Hi all,my girl of 10 years fiancée for 1 year broke up with me 13 days ago,we were dew to get married this time next year and have a house together,everything was perfect best 10 years of my life,But all of a sudden she got cold feet! And tells me we wanted different things even though she was the one at first who wanted to get married and now she doesn't want to,She had just turned 17 and I 19 when we started dating 10 years ago,she says we were too young when we met and she missed out on the things single people would do in their late teens early 20s she tells me now she needs time on her own for a while and not have any one to answer to and to experience different things and to see if I was/is the guy she really wants to be with how long she doesn't know and she doesn't want to give me false hope, she has moved back home to her parents now and we agreed to rent out our house we are best friends for now and if there's any chance of her coming back to me I have to respect her, I have to give her time and space I can see her point of missing out on things when she was younger but its so hard for me and every minute feels like an hour, but its her birthday in 2 weeks and christmas is almost upon us,her family and friends are shocked at her decision because every one thought we were set for life ,but in the mean time she is doing now what she said she said she wanted to do so in life so that has to be a step in the right direction,there is no one else male or female involved in out relationship in fact trust was a very strong factor in out relationship but she says she has to do this and I'm scared she is leaving me for good since we are putting up our house for rent shortly ,if any 1 is reading this I hope I'm making sense and can you see a future between me and my girl,has any 1 had similar experiences and did ye get back together? Please help!

"Things most people do in their early teens and 20's."

I read this as "I want to have sex with other guys and party."

It sounds like she is just bored and wants to mess with other people. Your only option is to just completely cut her off and maybe she will come around, considering the length of time you two knew each other.

I think that she should have thought about this many years ago, let alone at least before she told you yes, she would marry you. This is a very selfish act on her part, and in no way it is even fair to you. You deserve way better than this, and she is obviously only thinking about herself. Best friends? Really? I mean, it is one things to have cold feet, but not because she regrets that she missed out on things that fun single girls in their late teens and early 20's do... Obviously, if she can't get past that mentality and see that she has a great person that I willing to spend the rest of his life with her, then she is still stuck in her late teens to early 20's maturity wise. I think honestly, you need to let that go and go about your own way. I know you have invested a lot, but seriously, what do you think that she is going to be doing during this time that she wants to relive those younger years? All that goes on is a bunch of immature acts, parties, sleeping around, lack of responsibility and well, acting like a young girl.

You need to chalk this one up as a loss, go about your way, and have nothing to do with that. Let her look back at her ridiculous decision after she realizes that she is being foolish, and wish that she had never been so selfish. I think the word "TRIFLIN" sums her up real well!

Thanks for the quick response, but you are right about her wanting to party,lack of responsibility and acting like a young girl but the part about her wanting other guys and sleeping around I have to disagree I know this girl like the back of my hand, she is actually a very respectful and loyal girl,its like she needs a time out or something and it's a bi##h of a way to do it,all her friends are married or in a relationship and always party together and go home together,I know it sounds like I'm making excueses for her but as I said above trust is/was one of the best parts of our relationship like I was going out with her 6 months before we first went under the covers if you know what I mean,I'm meeting her tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks to discuss the house and stuff but I'm not going to beg or cry for her to come back,instead I'm going to be strong and keep my chin up and hopefully leave her thinking and wondering if she's done the right thing,and hopefully when the time is right we might hook up again but ill let her do the running,but as you say if she does sleep around and I know she won't then she has no way back to me.

It is not an uncommon phrase on this site for someone to say that they know the girl so well or like the back of your hand, but if that was the case, then why does her getting cold feet surprise you? I am very sure that during the last 10 years there wasn't a thought in your mind that she would all of a sudden up and want space like this. I am not saying that she is planning on going out and sleeping with the first guy that she meets, but what you must realize from this is that, even though you thought you knew her so well, she managed to surprise you with wanting a break after 10 years and after saying she would marry you.

