What does it mean when your guy on the side only wants you to provide then with oral satification? And the only time you have sex together is when you intiate it o but if you don't you are only pleasing him. Why would a guy do that to a girl that they've known for years?

Because he doesn't care about you and only wants sex, well at least oral. But you should care more about your husband than your ex and this needs to be combine with your thread. No need to start a new thread on the same thing regarding the same issue.

Because he doesn't care about you and only wants sex, well at least oral. But you should care more about your husband than your ex and this needs to be combine with your thread. No need to start a new thread on the same thing regarding the same issue.


I always want to know the answer to this question. Do you really think that he doesn't care about me and we've known each other for years? And your right I should care more about my husband's needs than my ex. I just can't and don't want to believe that's all I was to him.

Well believe it and open your eyes and go get some counselling for yourself.

You're talking about the married man, right? Well, he knows you haven't been faithful to your husband, and he can't know just how promiscuous you've been, but he might have a gut feeling. It could be that he doesn't want to do more because he doesn't want to risk catching any potential diseases that he could bring home to share with his wife.

He's also not returning the favor because he's using you. Otherwise he's just a selfish lover. Selfish applies to both of you. You're both married, and you're both fooling around on your spouses. I think the one thing you've really gotten right is your name. You sound like a very confused woman. I hope you get your life back on track.

you're talking about the married man, right? well, he knows you haven't been faithful to your husband, and he can't know just how promiscuous you've been, but he might have a gut feeling. it could be that he doesn't want to do more because he doesn't want to risk catching any potential diseases that he could bring home to share with his wife.

he's also not returning the favor because he's using you. otherwise he's just a selfish lover. selfish applies to both of you. you're both married, and you're both fooling around on your spouses. i think the one thing you've really gotten right is your name. you sound like a very confused woman. i hope you get your life back on track.


That I am very confused and I don't like not being in control of my life. He has performed oral on me a handful of times and we have sex HE doesn't want to use protection because he claims that it will be only his wife and I he will be with and I told him only my husband and him... stupid I know but thank god no diseases but it is scary... trusting my ex so much...

If you are going to cheat on your husband ( and you should not) at least get one that is giving you money and things and giving you sex.

You are nothing more than it appears a non paid hooker for this other man. And one that he knows will not talk or complain since you are married

That I am very confused and I dont like not being in control of my life. He has performed oral on me a handful of times and we have sex HE doesnt want to use protection because he claims that it will be only his wife and I he will be with and I told him only my husband and him.....stupid I know but thank god no diseases but it is scary....trusting my ex so much......


Listen to yourself

"I don't like not being in control of my own life"

"He has preformed oral on me a handful of times"


"thank god no diseases but it is scary....trusting my ex so much"

My gosh... you are in control of your life, you just choose not to have any self control. You are choosing to have an affair, no one is holding a gun to your head.

The only person that should be preforming oral on you is YOUR HUSBAND!!

And if you don't want to be scared of catching a disease than stop sleeping with another man and recommit yourself to your husband.

You make it sound like you are the victim hear.

I would say because he likes it, guys really get turned on by oral sex. But sex is also a way to show each other you care about one and other so if he's not intrested in that he's probably just using you, Dump him don't be a playa

If you are going to cheat on your husband ( and you should not) at least get one that is giving you money and things and giving you sex.

You are nothing more than it appears a non paid hooker for this other man. And one that he knows will not talk or complain since you are married


You know when I ended it the first time I wrote my ex a letter and it stated that I felt like a non paid hooker... I hated that feeling so plus I felt used he would call only when he wanted sex me too but it felt worse when he did it. And would not talk for a month or months at a time... this has got to end... I am so over him and the situation... I am so much better than that... I have a man that adores me don't completely trust me but adores me and I just need to make it work with him because I know I won't someone better than my husband.

In my opinion, it means he is selfish. Maybe, on some level, he even wants to degrade you. That is how his actions would make me feel.

In my opinion, it means he is selfish. Maybe, on some level, he even wants to degrade you. That is how his actions would make me feel.


