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I broke up with my boyfriend after 8 years. He's 20 years older than me, we really love each other. After the breakup, I really regret it, I was hurt and missed him very much because I really love him. I know that I've hurt him for breaking up with him. I called him up and wanted to get back together and work things out, but he said he needs time to think about our relationship whether it's worth of getting back together because he's worry about our age difference and the future, and my family.

Since the breakup, he never calls me like he used to, it appears that he's doing the 'no contact'. I was the one that called him. But he always returned my call when I left him messages. No matter how I begged him, he insisted the same answer that he needs time to think about. I sort of giving up hope, so I stopped calling him for about one week. Out of surprise, he called me up, but just talked about general things. This phone call sort of gave me hope again, next day, I called him up and asked him whether we still have a chance of getting back together or whether he wants to abandon this relationship. He said that couldn't say it to me that we're finished, and he still need time to think about.

Since then, I just lost hope on getting back together, I stopped calling him, that has been one week already. He did not call me either. What actually his answer means ? Did he mean we're finished ? Or we still have a chance ?

If I use the 'no contact', will I lose him ? Any advice I can get on what to do to get him back, please.

Well you broke-up with him and now want him back. It is up to him whether to take you back or not.

You need to let him have his time to think about things.

It's out of your control now. So I would take things like he is not comming back and move on.

How do I win my ex back?

You don't! These are people, not awards. They have their own mind and own agenda. You have to do what is best for you, and heal and try and move on. Sitting around waiting for him to give you an answer is rather unfair, don't you think? And you broke it off with him, so it seems it may have backfired on you... sucks huh?

How do I win my ex back?

You don't! These are people, not awards. They have their own mind and own agenda. You have to do what is best for you, and heal and try and move on. Sitting around waiting for him to give you an answer is rather unfair, don't ya think? Have you asked this question before?

I totally agree but I have to spread the rep. It's not fair to sit around and wait and wonder, I would definitely move on from here. You're doing well with the no contact. Just remember to keep it up because the time that he did call you, you said it gave you hope. You don't want false hope in these situations because it just takes longer to heal then.

My boyfriend and I broke up 5 weeks ago after 8 years relationship. The first two weeks after the break up, I called him up and spoke few times, because I want him back and want to save our relationship, he said he couldn't take me back, and he doesn't want to say to me that he want to abandon our relationship, finally he asked me to give him some time to think things over. I believe he still loves me very much, and I love him very much too. Since then, we have spoke for about a week now. I did not call him and he didn't call me either.
I sort of giving up hope that we can get back together since what he had said as to me, what it sounds like to me is we're finished, but he just didn't want to say out to me.
If we continue with the 'no contact', will I lose him ? I don't want to lose him, but how long do I have to wait for him to make a decision ?
If he knows that I have move on and let go of this relationship, and started dating, how will he feels ? If he still loves me, will that make me miss me and come back to me ?
Is there any chance that we can get back together ?

My dear never wait around for someone to think about being with you or not.

Let him have his own issues and let him do all the thinking he wants

In the mean time you must not wait around for him to make up his mind. You are not an apple he is trying to buy in the supermarket.

Live your life and move on with out him.

Your life is yours to live. Not for you to wait around for someone else to make up there minds.

Do this for yourself
Go no contact

As mr Talaniman says... Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs

You also need to think about what you are saying. If you move on, start dating, will he miss you? So, if you 'move on' and start using people (cause that's what you would be doing) only to make him jealous and come back, what kind of person does that make you? If he love you, if he was really in love with you, you two would be together, fact! You need to move on because this relationship didn't work. What you can't do is date other people simply to make him think you have moved on. That is not fair to those other guys.

Instead of working things out, you kick him to the curb, and now have changed your mind.

Look at it from his standpoint, what if you did this again? It wasn't fair in the first place, and its not fair now to expect him to put his eggs back in your basket.

Leave him alone, and get your own act together.

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Lets be clear as you broke up with him, and you have changed your mind.



He said he couldn't take me back,


Take him at his word and leave him alone while you regroup, and get your act together.

You also never said what made you break up.

my dear never wait around for someone to think about being with you or not.

let him have his own issues and let him do all the thinking he wants

in the mean time you must not wait around fo him to make up his mind. you are not an apple he is trying to buy in the supermarket.

Live your life and move on with out him.

your life is yours to live. not for you to wait around for someone eles to make up there minds.

do this for your self
go no contact

as mr Talaniman says... Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs


Thank you for your advice. But if I continue with the 'no contact', will I push my ex further away and make him feel that I don't want to get back with him. Also, will he miss me and curious about what's going on in my life, etc. As for me, I miss him so much already, and always have the urge to call him or text him. During these time, I have been wondering what's going on with him and what's he doing... I'm so heart broken...

There is no way to answer that. We know how you feel, being heart broken, but the best thing you can do is keep on going no contact. Your heart will continue to be in shatters if you don't start healing. Nothing you do will bring him back. If he wants to come back, he will.

