So this is the first time I've ever made a mistake like this, but I fear it has caused irreparable damage to our relationship.

What happened was; a female friend of ours was kicked out of her parents house and my girlfriend and I offered our couch to her. Well sometime during the night after many many alcoholic beverages the girlfriend told the friend to join us in bed and we all kind of laid there and talked. Eventually my girlfriend fell asleep and me and the other female continued to talk. I don't remember much of this night.

I remember my girlfriend asking me to put my hand on her heart and then writing in a text message on her phone that she did not send out to me "how did you like kissing another girl?" now I don't remember this and I know that is no excuse but we kept hanging out for a few days after that and I thought we were starting to get things straight, out of the blue about 3-4 days ago she gets in touch with me on AIM, while I am at work, and tells me she can't be with me right now and needs some time to her self. Anything I say to her makes her angry and she has been spending a lot of time going out with friends and or family and she keeps telling me she loves me but we had plans to see one another and she just totally stopped responding in text messages until this morning

She told me that she was on her way over and she got sick thinking about it =\
and was up with her mother all night. Now my question is;

Is it over? Her family hates me now (I had a great relationship with her family prior to this) and she can not even stand to see me. Granted it has only been one week.. . But I don't know what to do about the whole situation. There is nothing I can do to let her know how much I love her and that I would never knowingly hurt her but it is not making it easier for her to come see me.

any help would be greatly appreciated and I am ready for and accept all of the "you are an idiot" messages and will not respond with hateful reply's as I already know this.

Would like to add that I did not have sex with this girl but kissed her while my girlfriend was in the bed with us sleeping.

I don't understand why your girlfriend invited this girl in the bed with the two of you, maybe it wa due to the alcohol? This kind of leave me confuse. But then for you kiss in while your girlfriend laid next to you was wrong but again I am still confuse.

It seems like there might be more to why your girlfriend no longer wants to be with you and right now you can only step back and realize and you may never get her back. Accept that and began your process of moving on because no matter what you do or say you can't win someone back that doesn't want to be won back.

Sounds to me like your girlfriend may have been setting you up to see if you would do anything with another girl and now it is probably bothering her even more than she realized it would.
I think you are better off without her cause she started this and now she wants to act like it is all your fault and not see her part in this.

So, she called me last night and eventually made her way to my house and spent the night. Nothing happened I just wrapped my arms around her in bed and squeezed till we fell asleep. Good sign? Or a sign she's trying to end things more civilly ?(sp)

I'd take it as a good sign... hopefully she realizes that alcohol played a big role in all of this mess. Why the friend was invited into the bed in the first place is strange... so obviously your girlfriend was not thinking straight as well... but avoid any blame games. All three of you screwed up.
I'd swear off partaking in more alcohol than the two of you can manage well from now on. Who needs the aggravation?

You guys kind of both asked for this... She must have had A lot of trust in you to invite a intoxicated girl into bed with her intoxicated BF. If you ask me I think that EVERYONE involved in this is to blame. It's not her fault. It is your fault but only to an extent. She put the problem there in the first place and you cracked under some kind of pressure and kissed her.

This is the kind of thing that ruins relationships. You can try to tell her that it was a bad idea to invite her into the room when everyone was drunk but that will probably just upset her even more. Live off the words sorry and be nice and you might be able to salvage something if you give her enough time. But I would not expect her to trust you as much for a very very long time.

So this is the first time I've ever made a mistake like this, but i fear it has caused irreparable damage to our relationship.

What happened was; a female friend of ours was kicked out of her parents house and my girlfriend and I offered our couch to her. well sometime during the night after many many alcoholic beverages the girlfriend told the friend to join us in bed and we all kind of layed there and talked. eventually my girlfriend fell asleep and me and the other female continued to talk. i dont remember much of this night.

