This may sound really stupid... but I really struggle with being terribly hard on myself. The biggest hurdle I have is a lack of forgiveness. Currently, I have 2 friends, and a couple of family members who I have felt very hurt by. I can't seem to get past the hurt. I know in my head I need to get past these situations, and forgive them, but in my heart, it seems as though if I forgive them, I'm saying "what you did is OK". I know that's a wrong way of thinking & I hate myself for that!! I wish I could accept me for me, and I know I have a lot of really great qualities, but no matter how hard I try, and I do try, I just can't seem to stop thinking of the negetive more than the positive.

Another wrong way of my thinking is; if I feel cruddy about something, it must mean I did something wrong in the situation, otherwise I wouldn't feel badly. I have had a situation where I know in my heart I did nothing wrong, but because I think the other person is upset with me, I believe that I must be responsible for some part in this... and I feel miserable over it.

I'm constantly beatting myself up over negetive thoughts, that I should be doing better, thinking better, making better decisions, trying harder.

I've been a good mom for over 30 yrs now, wife for 32+ yrs so far ,a kind friend (altho right now, I tend to back away from most of my friends in fear of getting hurt again), I've managed to loose 30+ lbs and keep the weight off for 6 yrs, I quit smoking 18 yrs. Ago... so there are things I've done that are good.

So why can't I dwell on the good, rather than the bad?? :(

One more question to add to this mix: just this am. My daughter in law told me the gift we got for her (a 1/2 hr. massage), was the perfect gift for someone who doesn't have a kid (she just recently had our grandbaby 3 months. Ago). Was that another thing I screwed up?

......but I really struggle with being terribly hard on myself. The biggest hurdle I have is a lack of forgiveness. Currently, I have 2 friends, and a couple of family members who I have felt very hurt by. I can't seem to get past the hurt....

I'm constantly beatting myself up over negetive thoughts....

So why can't I dwell on the good, rather than the bad???:(

I can focus on only a part of this. My favorite is Susan Jeffers. Susan Jeffers :: Home (http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/index.cfm)

"Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Forgiveness is for you, not for the forgiven." Love, Anger and Forgiveness: How To Let Go And Be Emotionally Free Once And For All (http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Love_Anger_and_Forgiveness_How_To_Let_Go_And_Be_Em otionally_Free_Once_And_For_All.html)

You need to write down some positive things about yourself and then repeat them every day to yourself every time a negative thought comes into your mind. You can't stop thinking, but you can replace a negative with a positive. You need to simply reject negative thoughts and view them as lies which have been squirrelling around in your head for so long you barely know they are their constantly.

That negative snowball can be replaced with a positive one. You know the saying "Garbage in, garbage out". Well it's time to replace the garbage of negative thinking with positive thinking "Positive in, positive out".

I have done this personally during a time in my life when I was quite down on myself and the transformation over time is quite amazing, and in my case it felt miraculous!

Reject negative thoughts, replace with positive affirmations (even if you don't believe the positive at first, it can't hurt can it?) and do it consistently for 30 days and I guarantee you at some point you will feel better than you have in years. The reason is just like negative thoughts can snowball, so do positive ones and after a while you will be thinking positive about yourself and everyone else without thinking about it and it will be easier to reject something negative coming into your mind.

Write positive things down, post them around the house if necessary or in the car, read them all the time. Get a daily affirmation book you can read, or look online for affirmations you can carry or post around your life.

Remember, fill you mind and heart with positive things, don't give negativity a chance to gain a foothold. Simply reject a negative thought and move to a positive one.

For the time being just concentrate on these steps, in time you will have new eyes in which to view your life past and present and I guarantee you that forgiveness of yourself and others will come much easier in your new frame of mind.

Trust the process and stick with it, you are worth it.

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As for the post above I have always heard it this way:

"Resentment is the poison we take hoping it will harm someone else, and forgiveness is the medicine we refuse because we think it will help another"

I wouldn't dwell on this aspect of your life right now, learning to love yourself comes first before we can truly love others.

You are very comfortable with the person you are-ruminating over past failures and slights, any changes would require discarding some of the comfortable, though negative, aspects of yourself and stepping into the unknown. That frightens people. The unknown and having to learn over again, be a vulnerable individual. However, this is the road to happiness... change, a backbone and vulnerability. Remember real change is always between the ears, not superficial characteristics like body shape.

You don't have to change all at once! :)

How to change? By doing. It is best to make new friends and have a new fresh attitude. Family will drag you down until you are strong in your new positive self. :)

Very best wishes to you, girl, :)