For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to each other on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. However, here's where it gets sticky: She is twice my age (I'm 16) and is married with kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?:o

Best,
Anoymous

Welcome to AMHD. Have you ever met a jealous husband or boyfriend? Have you ever been struck by lightning? Have you ever known someone who wanted to be struck by lightning? My guess is that you will wish you had been struck by lightning if you continue to head down this path.

It'd be more than inconvenient - it would be statutory rape and adultery.

Perhaps if I took the ethical issues out of the question I could get more of a straight-forward answer?

For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to each other on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. She is my age, and isn't married, and has no kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering the distance. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?

Best,
Anoymous

Perhaps if I took the ethical issues out of the question I could get more of a straight-forward answer?

For over 4 months now, I've been "seeing" this gorgeous, smart, witty, and sophisticated woman online. Neither of us were looking for love, persay, it just happened. We met mostly over an online game, and now we "see" and talk to eachother on the phone every night. I have never visited her before, but she only lives about 14 hours away, which is a drive that I would be more than happy to make to see her. She is my age, and isn't married, and has no kids. We've talked about visiting before but it would definitely be inconvinient for both of us considering the distance. I'm determined to make this work out, and we both love each other very much. Can someone give me some insight on how we could possibly meet and/or take this relationship to the next level, putting no limit on money or time?

Best,
Anoymous


You can't remove the information that is the most pertinent for your situation. You are young and infatuated with Mrs. Robinson, but the facts are pretty easy. This is not going to lead anywhere. She is married, she has children, and she is old enough to be your mother. If this was a situation that was without that relevant information it would be addressed differently, but these are situational things that will damage you. If you did not see any problems, you wouldn't be here asking and perhaps you would have discussed this situation with your own mother, but under the circumstances you can not.

Believe me, you will not see all of the advice here that is in your best interests, but if you love her, know that it is in her best interests also. If she were to enter a relationship with you she would destroy her marriage and children and she would end up in jail. If you do not believe than look online at all of the teachers that go to jail for "falling in love" with their students. You are in a no win situation. Please remove yourself from availability, if you love this women, as you are on a path that will destroy her life.

Nope, what part of she is married don't you understand? What part of you're 16 doesn't she understand?

I see a Chris Hansen special coming up.

This is why I will be monitoring EVERYTHING my kids do online! No freakin adult perv is going to be doing this crap

You can't remove the information that is the most pertinent for your situation. You are young and infatuated with Mrs. Robinson, but the facts are pretty easy. This is not going to lead anywhere. She is married, she has children, and she is old enough to be your mother. If this was a situation that was without that relevant information it would be addressed differently, but these are situational things that will damage you. If you did not see any problems, you wouldn't be here asking and perhaps you would have discussed this situation with your own mother, but under the circumstances you can not.

Believe me, you will not see all of the advice here that is in your best interests, but if you love her, know that it is in her best interests also. If she were to enter a relationship with you she would destroy her marriage and children and she would end up in jail. If you do not believe than look online at all of the teachers that go to jail for "falling in love" with their students. You are in a no win situation. Please remove yourself from availablity, if you love this women, as you are on a path that will destroy her life.

I appreciate your view on this, I really do. I would've said the same thing to somebody in an identical situation before I met her. I've been infatuated, sure, but this is genuine love. Her marriage is dormant and stagnant to say the least. How can I just say goodbye to the woman that means the most to me? We share the same morals, values, scruples, interests, likes and dislikes, etc. We connect so well together and it took at least a month of us two deliberating before we decided it was worth starting the relationship. I feel like I've poured too much into this to leave now.

How can I just say goodbye to the woman that means the most to me?

Give the husband a call, let him know your intentions with his wife. Like any honorable man would have to do with the woman's father, well since she is married already, you will have to ask permission from the husband instead. Good luck with that.

You will have every opportunity to communicate all the good-byes you would like because she will be sitting in a jail cell, if you follow through with this scenerio, for the next ten to fifteen years.

How old are her children? Maybe they will love having a new father that they can not drink with, maybe you can go to the same school with them?

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEMS???

[QUOTE=George_1950 ]disagrees: I hate to say you are just a 16 year old and acting like a dumbass, but there: I've said it.[QUOTE]

I'm in college at 16, have a job, have ambitions, and have expectations. I know what I'll be risking here, but I'd hardly call myself a dumbass because of it. Please realize that there are people who don't make status quo, or aren't in "cookie-cutter" relationships. If you'll read the OP I think you'll find that I didn't ask for your opinion on my intellegence, or the validity of my relationship. The only thing I asked is what I needed to do to continue and take the relationship to the next level. Thanks for your post.

