Hello,

My husband and I have been living in separate rooms for 3 months. We don't talk and don't do anything together. He said he will file for divorce if I don't, but he hasn't filed yet.. and I don't know what's going on.. talking to him is useless.. Should just ignore him? Any advise on this?

If he doesn't want to talk to you what else can you do? Try counseling that's about it. And he needs to realize that what needs fixing is a mutual problem... not something you yourself can fix. If he doesn't want to help tell him you are filing for divorce. See if that sets a fire under him.

Counseling didn't work.. I can't threaten him with divorce that I will file because he knows I love him and will not file. And that's true

Then why did you come here and ask a question. You can live like you are and be miserable or file for divorce. Those are your options since you stated he won't go to counseling Don't threaten him. Tell him to pack his bags and move out or get help!

Are you getting counseling on your own? You can't fix your marriage by yourself. But if you work on yourself, you might get some clarity about what went wrong, whether it's worth you staying, and how to be OK whether things work out or not.

Thank you for answers. Yes, I am getting counceling on my own and he is getting counseling on his own.. but like marriage is dead.. I am so sick and tired to spend Friday nights and Saturdays and all days either by myself or with my friends.. He doesn't want to do anything with me and we live like roommates

From what you tell us... This marriage has been over for a long time, and both for you are too scared to move on. If you are not making any effort, and neither is your husband, you both are missing out on bigger and better things.
Good luck.

But I really love my husband even he doesn't want to be with me.. I am a hopeless romantic.. I still hope things will get better

It's heartbreaking when you reach that point and the hardest thing to hear is that the marriage is over. You've both probably done your best even if it doesn't seem that way to you at the moment.

Are there any children?

It is truly fulfilling when you love and be loved as well. For a relationship to continue and blossom, there should be a mutual understanding and love for both partners. If one of these are gone, any relationship is bound to be broken. Let him free. If he comes back, then you'll know he's yours for a lifetime...

We don't have any children... That was a good advise to let him free... He said today he will file soon when I questioned him what his plan is.. but I have a feeling he still loves me even though he is distant

Maybe what you really need is to separate from each other, and stop this roommate stuff.

Then at least you can see if you miss each other enough to talk about it. 3 months is a long time to see one another, and not be a couple who works together thru honest communications to resolve things. Deal with the reality.

He says he doesn't want to separate, but wants divorce.. and not doing anything about it.. What do I do.. leave?

Hey Holly! A bit similar to the problem I have. My wife moved out of our bedroom 2 months ago (and into the guest room), on my birthday, bitter and hateful of me. The only reason she didn't move out of the house was because of the kids. We only talked on a need basis... phone calls were replaced by text messages. Need less to say I had a miserable time and decided to win her back working through the anger first -- doing small things for her I previously may not have done or not with any passion like getting her morning cup of coffee or packing an apple in her lunch box. I got rebuked many times, was told that she was capable of doing things for herself (the first week the coffee just sat on the bedside table till I pitched it in the sink after she had left for the day) but I just went on like a "puppy dog" (word chosen with some though). It took about 4 weeks for the anger to dissipate and then I built on that... today, while we "still have a while to go before she moves back in" we talk about the problems that set us apart.

Take-away for you: you need to get over the "anger" first. Maybe he has a good side and you can reach it by doing the little things... everyday. Best of luck!

Sorry, but, might be time to move on. It is hard to do so, but time heals.

If he is the one insisting on a divorce, can you ask him to leave? I know it isn't what you want, but if he is pushing your marriage in that direction, why should you be inconvenienced?

Thank you for answers. yes, I am getting counceling on my own and he is getting counseling on his own..but like marriage is dead..I am so sick and tired to spend Friday nights and Saturdays and all days either by myself or with my friends.. He doesn't want to do anything with me and we live like roommates

Take the hint and take back the power. I know your heart is hurting and I am so sorry for that. Believe me though, you will come back from this and for the better if you handle it with the knowledge that you don't have to wait around hoping to get crumbs from him. You deserve and will have so much more if you take the wheel. You go girl!;)

He can't get out place is on his namr and i am thr onr that needs packing

You sound really scared.

