hey guys I am new to this site so please bare with me =)

I am 26 year old male who I would say am a good looking guy, I own my own house, I have a good job etc... I guess what I am trying to say is I have a good life and I have a lot to show for.

Now 6 montn I fell deeply in love with an old friend from high school which I haven't seen for years. I have been doing anything in the book for this person, from romantic to sweet stuff, anything you could think of I have done it for her.

however my problem is I DO NOT get the same treatment back at all, she keeps on telling me that she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship but at the same time when I try to walk away she says she can't let me go because she cars about me too much. This has been going on for 6 month now, and my heart hurts, everyone I know tells me to walk away but I find it so hard because I am so in love with her... Any advice guys on what I shlould do please advise. Thank you so much and sorry for the lengthy e-mail!!

Hi Kadd0007,

Firstly welcome to AMHD :)

Ok secondly have you ever spoken to her upfrontly about your feelings for her? Expressed your feelings to her?
Besides giving her all these materialist things!

She says she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship, but how can a relationship be serious in it first few months!! Think about it.

Well we have been together for 6month now, and yes I told her how I feel about her. Now when I say that I did a lot for her trust me I did not mean that I go out and buy her the world lol. What I mean was I am there for her when she needs me, if she needs help I am right there for her and some cute corny stuff lol.

Now my problem is at some point she told me she was falling for me and so on, next month is different. She has constent mood swings =( and I almost never ever see anyting in return, she barely ever calls, she never does those nice corny things that I would love, she never tells me she misses me, ans she ever barely wants to spend time with me.

Now after all that she still refuses to let me go, I mean is she scared of commitement, is she keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone??

That's why I am so confused, my heart tells me stay but my head and logic tells me to walk away, I hope this helped??

Ok have u heard of the saying :-
Treat them mean keeps them keen?? ;).

Why is she scared of commitment?
Has she had a bad experience?

I am not trying to sound weird but I never heard of that saying? It does sounds intersting though, would you care to explain it to me please?

We all had bad breakups and bad experiences, and I know that she did, she tells me all the time, but I am paying the price for it...

So in other words do I stay and try some more even tough this is tearing me apart or do I leave?

If you are going to ask me is she is worth the stay well, 2 month ago I wouls have said yes but now its fading, the pain is really starting to get to me??

WOW I'm shocked :eek:
It means basically what it states! Literally - word for word.

Yes of course we grow stronger and independent with certain experience we share in life.

I personally, would leave. I wouldn't put it up with no longer.
You said, 6 months this has been like that.
6 months which caused you more pain and sadness instead of love and happiness.

Leave - threat her meen.
She may soon realise what a bad mistake she has done by acting this way, and hurting your feeling - keeps her keen!

Good Luck

Relatiionships are give and take and it sounds like you are not getting what you want/need. What's keeping you in the relationship is the "hope" that you will get what you want... but the history shows that it may not be there. I'd move on...

Well Here_To_Help-Jon, think what you like. Although you said I gave poor advice you said exactly what I said at the end :- LEAVE
But this poor guy has had 6 months of pain, due to her simple and mixed attitude and actions.
How much longer can he stick to it!
She has him wrapped round her little ringer and she is doing what she likes with him.
Its not fair on him.
So treat her mean and keep her keen I thinks fits quite well with this issue :D

hey guys, I get it, that's a god quote =) You know I tried doing that for a while where I ignored her and not call her or show her the time of day, and surprisingly it worked. Hse came around more and was nicer to me.

But I can't do it, I am a nice guy and I want to be myself, and I sure as hell do not want to play those games just to have her, and also I don't think you should convince her to be with me she should want to be with me on her own don't you think??

But again thanks again for the good advice I will take some appropriate action in the next couple of days and I am sure I will be back for more questions and I will keep you updated than you so much again...

Thanks :)

I didn't exactly mean to totally ignore her.
But instead of always telling her you miss her, don't say it at all. Don't be clingy towards her, if you get my point, as she may think she could be losing you and soon realise she doesn't want to lose you.
Its not a game - its tactic ;)

But I'm sure whatever you do will be the right thing.

Keep me posted.

I think if you are honest and the feelings are not being returned it's time to move on. You deserve someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. I would think after 6 months she would know if she wants a relationship with you. From the sounds of it, she doesn't. You have a lot to offer the right person. I would let go now, before you get further into it and move on. Take care.

well I forgot to mention one more problem, I would actually like to let go at the present time but I cant.

We had booked an all week trip to south beach miami and its all paid for and too late to cancell since we are leaving in a week, but the way I look at it is I am going to enjoy my trip relax and have fun, and just walk away as soon as I get back...

you know they say you don't know what you have till you loose it, and I have been so good to her and is she is at all as smart as I think she is she will come to realise that eventually =)

I think you are on the right track. Just keep going forward. With this girl, you seem to be at a stall. Good luck.

Here's the deal Dude... you're too 'nice' to her... you're acting like a 'nice guy'.

Woman want a challenge. That want to be curious about you. They don't want a guy WHO TOTALLY SURRENDERS TO THEM.

Romance is GREAT in SMALL doses... women DON'T want romance all week long - YUCK! Women DON'T want a lap dog - they don't want a guy they ca nwalk all over - ever. LESS IS MORE to women in romance. Quit being all romantic al lthe time and be her friend.

My STRONG ADVICE is to NOT share how you feel until after you're married - YOU SHOW how you feel - by doing good things for her.

She doesn't feel it man for you because you are TOO available to her.

PEOPLE WANT What THEY CAN'T HAVE. She has you. You NEVER completely surrender - even in marriage. You need to understand that you need a life as well.

People fall into these problems when they put too much importance o nthings.

You should pull-back. Don't be so available. Don't give her all that attention.

I assume you call her all day and e-mail and text.

Be busy with other things in life - work harder at work, school, workout, hang wiot hfriends, hang with your family, hobbies, new hobbies etc.

When you are busy with other things in life... she will ove you for it.

You sound kind of like a soft man. Women don't want that soft man - never. The ymay say they do - but it's a test. It's HARD to have feelinsg for you when you ACT like her GIRLFRIEND and not her boyfriend.

Again - I think it's HOW he is acting.

It's NOT her. He needs to learn how to make women feel attracted to him.

"I have been doing anything in the book for this person, from romantic to sweet stuff, anything you could think of i have done it for her."

QUIT doing that stuff!! Quit it!!

You're a lap dog - why on earth shuld he do anything in return.

well that seems a bit harsh but true I must say... See all you have said makes sense, and yes women want a chalange and don't want a lap dog.

I don't call her all day and text her lol. However I do give her more attention than she gives me. The sad truth is I am the soft type and I will always be, all my ex girlfriend liked the soft type, snd frankly that's what I want.

So to answer your question, I had pulled back a lot which brought her closer to me however that makes me unhappy because I have to pull away to draw her near, I don't like to play those types of games and that it why I decided to walk away =)

I do envy all those guys out there that could or have the time to play those games, I am just not that type and I have to live with it. Iv'e learned that you cannot change people and that includes yourself, so no matter how much I will try to change and play the game, in the end I will fail...

Dude - just do other things - QUIT putting so much importance into her - make her chase you for a while.

It's NOT games - it's giving yourself BALANCE in life. BALANCE.

You don't need to rush to her all the time.

NEVER say you miss her. Never. You're a busy guy. QUIT sharing your feelings so much - maybe on your wedding day.

You need to learn about women - they DON'T think you you - never.

Go to this site and read EVERY article on dating and relationships: www.askmen.com

Women NEED to miss you - they need space. I highly doubt you ever gave her space. They want to WONDER what you're doing...

AGAIN - it's not games - be busy with other stuff.

Do you want her near - or not have her??

Give her less attention... you can do all that crap when your 70 and married.

The are facts of life about attraction.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. Always and forever.

It's no fun for her.

You will love it in the end.

I really must say WILDCAT, I like your answeres... very right to the point, thank you so much that really helped.. I will make sure to bug you again when I need an honest and straight answer...

Please keep asking.

Here is the crux of your problem... you just don't know how to act properly. Once you learn to behave properly women will flock to you - they will love you for it.

You'll have this happen to you again, and again until you learn.

I would bet $1 million your old girlfriend did NOT want a soft guy.

IT'S NOT being a jerk, it's NOT acting like a player.

IT'S growing a spine. Saying no - actually - women find it VERY attractive if you say NO on occasion. No is a good word to learn.

Be busy - make plans with your friends. Have a life outside the relationship.

Acting as though you do not care may bring her closer, for now. Maybe she is hanging onto you because she is still looking for someone else, but is keeping you on the sidelines for a "just in case". I just don't think she is ready to commit. There is some truth in the saying, "nice guys always end up last". But there are some women out there who are do like nice guys (Not gushy)
But men that can be thoughtful and caring but at the same time be a man.

I think what happens in so many relationships is either person looses their own identity. It sounds as if you are all about pleasing her and making her happy at your own expense. There is no need to play the hard to get guy if you take care of your wants and needs first. You would not be at her beck and call because you would have other plans. If she does not want to spend much time with you, live your life as though she were not in it. If she wants to do something with you, and you are available for her and you want to, then go. Your life is revolving around her, it should be revolving around you.
When you find a girl that is a giving caring person you'll know.

Every person is an individual with different wants and needs. Be sure the two of you have the same, if not hit the road after vacation.

Hey Wildcat, well I read up on that site and WOW...

You know its crazy how just a couple of opinions on the outside world really open up your eyes...

So here is what I am going to do... first since the trip to Miami is already paid for I am going to goand have a blast with or without her!! Two the minute we touch back no matter what I am just going to walk away... At some point I thought I really want to be with her and I do... I love her a lot but after seeing all the **** she put me through which is a lot more than I have said on here its just not worth it...

I need to find someone that is going to appreciates me and at the same time I need to cool down and play the game for at least the beginning...

Thanks again wildcat, I will keep you posted especially and let you know how it went...

It's NOT playing hard to get ever.

This guy is a gushy 'nice guy' - he needs to change - be himself.

