I met a new guy through a mutual friend, only went out with him twice so far. Monday night was the last time we saw each other and things went really good, had great conversation, laughed, it was just a fun time.

After we parted ways that night, he texted me asking if I got home safe. I told him yes & thank you for the great time. He then replied saying that he had a great time and can't wait to see me again and that he would text me the following day.

Didn't hear from him so I just shot him a quick text Tuesday night. It took him over 5 hours to respond and this was what he said, "Sorry just got your message. I've been so busy!" I knew he was leaving out of state tonight for a big sports event he's been training really hard for. So I replied telling him not to worry if I don't see or hear from him by then, that I wish him luck on the event. Never did hear back from him. I know he comes back Sunday. Think I could possibly hear from him again or should I assume that last message of his is a hint that he's not interested anymore?

Send him a message so how did your sports event go?

Nohelp4us suggestion is pretty good... he might not be blowing you off... hehe but I'm a girl so I'm not entirely sure of what this sort of behavior implies...

Nah... just give it time... don't send him a text message yet... just wait till like Sunday night or something, and if you don't hear from him by then, send him a casual message to ask about the event... see if he replies, but you got to expect it'll take time again, because he may be tired... so relax, chill, and don't assume anything...

Thank you so much! I think that if I don't hear from him then I will take your suggestion, BlackVY, and text him Sunday night just to ask how it went. I guess it's all I can do right? And if he still doesn't seem interested by next week, then I'm sure it's safe to assume he's already over it. I just wonder why guys do this?? They seem SO interested, even after the date they will text you, see if you got home safe, tell you how they had a great time with you and can't wait to see you again... then they disappear on you.

A few reasons a guy would do this... maybe he was excited about the date and it went well and he enjoyed himself, but later, he may have doubts or worries or thoughts, or other people might say stuff... it does depend on the individual.

I don't know too many guys who disappear after the first date, because its too soon to tell. I know some guys who second guess things after a few dates, or some guys who tend to mellow out when they know they got the girl... but again, depends on the person...

Just take your time... be happy... see how it goes and don't get too strung up on this guy just yet...

Yeah, it just caught me off guard because Monday was actually our second date. We went out Sunday night and it went well, he wanted to see me again Monday, that went well too. Maybe he is second guessing... not sure what the deal is, but I'll see what happens next week.

Neva know wit some people... and if he is second guessing, then let him... you'd rather have someone sure about his feelings than someone who is hot sometimes or cold sometimes, depending on other people, his mood, or even the weather... hehe... love bi-polar... lol ;)

Blackvy: hehe I love that you quoted a song :P

And you make a good point it really is better to date someone who's sure, at the end of it all...

Haha... yeah... that is a good song... but it applies to a lot of people, and I know a lot of people can relate to it... because people are people, and not everyone is sure of what they are doing and what they want... even we may think we know, but how can we be really sure...

Basically, when your in love, you know for sure... and your heart agrees with your head... so the only cure for love bi-polar is finding your true love... lol ;)

So true!! I've been there, done that ha ha and got out of it! It is a great song, I have it at the top of my current iPod play list.

Haha... nice nice...

Yeah, I bet we've all been there... and right now hurtnconfused needs to be relaxing, listening to music and having a nice time, not worrying if a guy is going to call back or not...

Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing at all... :)

True, hurtandconfused you should relax, listen to music. When I listen to hot'n'cold, and I'm home alone (which happens a lot these days seeing as both my room mates have gfs.) I just dance around the apartment and have fun. :P I love it :D

Gosh, dating... fun, confusing, scary, intimidating, nerve recking... but good... he he I have to admit I totally understand that you're stressed out about your situation.

I met a guy this weekend and I had a coffee date with him earlier today. I'm a mess :P and he seems to be leaving everything up to me, which doesn't make it any better and I'm terrible at reading other people and I over think things... *sigh* ;)

Haha... everyone just needs to relax sometime...

So many people are concerned about the destination that they don't enjoy the journey there or take time to admire then scenery...

