ConfusedInAK
Feb 21, 2009, 01:39 PM
I'm venting here but I am sooooo annoyed and pissed off right now!
My "boyfriend" and I (perhaps a better term as of late is co-ed roomate) have been together for over 7 years. We have 4 kids (3 of which are biologically his). And for the last 5 years (at least), I have been the butt of his jokes! A metaphorical whipping boy if you will and I am PISSED OFF!
First let me say that neither of us is without blame. That being said, only one of us has ever tried to work on the "issues" in our relationship, and that person is me.
His biggest issue with me has always been sex and money. OK, the top two destroyers of relationships in the first place, right?
The sex:
In the beginning (as it so often starts) our sex life was fine! Better than fine, and he got more than he had probably had in years. Then in 2003 I got pregnant with our first child together. This was not the beginning of the end of my sex drive however, in fact I was quite horny throughout the entire pregnancy, and he got a lot of sex. Then, at the beginning of 2005 I got pregnant with number 3. This time I was sick a lot, had toxemia that went untreated for a long time due the fantastic education the doctors up here apparently receive. Started to grow hair in weird places, etc. and I have to say with the 3rd kid, my hormones changed, my sex drive went away, etc. I recognized this and got tested for hormonal imbalances and any other thing that could affect my sex drive, yet nothing provided an explanation. So, I made a conscious effort to please my man more. I MADE THE EFFORT as always... he never does anything but rant and moan. Low and behold at the end of 2006 I became pregnant again (a miracle seeing as how "we never have sex" or in his stupid words to anyone who will listen "I've had sex 3 times... I have 3 kids" - A_ HOLE!!
With my 4th child I was hospitalized for a week in December 2006 and then from January 3rd, 2007 through the end of April 2007 (THAT'S RIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME). The poor man (while I lay dying) didn't get any frickin nookie until around August of 2007 when I could finally walk again and had all 3 of my surgeries complete. BOOHOO! He also never visited me while I lay dying for months (literally dying)... what a sweet heart. Just ranted about him having to do everything.
So maybe it's because I've had all of these kids that my sex drive is gone (some of you are probably asking why the hell I wasn't on birth control... turns out birth control pills, patches, etc. are dangerous to me. I tried them all. I hemorrhage, my blood pressure sky rockets... pretty toxic to me).
MAYBE it's the fact that I am with a man that thinks of only himself.
MAYBE I just don't give a rats tush anymore, because I have tried everything to fix it, including "scheduling" the encounters to happen (without him knowing I do this) to keep him happy.
What does piss me off is that for YEARS he has told strangers and acquaintances about his "poor sex life". He thinks it is something funny to bring up in a conversation to explain his grumpy to everyone. I get to be the butt of all his jokes, and today, I answer a business call from a lady I have never met, but spoken to on the phone. And somehow in this conversation, she brings up the fact that he told her that he has only had sex 3 times because he only has 3 kids and that is why he is a grumpy man.
Money issue:
As of right now I have been a stay at home mom of 4 kids since May of last year and this WAS NOT MY IDEA! HE made the decision I would be staying at home and HE has made the decision that I can not have a job now. I HATE IT! I wan t to work, but he doesn't want me to.
So now, because I have no job, and I have to stay home, and I pay the bills, and I do the grocery shopping, etc. I AM THE REASON HE HAS NO MONEY!!
I spend it all. Let me tell you right now, when I spend $1800 on a freaking boiler, I am not bathing in luxury here OK?
I am not a woman that gets my hair done, my nails done, buys expensive clothes (hardly any clothing for that matter), I own TWO pairs of shoes, TWO pairs of Jeans, and maybe 6 shirts total. I DON'T SPEND MONEY ON MYSELF!! I rarely buy anything that is a luxury, and I am sick to death of his stupid comments about me "oweing him" for all the money I have spent.
When we bought a vehicle, IT WAS HE who needed the best one, not me. I wanted a basic car that could hold our family... HE opted for a freakin mercedes sedan that only 5 of us can fit in at any given moment.
He can buy a $1500 gun, but if I were to buy myself something that expensive, the crap would hit the fan!
I've tried talking to him about this.
HE denies saying anything like this to anybody, says they are lying! Fact is this is probably the 7th time a person has commented on these issues to me that should not know anything about our personal lives.
He even did it yesterday when we dropped his truck off to the mechanic, a man I do not know, in a room full of people he makes some smart @ss comment about how he'd have money if he didn't have me.
It appears to me he is the one lying, not these people I don't know.
