Hey Rome - should put something in there about "What to do with your ex's things". I know we get that question a lot here.

Good stuff so far though bud :)

Thanks! I will do that right now

This is excellent, Rome!

Hey Rome,

I would add a sentence to say something about this site/forum too!

Hey Rome,

I would add a sentence to say something about this site/forum too!

Perhaps I am not seeing this, but if they stumble onto this thread, there is no need to add a sentence regarding this site... :D

Perhaps it would be nice to include "Proof" story links... like a link to your story, Sneeze, and some others I am forgetting...

Just rattling off ideas here..

Ah! Good idea Kc, proof that it works ha ha

I'm guessing that this applies to people that we never dated before, but really like?

Ummm... no... this applies to an ex... it is a break up situation...

Umm... OK... but you guys started this idea in my thread.

It is an all around way to get over someone. Emotional detox, a way to be able to detach yourself from another person emotionally.

1. No contact means NO CONTACT, don't call write, email, text or message them
a. It's a hard thing to do, it's an emotional detox and takes a lot of work

Step ahead of you bro. It's tough work, whether it's someone you dated or someone you really like

Some quotes that I found inspirational through NC. :D

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together"

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

"I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."

I have quotes posted all over my room that helped me get through the pain. I feel those are some of the best things to help surround you with positive thinking.

Good

They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually.

This brilliant advice.

They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually-.I don't think this is true for everyone. Some people go different ways and contact is cut for good.

They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually-.I don't think this is true for everyone. Some people go different ways and contact is cut for good.[/QUOTE]

Yep, I agree. Some ex's try to contact us, some don't. ACTUALLY I THINK MOST OF THEM DON'T. When sb dumped you, it was their own intention to stop their contact with you. So why would they try to get back? Either they think they made a mistake and that they really do love and miss you (after getting TIME to MISS you), or they're true jerks/es who want their cake and eat it too (in case they dumped you for sb else).

Actually, the NC isn't about them, it's about US, things that help us move forward. In my case, NC is for 2 reasons

1. I want to ERASE them from my life. Being haunted by the good times and the fact that we can't have that anymore is a soul killer.

2. Instead of driving myself nuts waiting for their emails/contacts on the net, I just block them COS I DON'T Want to KNOW Whether THEY'RE TRYING TO CONTACT ME. THE THOUGHT OF THEM NOT EVEN CARING ABOUT ME JUST DRIVES ME INSANE. SO I'D RATHER NOT KNOW.

Unfortunately, we can't block calls on our mobiles (or can we? I don't know, maybe some tech genius out there know how), so I think your strategies are pretty good, along with your strategies in case you study or work with them (in which case I think would be the hardest).

But I'd like to add about the net. Deleting them from your list doesn't help because they can still contact you. YOU HAVE TO BLOCK AND DELETE THEM. You can do that on Facebook, msn, skype, and other online social networking systems. And now YOU CAN EVEN BLOCK EMAILS. DON'T PUT THE ADDRESSES AS SPAMS COS THEY CAN STILL COME UP (AS SPAMS).

Blocking them from your social sites is a good idea, but seldom does it happen, erasing them from your friends list is a good start, the main problem the people have with their ex's page is that they look at their status updates(tells what they are doing) and getting either hope or discouraged from it.

Very rare do we have someone who actually blocks them on myspace or Facebook, also with e-mail addresses, SPAM is just like deleting their e-mail accounts as most web based e-mail have folders for spam and you won't even notice.

About the whole them not contacting you, 95% of the people on here can attest to their ex trying to get in touch with them after the break up. KC, myself, Sneezy, A4 and countless others, so it does hold true for 95% of them.

I changed my phone number. I think it depends on the determination of some people to just be done with this. After countless times of causing myself more and more pain, I finally just changed everything to where whe COULD NOT contact me.

You can literally erase someone from your life if you are determined to do so. You can also block numbers from your cell phone, it is VERY easy. All you do is contact your cell phone provider (of course, that doesn't stop them from contacting you on an unknown number).

Exactly, but my point was, most will try to contact you eventually which seems pretty well stated by the amount of posters "she called me, what does it mean" questions.

A matter of odds... the odds are HIGH, very HIGH that your ex will contact you, especially if you dated for longer than a year or so..

My ex called or emailed me a couple times. The first couple of times, I had that confused, "Oh, maybe she wants me back" syndrom going... she most recently sent me a text three weeks ago, and no confusion or false hope jumped in my head... this is kind of where you truly realize you are doing good, and you are moving forward!

Umm, I didn't know 95% of people here got contacts from their ex's, but maybe the rate here is high because this is a Q&A forum and most people asking questions here face complications in their relationships, don't you think so?

In my case, ONLY ONE ex contacted me, 4 months after the break, because one of his longterm ex died in a car crash and he felt like he didn't have anyone else to talk to but me. I didn't pick up the call or call back though (sadly I remember his number by heart even till now). But I did call him 4 months after that call (8 months after the break) to tell him I was moving to Europe, that was when he told me about his previous call. He wished me luck and bon voyage. A year later I called him (from Europe) crying my heart out that my new guy dumped me. I think we're one of the few who can stay friends.