I remember my girlfriend asking me to put my hand on her heart and then writing in a text message on her phone that she did not send out to me "how did you like kissing another girl?" now i dont remember this and i know that is no excuse but we kept hanging out for a few days after that and i thought we were starting to get things straight, out of the blue about 3-4 days ago she gets in touch with me on AIM, while i am at work, and tells me she can't be with me right now and needs some time to her self. anything i say to her makes her angry and she has been spending a lot of time going out with friends and or family and she keeps telling me she loves me but we had plans to see one another and she just totally stopped responding in text messages untill this morning

She told me that she was on her way over and she got sick thinking about it =\
and was up with her mother all night. now my question is;

Is it over? her family hates me now (I had a great relationship with her family prior to this) and she can not even stand to see me. Granted it has only been one week. . . but i don't know what to do about the whole situation. there is nothing i can do to let her know how much i love her and that i would never knowingly hurt her but it is not making it easier for her to come see me.

any help would be greatly appreciated and i am ready for and accept all of the "you are an idiot" messages and will not respond with hateful reply's as i already know this.

Well, she shouldn't set you up for failure. She was testing you to see if you could truly be trusted... sounds like she plays a lot of mind games with you... she likes control because she is insecure (she doesn't realize it hurts her more then she thinks). I think all of you are to blame end of story. Your girlfriend for putting you in an awkward situation, your girlfriends friend for accepting the advance and sleeping in the bed (as if it was arranged in advance) and you for kissing another girl inappropriately while in a committed relationship. I don't think any of you committed a crime of the lesser evil and that everyone needs to hold accountability for the situation. You already know that and its not over because she knows what she did was wrong and she will come around - spending the night hugging is an example of that. Question is do you want to continue the relationship knowing that she is unreliable in some sense?

Well, she shouldn't set you up for failure. She was testing you to see if you could truly be trusted...sounds like she plays a lot of mind games with you...she likes control because she is insecure (she doesn't realize it hurts her more then she thinks). I think all of you are to blame end of story. Your girlfriend for putting you in an awkward situation, your girlfriends friend for accepting the advance and sleeping in the bed (as if it was arranged in advance) and you for kissing another girl inappropriately while in a committed relationship. I don't think any of you committed a crime of the lesser evil and that everyone needs to hold accountability for the situation. You already know that and its not over because she knows what she did was wrong and she will come around - spending the night hugging is an example of that. Question is do you want to continue the relationship knowing that she is unreliable in some sense?

There isn't anything about her or her personality that would even make me question whether or not I want to continue with the relationship. I absolutley love her and what I did was so idiotic and immature I don't know if I could forgive myself, I also do not know if it was a "set-up" but she is not a deceitful person so I highly doubt that, I do think the invite was because there is enough room in the bed and she did have a lot of trust in me, that has changed since. Another problem that I'm having is.. . Her phone ! Is it just me or should she not be texting guy friends? Am I stupid for feeling mad or upset that this is going on? Before this all happened her cell phone was just about dead and the only people to text her were like her parents, but now it's much like the beginning of our relationship where the girl can't put the good phone down even when she is with me. Someone set me straight -=D

Sounds like you two need a heart to heart discussion about your relationship, and where you would both like it to go. Things got off track, for whatever reason, but now is the time to regroup and be united in getting over this roadbump and making it better.

Be careful not to read too much into things, when your feelings are heightened, due to this recent glitch, your imagination goes into overdrive.

Any possibility of the two of you taking a couple of days to just spend time together, talk, and reconnect? No outside influences... friends, family, or phone calls?

Your GF was in bed with you 2 when this happened. She invited another woman into bed with you. Bed is a sacred place for couples. If she truly didn't want anything to happen she would have never invited her into bed.

It seems to me like a hot fantasy you 2 may have talked about in the past was acted out and it didn't play out or feel the way it was supposed to to her.

You need to let her know that she is the only woman you want and she hadn't invited another woman into bed with you 2 your relationship would still be pure. Let her know you still love her and only her and that you only acted how she wanted you to and you honestly don't remember.

But if a kiss can ruin your relationship and run her and her family away from you then I'm sorry I don't think the kiss is what broke you 2 up I think there were other problems and this might have been the last straw...

Any possibility of the two of you taking a couple of days to just spend time together, talk, and reconnect? No outside influences....friends, family, or phone calls?

I would seriously, no exaggeration, kill for this to happen. But I don't think she is ready =\ maybe when I'm on vacation from work the 25th-2nd she will come and we can just be together but we shall see! Thank you all for your help and advice so far it is greatly appreciated!

