Hey guys, a slight problem which is driving me a bit crazy.

I've been dating a girl for maybe... 7 months? I live in London, she lives in France. So we get to see each other maybe... once a month for a week or so?

Now genreally I'm a pretty jelous person, when she tells me sometimes guys kiss her I get a bit worked up. But she convinces me there's no love involved so I kind of accept it.

However, on Saturday I'll be going Korea for 1 year, and I won't be seeing her for a year (we've talked about this quite a bit). But she tells me that she can't NOT have sex for a whole year which I find crazy!

She then goes onto explain that while we've been dating she has had sex with other guys too which, for me, crossess the line.

Now don't get me wrong, I know 1 year is a long time, and this is not only a test for her but for me too, I mean hell... I'll be surrounded by gorgeous asian women, however why put myself through the torture if she on the other side of the world is getting shafted left right and centre? Initially when I explained that I was angry about this she said that she is free to do what she wants and she's not a slave etc.

The thing is, she does love me, I know that much and she's seriously considering not having sex with other guys while I'm gone. When she decides something she really does mean it.

What do you guys think?

I am sorry, but this entire post is funny...

Explain to me why you call her your girlfriend?? Nothing she does resembles being a girlfriend to you...

I'm going to agree with kctiger. Have you two established that you're exclusive? She doesn't sound like a girlfriend at all.

Hey guys, a slight problem which is driving me a bit crazy.

I've been dating a girl for maybe....7 months? I live in London, she lives in France. So we get to see eachother maybe...once a month for a week or so?

Now genreally I'm a pretty jelous person, when she tells me sometimes guys kiss her I get a bit worked up. But she convinces me there's no love involved so I kind of accept it.

However, on Saturday I'll be going Korea for 1 year, and I won't be seeing her for a year (we've talked about this quite a bit). But she tells me that she can't NOT have sex for a whole year which I find crazy!

She then goes onto explain that while we've been dating she has had sex with other guys too which, for me, crossess the line.

Now don't get me wrong, I know 1 year is a long time, and this is not only a test for her but for me too, I mean hell...I'll be surrounded by gorgeous asian women, however why put myself through the torture if she on the other side of the world is getting shafted left right and centre? Initially when I explained that I was angry about this she said that she is free to do what she wants and she's not a slave etc.

The thing is, she does love me, I know that much and she's seriously considering not having sex with other guys while I'm gone. When she decides something she really does mean it.

What do you guys think?


This, to me, takes the cake in this entire post... are you really giving her credit for giving such a serious consideration to this?? You act as if this isn't something most NORMAL couples wouldn't even have established before they began dating...

Lol wow... you guys have made your opinions pretty clear haha.

But it sound like from your answers... even if she does accept I should leave her and find someone else?

Hey guys, a slight problem which is driving me a bit crazy.

she tells me sometimes guys kiss her I get a bit worked up. But she convinces me there's no love involved so I kind of accept it.

What do you guys think?

I stopped thinking right about here and thought... what kind of guy falls for this?

How naïve could this guy be?

This is what he thinks a relationship is?

Now you are making excuses for why it would be too hard for her to wait a year for you. This isn't your girlfriend, this sounds like a "friends with benefits" set up. She has no respect for you apparently. Time to start looking at all those lovely asain women. You are, by the way, single.

lol wow...you guys have made your opinions pretty clear haha.

But it sound like from your answers...even if she does accept I should leave her and find someone else?

Yes, you should find someone else. Someone who has some self control. You can do better!

lol wow...you guys have made your opinions pretty clear haha.

But it sound like from your answers...even if she does accept I should leave her and find someone else?

What is she going to accept?

You are right it is pretty clear... if you doubt us re-read your post.

The big question I have for you is why are you still with her after she told you that she has made love to other men while still in a realationship with you? I think that if you are leaving for a year and you and she can't resist temptation then maybe you guys should just end it and move on. I know I sound blunt and sorry for that, but if I am in love with someone, I will wait for them. Really think about it before you do anything rash.

This is going to be harsh. Grow a pair, tell her she is a wh___ and find a real girlfriend.

Understood and appreciated guys, thanks a lot!

you're welcome. That's what we're here for. =)

I agree that you are not exclusive,at least on her end so expecting fidelity from her is a lost cause.Shes not that into you as evidenced by her previous behavior.
People can and do remain faithful for long periods of separation,if they truly want to.If they are motivated by love and respect for themselves, their mate ,and their relationship.

Another heads up:

"My girlfriend has sex with other guys and says it's ok" = an entire oxymoron statement.

She sounds like my kind of woman.

Wow, the choice is clear. Leave her, I really cannot say anything else on this topic as I am speechless

She then goes onto explain that while we've been dating she has had sex with other guys too which, for me, crosses the line.


I feel the same, and would have been long gone!

She didn't keep her legs closed before so what makes you think she will for a year? Not smart!

There's a word for girls like this, rhymes with floor.

Honey, turn tail and run as fast as you can, unless you like sharing your "girlfriend" with other guys.

She doesn't love you, she loves sex, with anyone that she can find.

She's not going to keep her legs crossed for a whole year, she couldn't even do it while you where around, forget about while you're away.

Consider yourself single, have fun in Korea.

Long distance relationships are hard and from what you say your already on bad terms. Its not hard to not have sex for a while you can pleaseure yourself. But if you both seem to worry so much about having sex and cheating you already sound like your doubting yourself it may not work. You can try but don't hold your breath. You may be better off breaking up any way being free in korea and starting a new relationship that's not long distance

You are dating, I doubt there is really any "love" not the love you are talking about, you are one of many people she is dating, and sleeping with, So basically unless someone special comes along in that year, she will still be there to have sex with when you get back.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. If she gets pregnant, what will you do? How will you know whether it's yours?