How long have you been married and what do you think caused your marriage to run into trouble?

Leave!!!

Hey Holly! A bit similar to the problem I have. My wife moved out of our bedroom 2 months ago (and into the guest room), on my birthday, bitter and hateful of me. The only reason she didn't move out of the house was because of the kids. We only talked on a need basis...phone calls were replaced by text messages. Need less to say I had a miserable time and decided to win her back working through the anger first -- doing small things for her I previously may not have done or not with any passion like getting her morning cup of coffee or packing an apple in her lunch box. I got rebuked many times, was told that she was capable of doing things for herself (the first week the coffee just sat on the bedside table till I pitched it in the sink after she had left for the day) but I just went on like a "puppy dog" (word chosen with some though). It took about 4 weeks for the anger to dissipate and then I built on that...today, while we "still have a while to go before she moves back in" we talk about the problems that set us apart.

Take-away for you: you need to get over the "anger" first. Maybe he has a good side and you can reach it by doing the little things...everyday. best of luck!

It sounds like yours was a case of neglecting your wife's needs, "you've seen the light" and are working your way back to making her feel loved and respected. I don't know what the op's situation is, but I get the feeling it was not this kind of situation. In fact she sounds like the one in need, not the one who needed to be more attentive. Going on like a "puppy dog" would just add fuel to the fire of his disdain at this time. She can be kind to him, just the way she would be to anyone that's in her path, and still maintain her dignity and self respect. There will be private moments of intense pain, but that is normal on the road to a new attitude adjustment.

It sounds like yours was a case of neglecting your wife's needs, "you've seen the light" and are working your way back to making her feel loved and respected. I don't know what the op's situation is, but I get the feeling it was not this kind of situation. In fact she sounds like the one in need, not the one who needed to be more attentive. Going on like a "puppy dog" would just add fuel to the fire of his disdain at this time. She can be kind to him, just the way she would be to anyone that's in her path, and still maintain her dignity and self respect. There will be private moments of intense pain, but that is normal on the road to a new attitude adjustment.

That's quite an intuitive point of view. The difference is important and you should assess the cause of his behavior before proceeding.

Marriage on the rocks

I hate the power this man has on you. You are caged and you don't know what to do. Is there a way to move into a friend's or family house? You should have put your name on the house too, since your married. What's his is yours and vice versa.
Know your not alone, there is woman out there feeling the same feelings you are right now.

He probably hasn't filed because he enjoys this imprisonment he has with you. He has you in his clutches and he can't let go because maybe another woman would have been long gone by now. He's power tripping!

I will pray for your happiness.

If yo are waiting for a messiah to come and save your marriage, I have bad news for you, he ain't coming. You can take action and move on, or keep being a doormat for you husband until he gets a new playmate.

Hello,

My husband and I have been living in separate rooms for 3 months. We don't talk and don't do anything together. He said he will file for divorce if I don't, but he hasn't filed yet..and I don't know what's going on..talking to him is useless..Should just ignore him? Any advise on this?

My husband moved into the guest bedroom one day over a year ago. I had told him "No, it wasn't as good for me." after his usual, "I hope that was a good for you as it was for me." Stupid me thought discussing sex might make it better.

I found out he's had a girlfriend... He says he needed romance... She works at the YMCA! The Y - building strong families!

Zharovolia, follow him! Find out what he's up to. Get evidence - pictures, phone records, hotel bills, restaurant receipts. Then, take it all to an attorney and divorce him.

It is lame that he is holding this over your head, does he think that you may have been unfaithful and he's trying to secure evidence of the same?

Maybe he's secretly hoping that you'll file the paper work before him so he won't look like the bad guy in front of family and friends, if this is something you want it won't be easy for either of you, good luck.