There isn't anything about her or her personality that would even make me question wether or not i want to continue with the relationship. i absolutley love her and what i did was so idiotic and immature i dont know if i could forgive myself, i also do not know if it was a "set-up" but she is not a deceitful person so i highly doubt that, i do think the invite was because there is enough room in the bed and she did have a lot of trust in me, that has changed since. another problem that im having is . . . . her phone ! is it just me or should she not be texting guy friends? am i stupid for feeling mad or upset that this is going on? before this all happened her cell phone was just about dead and the only people to text her were like her parents, but now it's much like the begining of our relationship where the girl can't put the gd phone down even when she is with me. someone set me straight -=D

Ok, I see you love her and you think the best of her; you feel awful about the situation. You made a mistake and obviously alcohol was a major factor or else I am sure you wouldn't have kissed her friend. You now feel insecure about the relationship because she is text messaging "other" guys. Maybe she is text messaging with other guys in light of the situation to see if her feelings are valid and maybe she is seeking some companionship and consoling with other guys to see what they think of what is going on. Do you know who she is talking to? Chances are you do, chances are she has never given you a reason not to trust her in the past... if that is the case she can have guy friends; I have guy friends all of which my husband knows and has grown to care for equally. I would not get worked up over her conversations with other guys... unless there is misplaced trust issues... in which case you need to discuss it with her. I think she is coming around and I think that her feelings are mutual (by the sound of it) and it also sounds like you two have been dating for some time though both of you are still young. Your relationship is not over; you can pursue her and show her that you love her by not giving up. Take her out for a nice dinner, buy her some flowers and a special card and tell her how you love her and care for her. That you are very sorry and feel awful, it will never happen again because you realize now more then ever just how much in love with her you are. As it goes for the "other guys" leave it be and concentrate on one problem at a time don't push her away.

You may of cared for her but she seems to be a drama queen. Idc how drunk I am... I would not allow another woman to sleep in my bed with my boyfriend... When they were drunk... and barely conscious of their actions...

She set you up... she just wants drama... if you don't like drama every week you might want to quit while you're ahead... well sort of

So I sent her the link to this page so she could see how I felt and how others (people not effected by this situation) felt about it. I have been giving her the space she requested but I feel like my phone hasn't left my hand waiting for her to call and say she was ready to talk it out. She barley spoke to me Sunday, just long enough to tell me she got her new phone Lol, I sent about 1234124 text messages to her in my head but I stayed strong and left the phone alone except to reply to the few texts she sent me. Do you all feel if I give her too much space and time it will look like I am heartless ? How much space and time should I give her? Has she already decided she dosen't want to be with me ever again and just dosen't have the heart to tell me ? (she is so not the type of girl to be shy) ? I just can't stop thinking about her. I kissed another girl for about 3 seconds and have spent 1036800 seconds regretting it =\

I think giving her space like you are doing is the right thing. Maybe you could text her once a day and say something irrelevant like "hope you are having a good day"... I definitely don't think that she decided not to be with you again. She is probably trying so hard to be strong and inside it is killing her, but she knows she has to be strong for you to realize what you did. If my boyfriend kissed my friend I would be acting like her... good luck.. tell us what happens!

If she reads this thread she will see how you feel about her, how very sorry you are for what happened, how it was not intentional... (I don't care how well someone thinks they handle things, you just do not think as clearly after too much alcohol), and how you want to make things right. The alcohol is not an excuse, perse, but the real issue was having too much alcohol in the first place... for all three of you. Hopefully you all learned a valuable lesson from this mess.

I also hope she realizes that she needs to make good as well, it can't be resolved by you alone... she will need to accept a certain amount of responsibility and also work at rebuilding things if she wants a healthy relationship with you.

I wouldn't pursue her... she knows how you feel, it is now up to her to make good. Maybe she is using the whole situation as a way to get out of the relationship, maybe not, but she is now the one who has to make the next move and either step up and be honest with you to end it, or do what it takes to make it work.

Quite frankly, it was a quick, drunken kiss that meant nothing... and she played a part in it as well whether she wants to admit that or not. Should it have happened, no and I can understand her being hurt... but was it really a major issue given the circumstances?? Is it worth ending a relationship over?