Yeah, I agree that the longterm ones can't be cut so easily. Maybe the fact that other ex's never contacted me was because it was always short term (less than a year) and also because I move around for my job so a longterm one is hard to keep.

Or maybe because I often came across as harsh and mean. One ex screwed up for being blindly jealous. I told him he's stupid and immature and dumped him. He never contacted me again. Another ex dumped me because he was afraid of going the next level, I threw stuff at him and kept ing whenever I saw him (we shared the same dorm). When I moved out, we never kept contact again until a year later. He later admitted that he was scared of me.

That's right Hathor!

The people in this thread have common problems and we reflect a small percentage of the entire population. Maybe it's true, maybe it's 99% vs. 1%, but either way, I think it's more objective to say "if they call" instead of "when they call" to cover everyone.

But the Guideline isn't showing any bias anyway, so I think we're fine.

Hathor to be honest, you come off as having a temper problem. Calling a guy you date names and then another throwing stuff at him? But that's neither here nor there, maybe if I get enough people saying I need to change it I will, but for now I'm going with the majority.

I think it depends on the person, if they decide that they want to be friends or not. Personally I think if the ex's feel that the friendship was good then there is a possibility that they will get back in contact.

I don't have much experience with Ex's! But I agree with Hathor, its more likely because it's a Q&A Forum that the rate is so high.

Every girl I have dated has tried to contact me in some way or another after we broke up. For some it took months, others a couple weeks but still tried apologizing to me for how it all happened and wanted to be friends.

I am not sure why it matters. Whether "if" or "when" is in there isn't the point. Seriously, this is meant to help, arguing over semantics really isn't going to do anything. The entire point of this thread is to help others get over their emotionally damaged state of mind and come to a firm grasp of reality... am I missing something?

That's what I'm trying to figure out, obviously the mods thought highly enough of this post to make it a sticky, so I'm going to go with their advice ha ha.

I am not sure why it matters. Whether or not "if" or "when" is in there isn't the point. Seriously, this is meant to help, arguing over semantics really isn't going to do anything. The entire point of this thread is to help others get over their emotionally damaged state of mind and come to a firm grasp of reality...am I missing something?

Yes your right. Sorry I just thought id point it out. It doesn't matter really if they do get in contact. Because NC will heal you and by then you won't care!

Hathor to be honest, you come off as having a temper problem. Calling a guy you date names and then another throwing stuff at him? But that's neither here nor there, maybe if I get enough people saying I need to change it I will, but for now I'm going with the majority.

Yeah I know I have a temper problem, trying to change, but not very successful so far :P

Anyway, I'm not always hot-tempered during dating/relationships and I've never done anything (so) stupid, it's just that on the verge of breaking up, I was trying to protect myself by letting anger rather than grieve consume me. You're an expert, so I think you know this angry phase very well. As I suggested in the previous post, we can also block their contacts as well not just deleting, and I tend to go all the way, cutting all ties, deleting sms/emails/photos, throwing out stuff (except the expensive ones). And it did help me a lot.

Actually, I've managed to block all communication means with ALL my ex's. I just moved to another country (again) so I have a new number. I don't have myspace. I don't use MSN anymore. I've blocked all of their emails and their contact lists on Facebook and skype.

The initial purpose was to help me heal. And now I'm healed ;-) but I still need to continue blocking them for my own comfort zone. Actually I still remember some of their numbers and emails, so I can contact them whenever I need to (even if I don't remember I can still search on white pages or sth). I know it's extreme, but we have our own ways, right?

Oh, also count my vote for 'if' ;-)

Blocking all communication is good. Same with me. No Facebook, a new msn addy, new phone number. All this helped. I didn't do this till three months after the break up after torturing myself with being in contact. This is not the way to go. If I cut contact straight away I would have been three months ahead of the healing process.

Does No Contact apply to the ''Let's take a break and be friends'' situation also or is it just for break-ups only.

I consider taking a break a break up. No contact is perfect for that situation as well. Just about everyone on this forum will agree that taking a break results in a break up.

Good job Rome.
I always like the question,when can we be friends?
I like Tals advice about waiting until the emotional dust settles.
Hope you can fit it in somewhere.

I got to think that the most important part of Rome's post is the last part, with stories of hope. To me, when you come on this website, in particular this topic area, you see NOTHING but horror stories of being dumped and all the things that go with it. The people that give advice, a lot of us now reformed after having our heart broken, are assumed to not really know how it feels... it is almost as if the person with their heart broken feels like we are all wise beyond our years and don't know what they are going through..

So... it does good to see specific people doing well, especially when you have links have how bad we all were doing once upon a time. Mix in a little proof of success with some devastating feelings, and you should eventually get hope...

Just a meaningless rant...

Ha ha, that's one of the main reasons I stuck around, because I knew that what I learned from this site needed to be passed on. So I have stuck around, and will continue to do so. It gives me comfort to see that I am helping people who are going through some of the most difficult times of their life.

