lynnette34
Sep 1, 2006, 05:18 AM
I went to my first counseling session yesterday, and it went well. It was just a bunch of questions about everything (from childhood up to present day) to lay the foundation of where my real problems stem from. As good as I feel about starting the process of mending my marriage, I feel terrible inside. I gave my husband my wedding ring back (he asked for it back), and have vowed to earn it back every day for the rest of my life. I told him that the lies are over, everything is an open book now, and I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes to prove my commitment to him and our kids. I see the pain I caused him and it kills me a little every day. He's distant with the kids, he spends a lot of time alone, and he is constantly mulling all of this over in his head. He's in a lot of pain, and he looks at me like he's disgusted with me even being around. How could I do this to him? He is such a caring and fun person, to see him like this and to know that I caused it is almost unbearable. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I try to be there for my kids, but it's hard to function. He asked what I though about taking a polygraph test, and I agreed to do whatever it would take to start earning that trust back. Between this situation, the high level of stress at work and the issues that I'm working on with my mom, I'm a nervous wreck. I want to be close to my husband but he says he needs his space. What is my next step? Do I let him approach me when he wants, or should I try to approach him? I want him to know I want to work on this, but the look in his eyes feels like he wants nothing more with me. I deserve all of this, but what else should I do?