Your right, you do need to give her space but you definitely don't want to give her too much space. Keep responding to her texts and send her 3 or 4 of your own a day. Let her know about oppurtunitys you have open to hang out by telling her what your plans are for the day. That way you can give her a chance to open up and say she wants to hang out with you again when she's ready. Sounds like she may not have the self confidence to accept someone truly loves her and she needs time to understand the depth of your relationship.

I just feel stupid texting her anymore, I know what I did was horrible but I just can't get the thought out of my head that she just wants it to be over. I read your answer chrissy and I opened my phone and was going to text her" how is your day" or something along those lines and had second thoughts about it (ive never had second thoughts about texting or calling her before) =\ I don't know that I want to be the guy that "wont leave her alone" but I really don't want to be the guy that Leaves her alone! Lmao I need some outlet for emotions and I can't do that at work thanks you all very much, if nothing else you have helped me threw the situation by at least listening and responding.

edit: (ive never had second thoughts about texting or calling her before)

edit#2: after I posted this I broke down and asked her how she was. Thank you all for the help so far, when I have a second I'm going to go through and rate everyone's answers =D

i just feel stupid texting her anymore, i know what i did was horrible but i just can't get the thought out of my head that she just wants it to be over. i read your answer chrissy and i opened my phone and was going to text her" how is your day" or something along those lines and had second thoughts about it (ive never had second thoughts about texting or calling her before) =\ i don't know that i want to be the guy that "wont leave her alone" but i really dont want to be the guy that Leaves her alone! lmao i need some outlet for emotions and i can't do that at work thanks you all very much, if nothing else you have helped me threw the situation by at least listening and responding.

edit:(ive never had second thoughts about texting or calling her before)

Don't have second thoughts about saying hello to her... have second thought about texting her... when are we going to get back together... do you still love me... have you been seeing anyone else... etc etc. If she truly wans you to leave you alone and you say she's not a very shy person she'll tell you to leave her alone. Keep your head up and stay positive.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this... relationship issues are never fun.

You are right, you need to find an outlet... get out with friends and family more, get some daily exercise (outdoors if possible), spend time on a hobby or start one, rent some movies, walk during a break at work, the point is you may have to force yourself to do things, but it is important that you do so.

Again, you have made it clear to her how you feel and that you want the relationship to continue... there is not much more you can do. Respond when she texts or e-mail you... maybe let her know you are thinking about her every now and then, if you want... send her flowers with a nice note and let her know you are looking forward to hearing from her if you feel you need to do something more right now, but then try your best to not push it. The not knowing is difficult to be sure, but the ball really is in her court now.

Inviting another girl into the same bed as you and your girlfriend isn't that big of a deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years I invite my girlfriends to sleeping the bed with us, of course I lay in the middle and cuddle with my baby all night, but still if I feel close enough to a girl then I would too. Esp if I was drinking!

Second she probably feels hurt because of what you did. She put all of her trust into you and this girl but you broke her heart. My boyfriend had these girls called 'myspace girls' (this was when we were still in h.s. and have only been dating for 6 months but still) and he would talk to these girls as if they were his g.f. I logged into his myspace and saw this and I bugged out. The thought that I had made love to this man, and shared my life with him just for him to turn around and treat other girls (who he never met) like me was appaulling. I didn't kiss him for a month. He made me sick. Eventually I spent the night at his house and he held me all night and told me how much he loved me and that he was so sorry and he logged into his myspace and showed me that e told all of those girls the truth and he made his myspace devoted to me. And although I wasn't planning on getting back with him, I did love him and I wanted him back more then anything so our relationship got better. Give her time to sort things out in her head. Give her time to forgive you. Make her want to forgive you. Tell the other girl that you are in love and that you are sorry for what happened that night.

If you want to fix this broken relationship that is the way to do it. Time is the best though... that is the only thing to heal the hurt you put on to her. Believe it or not it sounds like she loves you to still be communicating with you and to let you hold her.

I hope I helped and best of luck to you and your girlfriend. I wish the best.

And just to clear it up before people start bugging on me... I only let my 2 really close girlfriends sleep in bed with me and my b.f. If I am drunk I'm a mess and would invite anyone... I'm a 2 beer queer so if your g.f. is like that then I understand. Just so everyone knows that.

OK... well... did I say every night? Did I say every week? no. like once and a while when my g.f.s spend the night. I live 100 miles away from them so... yea. Like you know once a year.. maybe once every 8/9 months... haha sumetimes every 2 years. Not on a regualr basis. I've been friends with them since elementary school.

