My boyfriend has recently decided that he really likes acting. When we were together the last time he talked to me about how he wanted to do be an actor and I was supportive, every time we watched a movie, however, he told me he could never do a romantic scene.

Since we've been broken up he started hanging with these people who went to film school.

After we started talking again he was filming something with them. He had been at my house the night before, was text messaging me all day, and then came back over to my house when I was done. I asked him what it was and he said just this thing he was doing as a favor to the filmmaker friend.

A few days later he sent me a text that said "Oh, I had to kiss a girl for one of the shorts I did, don't get mad if you see it"

That really hurt considering he said he'd never do a romantic scene and I did severely over-react, we fought for two days about it, but he told me it was just one kiss, that it was just a quick peck goodbye, and that he would have the filmmaker not put it up so that neither I or any of our friends would see it.

Earlier this week I was bored because I'm out of town with nothing to do and I was googling people. My boyfriend and I got back together shortly after the above incidence, and when I googled him a video came up. I thought it might be something else he filmed since he told me the other video wasn't uploaded.

Turns out it was the video where he kissed the girl, the one he left my house to film. He kisses the girl multiple times, EXTREMELY passionately. He kisses her just like he kisses me. He also is cuddling with her. The whole video was about him being in love with her.

I know most people say it's just acting get over it, but that's not the kind of person I am, and the fact that I've seen him kiss someone else the same way he kisses me really hurts.

When we were broken up (it was for 6 months) I did engage in sexual acts, and I had lied to him about it, but after the first instance of fighting over this video I realized how wrong I was and told him everything. When I saw this video and was sobbing harder than I knew was possible he told me to imagine what it was like for him knowing what I did and how much worse it was.

He did tell me he'd never do a scene like that again, but since has decided that acting is a serious passion for him, so we decided that when roles like that came up and he thought they'd be good for his career that we would discuss them on an individual basis as a couple and that if we felt it was a really good role for him that I would deal with my discomfort.

However, he also told me the video would be removed after the competition it was made for was finished, but that competition ended a week before I even saw the video.

Whenever the video pops into my head I get horrible anxiety attacks, I've lost a lot of sleep over this.

I asked my boyfriend if he could please ask the guy to take the video down and he said he'd talk to him. As this week has progressed however he changed to saying that it was unprofessional of him to ask the guy to take it down. That this was the guy's career and he was very proud of the video and it'd be unfair of him to ask.

Today, I begged my boyfriend to talk to the guy, I can't handle that video being up and when he says those things about the guy's career and all that I feel like that's the other guy's decision to make. I know not having this video up anymore would really allow me to be able to move past it, and so I asked my guy to at least talk to the filmmaker.

I said that I know it's his career and that he's proud of it, but at the very least I would appreciate it if my guy could try and talk to the guy to see if he's willing. I understand that the guy has the right to say no and to leave it up, but that it would do a lot for me if my guy at least put the effort forth. Also, that if he wouldn't take the video down could he at least take my guy's name off it so that when you search for him it doesn't pop up.

My guy is at work, so this is over texting, and I'm also 12 hours away from home, so it's not the most ideal conditions for communicating. However, he sent me a text that said "I sent him a text asking him to take it down please don't talk to me for a while"

This is why he says he's so mad at me...

"Bottom line, you'll never have to experience what I'm going through everyday and you can't handle a BS acting kiss. I've done so much for you, and when I say I don't want to ask Justin to take the video he's most proud of down so no one can see his work, you say "stop telling me you'll so anything for me" It's complete BS, and I don't care to talk to you right now. And although its ridiculous and unprofessional, I still asked him to take it down for you"

I would not have asked anything because of your actions, you are both wrong, and reacted poorly. I would be more than mad, I would be gone. Sorry if you can't see that, and understand how your attitude, and actions, affect a lot more than you. He is an actor for crying out loud, and your NOT being supportive.

What awful actions on both sides

You should have stayed broken up.
And you are not acting very good towards him. And nor is he towards you

So why don't you do yourself a favor
And leave him?
And do it for good this time

Ok, here's the thing.

He ended up calming down, he said the things from when we were broken up were just really getting to him, and both of us apologized to each other.

The two of us really want to work this out and as of right now I really believe both of us are willing to do the things we need to do to make this work.

Both of us come from families with parents that divorced when we were very young so we don't have much of a framework for knowing how to work out problems in a relationship.

