The think this relationship have reach it crossroads.

The foundation of this relationship is weak and after being together for 5 years it shouldn't be.

I didn't read your thread that Tal posted but I will.

Deleted for not being able to understand this post, due to some really lousy spelling and grammer-Mod.

Re edit please.

Ignoring her for you will be very difficult this time. Firstly I want to give advice that you should discuss face to face and you should ask politly that what's wrong with you why are you ignoring is there any problem. If after this discussion any result you get then depends on you. If there is no result then you should clear her that if you don't want to be with you than its OK and clear her with statements that never call me never meet me now no relation between us. You must clear this then you get good feeling and result