Ha ha, that's one of the main reasons I stuck around, because I knew that what I learned from this site needed to be passed on. So I have stuck around, and will continue to do so. It gives me comfort to see that I am helping people who are going through some of the most difficult times of their life.

Well guys, I have to admit, I am going trough this right now, and it's hell. I need your help. I am counting the days and weeks and sometimes I look at the pictures we took on our last trip when she started to act cold and distant. I am trying to understand what went wrong, regardless I know she was not putting in the effort to save the relationship, I still feel guilt, frustration and anger.

Only natural my friend. First things first... place the pics somewhere away that isn't easily accessible. NC means no pics too.

Only natural my friend. First things first...place the pics somewhere away that isn't easily accessible. NC means no pics too.

I put the pics on an external usb drive, believe it or not there is actually a picture that helps me get over her. She had this thing about being taller than me that really bothered her. She was 5'9 and I'm 5'11, in this pic she looks taller and not physicly attractive or physicly compatible with me. She also never wore her her high heel shoes when we were together.

I look forward to the future and my next relationship I wish to find a more petite woman, I am a romantic guy and I like to be able to pick up my woman in my arms and carry her.
This is probably wired in my brain or geneticly programmed. No offense to the talll girls out there, I am sure you tall girls feel weird too when your man is shorter.

So one thing to check early is are you compatible and can you deal with the incompatibilities, can you just walk pass them or will they cause constant headaches and just add to the reasons of breaking up in the future.

What do you think KC ?

I think having an open mind sets your possibilities to an endless margin. Some people are different... for me, the last thing I want is a girlfriend (which is why I find myself in an awkward situation as we speak), and to others, having a girlfriend is a really big deal.

What else makes you happy? Life is not a fairytale written by some stranger, it is a journey written by you...

That is why kc gets all the ladies, because he doesn't want one. :D

That is why kc gets all the ladies, because he doesn't want one. :D

Wow... totally blushing now... :o

I think having an open mind sets your possibilities to an endless margin. Some people are different...for me, the last thing I want is a girlfriend (which is why I find myself in an awkward situation as we speak), and to others, having a girlfriend is a really big deal.

What else makes you happy? Life is not a fairytale written by some stranger, it is a journey written by you...

I think it's worth it, yes a relationship has ups and downs, but if you are with the right person you can really share a lot of great moments and help each other with all the challenges life brings at you.

Even though my girlfriend and I were not very compatible, I loved to share moments with her and help her and care for her. I am going to miss when she called me ''babe'' and phoned me at night to talk before going to bed. I know it's small little things, but just the fact she was thinking of me, I'm going to miss that.

I put the pics on an external usb drive, believe it or not there is actualy a picture that helps me get over her. She had this thing about being taller than me that really bothered her. She was 5'9 and im 5'11, in this pic she looks taller and not physicly attractive or physicly compatible with me. She also never wore her her high heel shoes when we were together.

I look forward to the future and my next relationship i wish to find a more petite woman, i am a romantic guy and i like to be able to pick up my woman in my arms and carry her.
This is probably wired in my brain or geneticly programmed. No offense to the talll girls out there, i am sure you tall girls feel weird too when your man is shorter.

So one thing to check early is are you compatible and can you deal with the incompatibilities, can you just walk pass them or will they cause constant headaches and just add to the reasons of breaking up in the future.

What do you think KC ?

PirandelloLuigi, no offence, but you've come across as being shallow, seriously, you got turned off by her height? If it really was a big deal for you, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her in the first place, knowing you would be so INCOMPATIBLE anyway, gosh, there're million other ways to be INCOMPATIBLE, and then you went on about petite girls... well, everyone has some sort of a physical type, but when it comes to love, THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE IMPORTANT PART, what if the most compatible girl in the world for you in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc is a foot taller than you? So you'll cast her aside just because she's taller? I know you mean no harm to taller girls, date whoever you like, tall, petite, blond, brunette, white, asian, black, hispanic, mixed whatever.Just want to point out that at the end of the day, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Good that you've got rid of her photos, good that you've moved on, but your attitude doesn't help, it'll become a big relationship issue in the future if you don't add this certain DEPTH in yourself.

I think it's worth it, yes a relationship has ups and downs, but if you are with the right person you can really share a lot of great moments and help each other with all the challenges life brings at you.

Even though my girlfriend and i were not very compatible, i loved to share moments with her and help her and care for her. I am going to miss when she called me ''babe'' and phoned me at night to talk before going to bed. I know it's small little things, but just the fact she was thinking of me, im gonna miss that.

I understand that, and I missed that more than anything when I broke up with my ex. I do think, however, that you are searching for something that you, yourself, should be able to fill. I caution you on getting a girlfriend just to fill a void in your life. Being alone isn't bad at all, and it is much different that being lonely.

Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy without a girlfriend?