That was my problem... but now I'm kind of relaxing more, seeing how things go... I still have my destination in sight, but I'm looking at other things along the way and enjoying my journey to where I want to go... :)

I like that blackvy! And its so true its almost ridiculous ;)

I know I need to relax more, I need to look at the scenery and I need to STOP over thinking things hehe :D I think that is going to be my next mission actually... stop stressing about stuff and stop all this worrying! :)

Haha.. that's what I'm doing, and it feels great... you still know where your heading, your not lost... but your just taking it easy and enjoying yourself... the more you plan and worry and think about it, the less fun you'll have...

You guys are awesome! :) I wish I could be just as positive. I will definitely wait it out, send that casual text. It just makes me feel crappy to think that I've put myself out there and now he's just making it obvious that he doesn't want to pursue anything. To me, no matter how busy a guy is, if he's genuinely interested, it takes a few seconds to text someone. Responding to me with "Sorry just got your message, I've been so busy!"... seems like he's giving me a hint that he's just not interested but yeah, I'll just try to relax and expect that I won't be hearing from him anymore. Ah, dating... got to love it!

I guess that is what makes dating scary, you put yourself out there, you make yourself available and then what?

He he a few weeks ago I was really into this guy and after some pondering I decided that I had nothing to loose by telling him, so I did.

Now I think I'm starting to think the same thing about this guy, what do I have to loose by putting myself out there?

Sure he's funny, good looking and charming, but what I have to stand to loose the most is face and at the end of the day; I'm the one who decides how much face I'm going to loose.

BTW: I have this motto: c'est la vie (that's life) you can't change what you can't control... other ppls thoughts, other ppls choices, wantings and desires... the mistakes you've made in the past, the things you did and said yesterday... what you do control is today and you and your choices... if it doesn't pan out all you can do is realize that: HEY that's life...

With all its faults, joys, mistakes, victories...

c'est la vie! ;)

I really don't know why I'm even stressing too much about him. I guess the anticipation, as each day passes, I'm losing hope I'll ever hear from him again and it's just so discouraging.

Isn't it true though, that if a guy is truly even the least bit interested, no matter how busy he is, he would take the time to send a text or call you? Wouldn't that apply to my situation as well? So I'm thinking this may not have anything to do with him being "busy", it's just more of his way of hinting to me that he's done.

Also, I'd like to ask... it wouldn't make me appear desperate if I did send that text on Sunday night just casually asking how it went, right? Although it's bothering me, of course I wouldn't want him to know that.

When you know he's back in town send the text asking how his trip went.. if he doesn't respond then that's a clear sign he's not interested and leave it at that. It doesn't make you desperate.. you're just trying to figure things out

I know what you're going through, it sucks, but try to stay hopeful and keep yourself occupied.. good luck!

I think you should just wait for him to contact you. Just chill; you already contacted him once on your own, let him call/text on his own this time. If he doesn't then he wasn't interested enough.. move on

I know what your going through. I'm posting about this same thing. Just wait it out, that's what I am doing. If he doesn't come around then it's time to move on. Some guys, like the ones we are thinking of, like to take time to think things over. They are busy with life and sometimes it takes them a little longer to get around to everything else.

Just wait for him to call you.

Leave the guy alone. If he is interested he will let you know. If he is busy, he will make time.

We all get into a position of stressing, when we want more, and our curiosity gets us thinking. Don't, and the cure for all that thinking, assuming, and wondering, is to keep your own life moving in a good direction, and enjoying yourself.

Any thing you do in his direction will either stress you out, and bring more questions, and confusion, or raise the expectation level higher, than what it is. Either way you'll be stressed out and fearful of what if..!

Keep enjoying yourself with your own things you do, and don't stress on what he is doing, or not doing. Or why!

Thank you! I'm, trying to focus on me and trying hard not to be so hopeful, with the possibility of being shot down again. It's crazy I'm always wondering "will he contact me at all when he gets back?" And that's what's driving me insane. Then I keep hoping, and if I hope too much, and he doesn't contact me, then I'll be upset. And I'm starting to overanalyze, thinking "did I do or say something wrong?" If I did, he wouldn't have contacted me right after the last date and tell me he can't wait to see me again, right? *sigh* Ok, sorry guys, yes I'm a paranoid person lol.