The point is that you are now getting to see the real her, and chances are there is going to be more and more things that she will do during this time which will surprise the heck out of you... and these are things that she has kept you from seeing, but are what really makes up who she is. We all think that we know someone so well, and then they always find a way to surprise us. I don't see much trust in the fact that she said she wanted to marry you and be with you for the rest of her life and now she wants to experience her younger years, since she had to spend them with you. It's almost like she feels bad for herself that she had to sacrifice her 20's, to be with you. She made that decision on her own 10 years ago... she didn't really seem to mind then did she.

So, you need to realize that I understand your want to say that you know her so well. Many people get on here and say, "well you don't know her like i do" or "yeah i see what you are saying, but i know her better than that"... and the odd thing is, that if there person writing that, would just sit back and think about that for a minute, they would realize this... Did/Do you really know them that well? Because obviously if you knew her so well, then you wouldn't be on here wondering how you wound up with the rug pulled out from under you. This goes for anything from who she would or wouldn't sleep with to any other decisions she will make.

Very very true good answer.
But should I stay or should I go
My heart says hang on give her time her family say give her time.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that but if she does wake up to herself and realises what she has in me could that in fact make our relationship stronger ?
But if I go I know ill regret not waiting to see if she does come around,and should/could I take this time off to also party and go mad for a bit?

You don't need to go and find another woman right now. You know where you heart is and I'll tell you that a 10 year relationship, let alone the fact that you were engaged, is going to take a while to get over for you... and you need to spend that time with friends and family and with just yourself. This will be time for you rebuild yourself, because trust me, you are going to need to do some rebuilding as you move on. You don't need any type of girlfriend or woman right now, and if the option arises, you need to say no, not now for a few different reasons. First of all, for your own sanity. Secondly, out of respect for them because you aren't ready. Thirdly, out of respect for yourself and your heart which is still committed to the woman you were going to marry. And lastly, as a sign of respect to yourself! Even though she has caved on her end of the deal, you should still hold up your end... what do I mean?

Well, if you just go and move on to another woman then you are basically justifying her actions, which are in no way moral or correct. You love her, were dedicated to her, and for a while, that is where your heart is going to stay. However, that is just your heart. The rest of you, brain included, is going is not going to sit around and wait for her. I know this is tough to understand because you want to wait and be there if she does come around and realize that she screwed up... however, that is not going to be fair to you.

Also, you must realize that if she really realizes how much she screwed up and that she made a bad decision... she will come find you. She will do whatever it takes to get you back. It is through that, that you will be able to gauge her real love. It is so often that we think that if we move on or move here or go there or cut off contact, that there may never be a chance again... well if our geographical location, or our choice to move on (which is exactly what they wanted us to do when they dumped us or made the decision to leave) will keep them from coming back to us, then obviously there is a mountain high enough, there is a river wide enough , and there are things that will keep them from getting to us (sorry to bite from the song there, but it is true). Especially in today's world with cellular phones and the internet, there are many ways for them to find their way back to us, and if they aren't willing to make that effort after realizing how bad THEY screwed up, then well, it shows that the relationship is not worth them giving their all, and we don't need to settle for people like that. People will do anything when true love is at stake, and will do anything to get it back!

So you need to mentally move on and keep on keeping on! You need to do things for yourself and think only about you. There isn't much that she will be able to contribute to a conversation with you, that you will be able to appreciate or even take any interest in. I like the term "LESS IS BEST"! The less you know about her, the better off you will be. Don't sit there and wonder if she will come around, and instead make sure the hands on your watch are still moving. Unfortunately our time on earth is timed, and its not going to stop because of this. So don't waste a second of your time, holding back for her. Keep on going, and if she ever decides she wants to come to her sense and be with you, well then she will have to catch up to you.

You just hit the nail on the head,made good points and sense
Thank you thadevil
Much appreciated
Ill give it a go with fingers crossed