PirandelloLuigi, no offence, but you've come across as being shallow, seriously, you got turned off by her height? If it really was a big deal for you, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her in the first place, knowing you would be so INCOMPATIBLE anyway, gosh, there're million other ways to be INCOMPATIBLE, and then you went on about petite girls...well, everyone has some sort of a physical type, but when it comes to love, THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE IMPORTANT PART, what if the most compatible girl in the world for you in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc is a foot taller than you? So you'll cast her aside just because she's taller? I know you mean no harm to taller girls, date whoever you like, tall, petite, blond, brunette, white, asian, black, hispanic, mixed whatever.Just wanna point out that at the end of the day, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Good that you've got rid of her photos, good that you've moved on, but your attitude doesn't help, it'll become a big relationship issue in the future if you don't add this certain DEPTH in yourself.

I never had a problem with her height. She was the one bringing it up all the time, because she wanted to wear high heels. I told her go ahead, wear them, I don't mind. But she never did, she did not like to feel taller than me. On our first date she said '' you don't look like your 5'11'' and then asked me to show her my hand and she measured with her hand and looked dissapointed cause her hand was a little bigger. On our first date. She was already looking at physical attributes.

I would never refuse a woman for these things if I am in love with her. I accepted these minor things and I loved her with all my heart.

I understand that, and I missed that more than anything when I broke up with my ex. I do think, however, that you are searching for something that you, yourself, should be able to fill. I caution you on getting a girlfriend just to fill a void in your life. Being alone isn't bad at all, and it is much different that being lonely.

Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy without a girlfriend?

I am happy with myself yes, a girlfriend compliments my life and I compliment hers, doing things that couple do, spending time with family and friends. It's always more fun as a couple than alone I find.

I also know that now I have to move on and work on myself again, to get myself confidence back and not blame the failure of my last relationship on myself. I just can't believe this happened to us, it feels like a bad dream, we did not deserve this sad ending.

Like you said KC, being alone is not that bad. I have less pressure financially, I can do what I want when I want, I don't feel drained anymore, from all the arguments we were having.
I don't have to endure temper tantrums and ultimatums anymore. I can be myself again, not somebody I wasn't. I just have to work on the missing her on week ends part. The hardest part. Damn I'm gooing to miss her.

I am happy with myself yes, a girlfriend compliments my life and i compliment hers, doing things that couple do, spending time with family and friends. it's always more fun as a couple than alone i find.

I also know that now i have to move on and work on myself again, to get my self confidence back and not blame the failure of my last relationship on myself. I just can't believe this happened to us, it feels like a bad dream, we did not deserve this sad ending.

Like you said KC, being alone is not that bad. I have less pressure financialy, i can do what i want when i want, i don't feel drained anymore, from all the arguments we were having.
i don't have to endure temper tantrums and ultimatums anymore. I can be myself again, not somebody i wasn't. I just have to work on the missing her on week ends part. The hardest part. Damn im gooing to miss her.

That isn't what being in any relationship is about.

What a great thread Rome , well done!!

Great information, insights, and solutions. Good job!!

Brilliant thread Rome!. hopefully the newcomers on this site can use this info and all the other stickies to recover from their time of grief... NC helped me actually see things clearly for once, with an objective mind - I was finally able to get closure through NC and realise that my ex actually left me for another guy (she never really told me why she left apart from 'I feel uncomfortable in a relationship and don't know why') and now I'm well on the way to happiness and its all thanks to this site and people like Rome, KC and Tal among others!. thank you very much!

Brilliant thread Rome!!.. hopefully the newcomers on this site can use this info and all the other stickies to recover from their time of grief... NC helped me actually see things clearly for once, with an objective mind - I was finally able to get closure through NC and realise that my ex actually left me for another guy (she never really told me why she left apart from 'I feel uncomfortable in a relationship and dont know why') and now I'm well on the way to happiness and its all thanks to this site and people like Rome, KC and Tal among others!!... thank you very much!!

Arzy99, My ex told me the same thing, she said she didn't want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. I think she is with someone else too. I am not sure 100% but it's the gut feeling I am having. If she is, she would not tell me right now anyway and I do not want to know. That's why I chose NC with her. I think she prefers casual relationships to serious ones. I think it's for the best, we can't do anything but accept what happened. If they love us they will come back one day. Sometimes they feel crowded or smothered and they need to get away to see if they miss us and test their feelings.

Hi guys!
I have a question concerning no contact. This coming Friday I have to go to my apointment at the dental clinic where she works. I have to pay what I owe them and ask if I can continue my treatments at another location.

Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there?
Since she works as a receptionist there, I will probably see her again and she will try to talk to me.

What should I do?

Contact the office via phone and pay your bill via phone or mail.

You know there are ways around the in person contact.

Contact the office via phone and pay your bill via phone or mail.

You know there are ways around the in person contact.

Can't do that I have an apointment.

But the fact is you have known about the appointment for a while. The appointment could have been cancelled or scheduled on a day that she was not scheduled. Breaking NC only hurts you.

If I just act like another patient, I won't break NC, as long as we don't get into personal details it should be OK. It's the last time I go there.

Good luck to you, but we all know you are not just another patient.

Most importantly you and she know you are not just another patient.

Wishing you the best.

Good luck to you, but we all know you are not just another patient.

Most importantly you and she know you are not just another patient.

Wishing you the best.