Sometimes we as humans can be confusing. Men are confusing to women, women are confusing to men. It's when it gets to the point of "did I mistake the signs..?" that you actually start to feel like your going off the deep end. Or ..."what did I do wrong...?" "Is he thinking about me?" "Should I call?" "What is wrong with this guy!?" :confused:

Some days I'd really like to know what exactly goes on in a guys head when it comes to forming relationships. Are they as worried, scared, bored, lonely? Do they question whether or not we are going to call them? Do they think about us? Do they think about when they are going to ask us out? Do they have to build up the nerve? Is there any one universal sign that they are going to call?!!! Is that one guy thinking about us at this very second and holding that phone, waiting, pondering the number, and the send button!? (okay I'll take a deep breath, and calm down, ...)

You are not paranoid. I think most women can relate to what your going through right now. It sucks. I agree. You hate the rejection your hoping that it's going to take off. You really really want to know why he hasn't called yet and it's driving you insane. It makes you feel like just hitting your head against the wall. Every second, minute, hour, day..just keeps ticking by. I understand, it's frustrating and it's a lot worse when your waiting on someone to make the next move. It takes a lot of waiting, patience, and most of all understanding.

Hey he may be extremely busy. It doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you. Maybe he is waiting a while, thinking things over. That's a good thing. Sometimes rushing things can be bad.

I am in the same boat you are right now. But you have a paddle and I don't. The guy I'm interested in hasn't even asked me out yet. That's gotta drive anyone nuts.

It will be okay. If he does call, great! If he doesn't then definitely try going out and just living. If you just go on with things, it makes it a lot easier. Just know your not alone and it will be okay:)

Can I ask something? Lol I'm going to do anyway... but how long should you wait before moving on? Like yesterday I sent this guy a message and I don't know if he's answered. Mostly b\c I lost my phone, I got a new one though with the same number... but yeah, how many days should you wait.

If you send a text on Sunday night, it isn't desperate at all! :)

I would say it is his turn to contact you. I would wait and have a reason to call. Like maybe call Sunday night or Christmas Eve and tell him you are calling to wish him a Merry Christmas.
Then maybe somehow very tactfully mention that if he isn't interested calling you to not say that he will.

but yeah, how many days should you wait.


I don't think the rule is simple at all as just by the threads on this forum, men and women have the same problem, what is the other person thinking, or why don't they call. We don't know why, and I can bet that the reasons are many.

If someone is interested enough to return your call, then there is a chance to get to know someone, but I've learned, if they don't return a call, leave them alone.

I really think it better to not be distracted by someone else's non interest, and stay focused on what I may be doing, and not miss any other opportunity that maybe present itself.

Is it desperate to keep calling, and not get feedback? I say yes, and a waste of good emotional time.

How long should you wait for someone to return your call? Not one second, as after all, if they wanted to know you better thats what they would be doing.


if you send a txt on Sunday night, it isn't desperate at all! :)
It is, if you have not had your first call answered. But that's just me, and I don't believe in wasting time, and investing emotionally on, what ifs, or assumptions.

Is it desperate to keep calling, and not get feedback?? I say yes, and a waste of good emotional time.

How long should you wait for someone to return your call? Not one second, as after all, if they wanted to know you better thats what they would be doing.


It is, if you have not had your first call answered. But thats just me, and I don't believe in wasting time, and investing emotionally on, what ifs, or assumptions.

Oh the last part of my post about calling him on Sunday night was not a referral to me, but to hurtnconfused ;) hehe just wanted to clarify that! :)

And I totally agree, it is desperate to call or text or whatever if you don't get feedback! So after the message yesterday I'm thinking that the ball his in his court and if he doesn't want to get to know me better then I'm moving on! And I'll just drop it (mentally that is ;))

But thanks for your input Talaniman! I appreciate it :)

Thank you! I'm, trying to focus on me and trying hard not to be so hopeful, with the possibility of being shot down again. It's crazy I'm always wondering "will he contact me at all when he gets back?" And that's what's driving me insane. Then I keep hoping, and if I hope too much, and he doesn't contact me, then I'll be upset. And I'm starting to overanalyze, thinking "did I do or say something wrong?" If I did, he wouldn't have contacted me right after the last date and tell me he can't wait to see me again, right? *sigh* Ok, sorry guys, yes I'm a paranoid person lol.