Defintely go on the trip. Have fun. You need to learn to be loose and carefree - the fun guy. Make fun of her a little- bust on her... women love it - eat it up.

Stop the mush and gush though NOW! No more mush!

There is a lot more to this...

I bet you failed a lot of her tests... questiosn she asks.

And sadly - sorry ladies - don't listen to the ladies on most of this stuff.

THEY'LL TELL you they want a 'soft' and 'caring' man who shares his feelings - NOPE... they WANT a FUNNY, CONFIDENT, Non-needy/clingy, guy who has a great life - guy.

Amen to that...

I don't think it's a game if you just don't make her the centre of your attention. You need to do other things and I think Wild Cat is right about what will happen.

Great advice Wild Cat

Walk Away! Walk Away! Turn around and run. You already know what to do... your just hanging to something that's not real. I've been there before, I know its hard and it will hurt for along time... but you can't delay it. RUN AWAY.

Ps WildCat is always right. He obviously sees things as I do.

Don't walk away if you care about her. Never.

You totally change how she feels about you

From what you have said, she doesn't sound like a bad person - it's things you've done. It's NOT her. It's NOT her.

A yes - you made her TOO MUCH of your world - too much importance. You don't eve nput that much importance/surrender/unconditional even in marriage.

Gee I wish I wasn't in the complete opposite time zone down here so I could contribute to this conversation as it happens and not when it is finished.

Kadd, LISTEN TO WILDCAT HERE. The other advice is also good and right in many ways but wildcat speaks the truth here.

From the first couple of lines in your first post I knew exactly what his answer would be. You have just put way too much importance on tjis girl. Way too much.

That's not to say you don't be nice to her. But doing all these romantic things all the time is definitely not what they want.

I speak from expereince here. The moment my girlfriend relaised she completely had me, she didn't want me. And that was after 7 years. We were completely in love and knew everything about one another but the moment there wasn't the slighhtest hint of a challenge anymore for her SHE LEFT.

Gee I wish I wasn't in the complete opposite time zone down here so I could contribute to this conversation as it happens and not when it is finished.

Kadd, LISTEN TO WILDCAT HERE. The other advice is also good and right in many ways but wildcat speaks the truth here.

From the first couple of lines in your first post I knew exactly what his answer would be. You have just put way too much importance on tjis girl. Way too much.

That's not to say you don't be nice to her. But doing all these romantic things all the time is definitely not what they want.

I speak from expereince here. The moment my girlfriend relaised she completely had me, she didn't want me. And that was after 7 years. We were completely in love and knew everything about one another but the moment there wasn't the slighhtest hint of a challenge anymore for her SHE LEFT.

It is about Balance.
Balance in all aspects of the relationship. People sometimes interpret what wildcat says as treat the girl mean or poorly. THAT IS WRONG. He never indicates that. He actually HATES that.
What he says is don't smother them. Don't put them on a pedestal.

I don't think you should leave this girl if you have feeling for her. I just think at present you are trying to hard to show your feelings. Trust me, in time she willl work out your feelings.

You have a whole life ahead of you (MAYBE) to show this girl your love.

You don't need to show a lifetime of love in a week.

Good luck and keep us posted.

This sounds so much like my situation except it's the guy who is doing all the trying to hold on bits... and the chick hasn't totally pulled away yet.

"she keeps on telling me that she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship but at the same time when i try to walk away she says she can't let me go because she cars about me too much."

I've had this happen with 'my' man too. Very frustrating.

Dude it would help a lot if you knew what you really wanted in the first place. First off 6 months is not a lot of time to know someone and you two are already playing games with each other. This will never do you'll end up wasting time and hating each other. She doesn't want a relationship but can't let you go.. You want to go but you book a romantic getaway.. You both need to leave each other alone till you both figure out what the hell you want. Your all in her face and you get mad cause she isn't all up in yours. Slow this wagon down and both of you go home and think about it for a month. Then see how you feel. Wildcats advice can only work if you KNOW what you want.

Well ultimatly I know what I want which is to be with her...

Either way wild cat I have one more question for you? Our trip is booked for August the 6th, now do you think I should ignore her a bit from here till then?

Hi kd, I think you should back off a bit and show this woman a fun good time with no strings or pressure. Go slow and keep it light and make her smile and laugh and have a good time. Show her what a fun guy you are and gently let her talk about herself, and be a good listener. Fun is the key and that's what dating is all about. You don't have to be in her face or available all day until the vacation so BALANCE the need to be with her with what you do without her. NO drama, or trauma as you get to know each other and no controversy either. REMEMBER dating is supposed to be fun, not a soap opera.

Absolutely backoff. Be busy. Don't call her every day.

Talaniman has put is BEST. Work on make her laugh. MAke fun of her a little.

YES LISTEN TO HER!! Let her talk.

FUN! No worries - QUIT worrying gabout the out come and you will enjoy it much more - once you start worrying about an out - that's when you lose it.

You need the attitude that there are plenty of fish in the sea. She needs to see that from you.

I thin kshe sees a little desperate and needy guy... very unattractive - see that's why she acts that way.

Thanks again guys for all the responses but I have one more for you.

Aside from all that was said on this forum, this may sound really weird but last night I had a terrible sleep with plenty of nightmares, and this morning I woke up and I had one thing in mind.

I Don't WANT TO BE WITH HER ANYMORE!! I know it sounds stupid and childlish but for whatever reason I feel very strongly about my decision, I am going to see my trave agent tomorrow to see if its too late to cancell the trip.

I have girls on the side that would kiss the ground I walk on, I have been putting all of them on the side for this girl and for what?? I think its about time I give some of them a chance and see where how things would work out with someone else.

Don't ask me why the quick transition but you can't help with the way you feel, she insisted on going out for dinner tonight which I think I'll go and see how I feel since this would be a due or die situation for my final big secision tomorrow, what do you think guys?

I think you're a wishy washy flake that go whatever way the wind goes,since you asked.

Hmmm should I take that as an insult??

If so I am sorry I make you think that way of me, its just I was with the same girl for 6years and all of sudden after her it looks like all the rules to the game have changed.

Just to let you know no one wishes to be in my shoes and just because I seem like I am not sure about what I am doing sometimes is because I am confused as hell but I think iv'e made up my mind but please don't be condesending towards me.

This morning you posted that you wanted to be with her and six hours later you turn around and feel the opposite and you have how many women on the side just waiting to kiss the ground you walk on? That's why you need to know what you want in life and quite playing with some ones feelings that is no joke. I didn't say it as an insult only telling you how you look according to what YOU posted here. If your confused, then leave the ladies alone till you get some direction. They are human beings you know and how would you feel if your feeling were played with by some confused person. Would you rather hear the truth here or have your hat handed to you in real life?

Yeah - this is weird.

I don't think you should see her - I don't think you should see anyone for along time. You need to work on yourself.

Work on other tings in life.

Maybe so, I think you are both right, I need to be alone and figure out what I want and I guess that is why I am going to do what I said I would.

I would never play with anyone's feelings since I know how crappy it feels, those girls I mentioned know my position and know where I stand I never lied to them but it was always thei choice if they wanted to stick around just like I stuck beside her for 6month.

But either way, I never meant anybody any harm and I hope I never caused any along the way. Wsh me luck guys and I will keep you posted...

I do wish you luck, and keep us posted! And keep it real!!

Have you ever heard the saying "HE WHO CARE THE LEAST WINS" sounds to me like that is what she is doing. She has you eating out of the palm of her hand because of the way she is acting.

I say let her go and find someone who appreciates you.:(

But either way, I never meant anybody any harm and I hope I never caused any along the way. Wsh me luck guys and I will keep you posted...

I do not think you have made any harm along the way! I wish you luck with your problem.. No one can tell you what to do ? But you need to make a choice once and for all and stick too it 100% and mean it.

Start to love yourself and make time for you ! Live your life to the MAX each day and enjoy taking each day as it comes.

After you've become real and been with real, everything else pales in comparison. Its just so hard to see that until you get there. Its unfathomable until one day it isn't. The journey to become real isn't for the faint-hearted either. It is full of seemingly endless lessons, some pretty painful ones. You've already learned some of the important ones. And in less than fifty short posts in one thread, I see you having taken a few substantial steps in that direction. Bravo!

Now the trick is to keep going. But you can do it, Kadd.

Thanks guys, all of your inputs means a lot and you can't imagine how much its helping me already...

Hey guys,

I am really hoping that the few of you that gave me advice a little while ago will remember me =(

So I'll pick up where I left off. We went on our vacation to Miami and I have to say it was the most amazing week of my life, me and her had an incredible time we spent every single moment for 9 days together and it was just great however... As you all already know this was coming to an end, we both had a conversation about the issue and we both agreed to remain friends at the end of the week.

Well so that it is in a nutshell, I broke away from her but at the same time its breaking my heart =( I have never loved someone so much before in my life, I am so depressed at the time but I know that time will heal all. Its just so hard, I feel so lost and so hurt. I know she is not happy about the outcome of this either since she had told me on several occasion and we both know it won't work but it still hurts my heart beyond what words could explain...

Any advice guys on how to cope?

I don't get it. You had 9 days together... then that's it? Who's bright idea was that??

Who is the stubborn a-hole?

Pick up the phone and call!! Issues can be worked out - drop the stubbornesss

The only reason we went away is because the trip was already paid for and planned from long ago...

LOL trust me if I could pick up the phone and work things out I would have long ago. But if you remember she was the one that keeps on telling me that she is not ready for a relationship and that is the only reason why we are not together.

I took your advice wild cat and put a stop to things as she was toying too much with my emotions. She made it perfectly clear that she does not want a commitment so in that order I pushed away and am trying to spare myself some more pain...

That's right. Well, now is the time for the NO CONTACT rule. Do not call, do not text, do not e-mail - disappear...

I have a feelingyou were too available to her.

Yeah I know, and like I said it has to be the hardest thing I would have to do but I have to stay strong.

