Yesterdays plane crash made me realize that I need to be a better Christian because I struggle sometimes staying on the "narrow path". So today I sent my friend a message trying to convey to him that you never know when your time is up. My question is "was it bad for me to tell him that he needs to changes his lifestyle-behaviors that are not Christian-like, because now he thinks I am judging him and that I think he is evil?"

I was just trying to help another Christian brother that is it because I would want someone to do the same for me if I was slipping. So basically he is upset about it. Please respond!

Telling him was probably wrong, yes. I do understand your desire to gain your friends for the kingdom of God. But the way or perhaps the words you used may have been wrong. I am stumbling here, please forgive me. God wants everybody to enter his kingdom that is for sure. But we need to be careful of how we approach people. Sometimes walking down the street and simply walking up to a person and telling him about the saving grace of God is right. Sometimes it is not. I also struggle with the correct answer, but, at least at work people see and know I an saved. I let my actions be my witness. If someone asks, then I can spend time and talk to them, or explain a passage of the bible to them.

Some people may take it as an act of kindness on your part, as in looking out for them, but often people will take such "suggestions", regardless of the topic, as a form of criticism.

He may even agree with you, but may take offense to having what you deem to be his lack of Christian like behavior pointed out to him.

Either let it go, you said your peace after all and perhaps planted a seed for change (which was the intent), or if you feel compelled to say something, apologize, letting him know it was not your intention to upset him, and explain how recent events got you thinking of your own life and that you just wanted to share that with him... and leave it at that.

Yesterdays plane crash made me realize that I need to be a better Christian because I struggle sometimes staying on the "narrow path". So today I sent my friend a message trying to convey to him that you never know when your time is up. My question is "was it bad for me to tell him that he needs to changes his lifestyle-behaviors that are not Christian-like, because now he thinks I am judging him and that I think he is evil?"

I was just trying to help another Christian brother that is it because I would want someone to do the same for me if I was slipping. So basically he is upset about it. Please respond!



Let's see, would I be offended?

So he thinks the fact that you "conveyed" to him your feeling that he needs to change his lifestyle/behaviors because they aren't Christian-like means you were judging him and you wonder if you were, in fact, judging him.

You've GOT to be kidding!

So here's my Christian question to you - what right do you have to judge other people?

Yesterdays plane crash made me realize that I need to be a better Christian because I struggle sometimes staying on the "narrow path". So today I sent my friend a message trying to convey to him that you never know when your time is up. My question is "was it bad for me to tell him that he needs to changes his lifestyle-behaviors that are not Christian-like, because now he thinks I am judging him and that I think he is evil?"

That depends on how you did it. But, if you meant well and were as polite as you could be, I don't think you did anything wrong.

In fact, it is what is expected of a good friend. Would anyone permit someone they love to fall over a cliff without warning them?

So, you warned your friend.


I was just trying to help another Christian brother that is it because I would want someone to do the same for me if I was slipping. So basically he is upset about it. Please respond!

Frequently, people get upset when given good advice. Especially when it is unsolicited.

At work, we have many "safe" practices which we are supposed to follow to minimize loss of limb and even loss of life. But, they are frequently inconvenient. Something as simple as putting on a mask or wearing gloves.

When those of us who are concerned advise others what they should do, they frequently get upset. They don't want to be bothered.

But, as for me, I advise them every time. I would feel bad enough if someone were injured or died on my watch, how much worse if I hadn't warned them about something they were doing wrong if I knew they were doing it wrong?

So, in my opinion, you did the right thing.

Let's see, would I be offended?

So he thinks the fact that you "conveyed" to him your feeling that he needs to change his lifestyle/behaviors because they aren't Christian-like means you were judging him and you wonder if you were, in fact, judging him.

You've GOT to be kidding!

So here's my Christian question to you - what right do you have to judge other people?

I want to thank everyone for their response. And to JudyKayTee, I don't think I was judging. For example, knowing that someone is gay and that God doesn't approve that and you know that being gay is not good doesn't mean that you judged that person. If I sad my friend is bad then that means I judged him and I know I didn't do that.

