HI everyone,
I dated a man for six years and found out I was pregnant. As soon as he found out he immediatly left me and didnt even know that the baby had been born. during the pregnancy he abused drugs, got 2 dui's, caught with cocain, and put in jail for a year then rehab for another. He has been out for a year now and since his close relative is a lawyer, he managed to have everything erased from his record. my daughter is now 3 and he has seen her a total of 6 times. He is not on the birth certificate and the child has my last name. if we went to court over my daughter could I use his records even though they have been cleared? what can I do to prove him unfit so I recieve sole custody of her? Help please!!!

If he was in jail there has to be a record of that. There would be too many different things to get rid of. His lawyer's records, the prosecutor's records, the actual police reports, etc. And all of these would be brought up in family court.

HI everyone,
I dated a man for six years and found out I was pregnant. As soon as he found out he immediatly left me and didnt even know that the baby had been born. during the pregnancy he abused drugs, got 2 dui's, caught with cocain, and put in jail for a year then rehab for another. He has been out for a year now and since his close relative is a lawyer, he managed to have everything erased from his record. my daughter is now 3 and he has seen her a total of 6 times. He is not on the birth certificate and the child has my last name. if we went to court over my daughter could I use his records even though they have been cleared? what can I do to prove him unfit so I recieve sole custody of her? Help please!!!

I'm not trying to sound coy so please don't take this the wrong way. But why do you think your child's father is unfit? We don't terminate parental rights because of DUI convictions, drug offenses, or because a person has spent time in jail. Also, what do you mean by "sole custody"? Do you mean controlling when and if your child sees her father or ever has a relationship with him?

Admittedly he sounds like no angel, but don't you think the child is entitled to a father, even if he's no perfect example of one?

By law I don't think you can hold someone's past against them.

Judges look at what a person has been doing for the past 6 months to a year.If during that time they have been what is perceived as a *contributing member of society* than their rights are the same as someone with no past criminal record.

I highly doubt that his record has been erased unless he was a juvenile offender and while you may bring it up in court if he has been clean it may not be deemed relevant to your case.

Not being on the birth certificate or sharing a last name is not an indication of paternity and has no bearing one way or the other.

It is not easy to prove someone is unfit... he may be a deadbeat dad but that is not *legal* cause to deny visitation.

You would have to have solid proof that he was engaging in illegal activities ie; video tape of him doing drugs or emails where he admits to sordid behavior.

Even if you did have sole custody that does not prevent him from having visitation.

Be sure your motivations for wanting him totally absent from your daughters life are in her best interest and not because you resent him personally.

Someday she will be old enough to make this decision alone and may come to resent you for not allowing her the opportunity to know her father.

Many good wishes for you in this difficult time... been there and I know its not easy!