Haha... nah.. this is normal of someone who thinks a lot... trust me, I know all about it... I over think things and over analyse everything I do and say... and regret stuff that was fine, but yeah, that's not good... your stressing yourself out when there is no reason to. Just chill... see what happens, if he messages... if he doesn't, then all good... leave it... there are lots of reasons for things happening, and if was meant to be, it'll happen...

Thank you BlackVY! I'll try not to overthink things, it's so hard! Especially today... I know he's back now because during our last date he just threw it out there that he would be back Sunday morning because we were talking about getting together again. But no, no call or text yet. I still haven't sent one either. I will send one tonight though just to see how his event went. I really hope it doesn't come across as "pestering" or an act of desperation. It wouldn't, right?

Nah... well your not saying "Why didn't u tell me u were back" or something... your just asking how his event went... so its like a casual friendly question... so no worries...

Yeah it really is easy to over think things, and obsess over stuff LOL I know I do it too ;)

Lol... how nice would it be not to care... or worry about things... just take life as it comes...

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

LOL it would be AWESOME! Ha ha I love that you included that song!

But seriously, it would be nice to shed some of the crazy, some of the insecurities about other people (read; new ppl) and just not worry ;)

LOL it would be AWESOME! ha ha i love that you included that song!

but seriously, it would be nice to shed some of the crazy, some of the insecurities about other ppl (read; new ppl) and just not worry ;)

That'd be nice.. but all we can do is try...

True! All too true :) lol I think one of the greatest strategies is of course to do fun stuff and day to day stuff and try not to think too much, hehe sadly the worry just sneaks upon you. Like earlier to day I was at a Lady gaga show and I was suddenly struck with panic.

Lady freakin gaga is dancing and singing on stage having an awesome show and what hits me?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I such a mess? Are we all a mess? Is lady gaga a mess? Omg what is going on?? Am I really ready to date? Dating... such a wired concept to me... haha seriously that was (some of the) thoughts that ran through my head. :p

Life of a woman with panic anxiety... its so irrational that I can't help but love it.

Haha... that sounds crazy!

How was the show anyway? Poker face is such a cool song... lol ;)

But yeah, if we keep stressing about things, we tend to lose sight of what's in front of us, and not see what the world has to offer, because we are so caught up...

So best advice is to try to relax. If you catch yourself freaking out or thinking of things that are not constructive, make a effort to stop yourself, tell yourself not to think about that stuff, and think about other things instead

That's a pretty good idea, I'll try that the next time! :)

It was so so good, down right AWESOME!! she sings pretty good live, which is nice especially considering all the dancing. LOl she dressed in white today, b\c it was her first show in norway and she wanted to dress like snow :D hehe we had no snow today though, just rain!

Haha... good.. yeah try it... we all should.. no point thinking about destructive stuff...

That's cool... glad u enjoyed it... must be hard to sing and dance at the same time, and yeah, not a lot of singers are good live, but that's cool.. too bad about the rain... lol

Just an update on my situation...

I finally sent that text to him about an hour and a half ago, "Hope you had a safe flight back. Just wanted to see how it went."

NO RESPONSE

I guess any doubts I had before are now confirmed. I guess I was in denial thinking *maybe*, just maybe he was really caught up in the event and was busy getting things together before he had to fly out there. But now, he's home. A text back telling me how it went would only take less than a minute of his time but I guess I have my real answer. :(

Just an update on my situation...

I finally sent that text to him about an hour and a half ago, "Hope you had a safe flight back. Just wanted to see how it went."

NO RESPONSE

I guess any doubts I had before are now confirmed. I guess I was in denial thinking *maybe*, just maybe he was really caught up in the event and was busy getting things together before he had to fly out there. But now, he's home. A text back telling me how it went would only take less than a minute of his time but I guess I have my real answer. :(

Hold up... don't think like that yet... maybe he hasn't seen his phone or something... give him like 12 hours... if he doesn't get back to you, then yeah, he would have seen your message and ignored it... but give it time.. don't expect an immediate response... and don't keep checking your phone every few minutes either... lol

Yeah give him until tomorrow. I don't know how late it is where you are HnC, but give him until tomorrow!

