I was in a relationship with a man I thought loved me, we lived together for 18 months and went out for just over 2 years. During this time, he nearly proposed twice and told me several times (including when we broke up) that I was the woman he would want to marry and that he thought he saw me as the mother of his children.

The problem is that he wants it all, freedom to do what he wants, when he wants and not have to answer to anyone. However, he also wants the emotional support and all the other good things that come from a relationship, without having to give anything back.
He always thinks about himself first and he walks into every situation wondering what he can get out of it or how he can manipulate the situation.

He told me he was not sure he wanted to be with me anymore and that he felt I was holding him back. He told me that he couldn't have fun with his friends if I was there because he didn't feel relaxed. Since our split up, my family (and his) all admitted that they never felt he was committed and that they felt sad because it was obvious that I was and loved him very much. All I did was love him with all my heart and our biggest problem was that I loved him but that he loved himself too.

He wants to stay friends or 'best friends' as he puts it and even though we both agreed not to speak this week, he has not stopped contacting me for one day and trying to wear me down into seeing him - to which I ignored every text/phone call. He even showed up at my door unannounced the next day!

I don't know what to do and I am seeing him tonight because I need help preparing for a job interview. Part of me just wants to tell him to get lost because he is obviously only trying to satisfy himself that he hasn't lost everything and have it all.

I feel like he has destroyed my faith in love, I NEVER thought I would feel that way but I can't even bare to think about being with another man, or him. The thought terrifies me and I just want to curl up and die.

If you've managed to read this far, please help and I will listen to any suggestions.

Many thanks

Lou
X

Doesn't love mean, give and take.
i.e. You could have never loved him, if he never gave you, his love back to you.
Oh dear.

You really need to learn quickly if he loves you or not, because presently "love" is not even in your relationship, and possibly never was.


He told me he was not sure he wanted to be with me anymore and that he felt I was holding him back That's strange, I thought that if you were in love, you'd be loving everyday (well 50% ! :) )

This don't sound like it's all that romantic to me

Only put as much into a relationship as you receive.

There are no expectations or guarantees of anything in life, except for the expectations you make for yourself. Just because your putting in all the work, doesn't mean he will return the favor.

Instead of making him your life and EXPECTING him to make you his... pull back and live your own life and learn to share it with him.

Hey!

First of all, let me start by saying don't ever doubt love, that's bad news bears right there. Anyway, do you really want to spend your life with someone who's like hey stand over here awhile so I go do my thing, and you'll still be here when I get home in a day, month, year? Who knows.

Screw that ish, I honestly think you posting here isn't so much for advice, more of a venting process for yourself, you already know the right thing to do and what he's trying to put you through.

Your supposed to see him tonight? I would blow him off, I feel like the only way your going to get this man's true feelings for you, is to ignore him completely, and if he continues contacting you frantically should send up flags in your mind, and I would prolong it until he realizes his losses, and if it gets far enough of not contacting see other people, he sounds like if he got wind of you seeing other people, it would send him up the wall.

I hope this helps!

Take Care,
LCM

Lou, I think the others are correct and you should seek another way of preparing for you interview, and cut any contact with this fellow that you have.

He has shown he is not for you, or what you want, so depending on him for anything, only prolongs the reality of getting him out of your life, so you can have the happiness you deserve.

I wouldn't ask him for a stick of gum, at this point.