We share the same morals, values, scruples, interests, likes and dislikes, etc.

If she shared the same morals, values and scruples, she would not be an internet predator now would she?

Give the husband a call, let him know your intentions with his wife. Like any honorable man would have to do with the woman's father, well since she is married already, you will have to ask permission from the husband instead. Good luck with that.

You will have every opportunity to communicate all the good-byes you would like because she will be sitting in a jail cell, if you follow through with this scenerio, for the next ten to fifteen years.

How old are her children? Maybe they will love having a new father that they can not drink with, maybe you can go to the same school with them?

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEMS???

I am actually the age of majority via emancipation, so there is no threat of jail time, making it completely an ethical issue, once again.

If she shared the same morals, values and scruples, she would not be an internet predator now would she?

An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.

Hello Sleight,

I don't think you'll get the answer you're looking for here. If you re-read what you wrote in your OP with an open mind (without your personal feelings), you'll see how bizarre it sound to people that are reading your story.

Even if I remove all the ethical issues in your situation, 14 hours away is far.. Long distance relationships are hard. Looking at it realistically, do you really want to travel 14 hours every time you go on a date with this woman?

I would say move on, and find someone else.

An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.

When one of the people involved isn't legally an adult, then yes, the legal adult is considered a predator.

What reasonable 32 year old women would want a relationship with a child? You may be smart, you may be mature for your age, blah, blah, blah, but you are still a child.

If you were 25 and she were 41 I wouldn't have a problem with this, because you'd both be adults. But, as it stands you are 16, she's 32, you are a child, she's a married women with children. You are a boy toy, she is a predator.

The truth hurts kiddo, you don't have to like it, but you're the one that asked, and we're telling you the truth and nothing but the truth. It may not be easy to swallow, but swallow it you must.

You're in love with a women you've never met. A women who preys on young boys, cheats on her husband, has no regard for her children (what women would allow a 16 year old to be a potential parent to her kids) and doesn't give a rats a$$ who she hurts, as long as she gets what she wants.

You're young, I don't expect you to be mature enough to handle this, but at 32 she should know better.

This won't end well, I'd bet money on it! And before you give me a reddie because you don't like my opinion, read the rules of this site.

I am actually the age of majority via emancipation, so there is no threat of jail time, making it completely an ethical issue, once again.

Who's ethical issues are you talking about? What book of ethics have you been reading? You don't even have the capability to see around corners at 16 yrs. Of age. If you are so smart, you would know that the brain does not develop to this capacity until a it's reached it's age of maturity, into your twenty's. What about the children? Have not thought about them from an ethical and moral stand point? You would be ruining more lives than you know, just out of your young, selfishness greed.

An online predator is an Internet user who exploits vulnerable people, usually for sexual or financial purposes. Neither of these have taken place. I'm sorry you have such a shallow view as to think that just because there is a consiterable age gap between two people, that one must be a predator.


First, if you are going to support this woman and her children - and I do realize you are in College - you need to learn how to spell.

Second, taking this at face value. You are in love with her. She is in love with you. Her marriage is dead or tired or whatever her marriage is. By legal standards in your States you are both adults.

So you both act like adults. She tells her husband she wants a divorce, wants to do the honorable thing, doesn't want your relationship to be a dark, dirty secret. You act like a man and address this with her husband after she tells him she wants a divorce.

Where is her husband when you are having these nightly lengthy telephone conversations? She owes it to that relationship to be honest with him.

You tell your parents you love her, no secret relationship.

It's all out in the open, no secrets. That's the next level in a relationship. That's the adult level.

When one of the people involved isn't legally an adult, then yes, the legal adult is considered a predator.

What reasonable 32 year old women would want a relationship with a child? You may be smart, you may be mature for your age, blah, blah, blah, but you are still a child.

If you were 25 and she were 41 I wouldn't have a problem with this, because you'd both be adults. But, as it stands you are 16, she's 32, you are a child, she's a married women with children. You are a boy toy, she is a predator.

The truth hurts kiddo, you don't have to like it, but you're the one that asked, and we're telling you the truth and nothing but the truth. It may not be easy to swallow, but swallow it you must.

You're in love with a women you've never met. A women who preys on young boys, cheats on her husband, has no regard for her children (what women would allow a 16 year old to be a potential parent to her kids) and doesn't give a rats a$$ who she hurts, as long as she gets what she wants.

You're young, I don't expect you to be mature enough to handle this, but at 32 she should know better.

