shyfoxie
Mar 10, 2009, 01:36 PM
Perhaps this is partially my fault, but my mom is having some trouble getting used to the idea of me being in a committed relationship. I have dated guys in the past, but nothing too long-lasting beyond a few months. I just don't like to prolong things once I've realized that it can't work out long-term. I am a very private person, and my mom didn't ask too many questions and simply assumed I wasn't doing anything. Now I finally brought someone home for a Sunday dinner to meet her and she suddenly changes her tune.
Previously she was trying to be as encouraging and supportive as possible with regards to guys, but mostly seemed to dwell on the physical. She even tried to put condoms in my duffel bag when I went to basic training, and she's always telling me to dress up more, wear more makeup, flirt once in a while etc. She's been doing this since I was 12. Yet, as soon as I am emotionally involved, that's a dealbreaker. She told me she's scared I'll get the right idea and think this'll last. So far, it's been months and no issues whatsoever have come up except for my own misgivings about my mom's reaction.
My sister and my mother both have commitment issues--she's never been able to sustain a successful relationship. Mom's usual pattern is to find a nice guy, fall in love, start singing in the shower about getting married and then as soon as he proposes, she dumps him. I'm serious. I'm wondering if the fact that she got pregnant and married before 18 has something to do with it.
My sister at 12 was dating a 15-16 year old, and they're almost always druggies, criminals (one's up for attempted murder now), socially malajusted or emotionally abusive. She gave herself a tattoo with a ballpoint pen and a sewing needle once to prove to a guy she loved him when he cheated, and she's got physical scars from cutting all over now. It's hard not to be concerned for the both of them, especially sis.
She likes my guy, and she admits he seems very sweet and charming (although she describes him as sickeningly cute towards me... what's sickening about just holding my hand over coffee?). However she keeps warning me not to get emotionally attached to a guy, and that it's normal for girls to break up with and make a lot of guys miserable over the course of a lifetime. However, I really don't want to leave him, no one has ever made me this happy. In fact I find the very idea of breaking up with him unpleasant to the extreme, and I care too much about him not to feel sick at the thought of hurting him.
I think she also is concerned that because I am emotionally involved I am more likely to do something dumb and get pregnant. Just for the record, I'm on the pill and we're using condoms for a bit as well until I've gotten a few months of taking it perfectly under my belt and neither of us have had intercourse with more than one previous partner. While she encourages me to develop as a woman some ways, she is not willing to consider that I am responsible enough to take care of my own well-being.
He's sweet, caring, responsible, intelligent, hard-working, has a good relationship with his family, is not involved in any obvious illicit activities, well-educated (we're both in college--him in business, me in science), handsome, healthy, polite, respectful and generous, wants to settle down and get married after school. And on top of that, I'm still very much in love with him, and his mom (whom I seem to have befriended) informs me he won't shut up about me when they talk. He also gave me a lovely diamond-and-opal promise ring for my b-day :)
I understand this is a new situation for her, and she and my sis have had bad experiences before, but this is a good thing for me and I want them to understand and support me.
Previously she was trying to be as encouraging and supportive as possible with regards to guys, but mostly seemed to dwell on the physical. She even tried to put condoms in my duffel bag when I went to basic training, and she's always telling me to dress up more, wear more makeup, flirt once in a while etc. She's been doing this since I was 12. Yet, as soon as I am emotionally involved, that's a dealbreaker. She told me she's scared I'll get the right idea and think this'll last. So far, it's been months and no issues whatsoever have come up except for my own misgivings about my mom's reaction.
My sister and my mother both have commitment issues--she's never been able to sustain a successful relationship. Mom's usual pattern is to find a nice guy, fall in love, start singing in the shower about getting married and then as soon as he proposes, she dumps him. I'm serious. I'm wondering if the fact that she got pregnant and married before 18 has something to do with it.
My sister at 12 was dating a 15-16 year old, and they're almost always druggies, criminals (one's up for attempted murder now), socially malajusted or emotionally abusive. She gave herself a tattoo with a ballpoint pen and a sewing needle once to prove to a guy she loved him when he cheated, and she's got physical scars from cutting all over now. It's hard not to be concerned for the both of them, especially sis.
She likes my guy, and she admits he seems very sweet and charming (although she describes him as sickeningly cute towards me... what's sickening about just holding my hand over coffee?). However she keeps warning me not to get emotionally attached to a guy, and that it's normal for girls to break up with and make a lot of guys miserable over the course of a lifetime. However, I really don't want to leave him, no one has ever made me this happy. In fact I find the very idea of breaking up with him unpleasant to the extreme, and I care too much about him not to feel sick at the thought of hurting him.
I think she also is concerned that because I am emotionally involved I am more likely to do something dumb and get pregnant. Just for the record, I'm on the pill and we're using condoms for a bit as well until I've gotten a few months of taking it perfectly under my belt and neither of us have had intercourse with more than one previous partner. While she encourages me to develop as a woman some ways, she is not willing to consider that I am responsible enough to take care of my own well-being.
He's sweet, caring, responsible, intelligent, hard-working, has a good relationship with his family, is not involved in any obvious illicit activities, well-educated (we're both in college--him in business, me in science), handsome, healthy, polite, respectful and generous, wants to settle down and get married after school. And on top of that, I'm still very much in love with him, and his mom (whom I seem to have befriended) informs me he won't shut up about me when they talk. He also gave me a lovely diamond-and-opal promise ring for my b-day :)
I understand this is a new situation for her, and she and my sis have had bad experiences before, but this is a good thing for me and I want them to understand and support me.