So I text her at 12: something today and asked how she was and it is now 6:23 and I haven't gotten a response =\ guess that answers my question's thank you all for your help <33

You may of cared for her but she seems to be a drama queen. Idc how drunk i am... i would not allow another woman to sleep in my bed with my bf.... When they were drunk.... and barely conscious of their actions....

She set you up... she just wants drama... if you don't like drama every week you might wanna quit while you're ahead... well sorta

I don't get how other women invite their girlfriend into their beds with hubby or boyfriend?? Ok she sleeps with me alone, spare room or even on the couch but NOT with my man... I guess with a few drinks anyone can make that mistake.

Oh and I have been so drunk as blacking out (not remembering what I did) but I don't invite promiscuous situations in my house rather get into fights... that is why I don't drink a lot or go to bars anymore... I am a mommy now and have different priorities but I just wanted to comment to the disagreement to your post.

ok...well...did i say every night? did i say every week? no. like once and a while when my g.f.s spend the night. i live 100 miles away from them so... yea. like you know once a year .. maybe once every 8/9 months...haha sumetimes every 2 years. not on a regualr basis. ive been friends with them since elementary school.

Regular basis or not or once in a blue moon it is not normal. Most people let guests sleep on the sofa or anywhere BUT their bed with them and their boyfriend.

Regular basis or not or once in a blue moon it is not normal. Most people let guests sleep on the sofa or anywhere BUT their bed with them and their bf.

What side do you think the OP was? Or was he in the middle? Because I agree, if they where just laying there talking then why wouldn't his girlfriend arrange it so boyfriend wasn't sleeping beside the girlfriend just her? Does that make sense or am I crazy?

Haha... my point exactly :)

Girlfriend was in the middle

... ouch. I would be your ex by the a.m.
You are lucky you can still call her 'your girlfriend'

Again, see how it plays out with some time. You can't do anymore... if you end up having to cut your losses, hopefully you learned something from it, as painful as it may be.

Friends in bed and alcohol don't mix well.

Any update here? I would like to know how things played out. GL though I hope things work out for you.

Nothing yet, to be honest I do not expect there to be a change =\ it's OK though, were young I gues you have that "shes the one" feeling more then once lol

So we had a pretty long back and forth text message sesson today, and it's over, this thread can DIAF =D thank you all very much for your help it is greatlry appreciated.

I am sorry but I really hope you move on and find happiness elsewhere.

I have already started moving on and I am sure I will find happiness =D thank you for your kind words =)

So yesterday I was in a horrible mood, and she kept harping and saying rude and I was already feeling like she was just rejecting me so I kind of unknowingly went into defensive stance and probably replied to her rude statements with just the right statements to help her move on. Ultimatley her last text message to me yesterday (probably ever) said "I'm done I don't want anything to do with you. You should have thought about me before some other girl." and my stupid reply was "like i said best of luck to you" I just can't stop thinking about all the good times we had and how much I really do love her, and I want her to be happy but I just can't even fathom seeing her with another guy. How do I move on? What's the anti depresant drug I can get from a doctor called? Anyone live in Maryland that wouldn't mind coming to punch me in the face? I don't want it to end at all, but especially not like this! If I text her out of the blue will she just think I'm like stalking her or what? I need to end this relationship on the best terms available or I won't be able to live with myself. Any suggestions? Should I wait a week? Anythign will help.

You can just let it go and know that in time it won't be so difficult, but since you seem compelled to try to end it on a good note, maybe send her a message along the lines of:

Look, I know I messed up and while I won't use the alcohol as an excuse, you must realize that I would never do something like that under normal circumstances. I've apologized numerous times, I don't know what else I could possibly do to help you see how much I love you and wish this would have never happened. However, it is apparent that you hold me solely responsible, are not able to forgive me, and want to end our relationship so I have no choice but to let you go. You will always have a place in my heart... I wish you well.

Then leave it alone... if sometime later she changes her mind, maybe you will be at a place in your life to be receptive to that... or maybe you would have moved on and found great joy in a new relationship.

