View Full Version : Why won't he try to have sex with me?
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 11:45 AM
Ok, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and we met online and I moved to his state to be with him and we live with his parents... At first sex was great he acted like he wanted me a lot... it seems like when the opportunity is there and his parents are out of the house I feel like I am always the one to innitiate sex... he acts like he doesn't even want me anymore... its like even if there there that he would at least want it or at least try something... I need advice on what to do... I try talking to him about it and he's like just because I don't try to have sex with you doesn't mean I don't want it... but if that were the case why wouldn't you at least try something to make me feel like I'm not the only one... I don't know why he won't have sex with me... :confused:
450donn
Dec 15, 2008, 11:50 AM
He is trying to get rid of you, he is homosexual, he got a STD from someone else? I don't know, but from what little you have said it sounds like there are some issues that need to be resolved. If a sit down conversation with him does not resolve the issue maybe you would be better off moving out and finding someone else who actually does care for you.
talaniman
Dec 15, 2008, 11:53 AM
Maybe he needs more than just sex from you, what's the relationship about other than the sex??
Being in his parents house, may be okay with you, but not with him.
How old are you both, and why are you at his parents house, in the first place?
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 12:05 PM
Maybe he needs more than just sex from you, whats the relationship about other than the sex???
Being in his parents house, may be okay with you, but not with him.
How old are you both, and why are you at his parents house, in the first place??
I'm 20 and he's 21... were at his parents house because I was going to stay in a dorm but they offered I stayed with them until we can get on our feet and find a place... were buying a house and going to move out soon but it seems like there is barely any affection unless were in public he'll grab my or always try to kiss me but when were alone it's a different story
450donn
Dec 15, 2008, 12:30 PM
BAD IDEA!
Dump him and move on alone, If you are having this kind of doubts already what will it be like in another 6 months?
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 12:37 PM
This morning I went to the history because I forgot one of the websites I had went to and I saw this one website and I clicked on it and it brought up nude photos of celebrities... he called me and I had confronted him but before that I said have you been looking at any porn or nude pictures lately and he said no... then I asked him what that was and he said it was in an e-mail and he wasn't sure what it was... but when you go to history and look at an e-mail account it will have like e-mail but you can't open it because you don't have that password so I'm wondering if he's a liar or making up excuses... :mad:
Aloysius
Dec 15, 2008, 12:45 PM
Perhaps he's afraid you're going to be angry with him about his porn-viewing tendencies?
I'm going to come out and say this right now, but unless other people are using his computer, it's fairly obvious that he's been looking at pornography. If it were an e-mail, it would be titled differently, and unless he's automatically set to log-in when he enters the website, then it would indeed prompt for a password. Better yet, the only time it would appear in his history bar, is if he actually visited the website, because if he didn't click the e-mail, it wouldn't show up.
Another possibility is a computer virus. I've had computer viruses that would actually add porn links in to bookmarks and such, but chances are(and I admit this,) such a virus would come from searching up pornography anyhow.
I think you should confront him about this in person, and ask him to be 100% honest with him. Let him know how you feel about the matter(I'm not sure if you're just angry about the lying or the pornography as well,) and if he is viewing pornography, you can do either of the following:
Accept it as a fact of life (men will do this; it doesn't mean they're going to cheat or anything)
Or;
Vehemently attept to convince him to stop.
If you love him, and if he loves you, there has to be some sort of compromise.
kctiger
Dec 15, 2008, 12:49 PM
Perhaps there is something else bothering him... perhaps a little communication would be in order, rather than assuming he may be gay or he may not in fact be a man. Sex is not the only thing I look for in a relationship...
But then, I guess that makes me gay...
Romefalls19
Dec 15, 2008, 01:03 PM
Communication would sure help solve this problem, which seems to be lacking in this relationship. Ask him if there is something else bothering him
Romefalls19
Dec 15, 2008, 01:06 PM
Talk to him about it and see how he feels. Why is viewing porn such an issue for you? He may feel pressured into hiding it from you because you will get upset with him about it. It is natural to be curious, but that does not mean he is acting on his curiousity other than looking at nude celebs.
Come on, who hasn't heard on the news about a celeb being caught without clothes and then googled the pic?
::Raises hand::
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 01:15 PM
Talk to him about it and see how he feels. Why is viewing porn such an issue for you? He may feel pressured into hiding it from you because you will get upset with him about it. It is natural to be curious, but that does not mean he is acting on his curiousity other than looking at nude celebs.
Come on, who hasn't heard on the news about a celeb being caught without clothes and then googled the pic?
::Raises hand::
I don't care if he looks at it I mean a lot of guys do I guess I just have problems with that I mean he's not having sex with me but he'll look at porn... I don't get it.. and when we go out in public he's all over me its like he wants guys to know that I'm his and they can't have me... I just don't like lying... I know sex shouldn't be the only important thing in a relationship but sharing that intimate connection to me is important and if he's not giving it to me I don't know what to do...
Romefalls19
Dec 15, 2008, 01:17 PM
Intimate connection can be described in many different ways to many different people For me being intimate means sharing a connection that you don't share with anyone else, which can be a heart to heart conversation with my fiancé about something that's been bother one of us. Or it could mean making love to her, but either way I don't base my whole intimacy of the relationship on having sex or not. He may be wanting more substance to it
talaniman
Dec 15, 2008, 01:22 PM
Ok, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months
You dated online?? How??