But last time I was there she acted like nothing happened. I can do the same and show I am not weak and depressed anymore. I will show her that I moved on too. Why have fear to go pay my last bill and change location for my next apointment?

OK, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life... like a sweet fungus.. lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

ok, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life...like a sweet fungus..lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

That's not healthy for you, and yes NC is the solution. It's all or nothing. You deserve better than being a 2nd option.

ok, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life...like a sweet fungus..lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

Your partner has a significant other... They are OFF LIMITS.

It's beyond NC, it's RC (Restricted Contact)... You are in a toxic, pointless relationship that you never should have started.

If I understood your post correctly.

Hey all,
Thanks a lot for sharing this method.
I have a strong feeling that this will also work for me get over my girl
Starting it now...

I was wondering if you have advice for people like me who can't have NC because of a child with your ex? He calls to say goodnight etc... she is almost 2 years old but I have to answer and he will always ask how she is and all these underlying things when he really wants to talk to me.. or flirt. In fact I am about to move but he wants us to stay here so we can be a "family" and keep the 3 of us together, we have broken up too many times and I just want to be done but I know he won't see our daughter if we move. He doesn't get visitation of his other 2 children. I feel like maybe I should keep us all together? By the way.. he cheated on me and said he is not IN love with me but loves me

Ah, the perfect time to indulge into this, as my fiancé has two kids by another guy. What we did, because she does not wish to speak with him, is tell him that they will call him(at a certain time) and we dial the phone, as soon as he picks up we let the girls talk to him. No communication takes place between us and him, only between the girls and him, when they go, we pick the phone back up and then hit the hang up button. If he has a problem with that, tough. You have be strong for yourself and your child. You still let him talk to the child, but don't let him play head games with you

I agree with Rome, you monitor and watch the phone assist with the call, but don't converse with the ex personally. All information that must be shared with my ex, is shared via email.

Email communication can extremely limit the conversations that go the wrong direction and stay on track, making sure that you make your point, making sure that you listen to the point of your ex. It allows for a cool off period if you don't agree with an email and an opportunity to address written issues, not tones and undertones.

I'm not sure if this issue was brought up, but it's touched upon in the main post. It's about getting updates about the person. Mutual friends should definitely help out to keep the two people apart. But furthermore, it's important not to get updates about the other person life from anyone (friends, family, acquaintances, etc.). Any type of news can hinder the progress, because it will just make you over-analyize the other person's life.

I wish, my friends knew not to talk about her life to me. And friends who didn't know, I quickly informed them. They obliged and things went smoothly

Do I have to say hi to my ex when I see her in person? She's going to live 5 doors down from me in the fall and I honestly don't even want to talk to her. To me she is dead. What should I do?

I wish, my friends knew not to talk about her life to me. And friends who didn't know, I quickly informed them. They obliged and things went smoothly

Oh, I was just trying to add it to the list somehow, because I notice a lot of people believing that they are in no contact, but are somehow still getting updates about their ex, which is hindering their progress.

What do I do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

what do i do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

You do nothing! What is it you think you should do?

what do i do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

Being that your name is probably used by several different citizens of the various countries. You do nothing

So it doesn't matter ?

Nope not even a little bit

Please refrain from asking the same question on multiple threads.

Yes, it doesn't matter that her name is the same.

You think he sought out someone with your name just to date them? That isn't even rational or fesible. You need to let go, you are the obsessed one.

I assume you are wondering if it means he still has feelings for you by dating another person with the same name right?

My ex did this fairly quick after we broke up... dated a dude with the same name. I can tell you that she had ZERO feelings for me, and her dating this guy had nothing to do with me.

Hey rome, awesome thread you had here. :) Would you mind helping me? Visit my thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/can-anyone-guide-me-seemingly-impossible-situation-me-370092.html

Any help from you like hints, tips, guides is much appreciated. :)

I'm looking for an answer... I'm trying to start the no contact phase (ex just broke up w me today) but there are obstacles.

I have already cleared her stuff out of two rooms and I have two more to go and a closet... Im putting everything in the laundry area...
I have deleted every email from her... I still have more to do like the phone and other social network sites... I break down balling my eyes out every time I get rid of these things and erase her completely from my life

One is that her stuff is still here and she still needs to come get it and move out...

Second we got this dog together and she wants me to keep it until she can pay the pet deposit... I love the dog and spent 6 months training it... I know she is going to come get it and I'll just be that more attached to it

Third... what do I do about any joint belongings

Fourth... how should I handle photos on the computer from our vacation that I want to keep... should I just get rid of anything with her in it? I don't want to lose memories... what about holiday video tapes with the rest of my family and such...

I have to allow her to contact me to move her stuff... I like the thought that things will work out for us and don't want to make the break up worse...

What should I do about these situations?
How should I act when she comes to get her stuff?
How hard should I make it for her to get her stuff?
How do I handle the phone calls and such?

To find out about our relationships history just check out the only post I have made... I could always use more answers.

1. Send her an e-mail with a date to come and get her stuff, a month's notice is usually good. Try to arrange for a third party to be there. If she calls, be polite but short with her telling her when she can arrive. Don't make it hard at all.

