I am desperately in love with a man who doesn't even know that I'm alive. We started as being just a 7 week fling. Just something to do while my kids were away for the summer and my boyfriend was off working 7 days a week from 7am-10pm everyday. The only reason I cheated on my boyfriend (well ex) after 9yrs was because he was never there; even when he was home. I felt like I was alone in our relationship. Hell we were together for 9yrs and not once did he say lets get married.
The long story is…We were too young! We didn’t have enough time to just be kids before we had kids. We both came into our relationship with a child. From the beginning I was always with the kids. I was 21yrs old with 2 of my own kids his daughter and 3 foster kids. I ended up with the foster kids because my mother dumped them on me when she moved out because of him. Once she found out about the baby (our daughter) she said that since I had nowhere to go she would leave. I guess that I don't need to tell you that she is not a fan of his. I tried to get her to send the kids back because I knew it was too much for me, but she said that it would not be fair to them to be bounced around. She said that it was my fault that she had to move out in the first place. I became very bitter about having all these kids (in case you lost count there were 6 of them altogether.) I suffered from post partum really bad and we fought all the time. He never supported me and I felt that we really never should have been together in the first place. We didn’t have anything in common, but when we got together I was very lonely and he was there. So one thing led to another and when I turned around it was almost 10yrs later and I was even more lonely then I was before; except now I had another child and a stepdaughter and about to turn 30. I felt as if I hadn’t lived any of my life and that I was about to have a nervous breakdown. So I thought the best thing for me to do was a find something that made me happy. That’s what led me into the arms of my heartbreaker.
So now that you're up to speed here’s the story of my heart break.
I met a guy from work I can still remember the day he interviewed. He came in, and the moment that I saw him I knew I was in complete love. I remember saying to myself "He's going to be mine"; Oh and he was after about 2 months. We had a summer fling. I was hooked from our 1st date. I dreamt about him all the time. It felt like I was on a continuous cloud 9. I am a writer who was suffering from writer’s block, until I met him. Once we started being together it was like I couldn’t spot writing. I wrote him poems and starting working on my novel again. I really felt like he was my gift from God, my last chance at true happiness. The biggest sign was when I found my wedding song. I have known my wedding song for years, but not the name of it or who sung it. I found it on his Zen one day and swore it was a sign from God. He was seeing someone but broke it off with her, I just knew that it was because he was having the same feelings for me that I was for him. We both said that we were not in a relationship, but once we started having sex I was head over heals. I didn’t want to tell him that I was butt crazy in love with him and scare him off. We were only seeing each other for about 3 almost 4 months. Not to mention the fact that I was going to turn 30 and he was going to turn 24. But all the magic was there. We went for long walks had good conversation and the sex was so good it would bring tears to my eyes. But like all good things they must come to an end and did they. My kids came home and my boyfriend found out. I thought that this was going to be a good thing, because then we wouldn’t have to sneak around and could just be together. Needless to say that was not what happened. I ended up leaving the man I had been with for almost a decade and braking up the only family that my daughters had ever known and for nothing. Because once I was free to be with him we only lasted about 2 weeks. He left me. He went back to his ex girlfriend and my new ex boyfriend went and moved in a girl that he claims to only having been see as a “friend” for the past 8yrs. So now here I sit again with no one. I can’t seem to get over either one of them but they have both moved on. I just feel used and oh so stupid. I was even dumb enough to give both of them money (about $1,000.00 each) I guess it’s true that money can’t buy you love cause they both left me. I’m not sure why I chose to tell this story, but I guess I just needed to get it all off my chest.
I would love to hear what anyone has to say. I would love to know how to recover from this.

Why didn't you communicate with your man of many years what was going on - that you were unhappy. You say he never once said "lets get married" do you really think being married would have changed anything? And why would you want to marry someone you had nothing in common with, and who made you feel lonely in the first place. What you did was selfish wrong and stupid and now you have no choice but to move on, and hopefully learn from your mistakes.

I just think cheating is a terrible terrible thing, and I do not condone it at all, so as harsh as it may sound you got what you deserved in the end. I'm not sure what any of us can do for you to be honest, your going to feel miserable and lonely because what comes around goes around, I mean you had a man for 10 years and wonderful children, and you threw it all away for 3 months of "great sex, that brought tears to your eyes" what should've been bringing tears to your eyes was your boyfriend working his butt off and your wonderful children, learn from your mistakes.

That's the whole story but not the whole story. He was never there. He never made me feel like I was important. He was always out with his "friends". There were nights that he never came home. He would come home in the morning, saying that he just feel asleep. I know that I was the one that got caught, but I know that he was doing his dirt. I asked him to go to counseling so that we could save our family. I wanted to marry him because we were a family.
I was tried of doing everything for everyone else. Everyone else in our family was happy but me. I needed more. I told him that I was having a problem. I told him that I needed him to find a job where he was home sometimes. So that we could work on our relationship, he felt it was more important to work at a dead end job. I was working too. I was faithful the whole 9 yrs that we were together. It was only the last few months were I strayed. I was looking for love, I was looking for someone to want me
I don't think that it's fair to blame me for everything. I know what I did was wrong but I don't feel like it was without good cause. I told him! Over and over again that I needed him to be there for me that we needed to try and save our family. He did nothing. I told him that I was having these feels that I was needing more. He gave me nothing.
I gave up my dreams for this man. When I met him I was in college, but I never finished because his work was more important. He would let me go for a semester but only one a year. Then me going to school was too much, then I was being a bad parent because I wasn't home taking care of the house and kids. Cheating is wrong andI would have never done it, but I needed to feel like I was alive. Like someone wanted me. That I was special to someone. I know that may should like low self esteem, and to a point it was, but I tried to turn to my partner for help and he wasn't there to I went and found it in the wrong place. Now I just want to know how to heal

I know this will sound like a cliché but " time will heal the wounds"

You need to concentrate on your children and yourself at this point. You should take advantage of this time alone and set new goals in your life. Friends come in handy at this time... keep yourself occupied go to movies lunch dinner whatevr you like with your friends try and have a laugh... maybe go to a Spa relax do your hair give yourself a new look.. appreciate who you are from the inside... With time you will start to feel better... I understand you might be feeling lonely right now.. but I am positive you will find someone new in your life.

Don't search for love, Love will find you.!

You got what you wanted, now you a free from the guy that didn't make you happy. What a hard way to learn a life lesson.

To heal, take this time to rebuild your life the way you wanted to, and stay out of relationships for a while. This will give you time for the important things like family,friends, and things you enjoy, so you can learn how to love yourself again, and be responsible for your own happiness.

Time will help you if your patient with the process, and yourself, and it will get better.