Oh course he isn't going call you like he used too, those days are over.

It best for you to move on and in the future think about your actions before hand instead of acting on them because you can't play with people emotions by dumping them today but then change your mind and want them back.

Why did you dump him in the first place?

I broke up with my b/f about 1 ½ month ago. The first two weeks after the breakup, we spoke on the phone a few time because I regret it and wanted to salvage our relationship. But no matter what I said and begged him, he said we couldn’t get back together now, and to give him a month time to think it over. I sort of got the hint that he wants end the relationship even though he said he needs time. So I told him that I got his message and will not bother him from now on, and he can take his time to think. Since then, we have not contacted each other for almost 2 weeks. My birthday is coming up this Friday, I do not expect to receive a present, or a phone call, or email/text message from him. I’m worry about myself that I will be very disappointed and get depressed for not hearing from him when that day come. I tried not to think about this, but the thought of it just come naturally. How can I block this thought out of my mind, and how do I deal with the disappointment ? Any advice.

I'll tell you the same thing that I tell everyone when they've been through a break up. Find other things to do to occupy your time. Take up a new hobby. Join a gym. Hang out with your friends. Don't expect a call or a text or anything on your birthday because you guys broke up. Stick with the no contact. It will be easier to heal that way.

I broke up with my b/f few weeks ago after 8 years. After the breakup, I was really regretted. During the first two weeks, I did the stupid things (which I should not have done, I regret that I did that) of hoping to have him back such as begging, crying, pleading, phone…. Etc. still unable to change his mind to take me back, and he insisted that he needs time. I was really hurt and heartbroken. Since then we have not contacted each other for about two weeks now. During these 2 weeks of no contact, I did some serious thinking about our relationship and trying to recover from the pain. It seems like my ex is “playing with the mind game” because I broke up with him. He doesn’t want me right now because he knows he can have me, he has me hanging by a string because I had begged him to take me back. I really regret that I was so foolish to do those things just to have him back which obviously did not work.
Why am I feeling so hurt even though I was the one that broke up with him. Is it because I feel he doesn’t want me, and it’s human nature that we always want what we cannot have? Is he is just trying not to call me like I’m trying not to call him. Is he playing with the mind game?
Should I continue with the ‘no contact’ ? I know that ‘Absence does make the heart grow fonder’ but your longing to be with that person will go away after a while. Is that true?

Sorry, quick question, but who did the actual breaking up? Was it your decision or his?

Sorry, quick question, but who did the actual breaking up? Was it your decision or his?

I was my decision to break up, but I regret I did cause I still love him.

Hmmm in that case, I don't know if he is playing any mind games at all.

Check it, you left him after 8 years. That's a serious blow to a guy and its quite heart breaking to be dumped by a woman you've been with for 8 years.

Right now, he is unsure if he can love again, his heart is still in pieces. He needs time to heal and think about a future with you if there is one. He needs to know if you will break his heart again.

Once bitten, twice shy, so he is extra cautious now. He does seriously need time, and you should give it to him, but let him know you still love him.

Yeah people will tell you to move on and stuff, easier said than done because you do love him, so it all comes down to how much you want him, whether there is a real future you want with him and if he trusts you enough to give his heart to you again.

Good luck... Peace

Should I continue with the 'no contact' ?
Definitely!!
but your longing to be with that person will go away after a while. Is that true?
Yes basically if you stay busy doing things you enjoy and leave them alone.

Every one is different, and filling the hole in your soul from and an 8 year love thang can take quite a lot of time so be patient.

I broke up with my girl friend few weeks ago. We have not been in contacted since the breakup. Her birthday is coming up. Should I send her a birthday wish (a card or email or text message). I still love her and still have feelings for her, but I don't want to get back together with her. If I send her birthday wish, will I give her falso hope ? Should I or shouldn't I?

I don't think you should send her a birthday card. Although it does sound like you still care about how she feels, you're right. You would be giving her a false sense of hope, and seeing as the break-up is still so fresh to her, it just might ruin her birthday. Although well intended, you are likely going to be on her mind anyway, it will just make things that much harder for her to deal with. It doesn't sound to me like you would want her to hurt anymore than she most likely is. So, I would just leave well enough alone right now, and let her enjoy her birthday the best she can, without thoughts of you, and that there may be some hope left.

I broke up with mine back in July, and had little contact with her until October 16th which was her birthday. Left her a voicemail saying happy birthday, my friend reported a week later her number had been changed.

I don't know if this answers your question, it depends on how you broke up. Her and I did not have a smooth breakup.

It's not a good idea all the way around. No matter how well the relationship ended, there is a reason for NC. and to break it to confuse her, by wishing her a happy birthday, is just intentionally hurting her, and not fair play. Leave it alone, and let her be.