This won't end well, I'd bet money on it! And before you give me a reddie because you don't like my opinion, read the rules of this site.

It seems to me most strange that you should make malicious comments regarding this woman, consitering you have never met her. I'm the one who wanted to call her, I'm the one who wants to visit her, I'm the one who fell in love with her. I don't see how any of that situation qualifies her as a predator. She cares very much about her kids, enough to home-school them at that. I don't have to explain myself or anyone else to you, please stick to the OP as much as possible before forming opinions about the situation. In addition, I am at the age of majority as I think I mentioned above, which by definition means that I refuse all claims as a child. That's right, I pay taxes, I have my own home and vehicle and insurance.

It seems to me most strange that you should make malicious comments regarding this woman, consitering you have never met her. I'm the one who wanted to call her, I'm the one who wants to visit her, I'm the one who fell in love with her. I don't see how any of that situation qualifies her as a predator. She cares very much about her kids, enough to home-school them at that. I don't have to explain myself or anyone else to you, please stick to the OP as much as possible before forming opinions about the situation. In addition, I am at the age of majority as I think I mentioned above, which by definition means that I refuse all claims as a child. That's right, I pay taxes, I have my own home and vehicle and insurance.



If you have all of these assets I don't know what the quandry is. You want to be with her. She wants to be with you. You have the means to support and shelter her and her children. She leaves "him" and comes to live with you. Very few 16 year olds are in College and have their own home, vehicle and insurance so you definitely can take care of her (and her children).

The Court decides whether she's fit or not fit and that's how custody of the children is awarded.

Maybe she's a predator; maybe she's not. I don't see that as the issue.

You want to be together, you have the means - I don't think I understand the problem, why you can't move the relationship to the next level.

First, if you are going to support this woman and her children - and I do realize you are in College - you need to learn how to spell.

Second, taking this at face value. You are in love with her. She is in love with you. Her marriage is dead or tired or whatever her marriage is. By legal standards in your States you are both adults.

So you both act like adults. She tells her husband she wants a divorce, wants to do the honorable thing, doesn't want your relationship to be a dark, dirty secret. You act like a man and address this with her husband after she tells him she wants a divorce.

Where is her husband when you are having these nightly lengthy telephone conversations? She owes it to that relationship to be honest with him.

You tell your parents you love her, no secret relationship.

It's all out in the open, no secrets. That's the next level in a relationship. That's the adult level.

Thank you, sir, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?

Thank you, ma'am, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?


EDIT: Ma'am

If you have all of these assets I don't know what the quandry is. You want to be with her. She wants to be with you. You have the means to support and shelter her and her children. She leaves "him" and comes to live with you. Very few 16 year olds are in College and have their own home, vehicle and insurance so you definitely can take care of her (and her children).

The Court decides whether she's fit or not fit and that's how custody of the children is awarded.

Maybe she's a predator; maybe she's not. I don't see that as the issue.

You want to be together, you have the means - I don't think I understand the problem, why you can't move the relationship to the next level.

I agree with you, I think the problem is that, she is still married, and that she is 14 hours away with two kids. The financials are not an issue, I just don't know how to tell or show her that I'm ready to be with her.

What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?
Frequency of in-person contact so you get to know each other in real time and in real space.

Thank you, sir, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?



I work in the legal field. I'm extremely up front and to the point by nature, education and experience.

So here goes - I would consider dating her (and that includes a face to face meeting) when she is married to be cheating on her husband. For that matter I consider any type of emotional or physical relationship when it is unknown to a partner to be cheating - but that's not the question.

If you want to date her face to face instead of needing to sneak around, then she tells her husband and you date. My concern is that if the person you are interested in is going behind the back of her husband, there's a good possibility at some point she'll do the same thing to you. If a man is honorable with his wife, I assume he will behave in an honorable fashion with me. It's a conscious choice a person makes concerning how he/she will live his/her life.

I conduct matrimonial investigations on a fairly regular basis - I have found that there are what I call serial cheaters. There are also people who cheat once, cause serious harm to their marriage or relationship, learn a lesson and never cheat again. Only you know the woman, her behavior and mindset.

I know nothing of on line relationships, unfortunately.

My other concern is that she is 32 and you are 16. If - and only you know this - for whatever reason she wants/needs a young man, what will happen when you are 25 and she is 41? Does she go behind your back, looking for a younger man? Or is she interested in you because she's simply interested in you.

