I broke the NC on Saturday and I text my ex. It has been over 2 weeks since I last tried to text him and he didn't respond that time. The last time I heard from him was 4 weeks ago and he said all hope is gone, this was the last time I was ever going to hear from him, and I by far had said the meanest stuff to him that he has ever heard. I mailed him a sincere apology letter a couple weeks ago. Anyway... he replied to me yesterday and I didn't think he would because he is very stubborn and I said a lot of stupid things when we broke up and I was very mean. I have felt horrible and I am still really in love with him. I know I messed up and I want to make it better and I want him back. So I'm not sure what to make of him texting me back, after he said I would never hear from him again. We had a little texting conversation, he was pretty short with me for the most part. I wanted to see if he would meet up with me so we could talk. He said he didn't think it was necessary and I made it clear to him by the way I acted that I didn't want a "good" breakup. I apologized again and said I didn't mean those things and he said he understood. So now what? I feel like he is coming around a little bit because he did text me back. Even though he didn't want to meet up with me. Should I give it a couple more weeks and try again? I feel like I have to try again and prove to him how sorry I am. I know he is still hurt and angry but not as much as he was. It gave me hope because he did reply to me. Any comments or suggestions?

You guys broke up, now it's time to move on. You've apologized and now there's no real reason to stay in contact. He might also be kicking himself right now because he broke the no contact. So let him be, and worry about yourself. If he didn't want to meet up with you to talk, it doesn't sound like he's interested in getting back together.

You're probably right... I am trying to move on, it's been 5 weeks! But I just keep thinking that we could have easily been fixed because we really were good together... so frustrating...

Yeah, maybe, but you live and learn. You'll get through this. It's only been 5 weeks. I don't know how long you two were together but it takes time to get over someone, especially if you stay in contact.

Go hang out with friends and have fun, take up a new hobby, cry if you need to but don't dwell on anything.

5 Weeks is not a long time, believe me. It has been over three months for me and I am still not fully over it. DO NOT stay in contact. Do everything you have to do to avoid conversation or seeing him. Staying in contact is delaying the inevitable, and it is also throwing salt on a wound that must heal in order for you to enjoy your life. All keeping in contact does is provide hope for a situation that clearly ran out of hope a long time ago! Save yourself the questions and pain.

Take the hint, and leave him alone.

I think Tal is right. I'm sorry to say that he seems to have responded to you out of courtesy, nothing more.

The best things to do and oddly enough (even if I don't like saying this) your best chance at getting him back, is to try and move on and not initiate contact with him anymore.

He called me last night... twice. My ringer was off cause I went to bed. Not sure what he wanted. A month ago I was never going to hear from him again, 3 days ago he responded to my text and last night he called twice! That has to give me some hope... how could it not?

No, it gives you reason to have hope (more like an excuse), it isn't hope however. There is a difference between the two. He knows that you will start freaking out every time he calls, so he uses this power to mess with you. Don't bite into it.

I think you might be wrong there, this is the first time he has called me in almost 6 weeks. He is not the type at all to play mind games with me. I truly think he is starting to miss me. I'm going to try hard NOT to get my hopes up cause it may very well not be anything good. But it still did... : (!

Well, maybe you are right. I just hope your experience goes better than mind did. Good luck to you!

Thank you! I will keep you posted... and IF I ever get another chance with him, I'm going to be on here all the time to get advice for when I start getting my crazy thoughts back. I need people to set me straight!

I got dumped before after 5 years and I was devastated of course... but I moved on really quick. As in 2 weeks quick. I was having a lot of fun. I'm sure I was rebounding but it was fun dating again. One week after getting dumped I did call him and ask him if it really was over. He said yes, and that was the last time I ever bothered him again. So, I just find it odd that I'm having a much harder time this time around with my recent ex. We were together for only 6 months but I loved him like crazy, and I did the dumping! It's been a month and half now that we broke up. I always have the urge to call or text him. And I have a few times (I know, not supposed to do that, but I did). At least he is replting to my texts now, whereas a month ago, he wouldn't. Anyway... I don't really have a question. It just blows my mind that I'm still devastated without the recent ex of 6 months, and the one I was with for 5 years, I got over so quick. (And I did love him just as much) Maybe because I got dumped by the first one and there was nothing I could do about it? And with the recent one, I did the dumping but I know I made a huge mistake? Or am I just getting older (I'm 32) and it bothers me more now?