My friend go with your feelings do what you think is right.. Listen to your heart! Everything else does not matter... :)

My friend go with your feelings do what you think is right.. Listen to your heart! Everything else does not matter..................:)

I won't give you a disagree, but he has already said he does not want to get back together with her, and he is the one that did the breaking up, and it's only been a few weeks. Sending her something right now serves no purpose, and will only rub salt in the wound. It will do nothing but bring up memories for her and give her hope. When you break up with someone before an important occasion or holiday, such as a birthday, or right before Thanksgiving, it causes nothing but hurt, to the one that was dumped. If he still has regard for her, he will not do this to her. That would just be hurtful.

Should I send my ex


NO WAY!! Why stir up something when you don't know what it is? Leave her alone, period!

Tricky. If my ex were to do that now, I wouldn't think of it as anything but a friendly kind gesture with no ulterior motives. But closer to the breakup, you could definitely give a sense of false hope. I'd lean towards not doing it - but if you opt to (and I have to admit I probably would unfortunately) keep it to a text message or Facebook message that just says "happy birthday" and DO NOT respond to any replies.

That way, you can make the gesture without allowing her to stoke any old flames beyond the first message. I know my ex sent me a similar message, and I responded briefly and didn't hear back on that message. I wasn't upset, and our breakup was not messy and angry.

Why does my ex is still curious about what’s going on in my life after the break up ? We have no contact for few weeks already. He didn’t even contact me on my birthday. Does it mean he still interested in me and still care for me or what ?

Your ex is still curious for the same reason that you wonder why he didn't contact you on his birthday. The two of you not being together is a new feeling, and you are both thinking about the past you had with each other. It takes more than a few weeks to get over a relationship, but this doesn't mean he wants you back. It just means that he is not comfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing what you are up to, just like you are probably wondering what he is up to. Don't think about it and just let it go. Keep going on with your life and let him wonder.

How do you know if he is curious if you have had no contact for a few weeks? I don't get what makes you think he still cares. Please ellaborate.

Right KC I wondered the same thing. Hope to get more info to help her out.

I don't think more info will change the normal truth here, we see it all the time.

Breaking up ends the battle, it ends the struggle to make something work that doesn't. It puts peace back in your lives, painful peace, but peace.

Now that peace is back, good memories of the times you weren't making each other miserable start to surface, pleasant memories even. With those memories come warm feelings... and for some, curiosity.

Here's where so many people screw this up. The fact that you start to feel pleasantly about an ex is not a reason to forget you don't work together. If you call or accept his call, it often just fans the flames pointlessly.

Look, you're here on the internet asking for some confirmation that maybe something is really still there because he finally contacted you, right? You have to NOT do that to yourself.

If he calls and asks you what's up, tell him... or don't. When you hang up, you won't be back in a relationship, it won't mean you should undo any healing you've accomplished. It was just an old friend checking in. That's all.

If you two can both heal and learn to experience those fond memories for one another without getting emotionally crazy about it, you might be able to be friends again. Maybe.

But if every time he calls you start thinking "what if" and "oh, what does that mean"... you'll have to stop accepting the calls, won't you. Only you know if you can calmly be in contact with him, or not.

For most people, the answer is "not".

My b/f broke up with me about 1 ½ months ago. Reason we broke up is he is insecure about the age difference (he is 20 years older than me) he said he doesn’t see a future in our relationship. We’re thousands miles apart from each other. We’ve been together for few years and we love each other very much. Although I told him that I will try to work it out by moving to where he is, but still couldn’t change his mind of breaking our relationship and I didn’t want to push him anymore. We had talked on the phone few times about the breakup , we both were crying very hard, we both felt very hurt and painful.
Anyway, now, it has been exactly 3 weeks of ‘no contact’. The pain inside me is getting less and less. I know that he still love me very much and still care for me. I know that occasionally he tried to find out how I’m doing through friends. Is it OK to let him know how & what I’m doing ? And that I have put the past behind and moved on with my life ? OR should I just drop off the face of the earth and have no contact with him anymore ? But to be honest, I really want to have him back because I love him very much, I’m hoping that one day he will change his mind. But if he knows that I’ve let go and moved on, will that make him think that I no longer want to be with him ? Please help.

Don't let him know. Don't talk to him. Talking to him will make things harder for both of you.

Huh? That's confusing. Why would you make it a point to tell him you have moved on when you still love him and want him back? You said that you don't hurt very much anymore. If you are fine with out him, just leave it be and don't contact him.

It's very easy to think you have moved on or past a relationship when you really have not. I would stay no contact for at least 2-3 months longer before talking with him and "Catching up" with each other.

No contact is no contact. You aren't over him, you said so yourself;


I really want to have him back because I love him very much

This is a dead end, stick to no contact.

I agree with Altenweg... you are not over this. If you truly were over it and moving on... you would have no need to reach back and contact him. Ask yourself this: Are you willing to risk ruining all this healing you've had? If you call and he says he's moved on also... will you accept that answer and truly be happy for him?