Do either of you have constructive criticism, or things you feel like need to happen in order for a relationship to work? Things that we can try to do to make things good? Because we do have good days, for about every 3 or 4 good days we have a bad day, but the bad day is usually like the above, so pretty bad.

We're being complete honest with each other and working on being open with our feelings and accepting of the other person's feeling, he's supporting me in going to counseling for my anxiety, and we're trying to move on from the past. Anything else we can do?

As long as you are both understanding of each other and both are willing to work at the relationship then I wish you both the best

Keep communicating, and working together.

I agree that you are both to put it simply playing each other with your actions.'
You need to be more honest and open rather than stringing each other on with bits and pieces, Like he said he would talk to the film maker most likely KNOWING he wasn't going to ask him to with the expectation that he would really take it down. He most likely already realized how unprofessional asking him a personal favor like that.
With the information he had origi nally given you I would say you did over react but again he was minimizing his actions which would only cause me to be more mad. I think that if you both start fresh and be more open maybe your relationship will last. Maybe make a compromise that he can do action movies but avoid romantic or sexual based ones and do take each thing one by one as you said, I agree with him you can not expect the guy to drop the video. What's done is done and it doesn't undo the fact that he did do the scene,

I would have acted the same way as you and I honestly don't feel you did anything wrong. The fact is when you were broken up you can do whatever you want.. but he told you that he wouldn't do those scenes, and even if it is just acting--he still should have refused. He can still work his way up in the acting world by doing other types of scenes, or at least communicating with you first about how you feel.. I am on your side!

I am sorry to say this but I am going to. How are you going be upset about hiim acting out a scene that included kissing a girl when you went out and engage in sexual acts with someone else? Which do you think is worst?

What are you going do if he makes it big and a role includes more than kissing? I am pretty sure that Will Smith don't like to see Jada in a romatic scene that includes kissing or more but he deals with it because he knows it is part of her job. He said that in an interview and Jada said the same thing about him regarding this matter.

If gets into a movie he can't go the producer and tell him to remove a scene. If his wishes are granted they might just remove him from the movie all together. Then how do you expect him to make money?

If this pissed you off that means you won't be able to handle his acting career. And if you can't handle it then why stay? You over reacted in a very poor way and I think it was really uncalled for.

Well I've done some professional acting so I can give you some advice when it comes to that and dealing with him doing loves scenes. Love scenes are really hard to do because you could be put up with someone you don't like (like you don't like them as a person), you don't find attractive etc.ect. It really is rare (unless its like a high budget movie but even then) that there is a natural chemistry between the two people so they really have to make it themselves (a good example of a movie where the actors create the chemistry is Pride and Predjudice, the actors for Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy). So for your boyfriend to be able to do it so convincing that it actually made you upset... you should be proud of him. That shows he can create his own chemistry which even a lot of really successful actors can't.

If you trust that your boyfriend loves you and only you than you need to make sure you don't get hurt when you see those things because it's not him being in love with that person, holding that person kissing that person, he was just a vessel to the character he was.

As for you actual relationship you guys need to make sure that both of you are calm when you disguss things that are crucial to the relationship or else you say things you regret. Also both of you probably need the learn how to, yes, be angry about something but not say things you will regret like something that didn't need to be said but was just hurtful to the other person. You need to learn not to do that because than it causes a lot more hurt and a lot more problems than necessary.

Hope this helps.

both of you have reacted poorly and if you are able to work it out, then communication is the key.

if you're in a relationship with an actor, then you really just need to accept that love scenes may occur! And like ingrid said, you should be proud of him. Its proably not fun to see him kiss someone else in a film, but that was a 'job', you know?

its not as if he went out, found some random girl, or some girl he knows and made out with her. That would make it a whole other story.

besides you've engaged in sexual activities while you were broken up...

if you can't get over the fact that he is an actor, and loves it then there is only one thing you can do... break up and stay broken up.

[QUOTE=Noodles15;1438302]



I engage in sexual acts, and I had lied to him about it, but after the first instance of fighting over this video I realized how wrong I was and told him everything. When I saw this video and was sobbing harder than I knew was possible he told me to imagine what it was like for him knowing what I did and how much worse it was.

He did tell me he'd never do a scene like that again, but since has decided that acting is a serious passion for him, so we decided that when roles like that came up and he thought they'd be good for his career that we would discuss them on an individual basis as a couple and that if we felt it was a really good role for him that I would deal with my discomfort.

He forgave you so you should do the same because as he said what you did was worst. He simply kissed someone for a role. What are you going do if he ever has to act out a sex sceene?