Like black said; he might not have looked at his phone, he might be doing something; family stuff, friend stuff, sleeping... you never know! So don't write him of just yet. :)

The night I met him and the two days following that, he would respond within minutes. It's just after this last date on Monday night, he did a complete 180 on me. Even after that last date, he mentioned twice how he really enjoyed himself and just couldn't wait to see me again.

Even during both dates, he kept mentioning places he wanted to go with me after he got back, things he wanted to do, etc... What the heck happened??

LOL, I won't keep checking my phone, I'll just expect to not hear from him again. I know he's not interested anymore but I also hope he's not one of those guys who blow you off, then you let them go, never contact them, then a couple weeks later they just call you out of the blue.

The night I met him and the two days following that, he would respond within minutes. It's just after this last date on Monday night, he did a complete 180 on me. Even after that last date, he mentioned twice how he really enjoyed himself and just couldn't wait to see me again.

Even during both dates, he kept mentioning places he wanted to go with me after he got back, things he wanted to do, etc... What the heck happened???

LOL, I won't keep checking my phone, I'll just expect to not hear from him again. I know he's not interested anymore but I also hope he's not one of those guys who blow you off, then you let them go, never contact them, then a couple weeks later they just call you out of the blue.

See.. u can't assume anything... u don't know him well enough for that.. and assumptions can lead to wrong decisions... sleep on it.. like I said, give him some time to get back to you, don't wait forever, but some time...

You could put yourself in his shoes... say you liked a guy, and had a few dates with him and it went well... but then you had to go away for a business trip or something... when you came back, would the first thing you do be contact that guy? I mean like roxy said, he could have family stuff to do, or friends stuff or even just sleep... so give it some time... if he doesn't contact you in 12 hours, then OK... goodbye mr guy...

Good advice black! It really is too early for such assumptions...

good advice black! It really is too early for such assumptions....

Thanks.. but thing is, time is not your friend when you stress and over-think things... time just makes things worse... I'm just speaking from experience... :o

Thank you so much for your advice, it really helps more than you'll ever know, keeping me from going completely insane LOL!

I will give it till tomorrow then, it's only 7pm out here so it's not too late for him to text... We will see! And men say WE'RE the complicated ones! Tsk tsk!

Its good to know we helped, and keeping u from going insane is a good thing I think... lol!

Yes.. give him time.. maybe he is out having dinner somewhere with friends, or sleeping early... or maybe his phone is off... lots of possibilities... but yeah.. see how it goes tomorrow...

But yeah... for a guy, women are complicated, and for women, guys are complicated... its hard to understand the opposite sex, but it helps when you get advice and help... you still won't understand the person completely, but it does shed some light on some of what they are thinking... :)

Yeah we are all very complicated... two ways of seeing the world and all the issues we encounter... hehe you got to love the insanity we create out of thin air sometimes :p

But yeah it is great to have a place to get advice. Both like HnC here and I've been a pickle a few times myself. Nice to get a mans perspective when there is a guy in the picture that creates trouble in your mind :p and a woman's perspective for that matter :)

Haha.. tru tru... a man in love will always welcome another woman's perspective in order to better understand his own woman... :)

Its nice though, to have such a choice. i.e. you actually have people out there who are willing to gives us their perspectives and thoughts on things.

Ooo by the way I promised a friend of mine that I'd ask this; she's been on a few dates with this guy, and he told her that he would love to continue seeing her, but he is kind of fresh out of a relationship and is not ready for a new one right now, and he wanted her to know that and hoped she'd understand... is that like a way of saying I want to be friends? Or I want to see where it goes, but I want to date for a while? LOL you can imagine how much help I was when she told me. (I looked at her, literally cocked my head to the side and was like.. idunnknow :p)

Wow... interesting one... u should start a new thread for this, so as not to hijack hurtnconfused's thread

Seems like the guy is taking the easy way out and trying to let your friend down gently... it doesn't sound like he wants to be in a relationship with her, maybe just hang out, so I guess friends is right... but I don't think he wants to date right now

Okay, thank you! I'll do that! :)

Got another update...