Yesterdays plane crash made me realize that I need to be a better Christian because I struggle sometimes staying on the "narrow path".
So you went after your friend to clean up HIS life??

being gay is not good doesnt mean that you judged that person.
Yes, you did. "Being gay is not good" does mean you judged him. God is our only judge.

There are much more loving ways to approach him. And do you think he is not aware of all the controversy about being gay? Do you think he can decide not to be gay any longer?

So you went after your friend to clean up HIS life??????

No, I don't understand why everyone thinks that I was going after him. I mentioned earlier that I too need to be a better Christian. If you caught your friend doing something wrong would you not say something to him or would you let that person continue doing wrong? Isn't a Christian responsible for helping out their fellow Christians when they need guidance or support?

No, I dont understand why everyone thinks that I was going after him.....

Not everyone. Some of us agree with you. It is a difficult and a loving thing to do. More so by the fact that it is not appreciated.

Be at peace.

Sincerely,

De Maria

No, I don't understand why everyone thinks that I was going after him.
Well, he thought that, and that's the person who really matters. Now, how will you mend this fence?

I mentioned earlier that I too need to be a better Christian.
So each of us should start with the log in our own eye before we complain about the speck in the friend's eye. How can each of us be a better Christian? By looking for another's specks or by looking for our logs?

Yes, you did. "Being gay is not good" does mean you judged him. God is our only judge.

There are much more loving ways to approach him. And do you think he is not aware of all the controversy about being gay? Do you think he can decide not to be gay any longer?

Lol, he is not gay by the way, I was just using that as an example. Every Christian knows that being gay is not what God wants so that makes it bad. As a Christian I will still love that person and accept that person but I would not condone that behavior.

Another example, if your friend was committing adultery would you not confront your friend or would you just let your friend keep doing wrong. That is the bottom line. That has nothing to do with judging.

nao381 -

There have been some helpful responses here... some even brutally honest.

Just a couple of thoughts. Is it ever right to tell someone he or she is wrong? It depends. On the one hand, telling someone the truth when they are really looking for the truth is probably a very loving thing to do. Proverbs says that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." Sometimes we have to tell someone the honest truth because if we truly love him/her, that's what it is fitting.

On the other hand, we may not be able to see that sometimes a person can be in the midst of a struggle between right and wrong. He or she may know full well that his actions are wrong but is going through a time where his heart is hard. But God is patient and sometimes we have to come to the end of ourselves before we are ready to deal with things. God may be working on someone who is being stubborn and perhaps we would just be getting in the way if we did say something.

There's another danger of being a self-righteous spiritual police-officer, trying to "help" our fellow brothers and sisters when we are really just masking our real motivations which may be to try to make myself seem more righteous by pointing out the flaws of others. Like Jesus said, "before you go to your brother to remove the speck in his eye, pull out the log that is in your own eye." I think the point is that sometimes we just need to worry about ourselves and what we may be dealing with rather than pay attention to others and what they aren't doing correctly.

Lastly, this point may be controversial but I wonder if you believe in the sovereignty of God. Suppose your friend died in that plane crash and you had never come to tell him that he needed to get right with God, do you think that you would have condemned him to hell? I think that this is what is implied by some of your comments but I was just wondering what you are thinking about in relationship to telling others about salvation, etc.

I think that what we all need is wisdom and we learn it even when we are wrong... sometimes through our failures we learn some of life's most profound lessons. Take heart in that.

Lol, he is not gay by the way, I was just using that as an example. Every Christian knows that being gay is not what God wants so that makes it bad.
Interesting that the worm has now turned. And you went back to change your original post, I see. Verrrrrrrrry interesting.

I'm not so sure we Christians have the gay thing figured out quite right.


Another example, if your friend was committing adultery would you not confront your friend
You must be very young. No, the last thing I would do would be to confront him or her. There are better ways to handle that kind of situation.

Well, he thought that, and that's the person who really matters. Now, how will you mend this fence?

So each of us should start with the log in our own eye before we complain about the speck in the friend's eye. How can each of us be a better Christian? By looking for another's specks or by looking for our logs?