You don't get to date an actor AND have issues with him being a actor. Even if becoming an actor happened after you started dating, it's what he's pursuing.

It's an art form. Yes, he's kissing a girl, and YES, he's getting sexually aroused doing it. Don't let him tell you otherwise.

But unlike ACTUAL cheating, this is occurring in a room full of people in a controlled environment in front of a camera. It's not cheating.

But your concerns are founded. Actors aren't special. Professional actors have the worst track record of any for keeping relationships together. But that's not because they're actors, it's because they're people, and they're operating in an environment that elevates their sense of importance. When someone starts to catch the "star bug", they can rationalize just about anything.

Now, if he were ALREADY a successful actor, those guys get to cherry pick their roles. A good example is Kirk Cameron. He's decided "no more love scenes" and the recent movie he did Fireproof has him kissing his wife in the final scene... but that scene is in shadow and his real wife stood in for the actual kiss. Nice.

When you're already on top, you can do things like that. But up-and-coming actors who seriously want to "make it" can't really do that, can they?

So, this is really a question for you. Do you WANT to be with an actor who kisses and cuddles and sexes up others onscreen? That's the whole question. It has nothing to do with what he does or doesn't do as an actor.

Very good point liz! Besides isn't it hard enough to find work as an actor, so what if he gets another job acting out a love scene, and as liz mentions a sex scene...

Well here's the things. This isn't his passion in life. He's a musician, and recently decided to go to school for graphic design, acting is something else he's just randomly declared as a passion.

I was mad because first he told me he would never do those scenes, second he didn't tell me before he did it, third he lied and down played it


This is only the second thing he's ever done acting, and for some reason the first things he did couldn't be put up, so no one has ever seen it. So for all extensive purposes, the thing he told me he's never do acting is the first thing he ever did acting.

You don't need to be with someone you cannot support 100%.

I'm siding with talaniman here!

So he's not an actor, but likes it and wants to keep doing it... that promise he made you was foolish on his part, he should never have tried to reacssure you of something like that, b\c you never know where life takes you. Its one thing to say I'm not going to cheat, but to say that I';; never to a love scene, but I love acting and want to get into it... well...

But you aren't innocent in all this either... do you know what my motto is?

c'est la vie..... that's life. And something's are out of our control, no matter how much you wish you could control it.

Like talaniman said; you shouldn't be with someone you can not support 100%... obviously in your case, it is hurtful to you, its hurtful to him...

I don't understan how everyone is acting like you are ridiculous for being mad at him. Can anyone honestly say they wouldn't mind there significant other doing love scenes with another actor? "supporting" them? Unless you are at the point where you are tom cruise, then I would be pissssed! Also he lied about it, he downplayed it like she said. If it wasn't a big deal, just acting, then tell her the whole truth and how passionate it really was?

I would be uncomfortable, bjut I wouldn't be mad and I certainly wouldn't Google him, and if I did I wouldn't have watched the vid if it came up. It seems that over all their relationship needs an adjustment! (then need to communicate more, and stop lying to each other) I'd be far more angry about him lying about it being a tiny peck on the mouth and then it's a full blown make out.

But I wouldn't stay mad for long. If I were with someone who wanted to act.. I'd find a way to deal with the stuff that came up...

I don't understan how everyone is acting like you are ridiculous for being mad at him. can anyone honestly say they wouldnt mind there significant other doing love scenes with another actor?? "supporting" them?? unless you are at the point where you are tom cruise, then i would be pissssed! Also he lied about it, he downplayed it like she said. If it wasnt a big deal, just acting, then tell her the whole truth and how passionate it really was?

Before you give someone a reddie read the rules first.

Secondly, he was acting out role not cheating. If anyone should be upset it should be him because if you read her entire post you would've read the part where she stated she engage in sexual acts with another guy and lied about it but then came clean about it after fights about this role. Now which one would you be more mad at, your partner kissing someone for a role or your partner enaging in sexual acts with someone else?

Thirdly, maybe he lied because he knew what her reaction would be and didn't want to deal with it.

Lastly, how course he isn't no Tom Cruise but he didn't even become who is overnight.

I agree with some of what you say, but they were broken up when she engaged in sexual acts with another person! So she should lie, she has no obligation to tell him who she's messing around with when they are not even together! Don't you agree?

Now that's a great relationship, built on lies, and jealousy, and secrets. I find it appalling she takes things to that level, over his career choices. I would have been long gone, just from the lack of communications.