That is actually how I felt I felt really low... but didn't know how to stop... :mad:... but then I did and I started to lose weight, got a job and I started to feel better about myself and didn't need him to make me feel anything... and when he saw that I was losing weight and had a job he was jealous it seemed my lover that is because he was like I don't see you no more you don't have time for me... and it felt good to have the shoe on the other foot... and shortly after that I ended the affair

Marriage can suck sometimes!:)

What does it mean when your guy on the side only wants you to provide then with oral satification? Hello Woman:

Well, if your "guy on the side" means that he's NOT your husband or boyfriend, it probably means that he knows the relationship ain't going anywhere, so he's only interested in getting off.

Or, if he loves you, he can't stand that you're getting laid by your guy who ISN'T on the side, and that too might cause him to want only oral satisfaction.

Or, maybe I don't understand your terminology. If so, help me out here.

excon

Hello Woman:

Well, if your "guy on the side" means that he's NOT your husband or boyfriend, it probably means that he knows the relationship ain't going anywhere, so he's only interested in getting off.

Or, if he loves you, he can't stand that you're getting laid by your guy who ISN'T on the side, and that too might cause him to want only oral satisfaction.

Or, maybe I don't understand your terminology. If so, help me out here.

excon


No you were dead on I think... I always hoped it was the second one of your comment but I will never really know because he does not tell me... just says things like I wish we could be together... why did you get married so quickly after we broke up... I wish your child was ours... so I would hope he loved me but he said we have a connection but never I Love YOU!!

Marriage can suck sometimes!:)


Well it has its moments but I would not want to be alone...

Well it has its moments but I would not want to be alone......

That is EXACTLY what you need. It doesn't sound like you have ANY idea who YOU are. You aren't showing any morals, self-dignity or self-respect with this behavior. You are being used by your ex, he doesn't care about your pleasure, your affair is about HIS pleasure.

You need a HUGE wake up call, but I don't know that you see that. You will not get this man to care about you as a person and you can analyze it every which way you can imagine in your mind to try and find out how oral sex on him, means love for you - IT DOESN'T.

No you were dead on I think...........I always hoped it was the second one of your comment but I will never really know because he does not tell me......just says things like I wish we could be together.....why did you get married so quickly after we broke up.....I wish your child was ours....so I would hope he loved me but he said we have a connection but never I Love YOU!!!

Probably because the minute he heard "I love you" from you, he would hit the road, he isn't after love, just oral. Shoot, I can't think of many single men that wouldn't just take a woman up on oral sex no strings. At least he is not paying cash for it... it's FREE!

Confused Woman it seems that you got married not out of love but because you don't want to be alone which is totally unfair to your husband.

So you need to be a woman about your wrong to your husband and maybe get out.

Probably because the minute he heard "I love you" from you, he would hit the road, he isn't after love, just oral. Shoot, I can't think of many single men that wouldn't just take a woman up on oral sex no strings. At least he is not paying cash for it... it's FREE!

Well he'snot single anymore he's married with a son... just got married about 9 months ago...

Well married guys without any sense of morals would jump all over free oral also because it is still FREE!

The fact that he is cheating on his wife too, does NOT mean that he loves you.

Well just tell him, I am going to call your wife and tell her it is over between the two of you and we can be together forever and lets see how fast he runs.

Well just tell him, I am going to call your wife and tell her it is over between the two of you and we can be together forever and lets see how fast he runs.


True... I said that before and he said that he only married after he found out that the baby was indeed his and didn't want her to get him for child support. He do love her he she has his heart just like your husband has yours... but if you want to be together we can but then he asked me would I be ready for the mess that we will make and said yeah just to hear his response and said okay... then a year later he was married... lol... and told me because I didn't leave my husband andhe wanted me to leave my husband because I wanted to not because of him... or to start a new relationship... because if we didn't last he didn't want me to be upset... I know it won't work between us but I fantasize that it will and it feels so real... but its not

Well married guys without any sense of morals would jump all over free oral also because it is still FREE!

The fact that he is cheating on his wife too, does NOT mean that he loves you.

That is true because neither one of us wants to leave or current relationships and start over... too scared and nervous to do that we both are... and then I think we are both scared that if we leave or mates and it don't work out we will lose each other

True......I said that before and he said that he only married after he found out that the baby was indeed his and didn't want her to get him for child support.

