My boyfriends 7 year old daughter is slim and beautiful. She does not like to eat hear meals. She will eat dessert though. She has said that she does not want to get fat and have a big belly. Her mom talks about being fat and wanting to lose weight all the time. Dinner is unpleasant at our home.

Her dad forces her to eat her dinner. She is not allowed to leave the dinner table unless all her food is gone. He also dims the light as time goes by (she is afraid of the dark). Dinner, an hour or more later usually ends with her crying and going straight to bed.

I have tried reducing the amount of food on her plate. Obviously that has not worked either. I feel that her dads methods will create more issues since she really resents meal time. I suggested talking to her about health, eating habits, media/celebrity, eating disorders etc and informing her mom to talk more about healthy eating as opposed to not eating.

I believe there is a better way. Thank you.

Maybe get her involved in some of the food preparation. There are a good number of cook books just for kids she may enjoy.

She is old enough to learn about making healthy food choices, so discussing (in simple terms) how her body uses food, and why eating a well balanced diet is necessary, can be an important part of helping her look at it differently. When she sees how she can enjoy food, and learn how it will benefit her body, meal times may become pleasant again.

Meal times should never be a battle ground, at any age. No one benefits from the frustration and aggravation and it may indeed move her in the direction of even more issues with food and meal time. Let her control her portion sizes... encourage a sampling of what is offered. Most people eat larger serving sizes then they should anyway... no sense in encouraging her to do so.

I've always seen little point in forcing someone to eat everything until it is gone. If you're not hungry, you're not hungry. Would he make you sit there until your plate is clean? Smaller meals throughout the day is actually a better way to eat for many people. Of course it doesn't mean she has to have dessert 20 minutes after an unfinished dinner because she was full. What is the point of dimming the lights? Why cause her to be fearful of not finishing her food... once again, while I understand he is hoping for a specific result in such tactics, he is actually making things worse for her.

Limit desserts so that they are infrequent and not a regular part of mealtimes. There is certainly nothing wrong with encouraging her to eat her meal before she is able to have any dessert. When you do have dessert, you can also incorporate some healthier choices in that area as well.

She is going to get a complex if he keeps frocing her to eat, especailly with the dimmiing of the lights. See, if he terrifies her into eating, she will learn to "hate" it, him and any thing associated with that situation.

Try telling her that, dessert is only for people who eat their dinners, as dessert is only good in "health doses".;) People tend to eat way too much, we should have a healthy biger breakfast, on accound our bodies are in need of energy but have none. Lunce should be a medium size meal, while dinner is supposed to be rather light acctaully. Later at night you are gearing down, and need to get sleep, but if you eat lots before bed, whether it's 10minutes before or 2-3 hours, you need to keep it light so your body isn't still working the food through. Of course having a light snack before bed, like a carrot or something like that, probably won't be too bad.

How close are you to your Guy? Can you suggets he tell his ex? By all means try teaching the little one any way, and at least she can make her own choice. Explain how the body works, and let her know she is not fat, sit her in front of a mirror, and ask her what if fat. Then she has to find it, and you can educate her.

Are you familure with rewards and punishments? Do not punish her, that is only going to make it much worse. Make up games, and things that are fun, and let her help cook if she wants, and try new things.

It is quite clear that her mother's inscurities are unloading on her. She is far too young to understand what is and what is not healthy, in the way of body funtions at such a indepth level. Now that is not to say you can't show her. As I see it she is wiring her brain to see herself as never good enough, that's what her mother showed her to do, but show her how to be healthy, and exercise.

So, I realise I totally repeeted myself, but I'm going to just list it all any way.

1) Educate the girl
2) Reward her for doing what you want, never punish- very important
3) Dessert seems like a good reward, If she eats 4 bites of supper, she can have one bit of dessert.
4) explore other options, like does she like to be active, or to play music, etc. Use those things to explain to her she needs energy from food to do them, also use them as rewards.
5) Try to get her mother "with out offending her", this will not be easy, to realise what she is doing to her daughter.
6) Talk to a counseler, see if they can help you; the above rewards/punishment is called Applied Behaviour Analysis.; the teaching her about it is more of a cognitive awarness type Psychological approch. (I highly recommend you look in to these.)
7) last but not least; this is the most important thing to remember, with out this none of it matters; Consistancy. So make meals the same every day, *even when she is with her mother*, Try to teach her about it at the same time too, then go do something fun, and apply what she learns to the fun. (some times we have to be "trixy hobbitses" ;)

Peace be with you. And take care.

P.S. if you want more Psychological thiories, approaches, info, etc. You know where to find us.

But on the other hand if her moms phobias have her not eating enough she can have and get serious health issues.

She needs serious help fast, and mom has to be on the same ball game with everyone