So it took him a few hours to text me back last night and it was short and sweet. He said it went well and they did great on the event. I decided to initiate and "feel him out" a bit so I asked him if he was up for sushi sometime this week, because we did discuss going to this particular restaurant upon his return. He responded with an enthusiastic "Yeah sure!!! Plus I'll be partying all this week to unwind." I replied, "Great, then we can celebrate, I'll treat you to a couple of them drinks we talked about." Then he texts "I want you!" I said the same thing back... all these texts kind of pointed in the direction that he was still at least semi-interested, right?

Well, another new day today, and I will be visiting friends who actually live near him, so I shot him a text letting him know that I will be in town and asked if he was up for sushi tonight. That was 4 hours ago...

Why in the world would he say those things in a text, which to me, sound like he's at least a little interested, then do this again? Is he just not interested at all, and just enjoy playing some sort of game? What should be my next move, just realize that I've exhausted all my options and I've done all I can and take it as a loss??

Well it does sound like he is interested... so that's a good thing I think... but again, maybe he is busy and doesn't have his phone with him or something

Again, don't assume anything, especially with this guy, seems like he does take a while to reply... so don't worry about today... just go see your friends and stuff... if he messages back after a while saying yeah, he is free to go out, say sorry, its too late, you were in the area, but not anymore, but its OK, you can meet up another time...

I don't think he is playing games or anything, but then again, I don't know this guy, but it does seem like he is busy, or not a very responsive guy... so chill... carry on with your life, take it easy and go slow with him... don't think too much about what he is doing or if there is a meaning behind what he does... just chill and be happy... :)

What!! The guy has his phone on, raring to return your text?? What if he is partying with his buds, as he says. Don't do this to yourself, your being pushy. Relax, and enjoy your friends, and stick to the original plan.

He said he would be in touch, so for gosh sake, let it happen when it happens.

Yeah, actually I've decided this is my last attempt lol! I don't want to come across as a pest and I think he's very aware that I do want to see him. I'll just wait for him to contact me from now on if he feels like it. Thanks again, BlackVY, you're da bomb! :)

What!!!!! The guy has his phone on, raring to return your text????? What if he is partying with his buds, as he says. Don't do this to yourself, your being pushy. Relax, and enjoy your friends, and stick to the original plan.

He said he would be in touch, so for gosh sake, let it happen when it happens.

I know, I didn't want to come off pushy. I only texted once today just letting him know I'll be in town. Like I said, I won't do it again. Thank you for the advice, talaniman, I think it's just time to let this one go. I just wanted to extend the invite since he is back in town, that's all.

Yeah, actually I've decided this is my last attempt lol! I don't want to come across as a pest and I think he's very aware that I do want to see him. I'll just wait for him to contact me from now on if he feels like it. Thanks again, BlackVY, you're da bomb! :)

No worries.. yeah.. just relax and enjoy yourself and see how it goes.. this guy is not your whole world, so live your life and just go with the flow.. :)

Any updates?

Well, since the last text I sent him on Monday, asking him if he would like to get together for sushi because I was going to be in town... nothing has happened. I never did get a reply from him. So I guess he's long gone already. I honestly don't know what I did, considering after our last date, he did sent several very nice texts. He wouldn't have taken the time that night to send those if he had a crappy time right? He would've just left the date and disappeared completely- right away, and he didn't exactly do that. Oh well... :( That's my update guys. Thank you for all your help and advice in this. Happy holidays!!

He seems like a serious loser.. just playing with your emotions.. I wouldn't be surprised if in a week or so he will text you and just pretend nothing has happened.. he definitely seems like the kind of guy

Hopefully you won't text him back when he does that.. all right.. thanks for the update

You really do have to learn to let a guy breathe, and be patient, and stop trying to force things into what you want, as the dude said he would be busy for the holidays, so what's your all fired hurry?

You do have other avenues of fun, and people, in your life don't you?

You really do have to learn to let a guy breathe, and be patient, and stop trying to force things into what you want, as the dude said he would be busy for the holidays, so whats your all fired hurry?

You do have other avenues of fun, and people, in your life don't you??


I do, and I've let it go... and he actually did end up texting me the day after Christmas, really late at night so I know what he was after. I didn't reply so that's it with him. Thanks for the advice everyone! :)