Just to introduce myself... I'm from Memphis,TN.I'm 20.. and mad as hell,lol.So here the story is... please don't judge me... just help me...

I work downtown at the jail (201) as us Memphians call it. Anyway. I've always liked older men... I've never liked young men my age at all! I've always wanted a policeman who was older,didn't look his age,aggressive, and an overall cool guy. So,when I started working there.. I met some cool people that I worked with... we had lunch one day... this man came and ate lunch with us... I was immediately smitten by him. I couldn't stop looking at him to be honest. I thought he never thought anything of it due to my age... From that day on until now... I've had THE worst days ever... So... me not thinking, I went around the office I work in and said.. "Yall,there is one fine man that I just have to have" I stated his name... and most of the females we're like... "Oh no"... I didn't really pay it any attention. I was too fixated on getting this man. Anyway... so... I didn't really see him after that for about 3 weeks. But everyone knew I wanted this man! So, like a dumb... I went to a couple of people in the building asking did they know him... this one man did... He worked with his cousin. They're homeland security. So,I gave him my cell number, and my number finally transferred to my admirer. He called me on a private number at first... we immediately clicked... I loved everything about him. Now,I must say, from the jump... he told my he had a family in another state... he went to see his son once or maybe twice a month... messed around with the child's mother from time to time. I was fine with that because I knew me and him we'rent going to get married or anything... and that was fine with me... Anyway... we talked on the phone a lot in the beginning... he always asked me to come over.. I refused... for what reason?I don't know?Just me being silly... So... I finally went over there one evening... he was packing to leave to see his family... it didn't really phase me... needless to say.. I enjoyed watching him eat and watching TV with him,lol... Oh,by the way... this started last July,it is now Feb(just thought I would add that)... anyway... so... we talked on the phone more and more... he seemed to care I guess... I don't know... Anyway... So... he always gives me advice on certain situations,which I love... cause I'm just 20, what do I know you know? I must add there that this man has an attitude problem,anger problem... but I seem to like it,lol.. I don't know why.He can be nice though. Anyway... We we're still getting to know each other... I liked everything about him... Only thing was... he wanted me to come over more often... I did every blue moon... he would always say.. "When I shut down, it aint no coming back".. I'm like,yeah OK, whatever... So... one day... he asked me could I bring him something to eat... I didn't mind it... but those trips became more frequent of me taking him food... keep in mind, this man has never bought me anything... YES,I'm BEING STUPID... But I refuse to date men my age... they just don't appeal to me.Anyway, it seemed he took advantage of "I would do anything for him"... I honestly can't say anything positive about the man besides he looks good,nice when he wants to be,gives me good advice,and he is a good dad""...I can say WAYYYYY more negative things..believe me!So....I really did start coming over there more often.....he seemed to distance himself from me. It seems I have to call him all the time..he doesn't call me anymore...unless I call first....Even then,he doesn't talk to me long at all. The only time he calls me is when he wants something to eat or needs something. And like a dumb ,I do it.I've never felt this way about a man , EVER! And it's so crazy...but here is the killer part....Like I stated earlier....I knew that he was going to another state to see his son and the childs mothers, and I knew they messed around from time to time...I knew that....so about 5 days ago...we we're on the phone talking...and he said...'I want my family'....If I had known that, I would have never talked to him like that. I've developed feelings for him....and he "claims" he has developed feelings for me....I doubt it,who knows. He told me if I couldn't handle it,that we shouldn't talk anymore....I was like, "wow"....and like a dumb ,I told him I wanted to deal with it....he was supposed to come back from outta town today...has he called?no...I'm mad.I've stressed over this man...lost weight, even my hair is falling out due to me wanting him. I know if I continue on with this,I'm only hurting myself in the long run. He's mentioned to me..."If we get married.. then we're going to have to stop this" cause he doesn't mess around on his wife...or ex wife, or whatever the hell she is. Obviously,he does...cause he is messing with me.I know I will never be able to have him for myself. I honestly think this is payback.I've done someone this same exact way,and I honestly feel bad...and I know how they feel....I went to high school with his nephew, we talked last nite...he even told me to not mess with him...he said his uncle had a track record...even the people at the jail did....I should have listened to them.....I guess it was lust at first sight...I can't even sit here and say this man has done anything remotely nice or good to me besides give me good advice. But I seem to win his heart with a chicken sandwich. I guess he is really playing me for a fool. It's like I want to walk away from it...but I can't. I know he will never allow himself to feel feelings for me the way I feel for him. I don't even know where the feelings are coming from, It's crazy. We've never even had sex. I will admitt to giving him oral sex once. He does want sex from me though....but I really dont want to yet. I gave him oral sex because I wanted HIM to feel good. I'm not worried about me. I was really trying to win this man over...being there when he needed me. He knows that I am down for him. But 5 days ago,he springs that "I want my family" on me....I know he cares for the son deeply...but I didnt' know he wanted to be married again...I wish he had told me that.I don't know if I'm in love or what...but I've never felt this way in my life...and it actually hurts. I'm too young to be stressed. I know I should just walk away...but it's easier said than done.....I really want too...but I can't....I see this man almost everyday at work...and if I do...I'm just going to want him more. I asked him was I just a "toy" to him the other day... he got sooooo mad... as always. I can't converse with him on everything because he just gets offended by anything I say... It's crazy,and I don't know why I deal with it. Needless to say,he said I wasn't a toy... so... I know when he is with his family,he doesn't think about me... He hardly thinks about me when he is here in Memphis I'm sure.I don't know what is wrong with me for even putting up with this... I never thought I would stoop this low... So,I knew the whole time I was being played... I just let it continue... and I don't even know why.. I've talked to a couple people about it... they all gave me great advice... and I agree... and then do the complete opposite... I even ride by his house all the time to see if his bedroom light is on and if there is a car in the driveway... it's crazy... I could go on and on... but I'm sure you all have some answers for me... Thanks...

