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View Full Version : How is my new poem? Wrote it in 4 minutes


giri_passport
Feb 24, 2009, 08:29 AM
Some haze sorrounds my eyes always


When stars twinkle in a hazy sky,
My eyes strain to see them shining more bright…

When the moon appears in half its glory,
I yearn to see him in his fully gleaming in his own light…

When the raindrops touch mother earth softly,
I yearn to feel the rays of sun in all their might…

When the trees shed their leaves to renew themselves,
I yearn to see them glowing green in every day’s twilight….

Why is it that I fail to see and admire beauty as it is,
Why I fail to enjoy the different facets of nature in my desire to see something that isn’t there always….

Might be it’s a well thought out thought when a wise man wisely said,
That beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, if not, you rue your very plight….

------------------------------------------------------Giri

Clough
Mar 11, 2009, 02:03 AM
Hi again, Giri!

Below is a possible refining of your poem. I hope that you don't mind!


Some Haze Surrounds My Eyes Always

When stars twinkle in a hazy sky,
My eyes strain to see them shining more bright…

When the moon appears in half its glory,
I yearn to see him fully gleaming in his own light…

When the raindrops touch mother earth softly,
I yearn to feel the rays of sun in all their might…

When the trees shed their leaves to renew themselves,
I yearn to see them glowing green in every day’s twilight….

Why is it that I fail to see and admire beauty as it is,
Why I fail to enjoy the different facets of nature in my desire to see something that isn’t there always….

Might be it’s a well thought out thought when a wise man wisely said,
That beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, if not, you rue your very plight….

Your poem is quite good!

Thanks!