View Full Version : How do I tell my mom I'm very depressed and I cut myself?
Unspeakable
Jan 23, 2009, 07:19 AM
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, I think since at least 4th grade maybe longer. I'm currently in the middle of freshman year and I've restarted cutting myself a couple of months ago. I've also been taking tests to see how depressed am I and so far I'm either serious or very depressed. I tried once or twice to tell my mom but because of all the with my father (their divorced) I decide not to. I don't want to make her feel any worse because of me. I want her to know but I don't want to hurt her.
Ber Rabbit
Jan 23, 2009, 07:48 AM
How about starting with "Mom, I love you and I need you" then tell her and seek medical help so you can start on the road to recovery. You've taken the first step and know there is a problem, it sounds like you would like support from your family which is good but they can't support you if they don't know. Tell your mom and have her help you find the assistance you need, you're going to hurt her more by continuing to cut yourself than you would by telling her you need her. Follow through on the treatments/therapy/medication, whatever a doctor feels is the best course of action. Only you can lead the way out of your depression, other people can offer assistance but you ultimately decide whether to accept it.
Ber
Choux
Jan 23, 2009, 02:22 PM
It is your mother's job and duty to take care of you when you are sick. Tell her that you are having a big problem and would she help you with it.
It is much easier for people to deal with problems when they are out in the open than when there are secrets and hidden emotions.
Best wishes in the future, :)
jenn4094u
Jan 25, 2009, 11:36 PM
Honey, I am the mother of 3. My oldest is 16, and if she ever had a problem like this I pray she would come and tell me so that I could get her help! Your Mother is the one person in this world that will always love you NO MATTER WHAT and would do anything she could to help you. Sweetie... trust that your Mom loves you and go tell her right now. This can get more serious if it continues and then She will be asking herself " why didn't she tell me? what did I do wrong to make her think I wouldn't understand and help her? Why didn't I see the signs telling me something is wrong? "... Go tell her, now, right now... and tell her you need her help and there's nothing she won't do for you... I promise! Good luck... PLEASE GET HELP!
Unspeakable
Jan 27, 2009, 10:51 AM
I was able to tell her over the weekend that I all the tests I've taken on depression all said I was either seriously or very depressed. But I'm afraid of what will happen if I tell her I cut because we had this issue before and she started crying when she found out but I had stopped before hand. And nothing happened... I don't want to make her even more depressed
Dr Alli
Jan 27, 2009, 03:47 PM
There is no way to control how your mom is going to feel, and you are not responsible for her reaction. Do the best to break it to her gently, but if you want to get help, this may be the only way to go about it.
jenn4094u
Jan 27, 2009, 09:56 PM
She is going to be there for you... she may be depressed and cry, I would too! It's very scary to see your child go through something like this and feel so helpless to do anything about it. Her feelings are her responsibility. I'm glad to see that you are sweet and caring, but there comes a point where you have to allow her to be the adult and work through her own side of it herself. Try to explain how you feel when you cut yourself, try to help her understand. Together, you can do anything! She's your Mom!
Chin-Chee
Feb 4, 2009, 02:10 PM
U know just to start you are not alone! I've been going through about the same thing you are, if you need to maybe talk to a teacher you trust, sometimes that helps then, they usually contact your mom or dad and then they know so its not as nerve racking as you think it might be 2 tell her. Good luck! Message me or anything if you need any help!
liz28
Feb 4, 2009, 04:10 PM
Tell her and don't keep this bottled up. Cutting is very dangerous because even though your not intending on killing yourself something bad can still happen and there have been cases when people have bleed to death. Also, sooner or later your mom will see the scars.
Life is stressful and cutting yourself isn't giving make the problem go away. I be stressed half of the day and I've suffered from depression before. Counselling helped and exercising helped me relieved a lot of tension and stress.
Right now you need another outlet instead of cutting yourself. When I am feeling down and out sometimes I write or listen to some uplifting music. Also, drawing helps. What do you like to do? Next time when you feel like cutting yourself pick up something else instead of a razor or knife.
It's good that your thinking of your mom but right now you need help and it takes a brave person to ask for it and believe me your mom wants you around until she dies and not the other way around. Please go and talk to your mom and if you can't or afraid write her a letter or get someone you trust to help you tell her.