Personally, I'd let the relationship drift off if you don't want to see him anymore. The next time he wants dinner, try something like an "emergency, or an appointment", anything to get out of getting him anything. If you run into him at work, be polite and professional. He will soon get the hint.
If you don't want to break up with him, but it seems obvious that he is taking advantage of your relationship, do the same thing as above, and realize that he is not the only 43 year old out there. You can try online dating sites, or social events to find someone. You should look for someone else because it sounds like he is not what's best for you.
It's an old saying, but it is true. "There are other fish in the sea." Good luck!

I agree with Bigbopper - it is time to move on. He has already told you that he wants his family - in other words, he has a commitment. Before you really get your feelings hurt, I would move on. There are hundreds of single people out there, wanting to make a connection - people of all ages. Get out there and find a guy that can be a friend and boyfriend - someone that will like you for you - not for what kind of sandwiches you bring them. Take care.

Saying he wants his family is probably his way of saying he doesn't want you. You are just not getting the message. Perhaps he is struggling for the words and the courage to tell you to get lost. When he asks for you to bring him food he is just being lazy. This is a dead end relationship. Get online and look for a decent older guy who is looking for a nice twenty year old. There are lots of them believe me. Take care of you.

You like older, aggressive, angry, attached men, who can count on you to run at the drop of a hat for whatever they 'need'.

Could it be that you like the thrill of the hunt? The adventure itself? Are you hanging on because you haven't caught him yet?

Driving by his house to see if the light is on, and any cars in the driveway, would be seen, if you were a man, as stalking.

Talking to co-workers, and his cousin will inevitably result in information getting back to his wife, if it hasn't already. Is that part of the game? Letting out a little bit of information, just enough to know you are in the picture and won't be ignored?

You have ignored the advice of your friends as you have said. What is it you are looking for here.

Your behaviour is escalating, and his is de-escalating. As someone said, it is pretty obvious that he is not going to carry on a relationship with you.

Please try to see this from 'outside' eyes. Your reputation at work has probably taken a hit, by you talking to people at work and getting his phone number etc. How far are you willing to go before the boss calls you in and asks you to clean up your act.

Just a few thoughts for you to ponder. I can see no good coming from the pursuit of a man who is clearly not available.

Just my opinion here, but you need to muster up all the common sense you have and find someone who is available, single, and compatible. No matter what his age is.

he said... 'I want my family'...."


he doesn't mess around on his wife...or ex wife, or whatever the hell she is.

No that only he is married, he absolutely doesn't like you or else, he is with you now and processing divorce.

No matter what we say here, you know that you will still do whatever you want so I must just say you are just having a thrill of your life, when you get over this, you can't even belief you've done this whole thing.