I havrnt called her, e-mailed her, text messaged her nothing and I am only hoping I will stay this strong and be able to do thins because I really need too.

You have to. Come here and VENT and ask for advice.

The only way she comes back is when she realizes you are gone!

As Wildcat says, lay low for a while and no contact. However, don't give up hope altogether ; I think there's potential here. I can't make any guarantees and don't get your hopes up too high but don't totally write her off just yet. Things may come around. Meanwhile, get on with your life, do things you enjoy, date other women and work on you.

WildCat this question goes for you or anyone who is willing to help.

She called me today and we talked for a bit, now she proposed something and which is the following, she said we should stay friends and keep contact and even hang out.

Now as much as I would love too I don't think I could do it, to me I would be thinking it in another way and I know she'll only want a friendship. I told her I would think about it but frankly I don't want to do it cause every time I will be around her or even talk to her its going to bring back memories and just put me back where I started.

So my question is this, I want to be friends with her just not yet! How do I tell her that without having to upset her and tottaly losing her out of my life??

WildCat this question goes for you or anyone who is willing to help.

She called me today and we talked for a bit, now she proposed something and which is the following, she said we should stay friends and keep contact and even hang out.

Now as much as i would love too i dont think i could do it, to me i would be thinking it in another way and i know she'll only want a friendship. I told her i would think about it but frankly i dont want to do it cause every time i will be around her or even talk to her its going to bring back memories and just put me back where i started.

So my question is this, i want to be friends with her just not yet! how do i tell her that without having to upset her and tottaly losing her out of my life???

Just go along with her without making any promises or commitments. See her and hang out occasionally but not too often. Make your dates with her "few but intense" if you get my drift. Don't be too available to her. As Wildcat and others will tell you, she is part of your life, not your life.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh - you answered and talked??

What did we just say?? Disappear!! Oh well, you set yourself back further.

No to friends... don't give into her games/demands.

QUIT picking up the phone - you're busy now.

What don't you get?

I think you have a shot... but as you see on this silly call - you need to disappear from her life for a while.

NO frined zone - no hangout - she doesn't deserve your time right now. She needs to earn it!

Don't tell - NO MORE CONTACT!! Disappear!!

Strongly disagree C... he needs to disappear - no friend zone.

I see why he is in his place where he is with her... picking up the dam phone.

lol thanks wild cat I love your honest approach, and I have to say again you are right!

That is what I will do I am going to dissipear for a while!! I think not only will it help me get over her more quick it will make her think twice about what she had lost =)

Thanks again for some great advice, I will keep you posted or bug you in the time of need!

It is very difficult to move into the "friends" category when you haven't gotten passed the "lovers" category. Its too early to be "friends" - you need some time apart to readjust.

Well guys I am already feeling that I need to give an update and vent some more.

Well its been one week since we got back from Miami and we have not spoken a word!! This week has been the hardest week of my life, I miss her terribly and what's jabbing away at my heart is that all indications now points to the fact that she was being that way she was because it looks like there is someone else in her life!!

Why would she do that and hurt me for 6 month, I mean she has been cheated on and treated like **** why turn around and do it to someone else!! I am so confused and hurt at the same time but I still hold wats left of my pride by not calling her!!

As I remember you were breaking up with her any way. So don't feel hurt about some other guy on the side and take this as a lesson learned. I've never understood how someone, after being treated bad, turns around and does the same to someone else. Go Figure!!

Dude - they will NEVER tell you there is another guy - ever. It's the top reason they break from you. They want to spare your feelings.

Hopefully you've learned a little bit about this gal... maybe she isn't so great after all??

Good thing these other guys usually don't last.

Maybe it's time to take a good hard look at this gal... maybe she's done oyu a favor??

Remember - whe nthey breal with you - there usually is always another guy. Trust me.

My advice to you is date, date, date... date some more.

Tal - he didn't reall ywant to break her idea.

Dude - learn from this - be more caucious - don't put so much importance into women... until your married.

Thanks guys all the above advice is greatly appreciated!!

Its just really too bad that I had to learn the hard way... I guess to me its hard to understand why would anyone put another one's feeling through that kind of pain when they themselves have felt how horrible it is, and on top of that how do they live with the guilt because I never would be able too!!

NOW - do you understand WHY you don't pick up the phone when she calls??

Don't contact her for alone time if ever...

Date, Date, Date

Trust me Wildcat, I at least now have the power to actually ignore her lol, its hard as hell but now I know its doable.

And as for date date date I will be working on that very soon

It will be hard kadd. And it will most likely get harder for a while. But eventually it will get better.
If indications are pointing to another man then sadly you are most probably right.
But use that as a bit of anger and source of strength. Use that to help you remember how she has used and mistreated you and that you are better off without her. Use that knowledge you have as a tool to ensure you don't let her back into your life to hurt you again.

We see it a lot. Girl leaves guy for another bloke and realises the grass isn't greener on the other side so she tries to come back. And usually they let her come back in and she does it to him again.

Don't make these mistakes!

You now have to move forward. Work on YOU!

As I said though it will get harder. It is only a week. You are going to feel so many emotions over the next few months. But vent them here or with your mates. Don't go to her. You wontget the amswers you are after.

Good luck and stick around. I find this site such a great help emotionally!

Good. Continue not calling her. You may have to resign yourself to the fact that nothing's going to come of this. Don't waste time and energy trying to figure out why she does the things she does. It is impossible to deduce another person's motives and you certainly can't control their actions. As others have told you, now's the time to work on YOU ; that's the one thing you CAN control.

Hey guys,

Well I must sadly say that you were all right. This morning I got conformation from her that she did meet someone else and that is why things have changed.

She called me from an unknown number knowing I would not pick up is she called me from home, and she felt like its time to her to come clean. Now I know that most guys out there would have freaked and called her every name in the book but I went about it a different way and tell me if it was okay.

After she said her peace I simply said that I felt it was that all along and it was okay, I told her it was her loss and I told her that I would like to remain friends but just not yet. I told her that I need to be left alone and I want my space and if one day I want her back in my life a sa friend then I would call upon her friendship... and that is how thigs ended.

As much as this is hurting right now imagining her with someone else and now feeling like I am back to square one, I fell like this is the closure I need it. But non the less the pain is incredible.;

What do you guys think?? WildCat I need you =)

Im sorry for what I read about you, must be so hard on you.

But reading your previous posts I came to conclusion esp after reading this one, that you have the right attitude to help you move forward in life, and concentrate on yourself alone now, because that's what's important.

Feeling the pain is very natural, you are only human.
Time does heal, althou you probably won't believe, but trust me when I say it does :)

Good luck.

Good job walking away

Name calling is a bad way of looking for closure that really isn't there

Take some time before you date again. People screw up friendships or relationships when they try to ease the pain with another relationship too soon.

As mentioned, the hurt does go away in time, absolutely. Sometimes not as fast as we like, but you do look up one day and realize it just isn't as bad as before.

Good job

Hey guys,

Well i must sadly say that you were all right. This morning i got conformation from her that she did meet someone else and that is why things have changed.

She called me from an unknown number knowing i would not pick up is she called me from home, and she felt like its time to her to come clean. Now i know that most guys out there would have freaked and called her every name in the book but i went about it a different way and tell me if it was okay.

After she said her peace i simply said that i felt it was that all along and it was okay, i told her it was her loss and i told her that i would like to remain friends but just not yet. I told her that i need to be left alone and i want my space and if one day i want her back in my life a sa friend then i would call upon her friendship....and that is how thigs ended.

As much as this is hurting right now imagining her with someone else and now feeling like i am back to square one, i fell like this is the closure i need it. But non the less the pain is incredible.;

What do you guys think??? WildCat i need you =)
You said the right thing. No big deal but it is to you. You don't want her in your life because she does not want you. So, move on forget her. You can and will do better. She does not excist. Do not see/talk ever with her again.

What do you guys think??? WildCat i need you =)
You don't need whycat. You did it yourself. You talked to her told her the right things because you are moving on! She fell off the face of the earth. Do not be just friends... ever!

I know this may not sound great, but I'm happy you found out. I say that because then you never have to wonder and you truly know that she's not the one for you since she can't commit. It will be you who comes out stronger in the end and a better person. I wish you the best.

Tnank you all so much for al the feedback!!

I must say I have never tasted this kind of pain before in my life! But like you all said just because I told her we would be friends it doesn't mean we have to be...

Its her loss as I have a lot to offerr I just can't wait for time to pass buy as quickly as possible so I could forget, I already planned a trip to london this weekend. I am trying to keep myself busy as much as I can to start healing faster =)

Thank you all again, and I will be posting some more stuff I feel confisent now but I know there are more somber days ahead and I know I am going to need some more advice.. talk to you all soon!!

It's GREAT you did not get upset... I BET you shead some new light on her about you... you STILL must come across as th fun guy - always - you get upset and she remembers the bad guy.

Personally, from experinece. I would have just said. Ok-bye and say you have to go... and maybe say 'have fun'. End the call.

You kind of came across as her 'girlfriend' as she confided in you - and cried on your shoulder. You don't want that.

Next time just end the call and leave her wondering.

Forget the friendship... forget it...

Plus - there's a chance she cheated on you - if so... do you want that? That's an issues you need to sort out. Everyone knows how feel about cheaters.

Wildcat I know she cheated on me. Remember how I said that night she went out with her friends and everyihg changed... well that night we were together and she admit it only kissing the guy.

Well I am not stupid I am sure she did a lot more than that since she was piss drunk...

The truth is this girl played me for a fool for 6 month and its all my fault for giving her the chance to do so, so I am mostly to blame but trust me a very hard and painful lesson learned.

I have one more question how many of you would actually ever give her a freindship years down the road knowing what she did>?

You handled the situation very well, so you should have no regrets.

As for your question about having a friendship down the road, sure why not. You said a few years down the road so by then I will have moved on with my life and probably be involved in another relationship. Basically I wouldn't care about what happened in the past because I'm happy with my life. Hey, I might even be thanking her for what she did.

