I've been with my girlfriend for 6 1/2 years. The relationship was bliss absolute bliss for the first few years. Then, as usual, things slowly settled and became a regular loving relationship.

The past year or two has been difficult... we've been a bit more distant. We see each other nearly every day, but we've not had that quality time with each other. I think we were taking each other for granted really. We had our arguments (usually about silly pointless things), but at the end of it all, we loved each other deeply. We really did adore each other.
Well lately (maybe the last 6 months) things have gone downhill. We weren't arguing all the time, but we just weren't being our usual affectionate selves. We still cared loved each other, but didn't really invest in the relationship.

Well, it resulted in an argument months ago in which she asked me if I wanted to be with her. I told her I don't know. I knew I did, I really did, but it was a way of getting attention... I felt as though by saying this, maybe she would put more effort in.

It went the opposite way. 2 days ago she decided that we need to split up. She said that not knowing if I wanted her or loved her had been eating at her, and she now knows that it won't work out. She loves me, cares about me, and wants to be my friend, and she IS incredibly upset (she can't stop crying), but we can't be together anymore.

Well... I'm totally inconsolable. I've had break ups before, but this was the girl for me. We'd planned to buy a house together this year... to make some progress. I love her so damn much, I'm in pieces. She is my soulmate, I know this for a fact, we're meant to be together... a breakup has never left me like this before.

I just don't know what to do. I don't have any friends anymore, I was too committed to the relationship and let my friends all drift away, and even if I did, I'm not the talking type, I've never had anyone but my girlfriend who I could confide in... open up to.

For the first time I feel totally alone, totally worthless... empty, lifeless... I want nothing but her, and I can't have her. The rest of my life, my job, friends, family, money... even self confidence haven't worked out for me, she was my one true success... she was my only reason for living in a life which had gone awry.

I'll never meet anyone like her, they just don't exist. I'm a 32 year old guy, a strong guy, but all I can do is cry for the girl I drove away. The girl I adored. The girl I lived for. The girl I miss more and more with every passing minute.

Good post, Mike, now go after her with every thing you have and prove to her that you both should be together.

Tick

Good post, Mike, now go after her with every thing you have and prove to her that you both should be together.

tick

I've tried to a point. We sat, we cried together, we talked about everything. We've had the odd 'almost' breakup in the past, and every time she's been the one to plead for us to work it out. This is the first time she's ever been like this. She's so certain that it's over. We've texted each other this morning, just general chat. I told her that all I want is to go around and see her. She told me if that's the case, go and see her. I said I would, but all I'd do is try to convince her that she's made the wrong decision, that we should give it one more try.

Her reply? "I'm sorry for everything"

I know her so well, I've seen her cry, plead and beg in the past for us to work things out. This time she's just so damn certain. I said to her that I don't think she loves me the way she used to. She didn't reply.

I sent her an email last night explaining that I realised what I'd done. That I should have tried harder, that I should have put in more effort instead of taking her for granted.

This was her reply:

'The things you said in that mail.. I do want you in my life and you did treat me properly. I didn't decide that you weren't good enough, I just felt like things weren't going right anymore. You'll always be a huge part in my life if you want to be. I miss you too and it's so painful. I don't know whether I've done the right thing or not, but I felt like it had to be done. You'll always mean the world to me. I do love you and I'll always care for you. Xxxxxxxx'


All I want to do is text her, call her, email her... I just want contact, but I know I can't heal that way. It'll just make matters worse. After almost 7 years together, seeing each other nearly every single day, all the love and times we've shared, the hardest minute of my life was watching her walking, crying, out the front door, and saying 'Bye'

I can see it in her eyes, in the way she's made such a hard heartbreaking decision... she can't be mine anymore, and life isn't worth living if I can't be with her.

I don't know what's going on, Mike, you seem to be saying everything is okay, then you don't. I think you are having trouble with her signals. It's a woman thing. Just leave her alone for a while and let her miss you entirely. I don't know what advice you want. Normally people come here asking for help, but you aren't, my dear.

You had contact , you are seeing her, you are e mailing her, you are texting here as far as you say. So I don't understand what your problem is really. So either leave her alone or go be with her and 'stop reading gloom and doom' in her eyes and get on with it.

Unless, of course, there is a lot you aren't telling us.

Tick

I'm just looking for advice, words of wisdom, somebody to give me an idea as to what I should do. Things really aren't OK, far from it. She's happy to text and email, because as I said, she wants me as a friend, but that's the last thing I want.

I want to be with her. If I can't be, I can't deal with having her a friend, as it'll just prolong the agony.

It's difficult being eloquent when you're so raw, so I appologise if I'm not making much sense.

Mike, the only advice I can give you is GIVE HER SPACE. Get on with what you do to make a living, socialize, etc. anything to fill up your time while you can and just be satisfied she still wants to talk to you any way she wants to accomplish that.

Quite frankly, Mike, you sound like a really intense guy. Maybe you were smothering her with love, kindness, closeness. A woman can love entirely and not need that much comfort.

Tick

Yeah, I can see it coming across like that from what I've written, but I'm really not.

I'm not a jealous type guy, and was more than happy when she spent time with friends and family. If anything, I wasn't giving her enough attention. We weren't giving each other enough attention, we got stuck in a rut.

I was just trying to finally put my feelings down, lay my worries and problems in front of me. Let somebody, andybody, know what I'm going through in the hope that they'd understand.


As for giving her space, that's my plan now. I don't know how easy it'll be for me to do that, but I WANT to leave her to either move on, or realise what a mistake she's made.

Mike, have you ever heard of the old expression:

If you love them let them go.

When you dwell on these words for a while and really give them thought. They are aptly true.


tick

Unfortunately I have.

Space is your best option, this will give her and yourself time to think things through. After a while your head will be more clear and then you can take action.

By space I mean no emailing, texting, phone calls, no drop in's. Give her time to think and miss you. How can you expect her to want you back when you never left?

space is your best option, this will give her and yourself time to think things through. After a while your head will be more clear and then you can take action.

By space i mean no emailing, texting, phone calls, no drop in's. give her time to think and miss you. how can you expect her to want you back when you never left?

Thank you, that sounds like good advice.

The good thing about giving space and time is that it clears the way for thinking rationally. Very RARELY are rational decisions made by thinking with emotions, which is what both of you probably would be using as the majority of basis for any decisions right now...

You would have avoided this by being honest about your feelings in the first place, and talked it out. That's what mature people in a relationship do, talk and reassure your partner of your undying devotion, in all circumstances. Never "I don't know", as you see the results of being manipulative.

Now your on the outside looking in. Usually I say move on, but in your case she expects you to make actions speak louder than words.

Take a week, and let the emotional dust settle, then court her again. No gloom or doom, just let her know how you feel with actions, and see where it goes.

Dude if your aren't willing to take a risk, and be hurt, you get nothing. See if she wants a date after a week.

The bottom line is to correct your mistake, and do the work involved in repairing a bond that may not be broken, just strained.

The risk is yours, know that!

As always - Talaniman is right. You need absolute no contact for a full week. Get ahold of your emotions and then begin to court her.

I agree.

Although... other people say leave her for as long as it takes, don't make the first move. Let her decide if she misses me and wants me. If she doesn't contact me, move on.

I'm torn as to which way I should take it. I guess I'll have to see what feels right in a week or so.