I agree with you Tal. This relationship is lacking a lot. You should know what you're getting into before hand and if you can't handle it, then you always have the option of leaving.

I agree with liz and tal!

Seriously, they lack communication, both of them keep lying. And it might be that he lied about how extensive the kiss was and he made a promise he could not really know if he could keep (seeing as he is new to acting and what not) and he might have anticipated her reaction.

But seriously, she is overreacting. Period!

Their relationship in general seems messy at best and seeing as she asked for our opinion, then she should have been aware that we would be honest with her and not cuddle her. If she wanted to be cuddled and told that her reaction was okay and right, then she should have talked to someone else. Personally if I post a question I want people to be honest. That is what I look for and what I need... if you want someone to just agree with you... well... ask someone you know for a fact will agree with you...

Both of them have done wrong by each other, his acting isn't the problem, her sexual stuff while they were broken-up isn't the biggest problem... It's the lack of communication and the lies that are the problem.

i would be uncomfortable, bjut i wouldn't be mad and i certainly wouldn't google him, and if i did i wouldn't have watched the vid if it came up. It seems that over all their relationship needs an adjustment! (then need to comunicate more, and stop lying to each other) i'd be far more angry about him lying about it being a tiny peck on the mouth and then its a full blown make out.

but i wouldn't stay mad for long. If i were with someone who wanted to act.. i'd find a way to deal with the stuff that came up....



I Google people a lot when I'm bored... you've never googled anyone?

And I watched the video, because he told me the one with the kissing scene WAS NEVER POSTED- turns out it only wasn't posted on Facebook, but was posted on YouTube, I knew he had recorded something else and thought it might be that.


We've decided now that while he's just starting, doing these things that don't really support a career but that are fun for him, that he wouldn't do scenes like that. He feels he could never do sex scenes, that's what he tells me, because it goes against everything that he was raised to be (he was raised in a very christian environment), but we did say that if he ever gets offered a role that could offer him a career, or help further a career and it involved a kissing scene that we would discuss it before hand and decide as a couple if it would really benefit him.

The thing is that I don't know if I believe him now. I don't know if I believe that he wouldn't do a sex scene or that he will discuss kissing scenes with me before hand seeing as he told me he would never do anything like that and lied to me about it.

Also, I was close to a family when we were broken up- they gave me help through a hard time, one of the members of this family gets $45,000 budgets for commercials and I offered to ask this friend of mine to let me know when auditions are coming up that my boyfriend could go to, and my boyfriend immediately just got onto me because he doesn't like that I was close to this family (he feels like I replaced him and his family with these family) So, I don't feel like acting is really all that important to him when he would turn down this opportunity just because he's jealous that this family helped me out.

I really just, I find the biggest problems we have are learning HOW to talk to each other. I think we're getting a lot better at talking about stuff, but I think we both say stuff in a bad way. We communicate, just poorly at this point. Are there any tips you could give on things I can think about and share with him to help us learn how to communicate better?

I'm an artist and writer. My ex had similar issues about my work which stemmed from insecurities and lack of trust, among other things. While I agree that it was wrong for your boyfriend not to be straightforward about the video, I think you really need to consider if your anxiety about his work can be helped. For me, it was crippling and dispiriting to be with someone who didn't appreciate what I was trying to do. That was one of the factors which led to our breakup. Please learn to trust and encourage your partner -- you should be proud of each other and support each other in every way -- that what love is for.

One thing that could help the two of you with your communication is not to act out of anger. If you two are upset with one another than take time out to cool down and then talk things out. Yelling won't solve anything, it will only make things worst. Talking out of anger can only lead to the two of you saying mean things to each other that your could regret.

To sum it up, never confront or communicate one another when your upset. Cool down and then talk to each other in a civil matter. Express your feeling and speak your mind. If he does something that you dislike, you can start with "it hurt my feeling when...". Get the picture?

I google people a lot when I'm bored.......you've never googled anyone?

Well yeah, I Google myself, LOL... but okay I misunderstood you! (I have seriously only googled myself... and my sister... my sister googles people and tell me about it, so there is no need for it on my part!)

Back to what I said earlier; he should never have made promises about stuff he had no guarantees for!

And yes it does seem like you need to communicate more! Is it possible for the two of you to sit down and you could tell him that? e.g. you're concerned about all the lying between the two of you, and that you want an honest and open relationship... and you guys need to communicate more...

But if you tell him this then you also need to be completely honest with him... and might shoot in that the two of you can't make promises you don't know if you can keep.