Yes I know that verse therefore I would not judge, that would be stupid and wrong of me to do that. The whole point of my friends converstation was that we not just me or just him, but we as Christians need to strive to live a righteous life that God intended us live. If he saw that I was doing bad I would hope he would correct me. As I stated earlier the plane crash made me realize that our time is precious and that we need to live right and not be lukewarm Christians. I don't want to worry about how God is going to judge me.

Not everyone. Some of us agree with you. It is a difficult and a loving thing to do. Moreso by the fact that it is not appreciated.

Be at peace.

Sincerely,

De Maria

Thank you for understanding!

I dont want to worry about how God is going to judge me.
Then be sure to get those logs out of your own eye first.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Your intention was fine but it came off as judgment and that is best left to the one who has the right to judge.

You tried to be a loving sister in Christ and sometimes there is a thin line between guidance and proselytizing.

You know your intentions were honorable and so does the Lord.

Don't beat yourself up over this and explain your feelings to you friend.

The only way you can fix this is by honest communication.

Peace.

What you do in witnessing is not telling someone what is wrong in their life, but you tell them what Jesus is doing in your life. You tell him all about how wonderful your life is now.

Then you want to let him decide he needs it to.

It is not wrong at times to show someone how they are not in line with Gods word. That is not judging, it is correcting and very bibical also, but that is to be done in love also.

But in the long run, it gives him a chance to make a choice, and that is also never a bad thing either.

Interesting that the worm has now turned. And you went back to change your original post, I see. Verrrrrrrrry interesting.

I'm not so sure we Christians have the gay thing figured out quite right.


You must be very young. No, the last thing I would do would be to confront him or her. There are better ways to handle that kind of situation.

Don't know how I changed my original post I just elaborated. Maybe I should have mentioned more in the "original post". And what does age have to do with anything? I guess you just judged me huh, not good. Lol. Anyway thanks for your posts

Sometimes age helps us put the answer into perspective for a answer.

But the most mis-used word is the word judge, as a christian we are suppose to show our fellow christian what they are doing wrong, that is not judging them, it is merely showing that their behavior is not according to God's word. The bible is clear that if they are doing something wrong, you go tell them, if they still , you take 2 or 3 other christians with you to try and correct them and in the end, if they still don't, you bring them before the church for the church to correct them,

This was wrote in the days when a Christian would have changed if the church leaders told them to.

We can not judge esp the good deeds as to if they are pure or not, and we do not judge the bad acts as to motive and judge the person, but we do teach and warn them if and when they do wrong
If you don't, then you are not follow the entire bible.

The ones first to throw out the judging are the non christians
* not sure in this thread* since of course the non christian does not want to hear they are wrong.

But if you see the bible, it tells us to correct the fellow believer, not the heathen

A Christian sitting on the fence of apathy and not being the best Christian he can be, and you telling him, is like taking an alcoholic to an AA meeting. He might come around. He might be angry with you and shun you for the rest of his life. Perhaps I have read the Big Book of AA more than the Bible. The Christian Church only told me I was wrong and acting like a Heathen. AA told me I was okay just as I was, but had a lot of growing to do. I stuck with AA because they all told me about their eye-logs, and how they got them out.

The best way to convey a lifestyle is to just live it. Lead by example. If you two hang around together he will notice the change. If he says "what's up with you? just tell the truth. I've realized I haven't been living in a way that honors my best self and I want to do better. No need to point out his shortcomings. He will know them by watching you.

To come to someone else and point out their shortcomings is a sure fire way to NOT get a positive outcome. Here I go with the ego word again. His ego will not stand for being told it's in the wrong. It is funny how just about all our petty negative personality traits are derived from ego.

[QUOTE=Fr_Chuck;1490888]sometimes age helps us put the answer into perspective for a answer.

