All right, so here's the deal. I have been dating a girl for about 6 months (we are 20), and I just recently cheated on her (yesterday) with a girl I went to school with a couple years ago. She called me and we were going to catch up for coffee, but we didn't end up hanging out till about 8:30. I work fairly early in the morning so at that point I just invited her over so we could talk and catch up. At first it was just that, but then we starting watching Youtube on my laptop and laughing together and then she laid down on my chest.

After a while there was subtle grinding, then I brought up my girlfriend and I said "you know I really do love her, a lot, its just we dont see eachother as much as I'd like ect." I started talking about my relationship woes briefly but quickly stopped because it definitely felt awkward. At this point I hadn't had sex with my girlfriend in about a week (I know that's not long, but come on, I'm 20!). It turned into mistake after mistake starting with kissing her to feeling how wet she was...

We then decided that she had better go and that it would be better if we ever did hang out it would be not at my house.

The dilemma I face now is, my girlfriend is going on vacation for a month very soon... but I am so torn. I have weighed all my options and have not come to a good conclusion. I love my girlfriend and want to make it work, but she had told me the best way to never talk to her again would be to cheat on her.


So here is all what I have planned about, some obviously more serious than others:


1) I could straight up tell her the truth the next time I see her. (Truth)
2) I could write her a letter and deliver it to her later, maybe saying the event happened while she was away for so long. (Small lie)
3) I could just not tell her and never do it again, and live with the guilt until death or until we break up. (Witholding)
4) I could tell her straight up after her vacation, thus assuring she has a good time and not interring with it. (Delayed Truth)
5) Downplaying the actual event, as in saying "ya we just kissed" or something of that nature. (Another lie).

However, it seems the only right things to do is option 1 and option 4... but because I love her I have heavily considered option 3...


Please help!

Tell her the truth right away, she deserves to know. Don't lie to her about any of it tell the entire truth and if she hates you for it then you have to accept the consequences for your actions.

Imagine that she cheated and didn't tell you, and then she had sex with you and you had no idea that another guy was inside of her, how would you feel?.

I would say first why did you really cheat, if you really really love her, you don't invite them (others) back to your home

If you know you will not do it again, but oh how easy is the second time and easier the third.

But if you are never going to do it again, perhaps working on ways to improve this relationship and living with the guilt

Oooo, this is bad. I agree with Fr_Chuck. Cheating means that you can't Really love her as much as you say you do...it's likely this Will happen again, and again. You need to tell her what you did, completely and fully, and let HER decide what happens. She will never feel the same about you, and she will Probably get rid of you. If that's what happens, accept it, and move on...in the future, Do Not be with someone else if you are in a relationship...cheating in ANY form, is Bad!

Tell her the truth. Don't hold it back. My girlfriend had cheated on me and I found out 6 months later from the person she cheated on me with. It hurt me so bad, and to not hear it from her right after it happened REALLy hurt. Though she said she didn't tell me because she wanted to spare my feelings. It was such a horrible feeling.

Just remember a lie or a really bad secret always catches up with you in the long run and makes it ten time worse.

You don't want to hold it in, it will make you stressed, upset, who knows maybe even cause a health problem because its building up inside.

The best thing you could do for this girlfriend is to just get out of her life as soon as you can, you are a cheater and just like a person that lies to you you can never know if they will cheat again or not. So why don't you think of some reason for you to break up with her but don't mention the cheating. It will be easier for her to know that you don't love her than it will be for her to think you cheated on her because she was not good enough for her.

Next time don't cheat.

The best thing you could do for this girlfriend is to just get out of her life as soon as you can, you are a cheater and just like a person that lies to you you can never know if they will cheat again or not. So why don't you think of some reason for you to break up with her but don't mention the cheating. It will be easier for her to know that you don't love her than it will be for her to think you cheated on her because she was not good enough for her.

Next time don't cheat.

The problem is he does love her

Love has nothing to do with cheating.

However--the consequences of you cheating are that you no longer deserve your girlfriend.

Tell her the truth, and let HER make the decision on what she wants to do going forward. Most relationships don't survive cheating because you've betrayed the trust that is essential to a good relationship.

So... tell her the truth, don't hook up with exes, take responsibility for your actions (come on--you may be 20, but your little head doesn't need to do ALL the thinking--and you have TWO FREAKING HANDS!), and understand that cheating means you don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

When you cheat like you have done it is really like taking a big p I s s on your relationship with this girl. Although you say you love her, and I don't doubt that you do, I don't really think that you love her as much as you say.

And even though you're 20, one week without sex is not an excuse! I'm 5 years older then you and I have a high sex drive, but that doesn't mean that I cheat to release the pressure... if the person I'm dating/with is no where in reach.

Come on dude, like synnen said; you have two hands!

Personally I do think you should tell her, but you need to be aware that whether you tell her before or after her trip its still going to hurt her feelings... and whether this is the end of your relationship is really up to her!

And I don't ness. Think that once a cheater always a cheater... cheating is a choice like any other,when you cheated on her that was a choice you made and now you will have to suffer the consequences. But you can also make a choice to not cheat in the future...

You are not married... tell your girlfriend that you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship at this time, and that she is also free to see other people if she wishes.

After all, you are only 20.

Live and learn. :)

Best wishes,