You know the adage of how people come in and out of our lives for various reasons.. help grow as a person, learn a valuable lesson, let us know what we truly value in a relationship... perhaps this is just one of those times.

almost immediately after posting that message I sent her a 4 page text saying that I don't expect a response and what not and that I do still love her and ill always be here and want to remain at least civil for now and maybe grow to be friends again, she did not respond however and I am 51% OK with that because I do realize I hurt her and it is my fault, but at least I know that my last text to her was not " like i said, best of luck to you" that just irritated the heck out of me and the more I thought about the more heartless it sounded. So I have rectified the situation as much as I can and maybe when she is done with her "i want to party and be crazy" days I will still be a viable option in her eyes from all the good times we had and how the relationship was before that kiss. Thanks a lot DoulaLC, April and Nohelp4u especially as the three of you have helped me the most! Thanks to everyone that responded ! Now I have to find some posts on here to start helping folks out =D

I believe I thanked everyone with +rep that responded also, thanks again if I missed you post again Lol

Sorrie for bumping an old dead thread, but just wanted to let everyone know that helped me out, she has just recently changed some information on her myspace page ! Lol back to "in a relationship" and her status is set to

"i can't believe everything had to fall apart for my life to fall into place!!"

Whomever said the stuff about there being another reason for all of this is the winner winner chicken dinner!!

winner winner chicken dinner!!!!

haha I love that movie.

but congrats and I'm so glad it all worked out!! Give her a reason to trust you g.f. and I really hope itck to you and youain and please no inviting random girls over and getting drunk lol

good luck to you and your .g.f I really hope everything stays good this time, but always remember that ALL relationships have highs and lows... <33

I think you misunderstood, she is in a relationship now, but not with me Lol

Lol aw.. I hope your OK!

Listen, I've cheated tons of times, I regret it, I'm trying to start a clean slate with my current girlfriend, but duuuude you were drunk

Yes its over. If you were my man and did that to me I would call you a dog and never speak to you again

"if you were drunk" OMG dude what the hell is wrong with you weather your sober, high, drunk, what ever IT IS NOT RITE TO CHEAT.! I Don't GIVE A DAMN IF YOUR GOD ITS WRONG. U KNOW THAT WHEN YOU CHEAT ON SOMEONE IT HURTS THEM EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND MENTALLY!! ITS WRONG AND That's ALL WHAT MATTERS!!


listen, ive cheated tons of times, i regret it, im tryin to start a clean slate with my current gf, but duuuude you were drunk

"if you were drunk" OMG dude what the hell is wrong with you weather your sober, high, drunk, what ever IT IS NOT RITE TO CHEAT.!!!!!!! I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF YOUR GOD ITS WRONG. U KNOW THAT WHEN YOU CHEAT ON SOMEONE IT HURTS THEM EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND MENTALLY!!!!!!! ITS WRONG AND THATS ALL WHAT MATTERS!!!!!!!!!
I take it you've been cheated on before, well, there are bad people out there who will cheat, but seriously, he couldn't help himself, have you ever been drunk, I sure as hell have, you can't control your actions like you would if you were sober, this guys hurting, and all you can do is sit there and critisisze him for cheating, on accident, I've cheated on purpose, I'm a thrill seaker, a life taker and heart breaker, but I'm done because I realized it was bs, and it made perfectly healthy relationships, into bs

Did she get mad at her girlfriend too??

Are you sure you even kissed another girl? You said you don't remember that, so maybe it was a setup? It's only been just over a week and she already has a new boyfriend, I find that odd... And you also said your girlfriend was in the middle of you 2, so you climbed over her? I didn't read all of the answers so I may have missed something. I did read the line you wrote about if there is someone living in Maryland that could come punch you in the face... haha that made me laugh, something I would say!

I don't get how other women invite their gf into their beds with hubby or bf??? Ok she sleeps with me alone, spare room or even on the couch but NOT with my man...I guess with a few drinks anyone can make that mistake.

Oh and I have been soo drunk as blacking out (not remembering what I did) but I don't invite promiscuous situations in my house rather get into fights...that is why I don't drink a lot or go to bars anymore...I am a mommy now and have different priorities but I just wanted to comment to the disagreement to your post.

I agree with you I would never LET ANY OTHER CHICK IN MY BED WITH MY MAN WHEATHER I WAS THERE OR NOT