Hello all… I’m joining the club of the “my girl asked space and/or a break”…

That happened last week, right after v-day weekend. Yeah, awesome timing huh? We went on an escapade for the weekend and it was all too good to be true…

Anyway, we were not official yet. We had been seeing each other, or dating, or whatever the best term is, for about 2 months. We’re both young (29) and she had just got out of a marriage. My friends warned me to keep my heart guarded. My heart told me to let flow and I thought it would be a love story... In the end I did too much. I was way too nice, being a handy man at her new place, giving/lending her stuff to help the moving process happen easier and I think after a certain point all this goodness turned against me. I was smothering her according to her own words. I loved surprising her everyday with something new, would help her settle down in her new apt (since she had really just moved out of the apt she lived with the ex-husband). According to her the marriage had ended more than a 1 1/2 year ago, they were just avoiding the unavoidable.

When I met her through friends, I was what she needed. Some nice dude, stable and that gave her all the attention she missed for years. I helped her with keeping her mind away of stresses, helped with finding a new apt when she was on a very tight budget (no, I didn’t help with any money). Once she was moved and settled, we would continue seeing each other and she seemed happy. She would tell me that all her co-workers and clients told her I was amazing and she should keep me around. I lent her my old TV, gave her a nice vday present. Stupid, stupid me!

Fast forward in time, right after vday for some reason we were talking about the pics we took that weekend. Those were the first pics we took together. I never brought any cameras around because I knew she was just coming out of a marriage, so of course we didn’t want anyone to think she was “already” seeing someone else. So she told me not to publish any pics anywhere. I asked why? I didn’t want to be a secret. We didn’t have to tell the world we were seeing each other… I didn’t even ask her to be official. I just wanted to know from her that I meant something, that I was a special someone. That was an awkward conversation and she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship, she wasn’t even sure if she was ready for dating. That considering we’ve been seeing each other for 2 months!!

Next day I called her to see if she wanted to go for dinner… It was the worst day for me. She had already made plans for the entire week (if not also for the following week) and I was completely excluded. I just couldn’t ask what day she would be free for me. And I freaked out and wanted an explanation… “you’re smothering me!” she said. Go figure! Until two days before we were away on a perfect weekend trip…

One more day passed and I’m coming (or trying to) back to my reality… Called her and said “ok, I’ll give you your space”. I like you a lot and I won’t ask you out until you feel ready… She kept saying she didn’t know when that would be, if she would ever be ready, if she would even want to be dating again anytime soon. There I started my NC… I hadn’t yet come across this website but I felt that was the right thing to do… I could not understand my own feelings… it sucked!

She kept texting me once in a while… it was comforting and disturbing at the same time because I knew I was getting some attention from her, but she wasn’t intending to see me anytime. And on IM we would have quick “how was your day?” chats and then she’d tell me “I need to go get ready cos I’m having dinner with a friend”. Or she’d tell me she was going out partying on the weekend… Or that she had way too much drinks and was with a hangover. That girl that until a week before never wanted to party hard, that used to say she enjoyed quiet nights cuddling and watching movies, going out for romantic dinners… Now she wants to party and “live life”. She had a share of me… I almost feel like I was used. I feel guilty too… I let it go too far… did too much.

Now, reading the posts here I learn that when the girl asks for space it’s all likely over. So I’m planning on sending her a last email asking her not to contact me. Not because I don’t like her… but because being in touch with her is not letting me heal. I’m also letting her know that my doors are still open if she realizes she wants to continue seeing me. I know, I know! That is stupid… but saying that will give me some peace of mind, and keep some hope (I know! That’s bad!).

I am also planning to delete all connections with her. IM, Facebook, everything… it hurts me seeing her and not being around in those fun occasions.

Well… I wrote this to vent… I think you all have already helped a lot by keeping this forum and I learned a lot by reading other posts.

If I am missing anything, please let me know. Comments are well appreciated.

I’ll do my best to keep my head up high!

Thanks for sharing your story. I can see a lot of parallels with own recent personal experience. You let your guard down and fell hard and fast, just like me. Sometimes we go into these things letting our hearts make the decisions for us, and we get hurt in the end.

I believe you're definitely doing the right thing by giving her space and backing off and going NC. I would however caution against sending the email stating you're leaving your doors open for her - I'm pretty sure she already knows this, and it basically gives her the green light to use you as a Plan B, which I am very dead set against. I would go as far as to not send her any email about initiating NC and just "disappear" from her life - she really doesn't need to know why - NC is for you. You'll gain some peace of mind down the road after the dust settles.

Your main goal is to heal yourself now and get over this as fast as time allows. You've done some homework already though so you're definitely ahead of the game. Come by anytime to vent and to keep us posted, good luck!

Hey UnluckyDucky. Thanks for the two comments.

You are absolutely right. I won't send her anything. I actually had a female friend tell me to write an email, write everything I feel or resent or anything that's in my mind... but not send it. That is kind of venting to myself... I must say that just by sharing my story I felt way relieved. And you know what, this same friend gave me the most important advice: drown myself into my friendships and live life. I'm sure this is also written in a lot of posts around here.

I just came back from meeting my friend and also met her friends and I feel great. I can tell you all... I didn't think about "that girl" at any point during the whole night. I laughed and had plenty of fun. Plus by making new friends, there will be parties, I'll keep myself busy and it will probably be better than if I was stuck in an unbalanced relationship.

I feel great. Things are coming back into place.

Actually, one question: say she texts message me with the usual "how are you today?"... It's very likely that it will happen soon. I am pretty much a polite person and I hate feeling that someone finds me impolite. In that case, what would be a good reply? Something short and direct, though polite?

There is no need for you to reply, but if you really want to reply, keep in short, if she asks you how's your day.Reply back saying it was good.She will get the point eventually.

Funny how things are. Last night I went to sleep feeling really great after meeting my friends for dinner and chit chat. Now I just woke up and first thing that comes to my mind is her. Wondering if she's well and wishing she was there with me last night having fun with me and making new friends.

And I feel a little resented that I was there for her when she was stressed, I kept her thinking positive. When she was sad I gave her a shoulder. When she needs help or support, when she got sick, I was there for her. And amid all that she would ask me how can I stand all of her neurosis and drama. I always told her I wanted to be around not only during the good times, that she could count on me for anything. And then comes the times when she's all settled and wants to have fun and I'm am no longer good to be her companion. Where were the other friends when she needed help and support? They were not there. This makes me feel really bad. I feel like throwing all of this at her face.(no I won't do it, but it's something constantly in my mind)

Anyway, thanks for any new replies.

Cut the contact, you both need to heal. After my ex ended it with me, she tried this break stuff and everything then tried getting jealous over things like where I was even AFTER we ended. So after she sent a text one time flipping on me I sent this text "You made this choice, you go do you, I'm gonna do me" and I did so that's my advice to you, go do you