Unspeakable
Feb 11, 2009, 11:34 AM
I know cutting is wrong but I have to in a way... I'm afriad to go to far... last night I cut deeper than I ever wanted to... more blood appeared and I wanted to tell but I was afriad... I don't want her to call my dad and have him get involved... all the fighting at home is killing me inside and I want out but yet I don't... I can't leave my family behind... I'm stuck... I don't want to be selfish and hurt those I've love but I don't want to keep hurting myself... I'll try to tell her but...
Ber Rabbit
Feb 11, 2009, 11:44 AM
I don't want her to call my dad and have him get involved...all the fighting at home is killing me inside and i want out but yet i don't...
You need to sit her down for a heart to heart talk and share ALL of this with her. Be open and honest about your feelings and let her know you love her and need her help.
I don't want to be selfish and hurt those i've love
You are being selfish by cutting yourself and not talking to your mother. It is not selfish to leave if she refuses to help you but you haven't even given her a chance. She deserves a chance. Stop being so mule-headed and talk to her.
Ber
cozyk
Feb 11, 2009, 02:32 PM
How old are you now? You say you have been depressed since the 4th grade? I'm surprised that your mother is in the dark about this. Do you go around "faking it" most of the time like everything is all right? You need to get to a Dr. ASAP because you do not have to feel this way. I, like you had been depressed most all my life. I finally went to a therapist. I was telling her that when I look at a family photo album, what I remember from each picture is that "I was depressed that day". When you can say that about most all your days, you have a chemical problem. It is called dysthymia. I AM NOT here to diagnose you, I am just telling you what my diagnosis was. After I got on zoloft, the fog lifted. I've been on it for about 10 years now. I've tried going off but I fall back into that dark place. I'll probably be on it the rest of my life. The very same thing happened with my sister. Depression has a genetic component. DON'T cut yourself. Get to the bottom of why you are so depressed.
GirlyGirl8
Feb 11, 2009, 02:50 PM
I know exactly what you are going through. I use to to the same thing in High School. I even went as far as slicing my arm open revealing tissue inside, and having to give myself stitches. Cutting is a way young people deal with there stress because it releases endorphins with the pain. The best way to deal with it, is to substitute in something of equivalence. For me it was exercise, and I lost 90 pounds, it was like losing 90 pounds of stress. I never told my mom, but I wish I had, she will be able to help you emotionally, and it would be the best thing for you. You have to think about you. Try to think about how she would feel if you didn't tell her, and she finds about it down the road... trust me she will. It is the best thing for everyone if you tell her! Remember there are people that love you, and nobody wants to see you hurt yourself.
Unspeakable
Feb 12, 2009, 11:15 AM
I'm currently 15 years old...
zworriedmom2
Feb 13, 2009, 11:06 PM
Tell your mom, my daughter is going through the same thing and she does not want to admit she is doing it but I found letters she wrote saying she cuts. I wish she would tell me and or admit she cuts and then I could try to help her. So please tell your Mom even if she has other things going on she would want to know. I wish my daughter would just come out and tell me and admit to it. You would do your Mom a favor by being honest and letting her know you feelings. Take the chance you will see it was worth it, I wish you all the best.
trmpldonagn
Feb 16, 2009, 01:55 AM
I didn't know cutting released endorphins. I thought people that "cut" did it because they would rather feel the physical pain which overrides the emotional pain.
Please get help. Tell someone. Anyone. School counselor, teacher, friends mother. I wish you'd tell your mother little darling but please tell someone. I never cut myself but I was in your shoes at your age as far as a divorce/fighting going on, etc. It can be very traumatic but there is help for you. You can feel better. You have your whole life ahead of you!
Reicheru-006
Feb 16, 2009, 04:51 PM
I'm fighting depression and cutting myself too... and I don't know if this is the best advice but I just kept it to myself and went on the internet for help instead of my mom. Give TWLOHA a call if you think this is really getting bad. They can help. They're good people and they've helped tons of others like you. Trust me I've called them a few times
Here's a quote:
"The vision is hope, and hope is real.
You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story."
Unspeakable
Feb 18, 2009, 11:08 AM
What's... TWLOHA?
I want to write more but the depression is hitting me really hard today and I feel so so very tired and I really want to crawl into a corner and cry.
cozyk
Feb 18, 2009, 12:21 PM
whats...TWLOHA?