It's no good to hold grudges my friend. They end up consuming you. It's best to just forgive and forget. Would it be a deep involved friendship? Of course not! But a simple friendship a few years from now is absolutely fine with me.

Once a cheater - always a cheater - she probably cheated o nsome gu yto come to guy. Cheaters justify this stuff.

Yep you did a greeat job. Handled it marvellously well.. you should be very proud.
I doubt if I could have done that. At least I could never have before coming to AMHD and understanding hwo to deal with things like that!

You are very healthy and I can see you have a great attitude which will really help you get over this.

Now your challenge is to back up your words. You told her not to contact you so Don't let her. If she calls it will be only to see if she still has you. So don't answer. Don't even answer unknown numbers. If you do and it is her. You have to go. You are busy. OK?

And now you must do everything you can to help you.

It is going to be painful but please feel free to PM me anytime. I know the pain but I know how you can help yourself to get better more quick.

You proved what a MAN you are. So continue to be that man and someone worthy of you will come along one day and you will be thankful this all happened!

You handled it quite well. There'll be some pain for a while but don't lose your head over it. You know what you need to do now so get out there and do it. You're right in that it was her loss and she'll probably eventually have her regrets. But that's her problem, not yours. When the time comes don't play rescuer and try to "save" her from her bad decisions and the accompanying consequences. You're truly better off without her in every way so live your life accordingly.

Your free to carry on with your life, now have fun.

Don't pick up the phone if she calls now!! Don't do it. This gal seems like she will call you. Don't pick up unrecognized numbers - private #s.

She will probably want you as her back up plan. Don't go for that.

Guys one thin gto learn from this - about 85% of the time - it's another guy... the sad part women don't get is these new guys rarely if ever last - they want the newness - the myatery - then the guys always screw it up.

What you are going through is normal... what most of those who care do not want you to dwell on the relationship... but to go and do others things... there are website that you can go on to talk to some about a relationship ( my sister does this all the time) like a dating televised service... only... if you are looking for some to talk to first; then become a associate; then a friends and ;then develop a relationship... do all that is necessary to make yourself OK... after this the best revenge is doing better for yourself... I am not sending you away... we will always be here as long the master let us... to give you the advice you need without too much bullsh**... it is OK...

You know Wildcat you are right, the sad truth is most of the times it is anothet guy...

Well I am not a mean person or anything but I really hope it does not work out with them two because when she comes back to me I will make sure to make her feel the rejection and the pain she had caused me!!

I know it sounds mean and vengenful but I am still bitter over the whole thing!

You know Wildcat you are right, the sad truth is most of the times it is anothet guy...

Well i am not a mean person or anything but i really hope it does not work out with them two because when she comes back to me i will make sure to make her feel the rejection and the pain she had caused me!!!

I know it sounds mean and vengenful but i am still bitter over the whole thing!

That's Exactly how it sounds. Being bitter is normal but give it time and it will fade. You got played, happens to everyone at one time or another. Just a lesson in choosing your partners better and wiser. YOU cannot be played unless you let her play you so while your mad at her remember you had a hand in this also. Forget her and work on getting a life that you want and can enjoy. Time to put this behind you, and let go of all that misery.

Definitely easier said than done lol but I am working at it...

You know you are completely right, and you know I realised that not only has she done this towards the end, she has een playing me since the beginning.

I say this because now that I am outside the box everything is so clear all the weird outings the weird calls, the times where she never returns my calls, what do you think she was doing lol.

God when they tell you that love is blind Believe IT... never been so blind before though!!

Well it does suck... but here's the good news - you're stronger for it. You will know going forward what to look for. Not to completely surrender to someone. Be caucious - look for those signs. Don't believe everything they say.

No one deserves a 'player' - players are jackazz whop WERE HURT AT ONE Time - nad vowed never to be hurt again and to hurt everyone in their path - sad.

Look for the tell tail signs... not belin gavailable certain nights - lots od alibis. Not calling you back right away. (now early oo nthis shouldn't matter)

It's a GUT feeling as well.

Hey guys you are all aware of my situation by now but I have a little problem which I really need help with??

I am not sure if I had metioned this before but the girl I was seeing we both have mutual friends... Now my best friend's BD is coming up September 3rd and she is friends with his GF so in that order she will be there.

Now should I go or should I not go?? I know if I go its going to be hard and awkward seeing her but I am sure I could deal with it...

If I don't go everyone will know that I am not there because of her and I don't want to her to know that its affecting me that much and I sure as hell DO NOT want to alter my life because of her and plus I don't want to miss out on my bes friend's BD...

What do you guys think? Advice please

Just go. Doesn't mean you have to talk to her or anything. Maybe just a "hi, how are you" and split the other direction.

go.

ignore her. Act like she's someone else if you have to. She's the 70 year old man who feeds pigeons at the park. There. Glad I could fix that. =)

just have fun with your best friend.

remember the day is about him, not you or her... so if there is drama from her that's all you need to say or back off till later.

Pay complete and total attention to your best friend that day. Say hello in passing to this girl but that's it. Don't allow yourself to be put in a situation where she can approach you and try to talk. Stay busy but not obnoxiously so. Be fun and happy, happy, happy! Stay close to your buddies. Dance. Smile a lot.

Yes, you must go. Be a man. Act cool. Don't approach her at all. Have a great time! No needy or insecure moves. Think George Clooney/James Bond.

I wouldn't talk with her at all. She doesn't deserve it one bit. Talk to ALL the other women - taken or not!!

Let us know what happens!

Will do... thanks for all the advice guys...

I must say this site is the best thing I came across so far... Thank you all so much again I feel like a kid in a candy store lol..

Will keep you updated!

Now should i go or should i not go??????? I know if i go its going to be hard and awkward seeing her but i am sure i could deal with it....

Read your post above, you answered your own question, well done ;)

You've answered your own questions. Don't live your life around her. Otherwise that just puts her in control.

I personally think, be a man, and say "Hi" FIRST. Don't say anything else. Just go up and say "Hi". I don't like the idea of not saying a word. Especially if you guys have mutual friends and you might see her again.

In some ways, that also shows her that she had less power over you. You just don't care anymore.

yeah that was the plan really is only to aknowledge her one time and one time only and that is by saying hello.

After that she does not exist for the rest of the night and hopefully for the rest of my life =)

( I say that because more and more stuff are being said about what she has done behind my back and man I don't even ever want her as a friend!! )

That sucks that you have to learn about all her crap. Sometimes it's just best to not know this stuff - it sucks she's friends of friends, but hopefully her friends learn this crap as well and see what type of person she is.

Guys get all the bad press... but some women can be tas nasty or worse.

Not every women is this way.

The hell with what everyone else says you must do what you want to and not be worried about what anyone thinks. You can't let one rotten apple influence you at all. Hold your head up and be yourself. Whom ever doesn't like it, so what!

Hey guys,

By now most of you are aware of my situation. I got many signs of closure but today I am having a down day and I need another if it is there.

All of you must know that 5 steps of grief and how they work, well in the past couple of weeks I took several steps forward but today I am taking one back.

In your experience? Regardless of the fact that she was with another guy and she did cheat on me, do you think she still misses me at all or even still slightly think about me?

Again I am only asking to try and make myself feel better, this will not make me call her or want her back in any way as its been 3 weeks now and no contact non so ever YAY.

Thanks guys I hope our answers will make my day =)

Right OK.

Whether she missed you or not, what difference would it make to you. Would it really really make you feel any better.
If you found out she missed you, you would probably end up back to square one, instead of taking further the right steps of grief.
AND
If you found out she does not miss you, you will definitley feel worse of.
So think about it... do you really want to know?

Sometimes its best not knowing... the truth hurts.

We all remember our first, second and third... it is the way of life... if the experiences were good or bad we will remember... remembrance is that... that gives us a reason to continue on... if she is a kind person... she will remember the good old days... right... what is good is you moving on... like I tell many people after a break up... the word up... meaning you will move up... let's not stay down... that sort of feeling /situation will do you and any one else no good... move on... yell to yourself... Next!. did that feel good... do you feel better... empower yourself... go the salon and have a facial, hair-cut, ped and manicure... buy a new out fit... or press out one in the closet... go and get the next one... improve yourself by paying attention to you...

Yeah Dude, who cares about this woman... you have seen her true colors recently.

You can't ever want to go back to a cheater.

You don't want to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.

trust me guys, I never asked the above question because I want her back in any way.

You all know that at the moment I miss her, and the hardest part about all this is the fear of the unknown and which is I don't know if she misses me.

and to answer your question yeah I would feel better if she misses me and no it would not prompt me to contact her. On the other hand is she doesn't then I would not be surprised so it won't make it worse.

I will never know for sure because I a not asking her friends, I am asking you guys, but I guess no one knows for sure =(

Personally I think you are better than that. You deserve much better than a cheater. There is no excuse for that type of behaviour. It sounds like you are moving on, just keep going. There is someone out there way better for you. Three weeks will turn into 4 weeks, then 2 months and soon you will not think of her at all except to say, that you are glad to be out of there.

I think she probably misses you a bit. Anytime there is a change in someone's life there is an adjustment period. That doesn't mean she would want you back, but I'm sure you are in her thoughts.


I think you are doing great. Just keep on going forward. Take care.

Kadd -- the grief process is always three steps forward, one step back for everyone so please lower expectations about it and your progress, okay? Secondly, what you miss is not her but what the two of you had, for a time, which is now gone-- completely and totally gone. It is gone whether you got her back, even. So tell yourself the truth in this one and let the healing really be what it is -- over the loss of that, not her. My condolences on your loss too. Lastly, we all think about our past lovers. But how we think about them doesn't define who they are, they do that all by themselves. So know that even if she thought of you often and fondly or hardly and bitterly, you still are who you are because of YOU.

Now go outside and look up into the sky a while -- the fresh air will do you good and its important to remind ourselves while grieving that its still a big wide world out there full of wonderous things, okay? It will be okay eventually, it really will.