You don't need him in your life. So many people move through our lives to help teach us things but they don't all stick around for the entire length of it. No conact. Don't risk your happiness anymore.

Good luck!

Should I let my ex know that I've have moved on.

NO!

OK you haven't moved on at all. If you moved on than you wouldn't even be thinking of him!! You are still getting over the breakup, yes your not as hurt but you still want to contact him. I say No Contact for sure. Wait a few more months and if you still want to be with him, then call him. But for now your still hurting.

Just leave him alone for awhile. No cantact whatsoever! Then after a few months, he'll come crawling back!
_________________
"I have a rock garden. Last week, three of them died."

Should I let my ex know that I've have moved on.

NO

Be honest with yourself , you are just wanting some contact.

Stay No Contact!!

Don't tell him!

It has been exactly 5 weeks of no contact, although I’m feeling less pain now, but I still keep thinking of him and miss him, always wonder what’s he doing, whether he would be thinking about me, etc. There are times that I have the urge to send him email or text message to ‘say hello’, but I’m afraid to do it cause I’m not sure if I should or not. I tried very hard to not to think of him, but the thought just come so nature. I still love him and I know that he still love me, and our breakup was through mutual agreement, it wasn’t a nasty breakup. Any advice ?

What would you hope to get out of contact with him?

Hi

I think that depends why you split up?

Its natural to wonder what your ex is doing and how they are as you shared something special. Those thoughts would always be there to a certain extent but would pass in time. You could always wait abit longer to see how you feel. 5 weeks isn't that long although I'm sure it feels like it.

On the other hand if you really think you could make a go of things again and really love him then I would consider making some sort of contact. Just think seriously if that is what would be best for you in the long run.

Maybe send him a text asking how he is. Don't talk about the relationship though. Keep it light hearted and let him know your doing well.

Hope it turns out good. Let me know how it goes.

Xx

Keep No Contact!

It has been almost 6 weeks since no contact with my ex. Since Christmas is coming, I want to send him a email or text to wish him Merry Christmas and see how is he doing, but I won't talk about the relationship. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do that, and not really sure what to say in the email other than 'Merry Christmas'. Any advice ?

What do you hope to get out of contact?

Why did you break up in the first place? Did you initiate it or did he?

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Bad Bad Bad idea!! Its tough but you honestly aren't fooling any one but yourself.

You are just trying to get him to contact you again. Stay on tract, as this time of year is rough on broken up couples, with a history of sharing holidays together. In your case many.

You should not contact your ex-boyfriend, unless you think he is still interested in getting back together.

Depends on who broke the relationship. If u broke it. Then you may send a frendly, Xmas greeting but not too emotional. If he misses you he will jump back a reply.

If he broke it off. Then don't contact him, no Xmas greetings, nothing.

Every time you contact a guy after breakup, even if it is simply a holiday wish, it gives them power, a chance to hurt or abuse you again.

It seems to me like you want him back and the Xmas greeting is just a way to reconnect with him. Don't do it.

In the holiday time people miss their loved ones, that is natural, I have been there.

But if he has hurt you in the past, it is better to move on. Send the greeting to a friends or cousin. Help out the needy during the holidays, homeless, orphans... u will feel better and maybe you will meet someone special while voluteering.

Holidays are also a time when new love happens. Let it.

Nope, it's the holiday season, don't waste it by sending e-mails to people who will only bring you down if he doesn't respond. This just another way to try and contact him.

It's the holidays, I am more than prepared for all of the recent break up victims to be on asking if they should send a card or e-mail to "be nice"

I would say do not text him. It will be hard for me not to text mine as well. We can pinky swear on it.

However I was thinking of sending him this...

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It has been almost 6 weeks since no contact with my ex. Since Christmas is coming, I want to send him a email or text to wish him Merry Christmas and see how is he doing, but I wont talk about the relationship. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do that, and not really sure what to say in the email other than 'Merry Christmas'. Any advice ?

If you do contact her, 6 weeks of healing is going to go down the drain.I contacted my ex after a month of nc, after talking to her it felt I was starting all over again,Couldnot go to sleep etc etc.I am sure you don't want that

Well you more then likely don't need too contact him.Cause if you do it's not going to turn out well at all.If he was the one that left you then contacting him even just too say merry x-mas is not a good idea.He'll write back and then without a warning the conversation. Will turn too why you too broke up.And that talk never turns out well.But if you were the one too leave him then I really don't see anything wrong with sending him a little hi saying merry x-mas but then again he might not like it too much.Just be careful and choose wisely.

Let it be he'll contact you if he cares, and then keep it simple stupid and protect your heart.

Never worth it... I am sure he knows it is Christmas or the holidays, so he doesn't need a warm wish from you. Holidays are about happiness, not feeling down or depressed because you made the same mistake again. Don't use this as an excuse to start all over. Keep moving forward and NEVER look back.