And for the record concerning relationships - I was divorced and single for quite a while. I met my husband on a set up. Neither one of us wanted to meet. Neither one of us could think of a viable excuse not to meet. So we met. And he opened the door to the restaurant. My heart stopped. Neither one of us dated anyone else starting at that moment. We were married within weeks. So, yes, I do believe in lightning striking, whatever you want to call it.

What if he had been married and I had known it and we had met and my heart had stopped when I saw him? I could see that lives could be destroyed, that there would have been a lot of pain in all directions.

I think you can't begin a good relationship with a lie, which is what is going on if her husband doesn't know about you. If she is ready to move on - and she apparently is - she has to do the honorable thing, everything else aside.

I agree with you, I think the problem is that, she is still married, and that she is 14 hours away with two kids. The financials are not an issue, I just don't know how to tell or show her that I'm ready to be with her.



You say, "I want to be with you." She says "Yes" or she says "No."

You say, "I want to be with you." She says "Yes" or she says "No."

Thank you so much.

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.

I'm 34, and I don't have a home! I'm online, and I like to meet new friends. Can you be my boyfriend? Do you have a corvette?

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.
And he needed our permission to ask "her" an obvious question?

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.


My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

I could understand this coming from a normie like me, but from a "relationship expert?" Come on.

Are you not concerned that she is only after your money?

Is your mother involved in your life? Why are you emancipated?

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

That's not what you said. You said you worked, that you're in college, not that you're a poor little rich boy.

Wait, if this is true, well, now I see why the 32 year old is so interested. Maybe she's not a pedophile after all, maybe she's just a gold digger.

Sorry kid, not buying any of this. I've been around long enough to recognize bull when I hear it!

Try again.

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.
Capitol s/b capital and he's going to support you financially in this endeavor?

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

Grandpa's not going to like you so much when you lose all of his money to a cougar!

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.



Now this would be a concern to me - if you're in an adult relationship you have to be able to stand on your own two feet, not lean on your grandfather (although I'm not sure this is what you're planning to do).

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, pursuing an MMA.

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, persuing an MMA.



Well, I've been on your side up until now but 16, pursuing an MMA (Masters/Music or Master/Marine).

I don't think it's possible. Working on your bachelors, sure.

Enrolled in the Masters program? I don't think so.

Sorry - I concur with the others at this point.

I fail to see how the money (in any event), yours or hers, has anything to do with not continuing to live a lie.

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, persuing an MMA.
Pursuing a what?

Maybe you could enlighten me as to what an MMA is, because when I hear that I think Mixed Martial Arts.

Second, you say you work hard for everything, yet have had a silver spoon in your mouth for how long? I'm not buying what you're selling

I was hoping he wasn't implying a master's degree, that's why I asked(not for lack of education)


Dude, no way are you 16 going for a master's

Maybe you could enlighten me as to what an MMA is, because when I hear that I think Mixed Martial Arts.

Second, you say you work hard for everything, yet have had a silver spoon in your mouth for how long? I'm not buying what you're selling


Master of Music or Master of Marine Affairs (part of my local law school's joint degree program).

Agree - started as a question, has gone over the edge.

Thanks anyway.

Sniff, sniff, I smell a troll!

Shall we stop feeding him?

First, I'm surprised that no one has picked up on one point. In the OP you said; "we "see" and talk to eachother on the phone every night". By putting see in quotes I wonder if you have ever actually seen what she looks like. You indicated you met on an online game. Not many 32 yr old mothers play online games. So the possibility exists that she is some teenager stringing you along.

You also mention that it is you that wants to pursue this relationship. Have you ever discussed this with her?

But a very big sticking point remains. She is married with a family. Therefore, you are willing to break up this home for your own infatuation. If she truly wants you then let her get a divorce and THEN you start a relationship.

Now all of the above presumes you are to be believed, but I really don't. Every time someone raises a logical objection, you throw in some additional facts. For eample, when some questions your intelligence, you become a 16 yr old college student. With a job yet. When some raises the issue of corruption of a minor, you become emancipated. When someone questions your ability to support her, you gain a house and a car. And when someone mentions she might be a gold-digger you let drop that she has money of her own. There is a distinct pattern here.

The bottomline here is your story is not credible. But in the off chance that it is true, then you should not be involved with a married woman with kids until she is free.

Leave this bored housewife alone, before she makes a fool out of you. Get a real female who is available to date, and leave that fantasy stuff alone. You are phone pals, and there is no other level for a kid to go with a married woman. Get some reality in your life, and enjoy your youth.

Leave this bored housewife alone, before she makes a fool out of you.

He's doing a pretty good job of making a fool out of himself ;)

I appreciate your advice. While I do not intend to separate at this point, I appreciate your opinion.