2. Either keep the dog, or tell her she needs to take it now

3. Joint belongings, divide them up equally.

4. Computer photos, but a jump drive, put them on there and then get a box and put them in there as a memory box and keep it packed away

Question - how do you go about NC if you work with your ex and see them on a daily basis? There are times where NC is just not an option without being ridiculously awkward in front of co-workers...

ATG, read my story, I worked with my ex. Who cares about co workers, worry about yourself first.

So just yesterday I realized that after 5 months, of texting my ex every single weekend (cuz I missed him on the WE, still do) I realized that NC is the healthy answer to all all my questions, and frustrations. 5 MONTHS ! Of contact after a break up! Has anyone done that for so long after a break up? Please tell me if you have, so I stop feeling so much like a weak person and so much like .

I need to start NOW, the penny dropped when I sent him 7 texts in one day because he wasn't answering. I've been trying so hard to let go of him, but the truth is that deep inside of me I didn't want to let go, I even know I've become annoying, even if he still answers me, I know it in my heart that I am disturbing him, It's just so hard to control my feelings, I thought that I still loved him but the truth is that I am not sure about that anymore, love's supposed to me nice and calm and I haven't been expressing that to him at all, I think Im just fixated now, I didn't sent him that many texts even when we were dating, we were together for more than a year. I think he has been rally patient with me because maybe he still cares about me, and he says he still loves me, after calling him a player and a jerk and telling him that I hated him with all my soul, he still says that he loves me. I really don't want him to remember me as the obssesed ex that sent him texts non stop. I really don't.

I never really accepted that it was OVER until know. At the beginning of the break up I sent him hate massages, blaming him for breaking us, for breaking what we had, because he broke up with me, I was so so mad at him because I felt so betrayed, I thought that he just played with me, I felt like he never really loved me, but just know I realized that there's really no one to blame, we both made mistakes, and now I am sure that he loved me. But the truth is that people change, feelings change and we have to learn to accept that because life is unpredictable and you never know what's going to happen.

It will be very hard to let go of him for good, but I was hurting myself and him, by still holding on to him and what we had.

I was in the same boat, but more like 6 months for me. Those 6 months I refused to believe it was over and I kept thinking that my ex still loved me. One day I just had enough and decided it was time to move on. And guess what, I did. Took me about a month to get over her enough to live a normal life again.

I got a question. After the NC rule when feels like I don't feel the sting in whatever her action is. Is it possible to pursue a relationship again or even friendship?

Just my opinion, anything is possible once the healing process is complete. There is a big difference though, in being healed, and feeling better.

Would you be happy if she had a boyfriend?

I was in the same boat, but more like 6 months for me. Those 6 months I refused to believe it was over and I kept thinking that my ex still loved me. One day I just had enough and decided it was time to move on. And guess what, I did. Took me about a month to get over her enough to live a normal life again.

Did she contacted you after that?

My rule always was, if you can hear the other talking about sleeping with another person and allow them to go into detail.

Just my opinion, anything is possible once the healing process is complete. There is a big difference though, in being healed, and feeling better.

Would you be happy if she had a boyfriend?
Hmm I see. Don't think will be happy but cool with it. I mean which guy do if they still like the girl. Now, for me, my healing process might take another month maybe to be fully complete, don't want to jump to conclusion like you say feeling better and healed is 2 very different thing.

Love this page! Thanks for putting it together! I'm going through a hard break up right now and I'm bookmarking this page in case I have moments of weakness. :)

I am glad to hear it! If this page only helps one person I feel as though it is a success. Break ups are hard emotionally and physically but once you finally break through the hard ships, it truly is rewarding

Update it, Rome. :)

Okay, so it seems there have been a few things that I have been reading about that need to be addressed.

1. My ex has things of mine, what should I do?
a. First you should have had this conversation with them already, this needs to be addressed in the first 3 days I believe. I will give you the 2 day shock grace period but after that, the stuff obviously wasn't that important. \

2. They said they were confused and doesn't know what they want.
a. Cliché line for "I don't want to tell you this right now and let you figure it out on your own.

I have more on the way but time is a precious thing for me right now with wedding planning and mortgage companies lately

2. They said they were confused and doesn't know what they want.
a. Cliché line for "I don't want to tell you this right now and let you figure it out on your own.

Well said man. :)

Keep the updates coming. :D

2. They said they were confused and doesn't know what they want.
a. Cliche line for "I don't want to tell you this right now and let you figure it out on your own.



Can the words '' I have mixed emotions '' fall in that category too ?

Meaning : I don't want to hurt your feelings right now, but it's over.

Can mixed emotions clear and she will have feelings for you again?

Mixed emotions hardly ever are "mixed" emotions, it's their own personal fear of what life will be like without a safety net. 9 times out of 10, after the dust settles, you realize that this was just a line to give you hope and wait around in case she doesn't find something better.