My guess is that there were things about him that you loved more than your first ex. Maybe you should rethink why you dumped him and where you feel you should go from here.

I always have the urge to call or text him. And I have a few times (I know, not supposed to do that, but I did). At least he is replting to my texts now, whereas a month ago, he wouldn't.

Its harder because you have no intentions of moving on, and your still in contact with him.

Just be honest about it.

Yeah, that makes sense... I don't want to move on

Yep I think you need to rethink and figure out if maybe you made a mistake in dumping him. Did the things you didn't like about him outweigh the things you did like about him?

There wasn't much I didn't like about him. I broke up with him because basically I was an idiot, snapped over nothing and was very immature. Yep, I know it now! He was awesome and treated me good, just didn't see it like I do now. One thing that did bother me a little bit is that I own a house and a car, he doesn't, and I have a college diploma and a university degree (no career job yet), and he only has high school. Which really shouldn't matter, right? I just kind of feel that I have my s**t together. But he is younger than me so he still has lots of time to have all those things

As long as you do not feel like he was using you and you can see that he is doing the best he can I think you should be with him and encourage him to his potential. To look at it like what you have compared to what he doesn't have is making it a materialistic thing.
You can have the wealthiest guy and not have love. Which would you rather have a 'cheap date' that is a keeper with a lot of good memories that are priceless or a million bucks and someone you don't have much feelings for? Follow your heart and if it leads to him ask him to forgive you and give it another chance and promise to make it up to him.

No, I don't think he was using me. It might have sounded materialistic, but I'm definitely not in any way. I would much rather have love than money! I did pay for most stuff when we went out but I never cared. I'm a full time bartender so I could sometimes make in a night or 2 what he made in a week. Anyway, that's irrelevant. You're right, none of that should matter because he's a great person! And I'm working on getting him back still. I know it will take time and patience on my part, but he's starting to come around... I think. Slowly...

When you feel comfortable enough apologize and tell him you didn't realize just how much he meant to you. Tell him that when you start snapping out for him to stop you in your tracks somehow.
Maybe when you feel comfortable enough that he has come around enough invite him for a weekend away just the two of you.

I hope your one of the lucky ones, who do get a second chance, and not repeat the same mistake twice. Lots of honest communications.

I hope I am one of the lucky ones too. I WON'T make the same mistakes ever again, especially after coming across this website. It really has opened up my eyes and let me see things how they really are, and how ridiculous I have been. Only time will tell if I do get that chance again...

Great... So I guess I sent my final text to him on Wednesday. I put it all out there, told him I wanted to see him again, take it really slow, see where it goes from there. Told him I thought I needed to try since I screwed up with him. Told him I wanted to know if I was just making a fool of myself for trying. His response: (grrrr)
"You and I will never happen again. I don't have any feelings left for you anymore, you killed that. I don't hate you, but move on."
Wow, I feel awesome right now. Now I really have no choice but to never contact him again. I tried, did all I could do. What really gets to me is why the f**k did he call me last week if he really never cares to hear from me again? Apparently it's because he was "drunk and angry".

You have your answer, and can end this chapter of your life. Actually you've had that answer a long time, but never accepted it.

You are right, and you could say "I told you so." That's fine, I suck!

You are right, and you could say "I told you so." That's fine, I suck!

Process of moving on:

Step 1: DO NOT blame yourself and do not say that you suck! Nothing sucks about being human and loving someone more than they loved you. It happens! No biggie...

Carry on. :)

Your hurt, and disappointed, but you have to be ready for something good, so focus forward, not back.