I want to write more but the depression is hitting me really hard today and i feel so so very tired and I really want to crawl into a corner and cry.
I did not know either so I googled it. Do that now. I'm praying for the relief of your pain. Cry and let it out. We are all cheering for you to get better. I've been in the debts of despair and you CAN improve. Hang in there. Hugs...
Chin-Chee
Feb 19, 2009, 08:20 AM
whats...TWLOHA?
I want to write more but the depression is hitting me really hard today and i feel so so very tired and I really want to crawl into a corner and cry.
It means:
To write love on her arms. It is for suicide/cutting/depression etc...
xxunhappygirlxx
Feb 22, 2009, 04:48 PM
Hey there I know how you fell like you want her to know but don't want her upset I cut and I really want my mum to know but I haven't told her because I don't want her to think of me as 1 what I did was tell my sister and I wanted her to tell my mum that way my mum would know and watch out and not get hurt as much but I didn't want my sister to get into my unhappiness so what I been doing is not covering up and hopefully my mum knows that I do but I still wear cover up at skool I wear sweatbands and I sometimes get told to talk them of then I have to be careful or wear a banged that works all the time but you get lots of people asking what up with my hand lol hope you get the help you want
missa78
Feb 22, 2009, 05:39 PM
I know what it is like to not know how to talk to someone about being depressed and cutting. I am 30 and I still cut but I am seeing an therapist and because I don't have a mom who loves me enough to care I talk to my friends and the people I know who really care for me. I kept it bottled in for so long that it did a lot of damage to myself. So if you need to slowly start talking about it don't feel bad. Just please don't keep it bottled inside, I regret it all the time. But now that I have found someone who is willing to listen and not judge I find it really easy to let them know when I am feeling that way. I wish you the best luck and remember you are not the only one who feels like that. Sometimes it is hard to start talking about it but once you open up it pours out and it feels great too release the hurt you have been keeping inside. I know how you feel. It will get easier.
Unspeakable
Mar 5, 2009, 07:07 AM
Last night my parents thought I ran away because I went missing for 3 hours... I didn't run away I just had to be by myself or the depression and homicidal thoughts woud take over. For the whole 3 hours I was cutting and trying to control my hidden self... I haven't been cutting as much as I need too. I know this sound silly or stupid but I cut to release the anger and the pain...
chuff
Mar 8, 2009, 04:33 PM
last night my parents thought i ran away because i went missing for 3 hours...i didn't run away I just had to be by my self or the depression and homicidal thoughts woud take over. for the whole 3 hours i was cutting and trying to control my hidden self...i havent been cutting as much as i need too. i know this sound silly or stupid but i cut to release the anger and the pain...
Have your tried exercise. I'm not trying to sound funny but exercise helps me when I'm depressed and it releases the pain.
So you went missing for 3 hours and your parents noticed. Hmm, maybe they want the best for you, and they try to help you if you just give the chance.
Jsg021
Mar 8, 2009, 04:44 PM
I think its best that you tell her. Your mother is always at your best interest. You shouldn't feel like a burden, she loves you and will be understanding. Even if you can't tell your mother rite away, tell a close friend or adult so that they can help you.. You could injure yourself way worse than you already have both physically and mentally if you don't.
Unspeakable
Mar 23, 2009, 10:24 AM
I understand what you all are saying but how do I go up to her and tell her how I feel and what I'm doing... do I say mum I'm cutting myself and I need help? That sounds so idiotic to say...
starlite1
Mar 23, 2009, 10:42 AM
Hi Unspeakable,
I would suggest you sit your mom down and tell her off the bat that you have something very important to tell her. You then tell her about all of your depression/dark thoughts, and then you say that this has resulted in you cutting yourself, and you ask her for help. Your mom should be there for you no matter what. Granted she will be upset I'm sure, but I don't see her turning her back on you. If anything, she will want to help.
Jake2008
Mar 23, 2009, 12:16 PM
When you said, back in January, "I was able to tell her over the weekend that I all the tests I've taken on depression all said i was either seriously or very depressed. But i'm afraid of what will happen if I tell her I cut because we had this issue before and she started crying when she found out but I had stoped before hand. and nothing happened... I don't want to make her even more depressed"
What became of that. When you had the issue before, why did nothing happen then, or did she take it seriously enough to get you help.
