Okay, I guess I should give some background here. I'm 31, my GF is 24. We were together for a year and broke up 2 years ago. I broke it off with her because she got into drugs and didn't want to stop. In the 2 years since we broke up, she met another drug addict and married him. He then got her into harder drugs to the point where she had to be placed into rehab. She almost died, but her family took her away from him so he couldn't hurt her anymore.

This brings me into where we reconnected.

She had been sober for about 3 months when I bumped into her at a local bar(about 7 months ago). We talked all night and had a great time. 2 nights later, she showed up again and we again talked and hung out all night. Much to the shegrin of some of my female friends that were there for my first broken heart at her hands. We've been together ever since, and a couple of my female friends no longer talk to me because of it.

Now first let me say that I have learned quite a few lessons from my previous failed relationships on how to treat a lady. I am a very loyal, and romantic guy. I have a good job and I like to take good care of the person I am with. Through the last 7 months that we have been together, I have been very good to her in many ways, and she has acknowledged that to me many times. We were very much in love again, this time on a deeper level. We have some fights, mostly when drinking, but nothing that we haven’t been able to work out. She’s been living at home with her parents, and going to school part time. She doesn’t have a job, so needless to say, I always pay wherever we go. No big deal. For the last couple months, she’s been really down on herself, thinking she’s fat, and upset that she doesn’t have a job, and feeling like she has to depend on me and her parents.

In December, we were really on the up and up. We were getting along great, and we both felt like we were growing as a couple. We had a couple of fights the last week of the year, and now she tells me that she is not happy with herself, and she’s not sure about us. She couldn’t even tell me that she loves me. She said that she needs some space to sort things out. I accepted this and told her that I love her very much and I will give her the space that she wants. I told her that I wouldn’t call her and she could call me when she’s had a chance to think things through. This was Saturday. It is now Thursday and I haven’t heard anything yet. I have mixed emotions about this. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m angry, but overall, I just feel just plain crappy right now. I’ve been keeping busy working out at the gym and doing other things, but this feeling sucks and I could use some advice.

Hi Roger,


Personally I don't think it will last in the long run if you date someone who doesn't have a job and a career. A lot of relationship end because of financial problem.

I don't know if she love you as much as you love her. Did you ever think that she is just using you to get back on her own two feet and then leave?

My ex came to me when she got nothing. I support her and treat her real nice. I thought it was love but it wasn't. Sometime when you're in it you are blinded and cannot see the whole picture.

Let her be. She has some definite self-esteem issues and possibly some other issues to deal with. You need to just let her do her own thing and you do your own thing. I know from personal experience. Some of my very close friends were heavy into drug use. It took them years to finally get their act together and get sober. Some never made it and are either dead or still doing them. The battle with drug dependencey is very hard to deal with for the addict as well as their loved ones.

People who need help, need to help themselves rather than depending on others. She needs to help herself, and if taking space is what she needs to do, then you need to help her by giving it to her.

My husband and I actually started reading a book together and last night one of the things we read was that you can't depend on someone else to make you happy. This is sooo true. I mean, we both knew that before we started this book but they kind of went into detail on that. If she's not happy with herself, it's not going to matter how hard you try to make her happy. She needs to be happy first. Hopefully she'll get everything sorted out, maybe even get some help. It sounds like she's going through a lot.

My husband and I actually started reading a book together and last night one of the things we read was that you can't depend on someone else to make you happy. This is sooo true. I mean, we both knew that before we started this book but they kind of went into detail on that. If she's not happy with herself, it's not going to matter how hard you try to make her happy. She needs to be happy first. Hopefully she'll get everything sorted out, maybe even get some help. It sounds like she's going through a lot.

Can you pm me the book. You are absolutely right. She got to be happy on her own. You can only do so much.

My advice is for you to carry on with your life without her, and do what makes you happy, and enjoy what your doing.

Leave her alone.

Did you get my message? I posted a link to the book.

Even if you go through it yourself there is a lot you can learn from it.