I have been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years. For the last month or so she started acting different, we talked and talked and she said that she needed to find out who she is. At the beginning of the week she said she needs a break, this being my first relationship I did not know how to handle that we talked I told her I was scared but she still said she needed it. I started to get panicky and was now able to give her the time I called her a couple times over the last week and they all resulted in a fight because I did not give her time. We decided to try the break again but after less then 24hr she told me to meet her up. She told me that she thinks we need to break up so that it will be clean cut with no guidelines like a break. I told her I will do anything to stay with her I pleaded my case for an hour she stood firm we left and she said she will call me later to talk about it. She called and again I pleaded my case for more then an hour because I don't want to lose her. She still said no. She says she loves me and that I am her best friend and needs to figure out who she is. I also found out that for the last 4 months she thought all we did was argue and she is right we argued more then usual but it was OK I thought. At this point I still don't want to loose her but I am feeling this will be permanent. She told me she does not want to see anyone else. I text her today to say I loved her and would not give up on us and she did not respond. Please tell me what you think

It is clear what you need to do. Give her space, and DO NOT CONTACT her, period. You will suffocate her if you do, so leave her alone, and work on your issues of being overly dependent on her.

Leave her alone, and show her you CAN survive without her. I know it is hard, but if you keep on contacting her, even the sweet little, "I love you" texts, you will drive her away...

Every time you pick up the phone and think of contacting her, do 20 push-ups...

Do you think that she will come back to me if I give her space ? And should I totally stop contact and wait for her to contact me ? How long till I know its over. I am sorry for all those questions I am just a wreak.

Don't be sorry. You came to the right place. I was the same as you a few months ago, so no worry.

To answer your questions:

1. I have no idea if she will come back to you, but I am POSITIVE that you contacting her won't help your situation.

2. Yes. Do NOT contact her, period. Stick to my push up guide. You will be in shape if you do that :) Let her contact you, and YES, she will.

3. Do not know how long it will take. Just keep your composure and leave her alone

I lost 10 lbs in the last 5 days. We work at the same place I walk by her office everyday. Should I avoid her ? Or should I give off a vibe of being OK ? I don't know what to do as far as that goes.

Kctiger said it. After being on the site for a while you learn how to deal with these situations, it doesn't mean it's easy, but you learn what you need to do. On top of what he said though, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I'd rather be in a relationship where the other person knows he wants to be with me.

Don't avoid her, but don't make it awkward either. Your role in this is to portray a cool, calm and collected guy.. get it? Do not lose your cool or your composure. Go with the flow.

KC... he should try and do 30 push-ups. That way he will be so tired, we won't even thing about calling her.

Also you could try runnning as well. Run at least a mile. That will help you out as well and make you feel better. By the time your done, you will be too tired to worry or think about her.

i lost 10 lbs in the last 5 days. We work at the same place i walk by her office everyday. Should i avoid her ? or should i give off a vibe of being ok ? i dont know what to do as far as that goes.

Avoid her wherever you can. This is one of the reasons workplace relationships are a bad idea, the possibility of a breakup and awkwardness

I know its hard. We talked about getting married and if this didn't occur we would have been by now. I asked if its coold feet she said no

It's all about you now man. If you do run into her, be polite. When the emotions start to take hold, excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. Don't let her see you get emotional.

You have to try a be as though you are in total control of yourself and the situation you are in.

Even though you may think the world is coming to an end... it's not.

Let your head clear out for a couple of days, then get working on rebuilding your life and finding enjoyable things that you like to do.

Definitely talk with family and friends about your situation. This will help you get all of your emotions out in the open. Definitely hang out with your friends, but avoid all alcohol and/or drugs. They won't help.

Get rid of all of her stuff, and anything that reminds you of her, and either store it away or throw it away. This will help you keep your mind off her.

Eventually you will not think about her so much and you will realize that life can be good on your own. This takes time but it does happen.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that exercising REALLY HELPS to relieve stress and boost your mood?

The thing is I don't want to because I believe she will be back. I want to hold on until she will be back. She never give me a straigth foreword answer so I think there is a chance

No, don't do that to yourself. She will keep you waiting, until she decides what she wants to do. She already broke up with you.

Why wait for something that mostly likely will never be again?

You can't put your life on hold for someone that doesn't want to be in your life. Next thing you know 3 months later you will be waiting for her, only to find she is with someone else. I thought the same thing bro. I dated my ex for 3.5 years. I thought she would come back. Little did I know she had someone lined up already... I waited 3 months for that broad, only to find out the truth later.

Boy did I feel like and idiot when I found out. I should have just let everything go and started moving on when she first said she wanted a break.

Don't waste your time. It's not worth it!

I know it just kills me that if we never will be together that another man will be with her instead of me :(

Quit thinking like that. You don't know what is going to happen. Don't let your emotions rush you into a million different irrational thoughts.

Get yourself together, focus on YOU, and see what develops. That is all you can do.

A hungry dog will NEVER get fed... get my drift?

I know it just happened last night so I can help it.

That is why we are telling you how to react, because we have all been where you are, and, although I can't speak for others, I know I have made the same mistakes countless times that you are thinking of making.

Got to spread the rep... but KC is right.

If you are always there waiting for her to throw you crumbs, she will never realize what she is missing with out you.

This is time for you to rebuild and let go of what can no longer be.

Yes the first month or two will be rough. Once you start getting in to that third month of NC or whatever, you will start to see the light.

It will get better bro. I know you don't believe me, and you don't think so... but it will you have to trust us. We were in the same boat as you not too long ago.

Check out my story. That way you can see how waiting around doesn't work out.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-break-giving-space-but-unsure-261536.html

Well thank you guys here is what I will do. I will not contact her and wait for her to contact me. I will act confident around her. Is there anything I am missing ?

Nope. Just do that. If you think of breaking NC, after your push ups come on here and we will talk sense into you. Certain folks here are good at doing that. Welcome to AMHD

You sound like your starting on the right foot.

Remember if she does contact you, do not read too much into it. She will probably be wanting to see if you are still waiting for her. Don't let her think that. You need to be actively attempting to move on from this. Don't let her attempts at contact give you false hope of reconciling in the future, because chances are it's not happening.

Thank you again ill update you guys on Monday ill write a new post describing what is going on and if I do need someone to talk me out of talking with her ill come on here

Welcome aboard mate! Sadly this is a forum no one wants to join for the reasons they do.

NC is the way to go, don't call, write or any type of contact. You can't do any more harm if you don't contact her as she asked for space. Give the girl what she wants.

The first 24hr is almost up and it felt like 3 years I saw her at work today I smiled and waved and she did the same with a smile through and awkward face.

I sent a text to my ex as well telling him I loved him and I wasn't going to give up. Bad idea, it pushed him away even more. I was almost getting somewhere with him after we broke up but you, that text didn't work out too good for me...

Make sure you cut off all ties between you two and don't stay friends. You'll be able to heal a lot quicker this way. Keep conversations professional since NC is almost impossible with work. I'm going through something similar which is why I made sure I only took shifts when the ex wasn't working. Biggest difference between us was that my ex cheated on me so that saved me from a lot of false hope. Don't wait for her, learn to live without her love and for yourself.

Sorry for your loss Lonelyguy, you had your first relationship, and your first break up. Listen to these posters and read their stories, and the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and you will see this happens to all of us at one time, or another so don't feel its just you. Take a few good suggestions and you will see over time, it gets better.

Then you'll be ready for the second relationship, and..!