You have been depressed for a very long time. Have you ever had counselling, or talked to anybody outside your immediate family?
If you were to think of alternatives for a moment. If you were NOT to tell her, or never bring the issue up again, what do you think will happen to you. If you were in her shoes, what would you do if faced with this situation.
If sitting her down at the kitchen table is not comfortable for you, write her a letter. Send her an email, and maybe do the same to your father. Ask them, or one or the other, to sit and talk to you. Find some way to give her the information.
In my opinion, this is something you have to do, there are no choices here. Once it is all out on the table, life will be a little bit easier because you have made a choice to lift that burden of silence.
Adults are very resilient, and most people would rather know up front than suspect, or worry, not knowing what is going on. Hard words to hear, absolutely, but, this is your life we are talking about here, and a little bit of pain now, will save all of you a great deal of pain later.
lumpycampbell
Apr 7, 2009, 07:05 AM
I understand what you all are saying but how do i go up to her and tell her how i feel and what i'm doing...do i say mum i'm cutting myself and i need help? that sounds so idiotic to say...
Hi, my name is Kris and I am the mum of a beautiful 13 year old who has been cutting herself since this last October. Her dad suffered from depression and had a breakdown. It was an awful time for everyone, but seems that it was harder on her. I found out she was cutting through another friends mum. So I checked her. She was cutting on her stomach where I could not see, and maybe her thighs.
When I found out I was NOT angry. I was not upset. SHE did nothing wrong. Your mom will feel the same. All I want for her now is to try and talk. Try and open the doors to the emotions she closed last year.
I know she may cut herself again. I hope she doesn't but it is her choice and only her choice. I want her to tell me if she has cut, this way we can see if she needs medical care or if we need to watch for infections while she heals inside.
I know most kids think that parents are just here to boss you around and give you rules. Truth is, we love you more than ourselves.
If you can't tell your mom, tell someone when you cut. Try to hold some Ice in your hand, or take a freezing cold bath. Try listening to music you like. If nothing works and you have to cut, do tell someone you can trust, even if its someone on here so we can talk to you.
I am not an expert. I am just a mom. I am a mom of a 13 year old who has cut herself who didn't freak out, didn't get angry. I read about it, I studied it. I talked to her and promised that I would be there for her, even in the middle of the night.
My worst fear in this world is she cuts to deep, she bleeds out in her sleep and I find her dead in her bed in the morning. I could not live with that. I am sure your mom feels the same.
I know it will hurt to talk to her.. But if you are cutting you are strong... and there is no doubt in my mind you can't do it...
Kris
auntie18
Apr 23, 2009, 07:00 PM
You don't have to tell her - just Please tell someone who is in a position to help. Tell a school counselor or teacher. Call an anonymos hotline. They can get you the help you need and help you deal with parents later.
Shleecraw23
Apr 27, 2009, 09:13 PM
You need to tell your mother. I did the same thing at your age for a couple of years.. and then one day... BOOM... I realized that it didn't do anything for me and it was all superficial. Do you get anything out of it? Like an emotional high so to speak? There are so many reasons teens cut themselves, sometimes they don't even know why they started to begin with... and realizing that can be the path to recovery.
adam1234567
May 25, 2009, 06:05 PM
Exercise, Talking about what's bothering you, When you start ruminating (overthinking) literally imagine a stop sign until that thought stops. Try breathing deep and slow to relax. Picture yourself somewhere you want to be and go back there every time you feel sad.
You need to interact with people as much as possible. Don't over analyze what people think about you.
REMEMBER*** mental health can be as painful or more then physical health!
Tell your mom you love her and need her to help you find a psychologist or social worker. Tell her you want to feel better and don't know what else to do.
There is medication out there that will help you. You don't get a rush off it so your not going to get hooked.
For extreme cases of depression I know ECT works as well but only about 8% of psychiatrists use it.
The sooner you tell someone how you are feeling the sooner you can start your road to getting better.
For most people, one month after beginning medication they already start to feel better
Just remember you are not alone. There are thousands of people in the same place as you, and all feel as hopeless and lost.
Just remember thousands have gotten out of depression and you will too.
