My stepdaughter pressurized us to become a guarantor on her rented house 3 months ago and after paying the first month's rent (welfare) then proceeded to spend the rent, telling the rental agency that she had spent it on xmas presents!! When my husband approached her about it, she sulked and didn't answer... keeps saying she will pay it back, then didn't stick to the agreement, and then spent the following month's rent too!! She texted us (never answers the phone) and ignored the door when my husband drove for an hour to see her to try and sort it out. When texting, she has said that she will arrange to have future rent payments sent direct to the landlady, and that she will pay back the rent arrears weekly (£10 per week, which would take 6 months to pay off and is therefore unacceptable to landlady, understandably). We are working closely with the rental agency who keep us informed about the texts that she sends her too... and we also have paid the initial deposit of £550, as well as a further £150 when they informed us that she was in arrears, without her knowledge. The agreement with the agency is basically to keep the pressure on and not let her know that we have paid some of the debt off, and will probably pay some more off).

This I could deal with, but then she started dropping very indiscreet hints that her daughter wanted a Nintendo DS for xmas... at £120 and she is only 8! We have to work hard for our money and are just managing in today's economic climate with mortgage rates etc as they are... as we were in the position of not knowing what she was planning to do, i.e. she will never commit to a date or an amount of money... she only ever contacts us if she wants something... we both agreed that we could not afford to buy this gift... plus she doesn't answer the phone, she won't answer the door while this is going on and then, she sent husband text to say, "thanks for ignoring my kids at xmas ... etc etc" as she was clearly VERY annoyed that the Nintendo DS had not materialized.

I feel as though she is just taking liberties with us and playing with the good heart of husband. He cried when he got the text message and I feel like my feelings towards her are turning cold.

Don't know what to do, feeling very low and upset and want to do the right thing for husband so that she does not completely sever ties due to debt - which would be tragic.

Clueless... please help!

Your step daughter needs to grow up and become a women and not be a dependent child... and your husband has to know were to draw the line... just pray to god for direction..