Did he break up with you? If he did, then leave it alone

Did he break up with you? If he did, then leave it alone

The break up was mutual according to the OP. I would not contact him. You are trying hard to get over it (naturally), and contacting him would set your 5 weeks of healing back to square one most likely. Keep moving forward. Carry on...

I just think until you are over that person it is best to not contact them. If don't care how they act, that's one thing but if your heart is still in it... I would stay away.

The urge WILL go. I've been in the same position and in some ways still am. What you have to remember is this... Your only wanting to contact him to reassure yourself. Ovcourse he's thinking about you. Us guys can't switch off that easy. And the thing is... he'll be wondering what your doing. This sat will be 4 weeks no contact for me but I haven't seen my ex in longer than that. We ended mutually but after time I felt like you... I contacted and just got let down at the end of it because I guess I came across needy. SO NO CONTACT! Trust me. :)

The urge WILL go. I've been in the exact same position and in some ways still am. What you have to remember is this.... Your only wanting to contact him to reassure yourself. Ovcourse he's thinking about you. Us guys can't switch off that easy. And the thing is .... he'll be wondering what your doing. This sat will be 4 weeks no contact for me but i havn't seen my ex in longer than that. We ended mutually but after time i felt like you.... i contacted and just got let down at the end of it because i guess i came across needy. SO NO CONTACT! trust me. :)

It is great to hear a man point of view. I ask him not to call me even though I wish he would. I know it is stupid but that is how I feel. He doesn't have my phone number but he does have my email and home address so he could if he really wanted to go there. I still say until you are over it... dont contact the ex. You are leaving yourself wide open.
I can't do it.

It's hard to let go but if you were to contact him you'll never heal. It is normal to feel the way you do because the break-up is fresh.

Whenever thoughts of him creep into your mind, try to change your trail of thought to something els but whatever you do DON'T give into your urge and call him. Stay strong!

I won't lie, I know from personal experience that a mere 5 weeks is NOT ENOUGH TIME, Not enough at all. Wait until that love fades a little more so your both more likely to keep your heads cool.

Break ups are really hard and its normal to miss him just stay strong.

If he feels the same way he will contact you. Which you should let him do because if you try to contact him and he doesn't feel the same way it will hurt even worse than it does now..

You are really probably feeling lonely due to the time of year we are in. Just hang with family and friends now and hunker down until the holidays have passed. You don't need to get in touch with him, as it will just darken your mood. Quick fixes lead to heavy hearts in this situation.

I swear me and you are in the SAME SITUATION, same amount of years together and everything. I'm sending my ex b/f a SIMPLE friendly christmas card this year. Let it be a reminder you still care even as a friend. Just take baby steps. Don't rush into things. Keep yourself busy in the meantime. Best of luck to you!!

you should let it be. Don't send your x a greeting. You might just sett yourself up and cause more trouble for yourself then anything! And like KC said, it's a time to be happy, not stressed out by x's and all the emotions that brings with it.

do the both of you a favor and let it be.

Yeah but his parents sent me one... I haven't sent my card out yet to him. And I feel like since I broke it up I need to show him how much I care... I am wrong?? That's y I'm here!

Yeah, that's just what a guy needs for Christmas , false hope. To be fair though what ever you do will cause confusion.

yeah but his parents sent me one... I haven't sent my card out yet to him. And i feel like since I broke it up I need to show him how much i care....I am wrong???? Thats y im here!

You two do not owe each other anything. He knows you care, and doesn't need to be caught up in confusing signs from you by you contacting him. Let it be...

I swear the no contact thing is freaking killing me. We went to talking to each other after the break up to now this... him not calling for days... I posted the story elsewhere. But I'll just let it be.

Its going to hurt either way, but No Contact, hard as it is, will let you avoid, confusion, and second guessing what's on his mind, and yours, as healing can take place, which takes TIME!

NC is emotional detox. You are addicted to someone, so it is important to become un-addicted. Imagine being an alcoholic in rehab (although that is a much more serious situation). You think they have it easy? It is the same with going NC, you are slowly becoming less and less attached to a person. Hard, yep. Worth it, OF COURSE. It is the ONLY way to get through this.

I swear me and you are in the SAME SITUATION, same amount of years together and everything. I'm sending my ex b/f a SIMPLE friendly christmas card this year. Let it be a reminder you still care even as a friend. Just take baby steps. Don't rush into things. Keep yourself busy in the meantime. Best of luck to you!!!!!

I have been thinking that although we may have parted our ways and moved ahead in life, doesn't matter who did the breakup, but there's no reason not to wish the ex-love a joyful time on Christmas.
I think I'm going to send my ex a simple friendly email to wish him a merry Christmas, and give him my regard. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Wish me luck!!

My ex called me to wish me a Merry Christmas. I returned his call and broke the no contact of 2 weeks. I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like writing him a letter just telling him I accept this break up as of today and for him not to contat me for anything because I will not answer his calls. What he says an does one days changes in days. Should I write him a hand written letter?

