ronia
Feb 10, 2009, 11:54 AM
I will start with small back ground about me.first,when I was a kid my parents tought me all the manners and the principles of life.however,when I've grown up,I found that I can't live with all the principles of life that I've been tought,and the manners which I've been tought can't make me have friends.so at that time I had no friends at all;and when I changed "i treated people good and i respected them,and i stoped sensitive,and i tried to be funny"these things helped me to have few friends and many people liked me and they have called me an angel.however,after few years things had changed.my friends get used to my sense of humor and they found me no more hilarious.so they left me and they asked for me only when they needed something.at the beginning I letted them leave and I made a small attempt to return them,I started doing what they wanted me to do.but I couldn't stand giving up my morals,and be what they wanted me to be.so I letted them go and forever.at that time, I was in love with someone I don't know.I loved him not because of who is he but because I needed to feel love and I wanted to think of someone and take care after him and be treated the same back.nevertheless,that guy didn't love me,he was in love with another girl ,and he kept lying to me that he isn't and that he loves me.I decided to leave him and go on my life.nowaday,I am so lonely and so depressed I feel I don't want to do anything ,I don't even want to finish my study.I tried to travel out side the country and finish my studies abrode ,but alas I had a hard luck.I started making chat as an attempt to have friends.but as you know in chat girls don't like to talk with girls,so I can't have girl friends,and guys don't look at girls as friends but as a body and thy keep asking for talking about sex.so I can't have a friendship with guys nor girls.at the rate,I've met a nice guy who doesn't talk about sex,but he wants us to be more than friends and he is taking me slowly.thus,my problem is I want to make friends whom I can go out with them ,talk with them,and have fun. I want to be what I am,I don't want to change for anybody I like myself and people don't have anything against me except that I am too kind.if I changed and if I became like them ,I would hate myself .and that won't do me any good.with that guy ,I don't want to commite myself to him or to any guy.I like the feeling of freedom and I want to stay like this.I don't believe in love and I don't want to believe in it.however,I need this guy and I am a fraid to lose him ,he is agreat man;so how can I keep him without lying to him and without hurting him?I tried told him before that I don't believe in love and I don't want to commite myself with anybody,and that I want to keep some distance between us,but he didn't get it he is doing all what he can to get close from me.so can anybody tell me what is the things that I should do when I go to a party where I don't have friends ?in other words ,how to be sociable?and what to do with this guy ?and how can I now that he is not just messing with me? please help me... and thanks in advance:)