ATR08
Jan 13, 2009, 12:09 AM
This is kind of long and complicated. A few years ago I was with a girl I will call mary, we had been together a few years but were having a lot of problems. Because of these problems I spent a lot of time with my best friend caitlin. Mary mentioned constantly that she thought caitlin liked me but I never thought anything of it but jealousy. Me and caitlin spent a lot of time togeather, because mary was being a huge to both of us all the time. Things went on like this for awhile until one night while at caitlins house I talked to mary on the phone and things got heated and ended with me pissed and hanging up. Shortly after that caitlin told me that she had feelings for me and had for a long time, at which point I called mary and told her I couldn't do this anymore and it was over. A few things happened between us that night but I ended up heading home when me and caitlin saw how many messages were left on my phone by mary. Caitlin told me I had to leave and gave me a kiss goodbye, so I went to talk to mary. After a long night I ended up bringing mary to help her move because I had promised to do so. At some point that morning we got back togeather. I had also promised to bring caitlin to work so when I left to get her mary insisted on coming (I had told her what happened with me and caitlin). The drive was silent and awkward with them both but I didn't know what to do. I was to worried about mary to leave her but had feelings for caitlin. That night I was back at caitlins house just as friends but as I left mary pulled in and tried to start a fight with caitlin. I ended up forcing her into her car, going home, and breaking up again. I went to caitlins to see if I could salvage our freindship and ended up falling asleep with her. At about two I woke up to her talking to mary on the phone, she gave me the phone and after a brief conversation I was worried she was going to hurt herself. Cailtin looked over at me and knew I was worried and would leave, and I knew if I left it would be gone. Leaving that night and getting rid of the person I was closest to was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Long story short caitlin and I stopped talking and it made me miserable, but mary helped me through everything and convinced me that it was all caitlin in my head and we ended up together for another two years. Once we broke up I wanted to talk to caitlin again immediately, but I didn't want it to seem like I was going after her as second choice, I just wanted my best friend back, so I waited 3 months to contact her. I didn't really expect a response but got one talking about how much she missed me and we met for dinner. I expected it to be awkward but after two years and all that happened there wasn't a bit of awkwardness between us. I told her I had made a mistake and that was that. Came to find out she has a boyfriend(1 year) but he is a long ways away and she made it semi clear that he is just out of convenience. I thought nothing of it as I just wanted to be friends but the more we hang out the less I can hold back how I feel. She is supposed to move down to her boyfriend in a month but has told me she would stay if she found something better. She also told him that me and her have a completely different connection and that nobody has ever really understood her like I do. Nothing has happened yet, other than getting a little drunk and falling asleep together. It seems like she is interested but is afraid I am going to be an idiot and hurt her again. We have talked about what happened and I told her how much of a mistake I think it was for me to have left her that night, so my question is this: do I come clean and tell her I care about her just like she did last time? Or will it end with us losing each other again? She is moving anyway so I guess I don't have anything to lose if she doesn't want to risk it...