But the most mis-used word is the word judge, as a christian we are suppose to show our fellow christian what they are doing wrong, that is not judging them, it is merely showing that their behavior is not according to God's word. The bible is clear that if they are doing something wrong, you go tell them, if they still , you take 2 or 3 other christians with you to try and correct them and in the end, if they still don't, you bring them before the church for the church to correct them,


If you applied the rules of common sense you'd realize that this gang of christians telling another how they are behaving badly is the WORST way to reach another's soul. Not to mention the bad light it shines on the christian religion.

You say you don't judge, you show. Well show them what living like a christian looks like. Be benevolent, kind, helpful, etc. That is how you show them.

[QUOTE=Fr_Chuck;1490888]sometimes age helps us put the answer into perspective for a answer.

But the most mis-used word is the word judge, as a christian we are suppose to show our fellow christian what they are doing wrong, that is not judging them, it is merely showing that thier behavior is not according to God's word. The bible is clear that if they are doing something wrong, you go tell them, if they still , you take 2 or 3 other christians with you to try and correct them and in the end, if they still don't, you bring them before the church for the church to correct them,


If you applied the rules of common sense you'd realize that this gang of christians telling another how they are behaving badly is the WORST way to reach another's soul. Not to mention the bad light it shines on the christian religion.

You say you don't judge, you show. Well show them what living like a christian looks like. Be benevolent, kind, helpful, etc. That is how you show them.


I really hate the religious boards which always seem to go nowhere but that having been said...

My problem with any religion trying to tell people how to live their lives is the people giving the advice - I certainly don't know anyone who has led such an exemplary life that he/she is qualified to give advice to other people. Maybe people THINK they have but there always seems to be a chink in the armor.

I'm more impressed by people who say, "This is what I did. It was a very bad mistake. Don't do it," than I am by people who throw out free advice based on exactly nothing.

Now this will offend most Roman Catholics everywhere - ever go to a Priest for marriage counselling? How can a man who has never lived with a woman POSSIBLY have a clue about the problems that can occur? Years and years ago, when my first marriage was breaking up and we went for counselling we were told to pray. That's right. Pray. Meanwhile he hadn't drawn a sober breath in quite some time -

Unfortunately, because of my profession, I also know where a lot of bodies are buried (so to speak). I've investigated a cleryman in just about every religion I can think of.

So that's where I'm coming from.

I hate the religious boards.

Lol, he is not gay by the way, I was just using that as an example. Every Christian knows that being gay is not what God wants so that makes it bad. As a Christian I will still love that person and accept that person but I would not condone that behavior.

Another example, if your friend was committing adultery would you not confront your friend or would you just let your friend keep doing wrong. That is the bottom line. That has nothing to do with judging.

First of all, I don't believe that ALL christians know that being gay is not what God wants.
I think christians come in many shades of gray. From the most fundamental to the most tollarant.

If a friend was committing adultery I would not say, you are wrong, you are sinning, and you better stop now. I would probably approach it like this.

I feel that what you are doing is wrong and I can not be a part of it. Do not include me in your deception because I can't help you with it. I'll be here for you to help you with stopping this or getting over this but that is all. I love you and I hope you have the strength to do what you know is right. Notice I did not say, do what I or God says is right. That makes it a me or us against you situation. Your friend already knows what she is doing is wrong. She needs to answer to the voice of her higher self inside that already knows the answer. It's the same with all sins. We KNOW what we are doing and someone else pointing it out to us is detrimental to the cause.

>>>>>Now this will offend most Roman Catholics everywhere - ever go to a Priest for marriage counselling? How can a man who has never lived with a woman POSSIBLY have a clue about the problems that can occur?

I suppose it is similar to many other aspects in life. You may not experience it yourself, but you can certainly learn about it.

For example, look how many OBs are men, and yet they have obviously never given birth.
I've never had a c-section, and yet I teach others about them. People go to counselors or therapists, but no doubt they have not experienced everything their clients have.

I think the suggestions you received, or did not receive, were not wholly directed to the issues at hand and that made for a far less than satifactory experience with a priest being a marriage counselor. Perfectly understandable given the circumstances.

However, one poor experience with a priest as a marriage counselor does not mean others would follow suit. I do hope you went to another counselor if you found that one not up to par.