It's hard to say whether she misses you or thinks about you now or not. But she will have her regrets eventually. Sooner or later she'll come to realize that she made poor choices and has to deal with the consequences of those choices. Meanwhile, you just keep getting on with your own life and don't look back ; you know the drill.

Well thanks a lot guys I did need that!!

I just want Sunday to come and go so I could say it will be the last time I see her!!

I am sure seeing her will set me back another step for a little while but its worth letting her know that I am doing OK without her!!

Dude, remember, say "HI" first, and then walk away. SHE SUCKS, and that's all she DESERVES from you.

Val - once again - outstanding.

Kadd - read Val's post again.

I wouldn't worry about seeing her... sometimes when you actually see them... you realize WHAT THEY REALLY ARE - sometimes we get this false feeling in our head about someone and it isn't REALITY!!

You may be repulsed by her and feel good ridience.

It is gone whether you got her back, even.

REMEMBER THAT!! That is huge. It'll NEVER BE THE SAME, even if she comes back. The first time around DIDN'T WORK, REMEMBER THAT. IF there is a NEXT TIME, it HAS TO BE DIFFERENT. Otherwise, the SAME THING WILL HAPPEN.

People really need to understand this, WHEN THEY WANT SOMEONE BACK. IT CAN AND SHOULD NEVER BE THE SAME, or the SAME RESULTS WILL TRANSPIRE.

It has to be something NEW and FRESH.

Well thanks a lot guys i did need that!!!

I just want sunday to come and go so i could say it will be the last time i see her!!!!

I am sure seeing her will set me back another step for a little while but its worth letting her know that i am doing ok without her!!!
You are actually probably a whole lot finer than you think... so don't predict what Sunday will be, don't limit your potential for growth like that-- it may set you back and it may not! Do like they're saying here, plan in advance to say hi or nod even and then redirect your interest elsewhere, which is a social skill that is good to have or sharpen. Easy peasey! :p

honestly guys I don't know what I would do without all of you lol!!

Thank you so much, my day is already looking up =) I will take all of your advice to heart and I will have a post for all of you Monday morning to inform you of what happened.

Hope all goes well, wish me luck guys, thanks again!

If you do go back to someone after a break... things HAVE to be different - they have to be.

YOU CAN'T go back to what you had - you need to change the balance, communication has to be a lot better, maybe some rules, space, be busy, TAKE IT SLOW!!

Did I say take it slow?? TAKE IT SLOW!!

Communication is king!!

Genrally though you should never get back in a relationship IF there was:

Cheating

Abuse - verbal or physical

Lying

Excessive alcohol or drugs

Large amounts of manipulatyion or control

I am absolutely not planning on going back!! Not when it involves cheating

NEVER!

You should run and be happy if you had any of those things happen - RUN!! Be happy it's over and that there are GREAT women out there!

You'll be fine. You're a MAN. Act like a the man you are and keep moving forward.
I know its hard! Very hard but keep posting here. It does get better.

And really, knowing whether she misses you doesn't help a thing.

I know this. I find out things about what my ex says all the time, but it doesn't help one little bit whether it is good things said or bad. It doesn't help.

What difference can it make? If your working on you what she thinks doesn't matter so forget that line of thinking.

Well I am sorry to bug everyone again but today I got more bad news =(

I got this call from an old friend I haven't talked too in a long time, and he asked me right from the start " are you still with your GF ? " so I naturally said NO why?

So he tells me that for the past couple of month he has been seeing a guy coming out of her place early in the morning and its not you!!

So again another confermation to how bad and how far this girl has wronged me... Again sorry to bug you guys but really needed to vent, I just don't want to hear about her anymore!! :mad:

You got all the confirmation you need that she is a cheat.
She should definitley be in your bad books now!

Oh and remember - what goes around comes around ;)

Yeah.

The problem is when someone breaks up with you, they usually have been thinking about it for some time. They've had time to process it, rationalize, justify, and begin the moving on stages before you even know what's going to hit you.

Oh well. This at least obliterates the "what ifs" as in what if she changed her mind, etc. done, sealed, over.

lol I guess... its like you said this seals the deal!!

God what's wrong with you women lol?? Just kidding, I am sure there are still some good ones out there =)

Hey hey... don't give us women grief :p we are not all the same!
Im totally faithful to my man.. and vice-versa...
There are bad kinds of both sexes!

So can I take it you are no longer interested in how often she thinks of you?

Well you know I came to ralise now that no matter is she misses me like hell or not miss me at all, it does not make a difference.

The reason why I am still dwelling over this is because regrdless that she is a cheat there is a stupid little small place in my heart that still wants her which in order still gives me hope.

What I need to do is cut hope at all cost and realsie that no matter what whether she comes running back or not promising to change IT WILL NOT WORK, the cheating part will be in the back of my mind for the rest of our days and I don't want to live with that!!

You don't want her back, you want what you had (or thought you had) back and that is understandable Kadd. Hope doesn't have your ex's name on it. Hope belongs in the future, dude, in the future with some really nice girl you just haven't met yet, okay?

I hope you're true to yourself and don't turn to mush the first time she tries to come back and turns on the waterworks! Manipulative women are famous for that crap!

Oh, and also, let your friends know before hand, that you have no interest in going back with her, seeing her, talking about or to her so they need not tell you anything that has to do with her.

Get busy, and stay busy with something constructive.

Stop worrying about what she's doing and who she's with! Those things are her problem and the guy's she's with problem, not yours! Feel sorry for the poor sap who's now tolerating all the crap she once dished out to you! Live your life as though she no longer exists. WIped off the face of the earth, period. She's a complete stranger to you. You don't know her name or anything about her! If someone else brings up the subject, make like you don't even know her by responding with something like "[Mary] who?" After they respond in a "you've got to be joking" manner, hesitate for a bit, then reply with something like "Oh yeah, her. Now I remember. But hell, it's been such a long time!" Despite the obvious sarcastic overtures, they'll get the message easily enough. That's what you need to convey to yourself and everyone else. Fake it at first if you have to. However, if you diligently adhere to this philosophy you won't be faking it for too long. Pretty soon it'll be genuine.

FIRST - this gal is REALLY BAD NEWS... I have a few choice words for her type... but won't use them.

This was a great learning experience, but you NEVER want this women back... you can't ever trust her, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU, She took you for granted.

My old saying WILL always rings true - 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.

See people who cheat have a massive screw loose - they think it's OK to do it and justify it in their minds. They ARE VERY SELFISH people WHO HAVE BEEN HURT ONE TOO MANY TIMES BY LOVED ONES.

Let me guess - her parents were divorced - one of the parents cheated?? And/or she had a previous boyfriend cheat on her.

Run from her!! Run like the wind!! Run to a better place. Never look back!! Rearview mirror - see things so much clearer!! Chalk it up to great experience and move on!

s_cianci - I'd rate you again - but I can't. Great stuff.

Well her parents are divorced and WOW it was an ugly one where they used the kids to get back at each other!!

So get this guys I may have figured out her problem. I currently work for the government my salary ranges around the $50,000 a year, now she makes quite more than that.

The reason why I am bringing this up is because one of her friend had told me that she thinks that might be a problem!!

I mean GOD I am not poor yeah I don't make as much but hey... LOL This is great the more I learn about her the more this is getting easier what a nut job!!

You are just as obsessed to be into her as the Terrible One as you were to be into her as the Special One. Do you not have enough already to move on? Give it up and find a new topic, please. There is getting it and there is grinding it into the ground here. She is damaged and bad for you, enough said, quit with the excessive trashing her or analysing her or expect to be labeled the nut job going on and on and on about a nut job and an ex-nut job at that. Holy crapola! :eek:

She is still a person and ought not be wrung through some wringer just to make you feel like da man, okay? Exercise a little discretion here. If you have to put someone down to feel up yourself, guess what, its an illusion and from your own crappy behavior you're down in the that gutter with them.

Reread post #9 - do what it says.

[QUOTE=kadd0007]Well her parents are divorced and WOW it was an ugly one where they used the kids to get back at each other!!

Not surprised... usually cheaters come from that sort of profile... not always... but bad divorces usually result in that - they are hurt, wounded.

The next time someone tells you about... something about this person... stop them in their tracks... say I DONOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS PERSON... WANT A BEER ( OR WHAT EVER YOUR DRINK OR EAT):mad: :eek:... do that feel better... uhh... yeah!

true enough trashing her will not make anything better so...

From now on no matter talking about her, I will update you guys on Monday and of course ask for some more advice and after that I am moving on with my life for good.

So the countdown begins, 4 more days to total freedom =)

She will probably at some point down the track try and manipulate you to see if she still has you. Be strong, be a man and don't let her. Prove to her that she is GONE!!

And let your friends know that she is in the past now and you no longer want her name mentioned. Not even for negative or bad stuff about her. You don't need to know anymore.

true enough trashing her will not make anything better so.....

From now on no matter talking about her, i will update you guys on monday and of course ask for some more advice and after that i am moving on with my life for good.

So the countdown begins, 4 more days to total freedom =)

What's going on Monday?

There is no reason to look to justify why you and this female didn't make it and putting her down is a bad sign that you still let her live rent free in your head. Usually while being hurt is understandable, to give in and dwell on the hurt is a red flag that says you are not doing enough to move on. It may not kill you, but will slow your healing process and always leave doubts in your mind. Being around new people, hanging out in new places, and doing new things may give you different attitudes and different ideas to kick around instead of your ex. Good luck and get busy with YOU.

Hey, I am sorry that you have to find out things the hard way... that's why we are told by everyone to move on and work on ourselves! :)

And I agree with Val that you want what you THOUGHT you had... so please see if for what it is!

And erase her from your mind... you can use the old fashioned rubber band on wrist thing if you need to, but DO NOT WASTE YOU TIME thinking about her, talking about her, or "what if"ing her... she is not worth the time! Not because she is a bad person, but because she is not in your life, and you don't need her there...

And I also advise you to tell people in your life that you do not want to talk about her, so ask them not to talk about her, ask about her, or anyting! Tell them up front that you don't want to know any information about her or her friends...