2. How many diseases can you possibly come into contact with by sleeping with someone who's sleeping with everyone else?

3. How low is Yourself esteem that you have allowed her to treat you like a fool?

I don't mean to be harsh, but unless you are both 16, you shouldn't even have to ask for opinions on this. My husband is only home for 1 week every month too. I would never consider sleeping with anyone else.

So if she decides she'll be faithful ::cough:: will you believe her?

Feah,
If I were you, I'd get to my nearest clinic for a full STD panel, including HSV1 and 2. This is ridiculous. Anybody who cares for you can hold off on having sex with other guys for as long as it takes to be with you.

I disagree with those calling this girl a whore. Really?

Dating means different things to different people. Some are exclusive, one person with one person... some see no problem dating more than one person when there is no long term commitment.

I'm not saying what she did was "right"... or "wrong" for that matter. Clearly, the two people were not on the same page mentally. She sees a more casual relationship and he expects exclusivity.

But please... its pretty judgemental to call someone a whore when she sees relationships at this point in her life as nonexclusive.

Why not call anyone who has sex outside of a long term commitment (marriage?) a whore? Is someone a whore because they sleep with someone else, but they aren't a whore if they sleep with you? A person can sleep with someone and not be a whore if they only sleep with one person? How soon is too soon?

Look... I know I'm being a drama queen here. I've always dated exclusively. I've also been cheated on by two big loves. Infidelity isn't something I care to defend.

But one of those loves was a woman who was up front with her being open to an open relationship... she was fine if I wanted to date others, which I didn't... and she didn't date others for nearly 2 years... but then slept around when id asked her to just tell me when other relationships elevate physically. My ex, at least, was up front with the idea of dating others... and knowing whether she was active with others gave me info about std risks, etc.

Obviously these two aren't matched well. They don't see "dating" as the same things. I don't know... you date someone long distance and see them once a month... that's not very often... and I think it's a lot to expect someone to wait around for you when you'll see each other a dozen times a year... at least in a new relationship.

So... yeah, she shouldve been a helluvalot more up front. They both shouldve had more common ground. And she certainly withheld information that shouldve been shared or he assumed too much.

But I'm not going to call her a whore or slut or b!tch. What lovely words we assign to women who explore their sexuality.

She is a bad match for his expectations.

Now genreally I'm a pretty jelous person, when she tells me sometimes guys kiss her I get a bit worked up. But she convinces me there's no love involved so I kind of accept it.

However, on Saturday I'll be going Korea for 1 year, and I won't be seeing her for a year (we've talked about this quite a bit). But she tells me that she can't NOT have sex for a whole year which I find crazy!

She then goes onto explain that while we've been dating she has had sex with other guys too which, for me, crossess the line.

These three factors, do not scream NUN to me. Kissing, convincing her boyfriend, it's OK, because there isn't any love.

Unable to obstain from sex for one year for her relationship.

Tells her boyfriend AFTER the fact that she has been sleeping with other people, possibly passing STDs to him and should she have turned up pregnant, unable to tell who the father might be.

You are right whore might be harsh, but there is CLEARLY a HUGE difference in his understanding of a relationship, which his understanding meets the standards of most people understanding of a relationship, while hers varied in a non traditional way. If she wanted a relationship that was non exclusive and she would be sleeping with multiple partners, she did have an obligation to let her multiple partners know.

KP, I see your point.

Okay, maybe the use of the word whore was uncalled for, after all, I shouldn't judge. But, this guy thought he was in a committed, loving, exclusive relationship.

If she wanted an open relationship then she should have stated that in the very beginning. He wasn't aware of this, so at best she's a cheater. As you said, different strokes for different folks, but you do have to be honest about it and upfront.

So, I'll hang my head for using the whore word, well, I didn't actually use it but it was definitely implied. Forgive me? Please? :o

If she wanted an open relationship then she should have stated that in the very beginning. He wasn't aware of this, so at best she's a cheater. As you said, different strokes for different folks, but you do have to be honest about it and upfront.

So, I'll hang my head for using the whore word, well, I didn't actually use it but it was definitely implied. Forgive me? Please? :o

Hey alty.

I'm in a mood, hon.

Irish side just wants to argue and fight today, methinks. Probably a good day to avoid the AMHD boards.

The girl has a right to define her relationships as she wishes, and we knee jerk label women who are sexually active and curious. She shouldve been upfront. And as mentioned, after the fact doesn't help where stds are concerned, let alone the mental baggage. We only are getting one side of the story, so I can't tell if there were inappropriate assumptions, extremely different interpretations... we certainly know there was miscommunication about what the relationship was.

She did tell him other guys were kissing her... so I don't know if that was to tease him, inform him, etc... I don't know, other than I'm in a Mood.

I wouldent believe her for one second that she won't have sec with other guys when you're a way,I mean if she cat control herself whiles she's WITH you and SEES you at least once a month

how do you expect her to not do anything for a year.

Id dump her and find a nice Asian lady ^-^

This is not ok.

Watch dates on threads... the original poster hasn't been back since feb 09. I'm guessing the issue has been solved one way or another by now.

Not wrong to post on old threads, but I tend to put more effort on current posts, with members needing help here and now. Just something to consider.

Closed, these are not blogs, watch your dates, this is almost 2 years old