I am in college - I knew her as a freshman and really wanted a better chance to meet her which I didn't get until after she got a boyfriend. I really like her but it hurts too much to hang out with her because of it, so I've been trying to avoid her calls or not answering her calls/coming up with excuses -

I have told her to her face 5 times that I won't do things with her since she has a boyfriend, but she keeps on calling me! Recently she got her boyfriend to confront me and say "hey im ok with you hanging out with my girlfriend." Am I doing the right thing? I don't think I have a choice and she needs to realize it.

Keep ignoring her, she will get the message. People can't force you to hang out with someone you aren't comfortable hanging out with. You sound like a stand up guy, so stick to your morals.

Carry on... :cool:

I'll keep this short and simple. If she keeps calling you, keep making yourself unavailable and say that you're busy. Find other stuff to do with other friends.

I think you just need to be firm with her. Tell her YOU don't feel good about hanging out with her. And it doesn't matter if her boyfriend cares are not. So tell her you are not interested period.

Cuz if she is persistent she won't leave you alone.

I think I have a pretty good understanding of how you feel. I was in the same situation just a few weeks ago.

She has a boyfriend, so talking to her is really painful. But ignoring her is just as painful because she's out of your life. It's just a lose-lose situation.

Instead of hurting yourself, just do what makes you feel less pain. The lesser of two evils type of thing.

Ask yourself, would you rather her be your friend or out of your life completely?

Don't be a wuss, tell her to leave you alone, and back it up by being unavailable.

If you need to answer the phone, and just hang up, do it. Sometimes people make you rude to them, when they can't take no for an answer. That's their problem, not yours

Its up to you...

You sound confused and a little hurt... so its probably best to back off.

Its mostly about control.

All sex or sensual tension doesn't need to be about a promise of forever and forever... hell... most of the time the "promises" made in HS and college are for the moment and not for forever...

So...

You have little control here. And that's dangerous for you.

You like the girl. She has a boyfriend. Fine. It happens.

Let her chase you all she wants. Feel free to invite her to chase you. But you most likely need to be grounded... to be solid... to know that this is most likely more about curiosity than devotion.

And why is that bad?

Stop making every relationship decision about life or death. Forever or never.

It can be much, much simpler than that. Wish I knew that when I was your age.

There are several billion people on this earth. She isn't that special. You aren't either. There are no "soul mates".

You like her. Fine. Like her.

Act as you need to and act in your own interests. If that means stepping up or stepping away... well, that's your call.

Having been where you are, id say don't make every decision life or death. It isn't like that. You are learning the ropes... finding the pitfalls... its all a part of learning what you need.

Short answer... and I NEVER have one... is that she seems attached to this other guy and she and he are willing to let you play along in their game to keep her satiatied.

She's likely not going to be with you long term.

Not that that's bad... if you can disconnect a little and enjoy yourself in the meantime.

Look, she seems unsatisfied with her current relationship and it'll be up to her to decide whether to break up with her boyfriend, but do anything with her until she's single. You can be there as a friend, if necessary as a shoulder to cry on, but if she makes a move on you do the right thing and keep up what you're saying to her. She has a boyfriend, it'd be wrong to do anything.

-Mouse

Ahhh I continue to stop hanging out with her but she still keeps on trying to do stuff with me even when I won't listen to her. Is it possible that she does like me she just isn't sure I return the favor and doesn't want to jeopardize her current relationship? That would be looking on the bright side but I feel like the best resolve is to talk to her, otherwise no one is going to feel better.

You tried the talk thing 5 times already. If she doesn't have any friends that's her problem.

I don't see how the most recent OP'ers posting shows anything has changed.

You are still unsure. She is still willing to tease. Repeat.

She likes you enough to play around. She doesn't like you enough to elevate the relationship.

So...

Unless you can provide new info, I just don't see how all the advice you've been given is irrelevant.

You get to choose what you do with your time, your mind, your body.

If she's worth the headache, fine. If she has you too off balance, fine. If you want to roll the dice, fine.

But its still the choice you own and nobody will make it for you.

I can't tell you what id do because it depends on me... at times in my life, id see her as a fun, playful distraction that I might want to spend some energy on, on my terms. And at other times in my life id see that girl as dangerous, or at least annoying, unwilling to mold into my needs, but willing to try to fill hers up whenever convenient.

So...

I'm not going to tell you what kind of underwear to buy. Not going to tell you what cologne is best on your skin. Not going to tell you what kind of girl is right for you. And I'm certainly not going to tell you anything different about this one... she's not all that into you, but she's a little into you, or at least your attention.

Nothing wrong with that.

You get to own what happens next. And that might mean more energy directed at pushing her away, which is annoying.

It happens. I've loved more than one woman I couldn't be with and who wasn't right for me. And I've hung with women who weren't going to be my girlfriend, but who interested me, even excited me, and I lived through it.