Ok, that's all I have to say... you have gotten some great advice here! Happy venting!

who?" After they respond in a "you've got to be joking" manner, hesitate for a bit, then reply with something like "Oh yeah, her. Now I remember. But hell, it's been such a long time!" Despite the obvious sarcastic overtures, they'll get the message easily enough. That's what you need to convey to yourself and everyone else. Fake it at first if you have to. However, if you diligently adhere to this philosophy you won't be faking it for too long. Pretty soon it'll be genuine.

I've actually been doing this in my own current situation and I can tell you it works. When our friends bring her up I purposely was calling her by the wrong name, which did get some looks at first but the more I did it I started to call her by the wrong name instictively. The funny part is so did our one friend that won't stop talking about her. I figure if our friend won't shut up I will at least not talk about her by name. In a way its also like putting her down without actually doing it so it makes you feel better.


FIRST - this gal is REALLY BAD NEWS....I have a few choice words for her type....but wont use them.

This was a great learning experience, but you NEVER want this women back....you can't ever trust her, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU, She took you for granted.

My old saying WILL always rings true - 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.

See people who cheat have a massive screw loose - they think it's OK to do it and justify it in their minds. They ARE VERY SELFISH people WHO HAVE BEEN HURT ONE TOO MANY TIMES BY LOVED ONES.

Let me guess - her parents were divorced - one of the parents cheated???? and/or she had a previous boyfriend cheat on her.

Run from her!!! Run liek the wind!!! Run to a better place. Never look back!!!! Rearview mirror - see things so much clearer!!!! Chalk it up to great experience and move on!

Seriously Wildcat are you going to write a book because your insite is always dead on. I'm learning so much just from reading your posts.

Your so dead on, people who cheat do justify it in there own minds and then try to pass that belief onto others. Usually, the people who the excuses get passed onto to don't want to ruffle any feathers so they just except it.

I was talking to a friend about a month ago about dating women who come from divorced homes vs. women who come from homes where the father was around. In my experience (I'm not saying every woman, so don't jump all over me) women from two parent homes seem to be more mentally and emotionally stable. Fathers do make a difference in an adult daughters life to the point that most women don't even realize it.

Why yes Chuf... I am writing a book - it's going to be for mostly guys... very different perspective than all the other ones out there. Some women won't like it.

The weird thing is the cheating MAY NOT even be to hurt the current lover... it's to hurt the PAST - get even wit hthe person who cheated on them - get even for their F-d up parents.

Once a cheater, always a cheatr. I have NEVER seen the pattern stop.

For the record, I have seen many many bad behaviors stop when the person pursued the appropriate solution. Cheating is definitely on that list. People cheat for far more than one reason, in many different settings and emotional climates and with all sorts of "pay offs". To attempt to predict a person's behavior on such a wide ranging experience as infidelity, in fact, to label anyone as hopeless about any behavior without indepth verifiable data or provable explanation is just plain silly. You're suggesting that people who cheat are incapable of remorse or learning the lesson and stand apart from any possibility of healing. Might it be your own unfinished business in this topic that motivates such a view, Cat?

As far as cheating goes, yes I am. Until I see differnet - I have seen it through a lot of friends. It's something in their make up.

Perhaps you should get around more.

Why yes Chuf...I am writting a book - it's going to be for mostly guys...very different perspective than all the other ones out there. Some women wont like it.

Well, email me or post an update here when you get it published because I'm already sold. Your first purchase is already guaranteed!


The weird thing is the cheating MAY NOT even be to hurt the current lover.....it's to hurt the PAST - get even wit hthe person who cheated on them - get even for their F-d up parents.

Do you think that's why nice guys finish last? Or at least one of the reasons. In my own past situations I've found myself dealing, or try to deal with women's emotional issues that went back years, being the nice guy and helping them, and listening to them and of course you know what happened. I got screwed over. Usually for a guy that treats them like total crap, ironically enough.

Can I make a suggestion? Instead of trying to figure out why all the girls you date make the choices they make... try and figure out why you choose these types of girls... you are like these girls as well... you have chosen people who treat you like crap... so wildcats book should be interesting to read, but you need to point that finger back at you as well... not just to understand others...

I don't buy that it always the past that is Devastating a relationship... yes it contributes, but it is how we handle it that matters... EVERYONE has baggage of some sort... and most people still have healthy relationships. So lets keep focusing on ourselves, please! :)

Wellsadly I must say that years ago I use to actually be that shallow!! I use to go for girls with the perfect body's perfect face and so on.

But I luckily I got out of that state and I have been finding people depending on their inner beauty, that's why I was so confused with this someone, I saw something in her that was never there.

So to answer your question NO I do not go looking for these type of chicks!!

No one begins dating someone know they are bad. If you already knew that, you wouldn't date them. It is a question of how long you want to be in a bad situation when there are clear warning signs.

THis was your statement...

Do you think that's why nice guys finish last? Or at least one of the reasons. In my own past situations I've found myself dealing, or try to deal with women's emotional issues that went back years, being the nice guy and helping them, and listening to them and of course you know what happened. I got screwed over. Usually for a guy that treats them like total crap, ironically enough.[/QUOTE]


This is why I said that you may be chosing girls that will end up being "not so good" for you. I never said you LOOK for them,or that you are shallow at all... you sound like a great guy! But sometimes we fall into a pattern of the types of people we chose... and it sounds like you need to look at why you have chosen these types. IT doesn't have anything to do with looks, like you said in your last post... I am just suggesting you to look at who you chose and why... if not, then you will continue to chose what is comfortable... and in this situation again.

I know this because I used to do the same thing... and yes, I used to stay in them WAY too long as well... despite the warning signs... so I had to start looking at why I chose these negative people for me...
And now, I chose people in my life who have made personal changes, take responsibility for their actions, and have little reaction to the things have been in the past... maybe you can make similar new choices and new things to look for to have a HEALTHY relationship...

PS.. . yeah there are still nice girls out there. I have NEVER cheated... I am very loyal to everyone in my life, friends, family, etc... and there was cheating in my family, so the rule of cheating is not across the board... look for the girls who have the qualities and have followed the rules of life that you value as well... values and emotional stability are key! :)
Thanks for listening! Hope this is helpful for you!

Can i make a suggestion? Instead of trying to figure out why all the girls you date make the choices they make... try and figure out why you choose these types of girls.... you are like these girls as well... you have chosen people who treat you like crap.... so wildcats book should be interesting to read, but you need to point that finger back at you as well.... not just to understand others....

I dont buy that it always the past that is DEVESTATING a relationship... yes it contributes, but it is how we handle it that matters... EVERYONE has baggage of some sort... and most people still have healthy relationships. So lets keep focusing on ourselves, please! :)

A couple of things, first I think you have me confused with some of the other posters

Second, I don't disagree that I either seek these women out or wind up trying to fix them or change them. You always here women say that about men but it does go both ways. For me I can trace it to my childhood always trying to please my parents who never could be pleased. Nothing was ever good enough. While I was never physically abused my dad made sure to put me down, and every time I did something for myself or accomplished something he verbally slapped me right back down. My mom never said or did anything about it even though she later admitted to me as an adult that she realized it was wrong. Then my dad would turn around and be extremely nice to me like nothing happened, although he's never once apologized for all his verbal abuse. I never knew or should I say, I never learned how to be treated or learned to stand up for myself. So yeah, I think that is why I'm still to this day finding women who have been abused in some way and trying to fix them. In some way I think I'm trying to be the hero, but it just never works out that way. Your right, and I agree that I have my own problems to overcome. I'm not saying in any way that I'm perfect and women are wrong, but as I get older and see the patterns of behavior in women I've encountered I was asking for a reason behind this.

For me, the problem isn't necessarily identifying the problem but trying to figure out how to fix it.

I'm not saying in any way that I'm perfect and women are wrong, but as I get older and see the patterns of behavior in women I've encountered I was asking for a reason behind this.
It is good that you are seeing the pattern. Very good. And you seem to know that the pattern is really authored by you, which is doubley good. But let me caution this please and hopefully it won't sound like a lecture? :rolleyes:

While I have experienced enough, read enough and seen enough in others to play "armchair psychologist", it is really unwise for anyone here to do that. Like the Nursing and Pet threads, there is a line not to cross and when we meet it, many of us suggest its time to see a professional. Also for the record it is not necessary to be a "nut job" or some big mental case to seek out help from a counselor. You only need to have failure in your life that you can't seem to overcome. So when someone suggests you pursue it with a professional, its probably because they themselves spent the time and money doing likewise and they recognise you won't get the same spectacular results unless you do likewise. I know in my case that is exactly what it is and I wish that sort of success for you too. :)

It sounds as though you are wondering why some women have a certain behavior pattern, I think when you realize why you have certain behavior patterns you may understand why you meet women with certain patterns.
You may get into relationships with these women to rescue them because you always wanted someone to rescue you from your parents. It may be because you like being a caretaker, the hero. No one can rescue someone, they have to rescue themselves. No one will be abused more than they would abuse themselves. Do not spend wasted energy trying to figure out why she did what she did. Take that energy and figure out why you allowed it and felt you deserved it. If you had not felt you deserved it, you would have walked away shaking your head saying "I didn't deserve that and boy does she need help".

Kadd and Chuff, you are right, I was a little confused for a moment as to who posted what, sorry for the confusion, but when I went back and reread, I still think that the thoughts I wrote still applies! :) Right guys? :P

Well guys, I went on Sunday to the party I have been mentioning and well I can't say that it was such a great idea.

I took the advice and only said hi to her, however evtually in the night we were around the table and after alone on the table. We spoke briefly and somehow talked about her new boyfriend.

either way she took off not long after, I was fine I guess till this morning one of her friends tells me that she would rather not talk to me anymore even consider a friendship later on =(

I am not sure why or what I said to make her feel that way, but I feel like seeing her took me a step back but her having to say she will never be my friend took me even one more step back... Anyway I feel like I am back to square one and I am not sure why!! Any input?