No, don't write anything. Just let your actions do the talking. Change your number if you have to.

Oh and 2 weeks ago he did mention to me that "if i wanted to he will drop off my stuff for me" and that maybe we can talk about thing... But I feel like just telling him to cancel everything.

He knows how to contact you as well right?

If he hasn't maybe its because he is trying the no contact thing.

Honey if I was you and I still cared about someone I would do it. Not to get back together but just to let that person know you still care.We are often too afraid to reach out if we think we will be rejected but sometimes you just reach out because it feels right.

Thinking of you at this time of the year and I hope you are well. Its no biggie,I'm done with you but I care.. so what?

Sometimes we can be mature and move on without being dramatic and getting re- involved.

I'm not on the same page with people here but I would do if it was me..

Many blessings.. Michele

He knows how to contact you as well right?

If he hasn't maybe its because he is trying the no contact thing.

Honey if I was you and I still cared about someone I would do it. Not to get back together but just to let that person know you still care.We are often too afraid to reach out if we think we will be rejected but sometimes you just reach out because it feels right.

Thinking of you at this time of the year and I hope you are well. its no biggie,I'm done with you but I care ..so what?

Sometimes we can be mature and move on without being dramatic and getting re- involved.

I'm not on the same page with people here but I would do if it was me..

Many blessings..Michele


Any advice for me of what to say in the email to him to let him know that I care about him, other than just say "wish him merry christmas and happy new year"? Of course nothing about relationship.

Well I guess I would say.. wishing you the best and hoping you are happy and hoping you are looking forward to the new year... its real... but non committal .

Oh honey don't stress over it.. go out and have some fun.. life is too short for BS... really!

I just set myself up for failure after I returned my ex boyfriend christmas call... I spoke to him for a little wished me a happy holiday... Then I called back 3 hours later.no answer... I just felt like I needed to talk to him. If he calls back eventually I just don't know what to do.

I feel like wrtiing him a letter explaining to him now why I left the way I did (said I was going somewhere and never came back).
We were suppose to meet up after the holidays but I know it will hurt.

Let it go please, your just digging yourself deeper in misery.

How much deeper of a hole are you going to dig yourself into? You would think that after feeling like sh!t you would have realized that you don't need to call him to talk. Now you are back to square one! You need to pick your pride up off the ground if you have any hope of moving on and getting a better life. Please, when we say NC is the way to go because it works, we know what we are talking about because we have all been through it.

I didn't listen to your advice, on Christmas Eve, I sent my ex a very simple email to wish him Merry Christmas. No response from him, I thought that maybe he hasn't checked his emails. So on Christmas Day, I sent him a "2 words" text message "merry christmas". Still no response from him.
I'm not mad because he didn't respond, I'm just disappointed of him. Before I made the decision to send him the greeting, I've told myself to prepare for the worst and not to expect any return from him.
I thought that sending him the greeting is a classy thing to do, it's a happly holiday season. I think my gesture was kind and no harm in sending good wishes at this time, and I think it is good manners to return the gesture but for whatever reason he hasn't. When someone took the time out of their day to wish you well. It would be good courtesy to return those good wishes, even your enemy.
Maybe it's just me. I don't understand how guys think after a breakup. Can we not be friends anymore ? After all, he's the one that did the breakup, and it wasn't overly negative. My greeting to him was just something simple, nothing about getting back together. I think he's a pathetic loser. From a guy's perspective, why he hasn't respond, even just a simple wish??
I regret that I sent him the Christmas greeting. I should have taken you guys' advice. Now I had to pay the price for not listening.

Yes you should have listened, for your own sake and for his. Its called a break up b\c its broken... and you need to stop all this messaging and the calls and the emails. Him not picking up and not answering texts and email, is a clear sign that he doesn't want any contact, you should respect that! And you should stop tormenting yourself, a break up can be very hard and I have sympathy for you.

But you need to accept it and go back to NC and treat yourself with some respect, have dignity, do like Rome said and pick your pride up from the floor and be good to you...

There is no one pat answer for everyone.The NC thing is a great idea and I would recommend it but it is not for everyone.

There is no one size fits all when it comes to how people deal with relationships.

In my experience exes can be friends. It will take time to get there but it does happen.

Like the young lady said she thought it was a classy thing to do and she was right.
It's a gesture of sophistication.

And by taking the higher road she got her answer.
To loveyouall,

I am sorry that you took my advice if it ended up being something you regret,but I suspect you knew all along what you wanted to do... but you did learn something by that and I think now you can do the NC on your terms ,because you want to.

Many Blessings Michele

Don't be to mad, as we all have to cope with our feelings in a way that works for us, and a lot of times after a break up, even a "good" break up requires time, and you just can't rush it.

Friends comes after healing(?), and to heal, time and space, is needed. That's what he needs. He is not ready for what you want.