Thank you for this, really. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship. My first one too. He broke up with me. He told me he didn't feel the same way about me anymore and needed time to think. So far I'm on day 3 or no contact. Its been so hard, but I can tell I'm feeling a little better from no contact. On day 3 he actually texted me three times! Saying things like, "I've been thinking about you all day" and "such a bad time these things to happen" but no signs of him wanting me back. So far I have not replied. I want to stay strong. He is probably surprised I haven't called or texted like I have the past week since we've been apart. I want to ask, is his texting me a way of him feeling guilty? I'm so confused! I still plan on not talking to him though. This is so difficult! I want to, but then I don't! He was so cold and rude to me during our breakup so I have to remember that.

Thank you for this, really. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship. My first one too. He broke up with me. He told me he didn't feel the same way about me anymore and needed time to think. So far I'm on day 3 or no contact. Its been so hard, but I can tell I'm feeling a little better from no contact. On day 3 he actually texted me three times! Saying things like, "I've been thinking about you all day" and "such a bad time these things to happen" but no signs of him wanting me back. So far I have not replied. I want to stay strong. He is probably surprised I haven't called or texted like I have the past week since we've been apart. I want to ask, is his texting me a way of him feeling guilty? I'm so confused! I still plan on not talking to him though. This is so difficult! I want to, but then I don't! He was so cold and rude to me during our breakup so I have to remember that.

Welcome Honey! I am extremely proud that you have managed to ignore his texts, kudos to you. You are a very strong person (much stronger than I when this happened to me). Don't know his reason for texting you, probably out of guilt and curiosity. It doesn't matter though. Keep being strong and keep pushing! Good luck. Vent away to us if you need to.

Hi honeytea. Keep up the good work.I can't remember which day I'm on! Ten or so. I broke up with him see my thread but this time ill not try to mend it.take one day at a time keep busy pamper yourself.cry when you need to allow yourself to be angry hurt etc.all the best.

Welcome Honey! I am extremely proud that you have managed to ignore his texts, kudos to you. You are a very strong person (much stronger than I when this happened to me). Don't know his reason for texting you, probably out of guilt and curiosity. It doesn't matter though. Keep being strong and keep pushing! Good luck. Vent away to us if you need to.

Thanks kctiger! I wasn't so strong the past week when he broke up with me.. I did some pretty desperate and embarrassing things that I regret.. I knew this had to stop when I finally realized that he really has given up. I don't want to be with someone who does not want to be with me. Nothing, not even sex, begging, crying, and all the love in the world I had for him would bring him back to me. I tried my very best. I lost a lot of weight and tons of sleep the past week. Now I'm slowly starting to eat and sleep again after "no contact" And crying still happens, but with less tears than usual.

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I don't have anyone to talk to who would understand this situation as I'm living alone in a new city with no friends. I lost all of my friends while I was with him. I put too much time into him. I'm slowly trying to build myself confidence up now.





hi honeytea. Keep up the good work.i can't remember which day i m on! Ten or so. I broke up with him see my thread but this time ill not try to mend it.take one day at a time keep busy pamper yourself.cry when you need to allow yourself to be angry hurt etc.all the best.

Wow, amicon! I want to someday get to the point where I can't remember which day of "no contact" I'm on! That would be wonderful. I just read your thread and I wish you the best too. And yes, I'm taking it one day at a time, keeping busy and pampering myself a whole lot! I've been going to the lake to read my books and relax everyday. So far, five different guys have talked to me. I guess it helps going out and being busy helps sometimes :)

Honey anytime you need to vent you know where to find us. You'll get through this, but some type of support system always helps. Good luck to you!

You are doing great! All my best wishes and have a happy life. Monica

After a NC of 3 months my ex girlfriend called me and I talked to her in "FORMAL" tone.. but not a caring and friendly one... is it a mistake... also I made the conversation very short (2 mins) and said I had some work and had to go ad hung up... reply

I kind of have a problem, with the NC. I didn't keep pictures or anything, but me and my most recent ex both loved music. I have a memory for nearly every song on my playlists. I don't exactly feel pain but I start getting delusional, like she'll be back soon. It's a really sad cycle I put myself in.

after a NC of 3 months my ex gf called me and i talked to her in "FORMAL" tone .. but not a caring and friendly one.... is it a mistake ... also i made the conversation very short (2 mins) and said I had some work and had to go ad hung up .... reply
You were text book perfect. How is your life going now?

I kinda have a problem, with the NC. I didn't keep pictures or anything, but me and my most recent ex both loved music. I have a memory for nearly every song on my playlists. I don't exactly feel pain but I start getting delusional, like she'll be back soon. It's a really sad cycle I put myself in.
No worries, this to shall pass.

Music does that to us.or rather we let music do that to us.but this will fade in time. :-)

You were text book perfect. How is your life going now??

I'm fine.. just as the book said... I'm enjoying my hobby ( guitar)... I have friends with whom I pass most of my time... its just I WANT MY EX BACK IN MY LIFE... HAVE I DONE A MISTAKE BY TALKING IN FORMAL TONE INSTEAD OF FRIENDLY TONE?? I thot that friendly tone will make her think I still have feelings for her...

Please visit my post in my profile... its my story... please.. I need your advice guys... I'm following t w Jackson's book...