I can see why you like and admire this man so much and you want to be with him, you two are very similar.

He is humiliating you and perhaps in doing so trying to send you a message about what he thinks of you and clearly,it isn't much.

Honor yourself and your husband and have the morality to respect your vows.

Just because you want something does not mean you can walk all over others to get it.That is the mindset of a child.

Look inside yourself and ask why you allow this type of abuse? Why not be with the man who loves you.Do you feel that unlovable? Why must you try to get what is clearly unobtainable?
Bottom line... Hes married,your married,it is morally wrong.

True......I said that before and he said that he only married after he found out that the baby was indeed his and didn't want her to get him for child support.

So who else is his wife sleeping with? You said he's only sleeping with you and her and you're only sleeping with your husband and him... obviously she's been sleeping around with someone else if he wasn't sure the baby was his... so, no diseases huh? You sure about that?

He is humiliating you and perhaps in doing so trying to send you a message about what he thinks of you and clearly,it isn't much.

Honor yourself and your husband and have the morality to respect your vows.

Just because you want something does not mean you can walk all over others to get it.That is the mindset of a child.

Look inside yourself and ask why you allow this type of abuse? Why not be with the man who loves you.Do you feel that unlovable? Why must you try to get what is clearly unobtainable?
Bottom line....Hes married,your married,it is morally wrong.

Yes it is morally wrong and I never wanted my marriage to take this turn... you are right I just have to pray everyday to get and keep him out of my mind until he is...

If your just going to be giving him oral and not getting pleasured why don't you just start charging him for it?

Your married. You shouldn't care about the guy on the side or have a guy on the side. And now that it's clear the guy on the side doesn't care about you or your needs... Your basically a free prostitute.

Remember the cheater always ends up being the one hurt the most. Your probably going to lose your guy on the side and you husband if he finds out about your cheating. Then you'll be alone.

No that I have read your other post... your husband probably will leave you soon. First the trust is gone, then the love is gone. I seriously don't even see why you 2 are still married. Are you 2 just comfortable?

If your just gonna be giving him oral and not getting pleasured why dont you just start charging him for it?

Your married. You shouldn't care about the guy on the side or have a guy on the side. And now that it's clear the guy on the side doesn't care about you or your needs... Your basically a free prostitute.

Remember the cheater always ends up being the one hurt the most. Your probably going to lose your guy on the side and you husband if he finds out about your cheating. Then you'll be alone.

On one hand I want to be alone and on the other hand I can't see that... but whatever happens happen... like I told my husband I just want him happy with or without me... and I won't get hurt from this because been there done that... I will just move on like I always do...

On one hand I want to be alone and on the other hand I can't see that.....but whatever happens happen.....like I told my husband I just want him happy with or without me......and I wont get hurt from this because been there done that.......I will just move on like I always do....

You are so selfish. You must really just not care about your husband. "whatever happens happen..."?? YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY. You make thing happen... your not a puppet controlled by a higher being. You control your life.

you are so selfish. you must really just not care about your husband. "whatever happens happen..." ??? YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY. You make thing happen... your not a puppet controlled by a higher being. You control your life.


How does this make me selfish... I always put others before me that's what happened... I don't like my ex being mad at me so I do it just to get it over with... and my husband I are together because we've been together for 10 years... since I was 17 and we do love each other dearly... my husband can't stand this guy because he always asked why is he the one you can't get over I don't know but I will definitely do so... and I bet I'm NOT on his mind and that's what pisses me off as well but it is what it is... I can't make him love me and I can't make my husband hate me so I just live on

How does this make me selfish.......I always put others before me thats what happened......I dont like my ex being mad at me so I do it just to get it over with......and my husband I are together because we've been together for 10 years....... since I was 17 and we do love each other dearly.....my husband can't stand this guy because he always asked why is he the one you can't get over I dont know but I will definately do so......and I bet I'm NOT on his mind and thats what pisses me off as well but it is what it is........I can't make him love me and I can't make my husband hate me so I just live on

That's f***ed up.



How does this make me selfish.......I always put others before me thats what happened......

Good question; I guess in your case you're not selfish, you're just dumb.