I am to the point that I don't want to work on "us" anymore.
My "boyfriend" and I (perhaps a better term as of late is co-ed roomate) have been together for over 7 years. We have 4 kids (3 of which are biologically his). And for the last 5 years (at least), I have been the butt of his jokes! A metaphorical whipping boy if you will and I am PISSED OFF!
First let me say that neither of us is without blame. That being said, only one of us has ever tried to work on the "issues" in our relationship, and that person is me.
His biggest issue with me has always been sex and money. OK, the top two destroyers of relationships in the first place, right?
The sex:
In the beginning (as it so often starts) our sex life was fine! Better than fine, and he got more than he had probably had in years. Then in 2003 I got pregnant with our first child together. This was not the beginning of the end of my sex drive however, in fact I was quite horny throughout the entire pregnancy, and he got a lot of sex. Then, at the beginning of 2005 I got pregnant with number 3. This time I was sick a lot, had toxemia that went untreated for a long time due the fantastic education the doctors up here apparently receive. Started to grow hair in weird places, etc. and I have to say with the 3rd kid, my hormones changed, my sex drive went away, etc. I recognized this and got tested for hormonal imbalances and any other thing that could affect my sex drive, yet nothing provided an explanation. So, I made a conscious effort to please my man more. I MADE THE EFFORT as always... he never does anything but rant and moan. Low and behold at the end of 2006 I became pregnant again (a miracle seeing as how "we never have sex" or in his stupid words to anyone who will listen "I've had sex 3 times... I have 3 kids" - A_ HOLE!!
With my 4th child I was hospitalized for a week in December 2006 and then from January 3rd, 2007 through the end of April 2007 (THAT'S RIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME). The poor man (while I lay dying) didn't get any frickin nookie until around August of 2007 when I could finally walk again and had all 3 of my surgeries complete. BOOHOO! He also never visited me while I lay dying for months (literally dying)... what a sweet heart. Just ranted about him having to do everything.
So maybe it's because I've had all of these kids that my sex drive is gone (some of you are probably asking why the hell I wasn't on birth control... turns out birth control pills, patches, etc. are dangerous to me. I tried them all. I hemorrhage, my blood pressure sky rockets... pretty toxic to me).
MAYBE it's the fact that I am with a man that thinks of only himself.
MAYBE I just don't give a rats tush anymore, because I have tried everything to fix it, including "scheduling" the encounters to happen (without him knowing I do this) to keep him happy.
What does piss me off is that for YEARS he has told strangers and acquaintances about his "poor sex life". He thinks it is something funny to bring up in a conversation to explain his grumpy to everyone. I get to be the butt of all his jokes, and today, I answer a business call from a lady I have never met, but spoken to on the phone. And somehow in this conversation, she brings up the fact that he told her that he has only had sex 3 times because he only has 3 kids and that is why he is a grumpy man.
Money issue:
As of right now I have been a stay at home mom of 4 kids since May of last year and this WAS NOT MY IDEA! HE made the decision I would be staying at home and HE has made the decision that I can not have a job now. I HATE IT! I wan t to work, but he doesn't want me to.
So now, because I have no job, and I have to stay home, and I pay the bills, and I do the grocery shopping, etc. I AM THE REASON HE HAS NO MONEY!!
I spend it all. Let me tell you right now, when I spend $1800 on a freaking boiler, I am not bathing in luxury here OK?
I am not a woman that gets my hair done, my nails done, buys expensive clothes (hardly any clothing for that matter), I own TWO pairs of shoes, TWO pairs of Jeans, and maybe 6 shirts total. I DON'T SPEND MONEY ON MYSELF!! I rarely buy anything that is a luxury, and I am sick to death of his stupid comments about me "oweing him" for all the money I have spent.
When we bought a vehicle, IT WAS HE who needed the best one, not me. I wanted a basic car that could hold our family... HE opted for a freakin mercedes sedan that only 5 of us can fit in at any given moment.
He can buy a $1500 gun, but if I were to buy myself something that expensive, the crap would hit the fan!
I've tried talking to him about this.
HE denies saying anything like this to anybody, says they are lying! Fact is this is probably the 7th time a person has commented on these issues to me that should not know anything about our personal lives.
He even did it yesterday when we dropped his truck off to the mechanic, a man I do not know, in a room full of people he makes some smart @ss comment about how he'd have money if he didn't have me.
It appears to me he is the one lying, not these people I don't know.
I am to the point that I don't want to work on "us" anymore.