Read some of the posts here about trying to be friends before your ready with an ex, its nothing but misery, and pain, and a big misunderstanding of motives, and intentions.

talaniman: I agree with that, friends comes after healing and time and space! My x no one and I are friends, not close friends, but enough that I sometimes visit him and his wife and so on. X no2 and I will never be friends! No matter how much time passes. It really does differ from person to persona and relationship to relationship.

all x's can't be friends though.

there really is no one size fits all like artlady said!

I wish you luck with the healing though! Do take care of yourself!

Why would a guy cried when he broke off a relationship ?

Guy have emotions too. We are not robots. We are humans just like everyone else. Some guys just hide their emotions better than others. It was difficult for him too. Just because someone does the breaking, doesn't mean it is not difficult for them.

Guy have emotions too. We are not robots. We are humans just like everyone else. Some guys just hide their emotions better than others. It was difficult for him too. Just because someone does the breaking, doesn't mean it is not difficult for them.

Does he find it difficult even he's the one that did the breakup ?

Sure. Breakups are not easy for either party.

Maybe he still cares for the woman, just not enough.

Breaking up was not as easy as he made it look. Guys have feelings too, you know.

I'm going to give you a line from a song

"Girls don't know You think you're the only ones who show emotion Well I've been known to cry some too"

Just because we end a relationship, it doesn't mean we don't care about you anymore. It's just we don't feel the relationship is satisfying to us anymore, so we end it.

When the clock strike twelve tonight, I will pick my pride up off the ground and move on and get a better life. I will cut my ex completely off my life and will not look back.

Happy New Years to you! Good luck.

Right on
Right on
Right on!!

The best revenge is to live well!!

Happy New Year to everyone here. Many this year be better and happier than the last! May we all have a brighter future and forget the past!

Never expect anything, that way if you don't get what you expected, you cant' be disappointed. ;)

Peace and kindness to all.

May the New Year bring you all New Blessings!!

When the clock strike twelve tonight, I will pick my pride up off the ground and move on and get a better life. I will cut my ex completely off my life and will not look back.

Heh, I was just thinking the same thing tonight. Along with the pride will be as much Whiskey as my gut can handle... Not to block anything out-- more to just let loose..

All THE LORDS BLESSINGS ";)

To you all kind and loving people who really do get involved and truly care and go so sleep at night worrying about the people you touch. Thank- you and God bless you.

You askme people are really too cool :D

All Gods love to you

Say Yaaaa Eh Yaaa :rolleyes:

When the clock strike twelve tonight, I will pick my pride up off the ground and move on and get a better life. I will cut my ex completely off my life and will not look back.

This is the year then for you.

Happy New Year hope 2009 brings you all you want ;)

You are doing the right thing. He was playing games with you and making you miserable! Starting the New Year off on the right foot by looking forward is your best plan!

Best of luck, and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you! Cheers! :)

... all the others included! ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03VklMOkraU&feature=related

Happy new year!!

Happy New Year! Wish I had the strength to do that!


Hoping 2009 will be a better year for all of us!

Good for you I was thinking the same thing

Bring it on!! 1

Happy New Year! Wish I had the strength to do that!

You can do it, and you DO have the strength to do it. You are "choosing" not to do it. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt. The OP is hurt also, but has made a decision! Don't let some boy run your life and have that much control over you. Cry you eyes out, and then get up and get out there and find out what is waiting for you.

Happy New Year!

It has been 3 months since my ex broke up with me, we haven't had any contact for exactly 9 weeks. I thought that I have accepted the fact that our relationship is over and he has already moved on and let go. Recently I saw what he wrote in his blog that he said he loves me. After I read that, I have the mix feelings, I felt happy that he still loves me and still have me in his heart, and still think of me, but on the other hand, I'm confused why he said that in the blog. What he said kind of giving me hope again. During these 3 months of n/c, he didn't acknowledged my birthday, he didn't respond to my email of Xmas greeting. Why suddenly he said that in his blog ? I don't understand, is he trying to tell me something ? Or is this a way for him to let out his feeling ?

After I read his blog, I kind of wanting to contact him by sending him email or text, it seems like I'm back on a thread of hope again. What should I do ? What if he's trying to relate the message to me that we still have a chance, and if I stick with the n/c, that means I'll miss the chance.

When my girlfriend broke up with me, it took me forever it seemed to accept the fact that we were no more, and she was pursuing other guys. I would see her around, and if she gave me one smile, it would put me right back into the world of hurt, and confusion.

Your best bet is to fill your life with your friends and family. Don't think about whether your missing out on opportunities with a guy who dumped you. I know it's difficult to hear, but it's so true when they say "If it's meant to happen, it WILL happen".

Don't let him play mind games with you. Don't even let him know that he's affecting you. It's a great confident boost for him if you show him that he's still on your mind all the time.