Whether she likes the idea or not. Your going to be crossing paths at one time or another. I would put my chin up and still say hello. That is it. Whether she wants to be friends or not. I would just let it slip off my back. I do not think talking about her boyfriend was such a good idea, Unless she is the one that brought it up. Oh well, you still need to show her that your strong that when you guys to cross paths you will be the better person.

Joe

Well... you really did not take our advice. You should not have spoken with her - period - end of story. But of course you had to. Bad idea, really bad.

You keep shoving a knife in your back. I might suggest a counselour because you don't quite get it.

This lady is a snake and not reall you very good person. Move on.

It should have been - hello - that's it.

She sees a sick puppy dog in you. Needy.

WHY on earth are you talking about her boyfriend. So insecure. You should have said I don't care and walked away.

I still don't understand why on earth you would want to be friends with a person that did all this to you... and now more.

You knew it was a really bad idea to talk with her - and now she has a concrete opinion of you.

Now would be a very good time to go back to square one and renew the no contact rule. Forget the curiosity and move on with your life. Leave the past where it belongs and forget this female completely.

Yep - the plan was NOT to talk with her... yet you did... and she hit you with an upper cut.

Your whole appearance SHOULD HAVE been one of indiffference and not caring one bit about her. You should have walked away from that table... yet you need attention from her and she smelled it - not vewry attractive.

You made a mistake by talking to her. But I understand why you did. Avoid her. At all costs. If you know she'll be somewhere, be somewhere else. It sucks for me too. I go to school with her. And invariably, I will run into her. But I decided I won't go anywhere she will be. And it is sad, because I was at the school first, I know the people better. But seeing someone who insulted me as she did, and continues to insult me by not being civil, walking past me without saying a word, not even "hi" makes me feel bad, and very angry. So it is extreme on my part, but I don't want to go to parties, functions, events where she is, even if my friends are there.

I just stay away. You should too.

Wow - Cali - I had no idea... that gal is wacko... but maybe she feels you're trying too hard right now?

I know how much it sucks when your ex is the one deciding things and you just have to learn to accept it. My ex boyfriend called me and said the same thing your ex girlfriend did. He told me he was moving on, that I should too and that he does not even want to be friends- he prob. Never will. The thing is, I had never wanted to be his friend, but the finality of it all was overwhelming. Its really hard when something takes us back a step after time to recover and then you feel like you have to do it all over again. Just remember even if it feels like you took some steps back- u have taken too many forward to ever return to square one- we all feel this way when we see an ex or talk to them or even allow ourselves to cry at something that reminds us of them. You have to go back to the no contact and stick to it no matter if you see her again, or if you feel like calling- call a friend or go out- don't go back there- its too painful. I know its hard and I'm not telling you to change your life, but I know that my ex boyfriend is a manager at a certain store, so I avoid that store. It doesn't have to be drastic like mine, but I mean it is always better not to even put yourself in that situation. Anyhow, you can't always plan life and it is probable that we will run into our ex at some point in our life. But when you do just keep your distance or if you want to just say hello or something ( no more than a friendly hi) but most of all keep your dignity. Anyhow- don't beat yourself up. It didn't go the way you planned or how you would have liked it, but everything happens for a reason and maybe this way the no contact will help you to really move on for good. Anyhow, everyone falls down but it takes the strong at heart to get back up and keep going. You are doing amazing and just let her go on her way. Goodluck!

Letting others make you feel one way or another... letting them decide what goes down and what doesn't... taking on any of the shame of their bad manners... or letting them set the conversation agenda and listening to stuff that is plainly none of your business...

Makes me wonder if there is an adult here instead of a candle in the wind. The answer to most of this is that dirty word: Responsibility!

Kad, If your going to ask for advice on this website or anyone like it than you have to be prepared to follow that advice. You wanted the hollywood ending where she would wake up and realize you're the man of her dreams. The problem is we don't live in the movies. We live in real life and she's using you. When everybody said don't talk to her they meant not at all. Quite frankly, she doesn't even deserve a hello. She already put the dagger in your heart, now she's twisting it. The worst part is you let her.

If you ask for advice then, for the love of God, follow that advice. Especially when all the advice is consistent. Look, I'm not trying to run you down, because I've recently been where your at but nobody on this board has an emotional attactment to this woman like you do. If you know she's going to be somewhere than avoid that place. Don't do it for her, but do it for yourself. Going to a party that she was going to be at was asking for trouble. Talking to her, alone non the less, was giving her all your power.

If you don't know what to do, and it's cool if don't then follow the advice of those that do. Follow it now and if you get stuck ask again but whatever you follow it. DO NOT do what you think is best. Your wrong. Your thinking with your emotionals, not rational thoughts.

Well I must say all what was said above was RIGHT. It was my fault and I should have walked away but things are easier said than done.

However I feel great today because I realised that by her saying that it means I will not see her again, if fate decided that we become friends later on in life so be it but for now I am taking care of ME.

Thanks again guys for all your help it was very much appriciated. I will be on this board daily to read other subjects and hopefully learn from them, my saga with this person is over and I promise the next subject will hopefully be a positive one and with someone who appreciates me. Thanks again to all of you see you all soon =)

Now do you understand no contact as well? By talking to her you ruined the mystery.

She can't cpmplain that you didn't talk to her or pay attention to her.

Nothing changed. You were right there with her.

Chuff - has a GREAT post here... you gave away the power by talking with her. She took it.

Ande yes - people all the time confuse movies with reality.

WOmen want to work for things.

I don't know why she said what she said or feels the way she feels but I wouldn't waste time and energy fretting about it. Part of the problem is that you blew it in that you had previously decided that you were just going to say "hello" and nothing more. You didn't stick to your guns. As we told you before, it's over and that's that. You really don't need to worry about or care why she feels the way she does about being friends (or not) or anything else. You know what the score is and what you need to do. Everything else is just empty filler so remove it from your mind once and for all.

However i feel great today because i realised that by her saying that it means i will not see her again, if fate decided that we become friends later on in life so be it but for now i am taking care of ME.

No offense Kad, but I still don't think you get it. Why at this point would you ever want to be her friend in the future? She totally screwed you over. It's not like you both dated for awhile and it didn't work out because you were two different people with two different views of the world and had a mutually agreed upon break up. She frickin dropped you for another guy. Screw her. You can't trust her ever. You can't trust her to be a friend. Your still hoping that in the future you can be friends? Why? What did she ever do to deserve your friendship?


Thanks again guys for all your help it was very much appriciated. I will be on this board daily to read other subjects and hopefully learn from them, my saga with this person is over and i promise the next subject will hopefully be a positive one and with someone who appreciates me. Thanks again to all of you see you all soon =)

Good for you. I joined this site about 4 to 6 weeks ago after getting jerked around by a girl I work with. I have no choice but to see this woman everyday and I still don't talk to her. She used to say hello everyday then whined to our friends when I wouldn't respond. Now she isn't saying hello at all and telling people I'm mad at her. I keep saying I'm not mad at all, I just don't care to associate with liars. That is what you need to do. This woman lied to you and dropped you for another guy. Your in the right here. Not her. You didn't do anything wrong. You need to quit acting like you did, and hope that she will somehow forgive you and become your friend. Forget her. You tell anybody who asks that your just not looking for the kind of friends who lie to you. Who could argue with that?

Like I said, I came to this site and I have gone back and read older posts and looked for patterns of behavior in others that I have in my personality read the advice given to those in need. I've really learned a lot about myself through that advice and I've been able to go back to previous relationships, seen where the attraction started, where it started to go down hill and where it just ended. The relationship usually ended before the actual break up. Just like yours did. I, like you am an extremely emotional man and I've always heard women like emotional guys, but again, that's fantasy... that's hollywood - that stuff sells to woman the box office but it doesn't sell women on in real life. When all these posters say work on yourself, really do it! Really look inward and to your past. I've been looking all the way back to my childhood. I've been trying to figure out where some of my beliefs came from and if they are practical in the real world. I've made some improvements in just a short time but I've got a big mountain to climb. I'm not a quiter though and neither are you. Read some older posts and learn from them. Think what you would do in that situation, and then think what should you do that situation and then think, in the future when that situation presents itself, what will I do? Really take those steps to better yourself. Don't just say but follow through. You'll be glad you did.

Chuff - has a GREAT post here.....you gave away the power by talking with her. She took it.

Ande yes - people all the time confuse movies with reality.

WOmen want to work for things.

THANK YOU. I've read many of your posts related to others and I'm doing my best to improve. So for you to say those kind words really means a lot. Thank You again.

Chuff I guess you are right, why would I want a friend like that?? But I always had one thing I believed in and its to forgive and forget.

Don't get me wrong though, by me saying that it does not mean that me and her we'll ever be close again even as friends, it simply means that I will maybe aknowledge her presence one day if I see her around! =)

Nothing wrong with forgive and forget, but you have nothing to forgive and don't forget her boot up your butt

I think you need to take away from this is... sh really is NOT a good person. You found out early enough what you REALLY would get in a long term relationship from her.

There are many great ladies out there - she is not one of them.

Glad you did not find this 5 years later.

Chuff i guess you are right, why would i want a friend like that??? but i always had one thing i beleived in and its to forgive and forget.

Dont get me wrong though, by me saying that it does not mean that me and her we'll ever be close again even as friends, it simply means that i will maybe aknowledge her presence one day if i see her around!! =)

I'm not sure I caught your age but I'm guessing your young and hard headed. Take it from me as I've always been hard headed myself and stuck to my beliefs. As I've gotten older I've realized that some of my beliefs have really held be back. Even when I thought they were good beliefs. Sometimes your beliefs are wrong. Sometimes you need to change and I think your belief of forgive and forget needs to be changed or at least modified.

When you forgive someone it isn't for them. Forgiving someone is for yourself. It is something you do to move on. It took me a long time to grasp this. By forgiving someone your giving up the pain they caused you. Your giving up the hold they have over your emotions and thoughts. Your saying to yourself, "There's nothing I can do about what that person did to me and instead of carrying around anger, I'm going to put it in the past and move forward."