Please visit my story...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ex-gf-calls-after-nc-but-nc-working-387297.html

Stop worrying about tones of your voice, if you are this worried about it you really shouldn't be talking to her

please visit my post in my profile ... its my story ... please .. i need your advice guys ... i m following t w Jackson's book ....

please visit my story ...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ex-gf-calls-after-nc-but-nc-working-387297.html
That's not the book I was referring to. The one here is, written by the experience of the people on this forum. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) .

What about txt messages? We never usually call people... its usually just txt... do the same principles apply?

What about txt messages? We never usually call people...its usually just txt......do the same principles apply?

Ignore all text messages. If you can't resist, then have someone that you trust delete the text message for you so that you don't have to read it.

Change your number if you have to.

Texts fall under the same category as an e-mail, useless words falling on what should be deaf ears. Simply delete without reading or block their number

What happens if you are doing all these things but your still not over her?

You stick with the plan until you are.

Wow it is a great idea.But how if you get over your ex and the anger and hate stays to word the woman who took my ex from me.how could you deal with that kind of situation

You have to think of things this way, because I had the same thing. No one can take someone away unless they want to be. So while your anger is placed on her, you have to place a lot on him as well.

Put the ex's things in storage for very short period in ex,s address and give the storage attendant ex,s phone number. I think that in some storage place, it's only $1 for first month, so you won't lose that much. Do call from an outside phone (knowing that he/she is not home; just leave a message) letting ex know where his/her things are and tell him/her that he/she is responsible for the rest of the storage fee and that you are no longer responsible for these things.

Rome,

Been really hurting for the last few weeks but this post is simply fantastic. Thank you :)

My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of days ago. A couple of weeks ago she lent me some money when I was in a tight spot. I haven't paid her back yet, but I want to do so as soon as possible. Preferably this week.

The conversation was over the phone and during the call she asked me about the money. She told me she didn't expect it all at once, but I want to try and pay her back in one shot to get it over with. She told me to call her Thursday when I get paid and let her know how much I'm giving her and to set up when and how I'm getting it to her.

My question is, I want to start NC, well I have already, but I would be breaking NC by calling her. Should I just get everything squared away and start NC after that?

Do you have someone that could give the money to her? Or perhaps get a money order and send it to her through the mail

Yes dear pay back the money and start n.c for a while until you feel you are over her. In my situation n.c help me to get over my ex and now my ex is the one who try to contact me all the time.I still feel love for him but it is to late because I seen some who is intrested and want marry me.I still keep a friend ship with ex.so contiue n.c.untill you feel strong thing will be OK.it is not easy until you try and decide to get over her.good luck

I have a question... ill start my NC today and I don't know if I should delete her from my Facebook and my myspace pages.. wouldn't she think I'm trying to ignore her by forgeting her and finding someone else?. cause before when she broke up with me I told her that I did accept her decision but I would be always there by her side in case she regrets it or even if she just feels down or needs me for anything.. yeah I know I shouldn't have said that, I know... but can anyone tell me if I should just delete her and if so for how long? Because once I delete her from my friendslist she won't be able to contact me at all regardless if she wants to apologize or even if she wants me back

I have a question... ill start my NC today and I don't know if I should delete her from my Facebook and my myspace pages.. wouldn't she think I'm trying to ignore her by forgeting her and finding someone else?. cause before when she broke up with me I told her that I did accept her decision but I would be always there by her side in case she regrets it or even if she just feels down or needs me for anything.. yeah I know I shouldn't have said that, I know... but can anyone tell me if I should just delete her and if so for how long? Because once I delete her from my friendslist she won't be able to contact me at all regardless if she wants to apologize or even if she wants me back

i have a question... ill start my NC today and i dont know if i should delete her from my facebook and my myspace pages.. wouldnt she think im trying to ignore her by forgeting her and finding someone else?... cause before when she broke up with me i told her that i did accept her decision but i would be always there by her side in case she regrets it or even if she just feels down or needs me for anything.. yeah i know i shouldnt have said that, i know... but can anyone tell me if i should just delete her and if so for how long? because once i delete her from my friendslist she wont be able to contact me at all regardless if she wants to apologize or even if she wants me back

YES you delete her because otherwise you won't last with No Contact. You'll be continually checking to see what she's doing and that'll just leave you stuck at square one. Stating that she won't be able to contact you already shows you have false hope and you really want her to , that's not how No Contact works , and if you don't do it properly your healing process will just linger on forever.

When you are completely over her , which will take some time and won't be easy , you can reinstate her if you like , but you'll find when that time comes you won't even want to.

I suggest you start your own thread , you will get a lot more people to help you through the journey , and it helps you vent and get stuff off your chest instead of having the temptation to contact her.

Good Luck!

Well.. I don't have time right this second to scan through all the pages of replies.. but ty for the post and I'd like to ask that you post something about how to handle NC when there's back and forth custody involved(shared custody every 3 weeks or so) thanks again!

With the shared custody, you simply keep it about the children, no "how's life" chat or anything. You simply keep it civil in front of the children for their sake and then you move on after the pick up or drop off the children takes place.