Justwantfair
Dec 15, 2008, 01:29 PM
my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 6 months and we met online
They met online, not dated online.
If you have been sleeping together non-stop for the last six months a lot of relationships when sex is first involved, it is non-stop. When it slows it doesn't make it unnatural. More information is needed to determine if there is a serious problem with the relationship or it's just natural progression.
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 01:34 PM
They met online, not dated online.
If you have been sleeping together non-stop for the last six months alot of relationships when sex is first involved, it is non-stop. When it slows it doesn't make it unnatural. More information is needed to determine if there is a serious problem with the relationship or it's just natural progression.
We have sex mayber once a week... and its only if his parents are gone and I don't try it every time they're gone but when I try to make a move it seems like its planned but I'm trying to go by his wishes so its kind of hard not to make it planned...
talaniman
Dec 15, 2008, 01:34 PM
Your right we need more info!
As now they have a porn issue, and the threads were combined as its confusing keeping up with different posts about the same relationship.
ladygoodgal
Dec 15, 2008, 01:49 PM
OK its not only the intimact issue it's a lot of other ones as well... we met online and talked for 2 months everyday until I took a bus to go see him and then he visited me about 3 weeks after and the oppourtunity was there for me to live with him in his parents basement.. its not like we have a bedroom together we have separate rooms right next to each other.. It seems like the majority of our problems have to do with online... such as myspace and Facebook... he accidenlty left his password on myspace once and it logged me into his so I did something I obviously shouldn't have done... I snooped around and looked at his old messages seeing if I could find anything... I found conversations from girls and from his EX!! And I was livid... there was a conversation between the 2 of them when we first started our relationship she asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no not really.. . we decided to let it go b ut then he deleted his myspace and Facebook to avoid drama and I did too to make it fair... but then he told me he got an e-mail from his x saying hey and I e-mailed her back telling her she needs to back off... she wrote me back saying she just wanted to tell him that she wanted him to know her grandpa was not doing so well and she told me he lied to her all the time and had a porn addiction... and that he told her about some personal things that he promised me he wouldn't tell anyone... I don't get why he was talking to her... ughh
kctiger
Dec 15, 2008, 01:51 PM
Seems to be a lot of trust issues between you both. I think you moved way TOO fast. I mean, after less than 6 months you live together... I don't think that is enough time to even get to know each other.
No Trust = No relationship
Justwantfair
Dec 15, 2008, 01:54 PM
All information now being given -
GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW. These aren't situations that will build a healthy relationship. Your relationship is built on mis-trust.
Romefalls19
Dec 15, 2008, 02:28 PM
Way too much drama for anyone to deal with, cut ties and move back home. Take this as a lesson learned as find out more about someone before you move in!
talaniman
Dec 15, 2008, 02:44 PM
I have to agree with the others, as you moved to fast with this stranger, and the more you learn, the more problems its causes. You are in lust, and as the lust has faded, you see more things you didn't know. You will either talk, and listen, and resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, or go home.
To much, to fast, crash and burn.
No communication, no relationship!!
Handyman2007
Dec 20, 2008, 02:27 PM
Six months is not enough time to completely know someone enough to pack up and move in with him AND HIS PARENTS!! Sounds like you are both young. Pack your things and go back home. Find someone and take the time to get to know them better.
ladygoodgal
Dec 22, 2008, 10:18 AM
Ok iv'e been on here before about troubles with my boyfriend... we've had our ups and downs and had a lot of obsticles to get through but were doing OK... just have some communication problems but were working on them and trying to listen to each other... but lately I caught him looking at porn and that's OK with me I don't really have a problem with it but then this past weekend we went out with a bunch of people to a strip club and I have to admit at first I had felt a little bit uncomfortable with it but I did the best I could and brushed it off my shoulders because he's with me not them... The problem I have is when we go out he's all over me with hugs and kisses all lovey dovy and then when we get home and were alone he doesn't kiss me unless I kiss him and he's on the computer looking at car parts and after that I try to get a little intimate and he gets irritated he said he doesn't like making out and never has and then he says sometimes I'm kind of rough and he doesn't like that... I think I handled it quite well.. I respected what he had to say but I'm wondering if the I'm tired or I'm just not in the mood.. I don't know if there's something more but I don't know if I should just not touch him anymore and wait for him or what...
Ber Rabbit
Dec 22, 2008, 10:36 AM
It sounds like you have opened the lines of communication in your relationship. Now you need to use them.
He may be acting all lovey dovey in public to either reassure you that he loves you or to let other guys know you're his.
Some people just don't like making out. Kissing is more complicated than you would believe. Everyone has a different kissing style, maybe yours and his just don't match. The nice thing about that is if you realize it you can adjust to a style that he enjoys if there is one. The only way for you to know is to ask him and to work at it.
He probably said you're kind of rough sometimes because you're kind of rough sometimes. There's a real opportunity there to communicate with him and find out what he likes. Have him show you how he likes to be touched, etc. This is a great chance for you two to use honest communication to grow closer.
Ber
talaniman
Dec 22, 2008, 11:08 AM
Be patient as you must realize your still in the learning process, that you skipped entirely when you moved in with a guy after only 6 months of knowing him.
You may as well see that you have a long road ahead to know, understand, and deal with each other, so don't try to rush it now, thats part of the problem.
Pay attention, talk, and listen as your feelings may get in the way of learning.
Moonlight187
Dec 22, 2008, 12:43 PM
Maybe his porn addiction is what's causing him to not be so interested in you sexually.:confused: