Hi there,

I would like to know from people out there if it is possible to call off an engagement.

Check it, I have been with this girl for almost 2 years and we got engaged about 2 months ago. Since then, its been constant fights, and she has tried to leave me many times even in just these 2 months.

She always comes back a few hours, or at most a day later saying she is sorry, but she is depressed and stuff, and doesn't think she can have a wedding. So I suggested we push it back, but she doesn't want that either, because she was never one to want a wedding.

We are doing it so we can be together, and she said she will do it so she can be with me properly, but she feels so bad and stuff about it now, because she has no friends to invite and her family is very small and stuff, so she just wants to get it over and done with, which is not cool with me, because I don't feel good having a wedding and marrying someone who just wants to get it over with, there is no joy in that.

So I'm thinking of calling the wedding off, and I know it is possible and people have done it, but I just want to ask, to see how many people have done it, how did they do it, and what happened later? I love her a lot and I know she loves me just as much, but she just doesn't seem able to do it, its just too hard for her, so I'm trying to do what's best for her, but it is going to hurt us both, and its not what I want to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Just call it off, what's the problem. I would, as she act as if she doesn't want what you want.

See the thing is, she says she does and sometimes she acts like it too, but then she flips back to not wanting it... just like many other posts on here, its like a roller coaster... I feel like I want to get off, but at the same time, I don't...

I didn't, and forever after I wish I had.

I say, do it and give her a chance to get herself mentally and emotionally healthy.

I didn't, and forever after I wish I had.

I say, do it and give her a chance to get herself mentally and emotionally healthy.

Wow... scary... thanks for the advice...

So do you think I should break it off with her completely, or call off the engagement and help her through her problems, then if things are OK later on, get engaged again? Or should I just completely leave... never to return again..

Well, you tell me. How much do you love her? Are you willing to wait and to meanwhile help her find herself? If you really love her, it could turn out to be a fulfilling adventure for both of you. You may find more of yourself too.

Well, you tell me. How much do you love her? Are you willing to wait and to meanwhile help her find herself? If you really love her, it could turn out to be a fulfilling adventure for both of you. You may find more of yourself too.

I know I love her more than anything in this world... but she doesn't want to put off the engagement for a year or something while she gets better, because she doesn't even think it can happenn... she is feeling that bad... I told her we'll call off the engagement, but she said if we do that, she will feel more stressed and feel like more of a loser could we had to call things off because of her... It's a lose lose situation, but I know I love her enough to do anything for her...

I know I love her more than anything in this world... but she doesn't want to put off the engagment for a year or something while she gets better, coz she doesn't even think it can happenn... she is feeling that bad... I told her we'll call off the engagement, but she said if we do that, she will feel more stressed and feel like more of a loser could we had to call things off coz of her... Its a lose lose situation, but I know I love her enough to do anything for her...
Ok, how about this--continue to be engaged to her, but set parameters. She has to (with your help) find a counselor and go there twice a week at first. The counselor may send her to a psychiatrist who will talk with her and who may suggest meds to help her brain chemistry get back into synch. The counselor will help her set goals and expect her to meet those goals. Your fiancée will be accountable and will begin to lose the stress and will even begin to feel like a winner.

Would that work?

Wow... that sounds like a really great idea... cool... well, I managed to talk her into going to see a counselor... don't know how long she will stick with that, because she has trust issues and is not comfortable around people, so I don't know if she will really open up and deal with her issues, but its worth a try.

Problem is I was just on the phone to her and she is now saying she feels so useless and is planning to kill herself. She has felt like this before and it goes off after a while, but she always feels useless and blames me for the way her life is, though she made those mistakes on her own...

Anyway, We'll see what happens, I hope she will go to the counselor and get something sorted out there at least, and I guess we will stay engaged and see how it goes... But I'm losing hope fast... :(

Wow... that sounds like a really great idea... cool... well, I managed to talk her into going to see a counselor... don't know how long she will stick with that, coz she has trust issues and is not comfortable around people, so I don't know if she will really open up and deal with her issues, but its worth a try.

Problem is I was just on the phone to her and she is now saying she feels so useless and is planning to kill herself. She has felt like this before and it goes off after a while, but she always feels useless and blames me for the way her life is, though she made those mistakes on her own...

Anyway, We'll see what happens, I hope she will go to the counselor and get something sorted out there at least, and I guess we will stay engaged and see how it goes... But I'm losing hope fast... :(
Tell her Wondergirl (Carol) in Chicagoland wants her to give this a chance. One person (ME!! ) besides you believes in her. She can do this. It will work. I've seen it happen many times. Some of them were even my own clients.

Obama said yes, we can. That means your girlfriend too--yes, she can! She has a responsibility to you and me to give it a try.

Tell her Wondergirl (Carol) in Chicagoland wants her to give this a chance. One person (ME!!!) besides you believes in her. She can do this. It will work. I've seen it happen many times. Some of them were even my own clients.

Obama said yes, we can. That means your girlfriend too--yes, she can!! She has a responsibility to you and me to give it a try.

Lol! Thanks a lot... I will well her that... yeah, now she has double the responsibility to keep going... thanks heaps :)

Lol! Thanks alot... I will well her that... yeah, now she has double the responsibility to keep goin... thanks heaps :)
Any time. Now it's YOUR responsibility to stay in contact with me to keep me informed about how things are going. I want regular reports. I INSIST on regular reports. And don't forget. Obama lives in this area too, and I just might mention it to him if I don't hear from you and then Homeland Security will hunt you down.

(If you can't put a little humor into life and problems, what good are they?? )

Any time. Now it's YOUR responsibility to stay in contact with me to keep me informed about how things are going. I want regular reports. I INSIST on regular reports. And don't forget. Obama lives in this area too, and I just might mention it to him if I don't hear from you and then Homeland Security will hunt you down.

(If you can't put a little humor into life and problems, what good are they???)

Lol! Cool cool... I will provide you updates as and when they happen... thanks Wondergirl... you really are a Wonder... and yeah, we all need a little humor in our lives... :)

Lol! Cool cool... I will provide you updates as and when they happen... thanks Wondergirl
I check this site about 100 times a day until about to a.m. CST. I'll be waiting and watching for updates and messages from you. Do not disappoint me.

And you ARE up to this, I hope? You have enough charm and charisma and chutzpah to pull this off and convince her to hang in there and get some good help? AND be there for her every inch of the way??

I will give u updates as much as I can... I'm on here for 8 hours everyday while I'm at work... so I'll tell you what's up when ever I can.

I know I love her more than anything, and I will do anything I possibly can to help her. I will not let her go without a fight... and I'm talking World War 3... I do believe I have what it takes to get her through this and I hope and pray she will be stronger than before at the end of all this, standing next to me... I'll be with her every step of the way... :)

I will give u updates as much as I can... I'm on here for 8 hours everyday while I'm at work... so I'll tell you whats up when ever I can.

I know I love her more than anything, and I will do anything I possibly can to help her. I will not let her go without a fight... and I'm talking World War 3... I do believe I have what it takes to get her through this and I hope and pray she will be stronger than before at the end of all this, standing next to me... I'll be with her every step of the way... :)
YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! It sounds like we have a plan!!

Now, let's DO it!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

I'll be with you, sitting on your shoulder and (softly) cheering in your ear.

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! It sounds like we have a plan!!!!!

Now, let's DO it!!!!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! !

I'll be with you, sitting on your shoulder and cheering in your ear.

Haha... thanks... nice image... Hope I don't go deaf.. but its for a good cause anyway... so go for it.. lol

Lets hope she can do it... I'll do my part and help her along... but she must want it too... fingers crossed... all of them... lol ;)

It looks like I'm a little late on this thread. I hope everything works out for you two.

If not, don't be afraid to call it off. Better to do it early on in the engagement before any plans are made and deposits are put down. I called off my engagement to a guy I was with for 4 years. We were engaged for 3 of those years with no actual date set, if that gives you any indication of why that didn't work. Lol.

I really do hope that you guys can work things out though. It sounds like she just has some problems that she needs to get through. And you're totally right, you should both want to get married. It's not fun if you're going to get married and the other person just wants to get it over with. The actual ceremony would kind of lose it's meaning without both people being excited about the wedding, at least I think so.

Good luck with everything!

It looks like I'm a little late on this thread. I hope everything works out for you two.

If not, don't be afraid to call it off. Better to do it early on in the engagement before any plans are made and deposits are put down. I called off my engagement to a guy I was with for 4 years. We were engaged for 3 of those years with no actual date set, if that gives you any indication of why that didn't work. lol.

I really do hope that you guys can work things out though. It sounds like she just has some problems that she needs to get through. And you're totally right, you should both want to get married. It's not fun if you're going to get married and the other person just wants to get it over with. The actual ceremony would kind of lose it's meaning without both people being excited about the wedding, at least I think so.

Good luck with everything!

Never too late for advice...

Thanks a lot... Last thing I'd want to do is call it off, but I have to think what's best for her, not me. I do hope we can get her through her problems and issues, then maybe she'll be happy about the whole thing. I want her to want to marry me and have a nice wedding. Weird to hear a guy say that, but I want her to be happy and I don't want either of us to regret anything later on in life... Thanks again.. :)

You're welcome. Things have a way of working themselves out. I wish you the best!

you're welcome. things have a way of working themselves out. I wish you the best!

True... some things do have a way of working themselves out... but sometimes, things need a little push in the right direction... thanks again... peace :)

Haha... thanks... nice image... Hope I don't go deaf.. but its for a good cause anyway... so go for it.. lol
Several years ago, I sent my photo to one of my online clients. She put it into her pocket and held on to it while she called a real-life counselor to make an appointment and then took my photo with her to each appointment. I musta really scared her...


but she must want it too
I think she does. It's up to you to pull that "want" out of her and to sit on her shoulder and cheer (softly) in HER ear.

Several years ago, I sent my photo to one of my online clients. She put it into her pocket and held on to it while she called a real-life counselor to make an appointment and then took my photo with her to each appointment. I musta really scared her...........


I think she does. It's up to you to pull that "want" out of her and to sit on her shoulder and cheer (softly) in HER ear.

Haha.. that's funny... you must have made a huge impact on your online client's life... :)

I will help cheer her on as much as possible... but I think I'm a little too big to fit on her shoulder...

but I think I'm a little too big to fit on her shoulder...
Use your imagination, man!!

Figure out ways to have fun with her and with this counseling thing. Tell her you are going to be on her shoulder and whispering cheers and happy thoughts in her ear. (I could sit on her other shoulder so she's not off balance.) Whisper some happy thoughts right then. Go to the library and to the reference department to ask about area counseling and/or psychiatrists. (At the library where I work, we have a big binder full of the county's social services information and helpful organizations.) Buy ice cream cones. For every lick, name something good that can happen to her and/or to you because of counseling and getting your lives back on track.

*lick* I will smile more.

*lick* I will be more relaxed.

*lick* I will sleep better.

etc.

Use your imagination, man!!!!!!

Figure out ways to have fun with her and with this counseling thing. Tell her you are going to be on her shoulder and whispering cheers and happy thoughts in her ear. (I could sit on her other shoulder so she's not off balance.) Whisper some happy thoughts right then. Go to the library and to the reference department to ask about area counseling and/or psychiatrists. (At the library where I work, we have a big binder full of the county's social services information and helpful organizations.) Buy ice cream cones. For every lick, name something good that can happen to her and/or to you because of counseling and getting your lives back on track.

*lick* I will smile more.

*lick* I will be more relaxed.

*lick* I will sleep better.

etc.

Haha... I say again... you really are a WONDER! Lol! Remind me to invite you to the wedding if it happens... lol... good points there, and I will definitely use them... but she doesn't like Ice Cream... lol... but all good, I'll find something else she likes... lol... It's a good way to increase her self-esteem too if you think about it, and she has a very very low self-esteem to start with, so it all helps... thanks again.. man... I should fly her over to Chicago... lol... ;)

Go to a toy shop and buy a little superhero or stuffed animal that will fit on her shoulder. Tell her it is really you. Give it your name. Put it on her shoulder. Bounce it up and down on her shoulder and have it cheer and whisper things to her. When she feels down or hopeless and you're not with her, she will have her "mini-you" cheerleader thing to prop up on her shoulder and help her feel better.

Go to a toy shop and buy a little superhero or stuffed animal that will fit on her shoulder. Tell her it is really you. Give it your name. Put it on her shoulder. Bounce it up and down on her shoulder and have it cheer and whisper things to her. When she feels down or hopeless and you're not with her, she will have her "mini-you" cheerleader thing to prop up on her shoulder and help her feel better.

Haha... that's a cute idea... she is 27... but that's cool... will give it a go... I'll get her a pink kitten, because she likes kittens, or I could get her a stuffed rex rabbit... because she thinks when I have a haircut, my hair is so short it feels like velvet.. which is the same feeling as the fur on a rex rabbit... lol... I'm thinking too much into it, but it's a great idea.. :)

all good, I'll find something else she likes
How about each bite she and you take out of a cheeseburger or french fries (be sure they are McCain fries--are sold to many fast-food places--my younger son just started working for them). Or if you two are together for Thanksgiving, celebrate the holiday with thankful bites of turkey or dressing or pie and name off what you are thankful for.

Be positive!!

How about each bite she and you take out of a cheeseburger or french fries (be sure they are McCain fries--are sold to many fast-food places--my younger son just started working for them). Or if you two are together for Thanksgiving, celebrate the holiday with thankful bites of turkey or dressing or pie and name off what you are thankful for.

Be positive!!!!!!!!!!

Nice nice.. will do... lol... since she is a vegetarian and I'm a meat man... that's be kind of hard, but we both like fries from McDonalds... so that's possible. Lol... thanks for the suggestions... you are full of good ideas aren't u? Lol ;)

I'm thinking too much into it, but its a great idea.. :)
No, you are FINALLY thinking positively and not just being a victim of her moods or reacting to her. You are beginning to set the pace for her to march to. YYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!

No, you are FINALLY thinking positively and not just being a victim of her moods or reacting to her. You are beginning to set the pace for her to march to. YYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!

Haha... I see what you mean... Nice cheerleading by the way... always helpful... lol... thanks a lot... because honestly I was feeling quite down about things, and the situation seemed very hopeless, which is the reason for me wanting to call the whole thing off and then find out what to do... but you have given me hope... thanks so much :D

I say get off the ride man, if you can say to yourself sometimes I DO want to get off and sometimes I don't, that's enough to get off because I feel you should 100% always want to be with this person regardless of the situation.

i say get off the ride man, if you can say to yourself sometimes i DO want to get off and sometimes i don't, that's enough to get off because i feel you should 100% always want to be with this person regardless of the situation.

See, thing is I want to get off the emotional roller coaster... but not off her... she is a great girl and we get along so well together... we know for sure we are meant to be... but things ain't always the way you plan... but I love her enough to ride this roller coaster out... and eventually, it'll be smooth sailing... I ain't giving up...

Then I guess you got your answer without needing anyone on this site, funny huh?

Haha... tru tru.. talking about it helped.. but that WonderGirl... wow... she really is a Wonder... he gave me the confidence and the strength to realize what I want... :)

I was feeling quite down about things
Do at least one silly thing a day with her or for her. Sing to her over the phone. Hide a short love or even just appreciation note somewhere not too obvious and where she will find it fairly soon, like... well... you can figure that part out. Call her and disguise your voice. Pretend you are from China or pretend you are Gandhi or pretend you are from Latvia and ask her if she's interested in "buying" something dumb, like an electric potato peeler or whatever.

Of course, you can't be "up" all the time, but be cleverly goofier than you probably are now. Also, though, be a good listener and let her talk and even vent, but don't try to solve her problems. And maybe those things are what she should bring up to the counselor, if she hasn't already.

Do at least one silly thing a day with her or for her. Sing to her over the phone. Hide a short love or even just appreciation note somewhere not too obvious and where she will find it fairly soon, like...well...you can figure that part out. Call her and disguise your voice. Pretend you are from China or pretend you are Gandhi or pretend you are from Latvia and ask her if she's interested in "buying" something dumb, like an electric potato peeler or whatever.

Of course, you can't be "up" all the time, but be cleverly goofier than you probably are now. Also, though, be a good listener and let her talk and even vent, but don't try to solve her problems. And maybe those things are what she should bring up to the counselor, if she hasn't already.

Sounds good... I do try to have fun with her as much as possible, but when she is in a depressed mood, it makes things kind of hard... but I'll try not to give up. I do quite a few things for her, surprises and romatic stuff every now and then... and she does appreciate them... so we'll see how it goes...

I will have to do what you said... which is hard for me... to listen without trying to solve the problem... because that's what I always do... try to think logically and sort things out... so I have to try not to do that... and she can bring that stuff up with the counselor if she wants when she sees one...

Seems like maybe the relationship was getting old or stale and needed the sweetness factor to come into play, and the romantic edge... sounds you'll be fine you love her, she loves you, yada yada yada everyone's happy, weddings bells, cake, honeymoon, house, kids, family, this is how it usually goes right? Oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after! Best wishes to you my friend.

Go to a toy store or a craft shop and buy two smallish paint-by-number sets with paints and brush included. Set aside a time when the two of you do your painting together at the kitchen table or even on one of those big tables at Arby's or McDonald's when you go there to eat (you might even attract a crowd). Or work together on kids' sticker books, like a sticker book on endangered animals or birds or dogs. Or buy PlayDoh and sit at the kitchen table (properly protected) and make shapes and animals and people. Be goofy and like a kid again and have fun!

when she is in a depressed mood
How can anyone stay depressed when someone pulls a can of PlayDoh out of a bag and begins rolling the stuff around on the table and making shapes?? No explanation, no talking, just do it. Knock her socks off!


hard for me... to listen without trying to solve the problem... because that's what I always do... try to think logically and sort things out
We girls don't want the problem solved, at least not right away, because it's sooooo much fun to crab and vent about it on and on and on! You males always have to mess things up by fixing everything! What fun is that??

seems like maybe the relationship was getting old or stale and needed the sweetness factor to come into play, and the romantic edge... sounds you'll be fine you love her, she loves you, yada yada yada everyones happy, weddings bells, cake, honeymoon, house, kids, family, this is how it usually goes right? oh yeah, and they lived happily ever after! best wishes to you my friend.

Haha... thanks a lot man... I guess things were getting kind of comfortable, but that's what we both wanted... to feel comfortable with someone... and I've always been sweet and romantic with her... but o well, will try to help her through her issues and problems and stuff... so I can have that Happily Eva After... :)

You'll get it you're a good guy, you wouldn't be on this site trying to help people if you weren't.

How can anyone stay depressed when someone pulls a can of PlayDoh out of a bag and begins rolling the stuff around on the table and making shapes???? No explanation, no talking, just do it. Knock her socks off!


We girls don't want the problem solved, at least not right away, because it's sooooo much fun to crab and vent about it on and on and on!! You males always have to mess things up by fixing everything! What fun is that???

Haha... thanks for the advice again... will try the PlayDoh thing... sounds like fun... hope she will think so too... lol

And thanks for the woman's insight into things... us men find it pretty hard to understand what a woman is thinking, so thanks... got to be more fun and leave things messy and unfixed... lol.. cool cool.. will do ;)

Don't go into long explanations about the paint set or craft thing. Just tell her today is her lucky day and you have a surprise for her in this nice bag you are holding. Be mysterious and take her to wherever you need to in order to have a table and chairs to sit at and on. Continue being mysterious. Get interactive. Maybe make her guess what could be in the bag. She can ask 20 questions if necessary, or fewer probably. With a minimum of talking, set up the activity and wordlessly begin work, maybe humming to yourself. You get the drift...

you'll get it your a good guy, you wouldn't be on this site trying to help people if you weren't.

Haha... thanks a lot man... yeah she thinks I'm a good guy too... but she has her issues... and if I'm on this site here helping people I don't really know, I will definitely be next to my girl, helping her every step of the way... thanks for the support and confidence.. :)

Don't go into long explanations about the paint set or craft thing. Just tell her today is her lucky day and you have a surprise for her in this nice bag you are holding. Be mysterious and take her to wherever you need to in order to have a table and chairs to sit at and on. Continue being mysterious. Get interactive. Maybe make her guess what could be in the bag. She can ask 20 questions if necessary, or fewer probably. With a minimum of talking, set up the activity and wordlessly begin work, maybe humming to yourself. You get the drift...........

Hehe... yeah... I see what you mean... will give it a go.. :)

Ok, my work here is done for today. I have to clean out the cat litter box before my furbabies wake up and begin using it again.

I await your first report sometime on Friday. Take it slow and keep your sense of humor and great imagination flowing free.

I'll be with you in spirit.

Ok, my work here is done for today. I have to clean out the cat litter box before my furbabies wake up and begin using it again.

I await your first report sometime on Friday. Take it slow and keep your sense of humor and great imagination flowing free.

I'll be with you in spirit.

Thanks for everything... you really lifted my spirits today... thanks so much... I will keep u updated as soon as I can, I may be seeing her tonight depending on how she feels, but I will let you know what happens... take care and have a good one... Peace :)