Hello, it seems that my previous question was too long or confusing to receive any answer.

Please help!

I have a dating/relationship problem but I've just realized that it's not the main cause of my unhappiness and that my problem runs much deeper.

I recently broke it off with my boyfriend (I don't even know if he's aware that it's the breakup) via an email and a couple of sms (cos it's long distance). We were dating for a couple of months but it was intense from the physical perspective. It started from a one nighter (in my opinion, because he mentioned 'next time' afterwards while I was trying to avoid him because I don't do FWBs) to casual sex, to casual relationship, and to the point where we were starting to be exclusive and get more serious.

The situation was a bit complicated. I was on my short-term work contract abroad (country A) while meeting him at the workplace. I didn't really have a concrete plan of what to do after this contract, I'd love to stay longer if I get opportunities of course, but at that point I was planning to go finish my businesses in country B after the end of the contract. I was single and I didn't care about dating at all because I knew I'd stay short-term anyway, but because of my loneliness and my bf's persistence in asking me out and his niceness, we ended up dating.

He wanted me to stay longer and, knowing that apartments are so hard to find in that city, he offered me to move in. The problem is, his ex was still living in his apartment and he couldn't, wouldn't bring me in until she moves out. According to him, they were together for almost 10 years, and even though she has her own apartment and knows that they're not a couple anymore, the message still hasn't sunk in, so he was giving her time to move out whenever she wants without having to know that he'd bring a new girlfriend in (he confessed having other gfs before me while she was still there too). Of course, I'm not stupid, I was trying to end it with him because I jumped into conclusion that they must still be together and I was just a mistress or sth (I consider myself moral monogamous), but he insisted she's a small problem, it's just a matter of time, and all I had to do was wait and see. His point makes sense though, how could he have spent that much time (nights and weekends at my place or his holiday house) with me if they're still together? And he never acted in a way that tells me he stayed contact in a committed way to one/several women. Oh, he's older so he doesn't have all those msn, Facebook, etc.

The problem started when my apartment contract was about to end so I brought up this movein issue. Turned out, she was still there so I couldn't move in yet. We had our first huge fight, we made up and he promised to help me find a new place. But the next day my pride got the best of me so I returned his stuff, dumped him, and booked my flight back home (country C) the same day. I couldn't go to country B as planned because of visa issue. It turned my world upside down (to go back home) I was extremely upset and I blamed him for that.

But during my last week there, I got lonely and depressed, so I went back to him, we made up, and he sent me off at the airport. We decided to take a break and see how it goes (cos there's a chance I'll go back to him, I booked a return ticket because I still have to go back to country B next month). But just now, back at home I decided to dump him again (blocked all communication channels) because I don't want to go on my emotional rollercoaster, I don't want to get my hopes up, and I really need to focus on my work.

Sorry for such a long boring post, and still haven't got to the point. The point is I don't love him, I don't see my future with him, I was the one who dumped him a couple of times, I'm not heartbroken like a person in love is (like when my ex dumped me). But I do feel very depressed right now and I don't know why. My sadness out of my attached feelings shouldn't be this much.

I've been prescribed antidepressants before. My shrink told me I was medium-high depressed. At that time I thought it was because my ex dumped me, but clearly I have more issues. I'm actually a very confident/proud person, both for my looks and my success. I don't get less confident about my attractiveness when my relationships ended. I'm also a very independent person, with lots of goals and interests, but I hardly survived each breakup, even though they weren't that bad.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Does being a perfectionist has sth to do with my lack of ability to accept disappoitments?

Thank you so much and again, sorry for a long post.

Even though I am also a pretty confident girl, when I go through break ups I have a heard time. And its not because I am losing the love of my life either. I know they are not the one for me in the long run.

So you are asking why are you upset? Even if you break up with someone, you still have feelings of loss, maybe resentment, maybe dissapointment. Every time a relationship ends it is a failure.

I have a very close friend who is a perfectionist. And if anything goes wrong- no matter how big or how small, he seems to feel bad about it.

I think you need to look at the events of your life as a mountain. You have to climb to the top to reach your ultimate happiness. Sometimes you are going to fall and skin your knee, but you live through it. And learn. And that's what human experiences are all about. A relationship should never be regretted if you learn something from it.

I think that you need to think of your failures as the skinned knees. Just collateral damage to reaching your happiness. :)

So hopefully you won't have another breakup.. but if you do: think about the top of that mountain. <3

Being a perfectionist has its good and bad points. After a while you can stress yourself out and become exhausted. I have been trying to get away, go on a vacation, or just chill out. My advise to you is that you really need to get away from it all and just do something that makes you happy that won't bring on any disappointments. Go for a walk, watch up lifting TV programs. Don't do anything that will lead to failure or disappointments. If you believe in God, let him carry the load, its much too heavy to carry all your problems by yourself.