How does this make me selfish.......I always put others before me thats what happened......I dont like my ex being mad at me so I do it just to get it over with......and my husband I are together because we've been together for 10 years....... since I was 17 and we do love each other dearly.....my husband can't stand this guy because he always asked why is he the one you can't get over I dont know but I will definately do so......and I bet I'm NOT on his mind and thats what pisses me off as well but it is what it is........I can't make him love me and I can't make my husband hate me so I just live on

When you say you "always put others before me that's what happened" are you saying that cheating on your husband is putting him first? Or you're always putting your "ex" first? I don't know if it's selfish but it sure isn't smart. Why would you care so much if your "ex" is mad at you anyway? You're just giving him head in exchange for a messed up marriage and it sounds like you like it that way.

That's f***ed up.


Good question; I guess in your case you're not selfish, you're just dumb.

Well I wouldn't say dumb but I would say selectively naïve... Please people don't get it twisted you are talking to someone that is a mother, wife, friend and mentor... as I would help my students without disrespect I expect the same here but I guess adults aren't to far from adolescents... so I understand... BEING A CHEATER IS WRONG YOU CAN SAY THAT 100 TIMES YES IT IS HOW TO GET OVER IT PEOPLE... CUT HIM OFF... THANK YOU I GET IT...

when you say you "always put others before me that's what happened" are you saying that cheating on your husband is putting him first? Or you're always putting your "ex" first? I don't know if it's selfish but it sure isn't smart. Why would you care so much if your "ex" is mad at you anyway? You're just giving him head in exchange for a messed up marriage and it sounds like you like it that way.

Me being smart has nothing to do with the tea in china... but it was dumb and selfish and I don't know why I cared what he thought at the time I just did... and wanted to be the best person in his life... but I guess I wasn't enough

Me being smart has nothing to do with the tea in china...........but it was dumb and selfish and I dont know why I cared what he thought at the time I just did............and wanted to be the best person in his life.......but I guess I wasn't enough

Now stop responding, think about some of the things that are written here. You are too busy defending yourself and getting frustrated with the feedback that you are forgetting the focus.

You have learned some things today. You are an intelligent woman, you have things going for you, but you are acting irresponsibility and have been for quite some time, you have children and you are a mentor apparently to students, you need to stop the gray behaviors and set the example. If you feel like you are getting immature responses, don't go on to respond in the same manner. It is time for some apologizing to your husband, probably to yourself and some definite soul searching.

Step out and think.

I think the phrase is "the price of tea in china" :)

The question you really need to ask yourself is do you indeed want to save your marriage. Really think long and hard about it. Don't just stay married because you've known each other a long time and it would be weird not to be with him. It has to be because you truly love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him and only him.

Now stop responding, think about some of the things that are written here. You are too busy defending yourself and getting frustrated with the feedback that you are forgetting the focus.

You have learned some things today. You are an intelligent woman, you have things going for you, but you are acting irresponsibility and have been for quite some time, you have children and you are a mentor apparently to students, you need to stop the gray behaviors and set the example. If you feel like you are getting immature responses, don't go on to respond in the same manner. It is time for some apologizing to your husband, probably to yourself and some definate soul searching.

Step out and think.


Now I can understand that... these people kept acting like I was this 16 year old high school student I am a grown woman confused like a 16 year old high school student and don't like the feeling... I do need to do some soul searching because I need to find me... I did not plan to hurt my husband but as a result of my honesty I told him and became hurt... I can't take it back it happened but I do want to put it behind me a move on with my life...

When a woman is confused and "acting out", time to get to know yourself and your real needs with the help of a good therapist.

There is happiness for you down the road of self-realization. :)

Very best wishes to you, :)

Yes it is morally wrong and I never wanted my marriage to take this turn......you are right I just have to pray everyday to get and keep him out of my mind until he is......

Good,that is an honest beginning and prayer has always helped me find my way,hopefully you will find yours as well..

What does it mean when your guy on the side only wants you to provide then with oral satification? And the only time you have sex together is when you intiate it o but if you dont you are only pleasing him. Why would a guy do that to a girl that they've known for years?


That's what is called a "Booty Call". And there are some women that preffer that as well, not just guys.