YeloDasy
May 27, 2009, 07:56 AM
You need help. By ignoring it and not telling your mom is not making it better. Maybe she needs to understand how things are effecting you!
It does not sound bad to tell her that you are really depressed and have started to cut yourself again, and that you really want to get help and you would like her support.
What did you mean when you said homicidal?
Alyeska
Jun 1, 2009, 07:17 PM
Cutting is not solution to a problem. You just kill yourself by that.
ohhemgeetskaraa
Sep 25, 2009, 06:04 PM
Oh my goodness... Wll I don't know what you're going through with the cutting and everything, but I'm on the phone with a friend of mine who used to cut. She would never tell anyone about it or anything... she's like you, the type of person who keeps her pain to herself, because she just hates to think that her pain is hurting other people. Here's her advice:
"Tell this person that the est thing for her to do is tell someone. It'll be hard, and very emotional, but to cry WITH your mother is the best thing in the world when you're this depressed. It's like true realization that you're not alone, and that you're loved. I have no relationship at all with my mother, but that's a long story. Just go to whichever parent you want to talk to and say somethng like "mom... these past few years (no need to say since the fourth grade) this this and tha have really been getting to me... it effects me." talk about how that effects you. Once you guys are into the conversation, maybe show her the scars (that's what did with my dad) or tell her that you've been cutting. If you aren't comfortable with telling your mom right away, maybe go to a friend, sibling, or other family member. I know from experience that it's much easier to tell your parent once you've aleady come clean about it to someone else."
Hope this helps, I wish you the best of luck! And yes, I've heard about TWLOHA too, here's the website:
http://www.twloha.com/
Click on find help. Like I said, I've never dealt with this, but I think that talking to someone who's garunteed not to judge you, and who is sure to get you some help, who doesn't know you, personlly I think it would be easier. It really is a beautiful website. And the story is absolutely touching, it brought me to tears every time I read it.
BrittanyShep
Oct 25, 2010, 07:51 AM
I know how you feel. I very depressed all the time. My evil stepfather is getting rid of all my belongings, all I have are my clothes, a bed, a pillow and some ripped up blankets. He's even getting rid of my cat Lynx and she's my best friend. I cry and she meows and comes up by me, I stop crying soon enough, but now... I won't have her... and my stepfather has been really close to start beating me... I tried to leave... but there no where to go... I cut my cat's name on my left arm. " Lynx" I never get to see my real dad so I'm even more depressed and my mom doesn't give a S**T about me, she didn't even try to help me and my cat. She doesn't believe me about my stepdad leaving bruises on parts of my body... = (
loplop2000
Apr 24, 2011, 06:28 AM
I have never cut but I have wanted to listen bro just go to Google on your moms laptop/computer and type in the search box "hi mom i cut myself help me" and leave it there when she needs to use her laptop she will find out.
tomboysarekool
Mar 1, 2012, 11:31 PM
I have been cutting for only two weeks and I'm tird of hiding my scars. So I'm going to tell my mom in the morning so I don't have to hide any more then I'm going to talk to my school counseler. I feel horrible about myself .how I look,how I smile,my attitude. I hate everything about myself. Any way I'm going to ask her to take me back to the mentle hospital, I've been there before .only just a few weeks ago I got out but not for cutting just for attitude but I will finda way back there I have to go back I have been panning to kill myself since I started cutting I'm only 11by the way and myname is chloe I'm the younger sister of someone who attempted suicide don't cut it reeeeeeeeeeeely hurts
marmarrox99
Apr 7, 2012, 05:38 PM
It only gets better, if you tell... if you don't, then it only gets worse.. .
Good luck !
~maria(:
marmarrox99
Apr 7, 2012, 05:39 PM
I have been cutting for only two weeks and im tird of hiding my scars. So im going to tell my mom in the morning so i dont have to hide any more then im going to talk to my school counseler. I feel horrible about myself .how i look,how i smile,my attitude. I hate everything about myself. Any way im going to ask her to take me back to the mentle hospital, ive been there before .only just a few weeks ago i got out but not for cutting just for attitude but i will finda way back there i have to go back i have been panning to kill myself since i started cutting im only 11by the way and myname is chloe im the younger sister of someone who attemted suicide dont cut it reeeeeeeeeeeely hurts
Stay strong&good luck ! <3