I believe you should change your belief to forgive, but never, ever forget.

KAdd,

Chuff and cat have given you some great advice here. I really hope you listen to them.

Stop blaming yourself for what happened! It wasn't your fault. You are indeed lucky (I know you don't feel this way right now) that you have seen these things now.

It is much better than 5 or 7 years down the track.

You should be glad that you have saved yourself from even greater pain in the future
Keep moving forward and be strong. Work on YOU!

Yep - this is a woman you've found out you could NEVER trust. She doesn't respect you.

Hey guys,

Without having to rebore you with my current situation, I have a very and simple question.

Its been excatly one month today that I have not talked, e-mailed, messaged or heard anything of her!!

So I know now that I am capable of not contacting her however I still miss her dearly, I know she does not even deserve for me to miss her but yet I can't help it, is this normal?? I mean I feel like what we had I am never going to find with anyone else, what if I don't am I going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her?

I am not sure why I miss her more than usual this past little while I sjut do, any advice?

Go another month - then a simple phone call to say hi.

It's still a grieving process.

The first 3 months or so are going to be hard. You will miss her. You will probably miss little things about her for a long long time to come. This is normal behaviour. I have been broken up with my ex for about 6 - 7 months now and I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't still hurt at times. It does. Sometimes I still feel a little hurt and upset and just miss certain things about her.. She was a good person and a big part of my life and now it is gone. You can't just replace that in a few months because you don't contact them. In fact I will never replace it. Just find something / someone new that makes me happy.

So yeah I still hurt little. But so so much less then before. So much less. I am now happy most of the time as opposed to miserable most of the time. You will too my friend.
You just have to give it time. Keep up the no contact. Just find things to keep occupied and it will get better.

Thanks guys really appreciate the response, however wildcat for the first time I am going to disegree with you.

As much as I would love to call her and say hi in a month time, I think I am just going to call her on her BD which is in April 2007...

The reason why I am waiting that long is because I know myself, in my heart I want to call her in a month and have her be just as happy to hear from me and want to see me which in order proves that I am not near being over her, hoever in April 2007 I am sure by then I would be over her and I should not care what she says then... what do you think?

As wildcat said, this is a grieving process... which trust me takes time. You're not going to wake up 1 fine morning and say " oh how great i feel today, im not even thinking of her "... unfortuntaley it doesn't work like that.
You are only thinking now that you will never find someone as good as her, all these things take time.

Just keep yourself busy and try your utmost to push her further back in your mind and prioritise what should come first... YOU.

Why bother to call her on her birthday.. you've gone without calling for so long...
Think of you.. what if you fall back where you started... what will u do then?

For now work on yourself to get to the point you are healthy again and the hole in your soul has healed.

Good point, that's why I don't want to call her now, but you never know what if I call her in April and then it takes me back to square one.

Well then there you go my mind is made up, if somehow we connect again so be it but its for sure not going to be from me calling her!. thanks guys!!

... i mean i feel like what we had i am never going to find with anyone else, what if i dont am i going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her??

I am not sure why i miss her more than usual this past little while i sjut do, any advice?

After breaking up with my girlfriend of seven years (through HS, college) I felt like that. How in the world am I supposed to find something better, etc.

Well you do. You are going to think of her often for some time. Even when in a new relationship you'll think back to her... as in maybe she didn't like the food that your new girlfriend does, or maybe she was less patient about something... she's a part of your life and your past. Its not going away.

But, as was mentioned, it is exactly like a grieving process. Ever had someone you cared about die? Well... it hurts like hell for a long time, and over time it hurts less. You never miss them less, but the hurting does fade.

The only difference with the girlfriend is you do miss them less in time.

I've been married over 6 great years to a fantastic person. I still think of every girlfriend from time to time. Two of which I was madly in love with. When I think of them now its more of a "i-wonder-what-shes-up-to" pondering, not an angst-filled suffer-in-my-own-misery thing.

Meaningful relationships mean something. Its supposed to hurt when it falls apart.

Thankfully, others come along. They are never the same as the previous one. But don't classify all others as not as good just cause it isn't the same. I had connections with my first girlfriend that were unique to that relationship. I'm thankful for the experiences... and some of the connections I still miss a little. But you find that in all relationships. Don't harp on the "what if i dont find better". You're setting yourself up for failure.

Be patient. Eventually you'll miss her less and like someone more.

kadd0007 - if you can wait until April - more power to you.

I'd satrt doing gother things now - hope you work out, run, lift weights etc - I'd start dating - dtae, date, date - wortk harder at work... school.

I know 1000% working out helps you move on.

LOL its funny you mention the gym wildcat, I am a regular client at the gym but lately I have stepp it up and I am there more often and the results I am getting are great.

At the same time me and a bunch of my friends are planning a trip to Cancun Mexico so should be a blast...

Well to clarify things, I don't hurt at all anymore, I never think back to her or our time together and get upset and teary like I use too, I just think back and ONLY miss her as I am not exgareting when I say this but I have dated a lot in my time and still am at the moment and NEVER have it had anything close to what and me and her had... thats why I am having a hard time with this...

But just like most of you said I am being optemestic and I will wish for the best and cross my fingers to the day someone comes along that I will share similar experiences with =)

Good - a long work out or run puts a ton of stuff in perspective.

Traveling is the best - helps sooooooooooooooo much.

That's good - see missing some one like that is healthy. You weren't in love with the relationship idea - but with her.

Wildcat did you mean to say that in reverse... I was with the relationship but not her??

Or am I getting ti wrong?

What I was saying is some people are in love with an idea of a relationship - but not necessarily that person. They want so desperately to be in a relationship - anyone might do.

Ah I see it makes sense now!! Hmmm I wonder if that was my case??

Something to think about lol!!

It is. Happens to everyone. Depends on how good of a person she really was.

Well to be honest with you she seemed like she had a good heart, but its kind of hard to lok back and say that she did after she treated me like crap for 6 month and at the end she cheated on me!!

A lot of my friends tell me it's a case of ( you want what you can't have ) since I never had any girl turn me down, and that also makes some sense too but I am not too sure!!

Hey guys,

For theone who are familiar with my situation here it goes, today I got sent a picture with my ex making out with some really really ugly dude when she went away with her friends for the weekend.

Wildcat I was saying how maybe I should call her so yesterday ( **** THAT ), so my question is? Now that I know about another time she was cheating, I though about just sending her an e-mail with the picture just to let her know that I know, I am not even going to write anything.

So should I? Is it a good idea? Please keep in mind this gesture I want to do is in no way a way to try and get her back at all it is merely to let her that I know??

Please give me your thoughts??

Me... personally, if I were in your shoes... I would send her the email.
Now I don't whether it's the right thing to do or not, but I speak sincerely and say yes I would send it.. after all, why not.
Don't write anything as you said just make sure she knows it came from you and that's it.

The man thing would be to move on.

But, personally - I'd send it. It would actually give you more power back.

It may also help you move on - not sure you really want this gal back anyway - right? After more stuff like this - you got to wonder what else.

I think it's good she should know that eventually her boyfriend WILL find out one way or another.

If she was chaeting, well, you probably know may saying about cheating - once a cheater, always a cheater - I don't know ANY cheaters who ever stop.

Sometimes it's just best to move on.

Well I am moving on in a very healthy way as far as I am concerned.

However I am scared if I send her the picture she's going to think I am phsyco and accuse me of stalking her and meedling in her business, I only came across the picture by pure luck!! So I don't know...

Still thinking about but not too sure if I am going to do it...

When is the last time you contacted her?

Say - He I found this. Then don't contact her ever again.

Do you care, after finding this picture, wah tshe really thinks right now? She should be embarrassed.

We last talked a month ago, and to answer your question I could really care less to what she thinks of me.

However we do have mutual friends and I just don't want her to go and run her mouth about me, also I am starting to think she is not even worth the time so,,

Well - I do think you have agood come back if anyone brought it up. "I jsut wanted her to know I knew about this particluar situatin" - I'd like to see her explain that picture to anyone.

i only came across the picture by pure luck!!!


You said you got this picture emailed to you. But here you say you came across it by pure luck. :rolleyes:

If someone emailed it to you - what's the problem with emailing it to her. I you had it emailed to you all you have to do is tell you friends that and that you forwarded it to her.

Yeah it makes sense, but honestly guys if you knew this chick you would want to saty away from here as well. She is SO MEAN and I am sure she will find a way to turn this around and hurt my feelings and I don't want to get back into that visious circle so I am staying away for now.

HOWEVER like I said we have mutual friends and I WILL bring it up when the time is right, I just don't want to do it directly through her, so it will come out its just a matter of time...

Well, instinct is to want to forward the photo to her... I would want to do the same! But why did someone send it to you anyway?

Dude - if she is that way then you should be HAPPY you're not with her. Why would you want to be with a potential mean person - ughhhhhhhhhhhh - you live with her or marry and watch things really change. I'd run!

Yu didn't give us that info before. She doesn't sound like she's worth it.

I's send the picture for sure now. Grow some balls and if someone asks you about tell them the real story. Caught her cheating.

LOL wildcat man you should do this for a living, to answer the other question, the picture was sent to me by a friend that always told me to leave her! So it was a way of him to say " i told you so" which I apprecited it because I am so disgusted by her that it makes me feel better in a weird way, and YES I am so happy I am not with her...

BTW I already told her best friend, I told her in a casual way which means she will know very soon lol... couldn't keep it in...

Let it be... her friend will tell you and you don't even have to get involved! Better for you! Good luck and I hope you find someone that makes you happy!

Yes - that was a better way.

Now get out there and date - lots of GREAT women out there.

You know not to what to look for now.

However i am scared if i send her the picture she's going to think i am phsyco and accuse me of stalking her and meedling in her business, i only came across the picture by pure luck!!! so i dont know....



I seriously doubt that you came across the picture "by pure luck." Someone wanted you to find it. But you make a good point about possibly setting yourself up for accusations of stalking. That said, it's probably most wise not to send it on ; just delete it and forget about it.