Hi friends. I am a married for last 3 and half years. I am very much in love with my wife and thought she too was and our marriage was running fine.. but last week, she told me she loves somebody else. She met that guy through chatting and hasn't seen him yet but his name gives her strength. Whenevr she thinks of him, she ahs a smile on her face. Also when they talk on the phone, she uses some special nicknames which she never ever used for me. I have sort of given up on her but I still love her very much. We are giving each other time to really check whether this marriage can work or no and then probably decide to divorce.
I am really wondering where is this security in marriage? Do I have to be on my toes all my life to make sure my wife is mine only and keep doing special things for her so that she is in love with me?
PLease help me sort out things.

People have the same problems in relationships dude and the problem is that at some point people stop putting in as much effort as they did when they courted the person. When you start a relationship you're asking yourself do they like me as much as I like them? I don't know your wife and I don't know you but I wish I could give you certainty in just one answer on what to do. But what I can do is what I do best for my friends. First off every day is a new day in your marriage, for example you've never been married to this woman 3 years and 2 days before today and tomorrow you've never been married to her 3 years 3 days (don't know the exact days it's a metaphor). So why treat you marriage with every day the same. That's why she likes this guy, there's something exciting he's saying that gets her excited. So and I can't believe I'm saying this, "get your wife excited about you!" If that's what you want, and it sounds like it is. It's never too late and Now is a good time to start. Start by making her a thoughtful dinner (candle lit), and the next night flowers, play a board game with her the next night and hopefuly by the fourth night you got some massage oils and work back into the bedroom (she scuffs you try again and again). Go back to dating methods 101 from college and have fun with your wife every day, and after this miscommunication mends up find something new to do every week with your wife. Make it a challenge to see how you two can have fun in your life every week, but it's against the rules to schedule a day for it. It has to appear random and spontaneous like you, like the a breath of fresh air has just reclaimed you. Most importantly ignore this guy, he's a loser don't argue with her for talking to him. I won't explain why because I could write a whole book about why, but he's obviously a loser because he's wasting his time on a woman he never met and IS MARRIED! He obviously wants one thing and she likes the feeling of being wanted, even if it's from jimmy the creeper. You're best off understanding and admiting that your wife wants to feel wanted so do what you did to excite her in the first place. If not divorcee's still get a lot of pity .

It ends off "divorcee's get a lot of pity "*

You can't say A.s.s... that's censorship son

There is no security in this marriage. After 3 1/2 years, she has told you that she loves somebody else, and you are privy to her phone calls to him? She has no respect for you, and no respect for your marriage.

I don't think this is about you, it is about her. Her choices were to chat some man up, and fall in love, forsaking her marriage vows, and eliminating the security and trust you had in her.

I wouldn't spend two seconds of my time trying to win her back, although I agree that at some point she's going to realize she's made a mistake and either come crawling back to you, or find another guy to fall in love with.

Be grateful this didn't happen after 10 years of marriage and a gaggle of kids.

If you are looking for a secure marriage, this is not it in my opinion.

What a.. just wow...

You can try what MSS3989 said, but I have a feeling it may not work.

I believe she doesn't love you [because you don't do those things to someone you love]. In my opinion, you should pack your things, and get on out of there; better yet send her packing! From her actions, I believe your attempts to save this marriage will be wasted.

Good luck to you!
MRS.S