I want to know why? I don't get it because he was pretty much obsessed with me for a while. I know he loved me, he told everybody all the time. Did I really mess up that bad that his feelings for me shut off?

Oh, and I also want to know some reasons of why he may have called me last week? He left 2 drunken messages. The first one was "You probably aren't answering because you're banging someone right now." (NICE) The second one was some kind of song he wanted me to listen to, couldn't understand what he was saying. If I had no feelings for somebody, there is no way I would call them, doesn't matter how drunk I am.

Just want to throw something else out here... I'm 32, he is 24. (yep, I'm a cougar, haha). It really caught me off guard when he asked me out in the first place because he is so much younger, By far the youngest I have ever dated. And I was very cautious at the beginning and told him so. I told him that I thought he was too young for me, and there is so much he still needed to do, that I have done already. I told him I was perfectly happy being single, no stress, no anxiety, no worrying about anything! Too late for that, I fell for him. Right from the beginning he told my sister that he wanted to marry me and told his mom that "I was the one." haha... fast forward 8 months now. So what I think I'm getting at here is... when I was 23, I got dumped, and from what I remember I was heartbroken, don't remember this pain though! And it just seemed I got over that quick. Now that I'm 32, I just feel like I'm too old for anything now. I never wanted kids, never wanted to get married, loved being on my own. But with the recent one, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids with him. He would (my bad, WILL, NOT WITH ME) be a great father and husband! I feel like if I ever do find someone else that I actually love, I'll be too old to have kids. Because it takes me a really long time to find somebody I want to stay with. So when and IF that does happen, I'll be old enough to be a grandmother, not a mother. I'm wondering too what people think of the 8 year age difference with us too. Doesn't seem like much, but since he's only 24...

You aren't too old! Life isn't about marrying the first person you fall in love with so you can be the status quo family that has children at a certain age. Life is about finding your true partner, someone YOU will love for the rest of your life, no matter the age or circumstance. Don't worry about your age or any of that. Just let things happen.

Him being 24 has nothing to do with anything. It is a number. You two clearly have feelings and emotions that are blind to your age. Be happy you haven't rushed into a disfunctional relationship at a young age only to be miserable for the rest of your life. You are doing what you need to in order to find happiness. That is all that matters. Love will find you, always has and always will.

Last night I got rid of everything he ever gave me. It's all in the garbage. I mailed off his DVD box set to him that he had here. Now I'm going to have to delete myself off Facebook because I find myself checking out his best friends profile all the time, and seeing new pictures of him. My ex isn't one of my friends on there but I always type in his name to see his profile pic... Last night I was in tears, this morning I'm pissed off. I'm going to try now as hard as I possibly can to stop analyzing everything, every text message he sent me, the phone call... stop all thoughts... try to accept it's really over and I will never see him again. BOOO

You are doing every normal reaction there is. There are four stages of grief, or loss, if you will, and you are going through them. Google them if you want. Another thing I do is help others out on this forum. It is amazing therapy to make other people feel better when you don't feel that great either. Keep on chugging, you are taking the right steps. And YES, NEVER look at Facebook again, it is absolutely evil in this situation.

Facebook is EVIL! So is text messaging! I would never have gotten myself into this position in the first place if text messaging wasn't around. I think my phone is going into the river... AGAIN

Oh PERFECT! I'm never going to escape the reminders! His dad showed up at the bar I work at today for a couple beers, my heart dropped and then I wanted to cry, I had a couple shots instead... He said hi and merry Xmas (oh yes, so merry!). When I was leaving I bought him a beer and headed out. Never mentioned a word about the ex, although I wanted to...

What really sucks too are my panic attacks and anxiety! I actually somewhat sleep well at night, but I used to LOVE my naps, and I can't anymore. I might fall asleep for a couple minutes but then subconsciously he enters my mind and I pretty much start hyperventilating and panicking. And I'm so TIRED! I have been working 2 jobs so I've been putting in a lot of hours. I want to be able to nap. :( I love sleeping!