The best thing to do is be happy. He dumped you, and unless he makes an obvious attempt to come back and try to work on it with you, don't contact him.

Keep your friends close.

The best thing about NC, is you have to do nothing. Just stop reading his blogs, and the false hope will disappear as fast as it came, and you will still be moving on.

What if he's trying to relate the message to me that we still have a chance, and if I stick with the n/c, that means I'll miss the chance.

If he is trying to relate that then he should at least have the guts to tell you.

Don't get stuck with false hope , it'll just drag you back to where you were.

He may love you, but that does not mean he wants to be with you.
He left you and if he wants you he could also let you know that too (to your face).
Stop reading his blog. Move on.

Delete him off your myspace and any other type of social networking site. This will disable any type of reading what he writes and prevent the confusion.

Amazing how a hint of contact with the ex has you feeling hope again. Imagine how you would feel if you talked in person!

Until you stop being so curious and peeping online at him, the feeling's will stay stirred and fresh in your brain, and confusion will overtake good common sense. You can't move on that way.

My ex does this-Says she doesn't want me and wants to be friends. I tell her I can't I still love her and she says she understands and will stop and then texts me again---It's sick.
I admit I hang on hope of nothing-I asked her to tell me if she loved me or not and no response--Life is too short for games... We are the good people not the jerks that string along people for their selfish minds..

You're only going to continue getting hurt and confused checking in on him like that.

My partner is on 'my space' and not once have I asked him about it. He says it's his way of keeping in touch with his kids, which is fine with me. As I don't have a 'my space' page, I'm not even curious to know what it's about. I think I prefer it that way.

Don't get started on that track in the first place and you won't miss it, and it's one less thing to worry about.

My advice to you is to not contact him.

Here is my story.

After my ex broke up with me, I followed the advice on this site, and did NC.

One day, one and a half year later he contacted me out of nowhere. I've moved on at that point, and was comfortable with exchanging emails. 2 weeks later, he wants to meet up. I said yes...

And then I never heard from him again..

Until half a year later.. he pops up again, apologizing to me for disappearing over the summer.. and telling me that he still think about me from time to time.. telling me that he has such "fond" memories of us... telling me how much he wants a relationship but he just doesn't have time, and it sucks...

Well.. it was obvious that he was fishing.. He was leading me on, and he wanted me to say "yeah i'm fine with a guy that won't commit."

Well, I didn't. It's better to be single, then be in a bad relationship.
---

My point is, your ex may write in the blog that he still think about you, that he still likes you. But the fact is, he didn't contact you. So he doesn't really want you. If a guy want you. He'll tell you, he'll come to you.

Besides you sent him a xmas greetings, so its clear that you still want contact with him. If he really "loves" you, he should man up, and contact you.

And even if he does, be careful, and keep your eyes open!
Don't settle!

So don't do anything, just get busy, be more involved, and continue moving on. Also stop looking at his blog, in fact don't ever visit there again! You're trying to get him out of your system.

I saw my ex on facebook-It's them moving on to meet new interests. I am going through the same thing with all the hurt. You are not alone.
We just need to move on and see that these people are no longer worthy of our time. They lost out not us. I bleed daily myself and yet know that I am so much more than my ex has has or will ever be.. It's the fear on the unknown-Yet, they are not afraid to leave us cold and alone. You'll find true love as will I and many others...

Things were much easier before the internet made it so easy to spy on people and keep in contact without any actual contact.

If you keep spying on him by reading his blog, going to his myspace page, going to his Facebook page, well, you'll never get any peace. How will you react when he changes his status to "dating" on myspace? How will you react when he says that he's over you? Why are you doing this to yourself?

Delete all his accounts from your computer, no more contact of any kind, it's time to move on.

When I was young no contact was as simple as not answering the phone!

Good luck.

Something to remember is that everyone has their own ways of dealing with their emotions. Some people vent, some crank up the music for a while, some go on a rebound date, and in his case he uses the blogs (just like you are using this). The blog is his way of letting out his emotions so he can move on with his life. Emotions just don't go away. Let him have his own way of dealing with things so he can move on with his life. I'm sure he's not on here trying to see what you are thinking.

Confusion is merely a lack of self discipline. If you have it, you won't be confused, as you will have the control not to be in touch in any way, shape, or form, with your ex... no contact, no confusion...

I’m sitting here in my office, keeping myself as busy as possible, but just out of the blue, I have the feeling of missing my ex b/f so much, it’s so unbearable that I wanted to cry. I don’t know what trigger the thought of missing him. I tried to distract myself to something else, but it’s not working, I can’t seem to shake that thought and feeling off. It has been 3 months since our broke up and n/c. I know sometimes things and places would remind me of my ex and trigger the feeling of missing him. But right now, I don’t know what trigger that thought,, why am I like this ? Is this normal ? When am I going to get rid of that awful feeling completely ?

How long were you two together and the details of the break up?

This is normal, heartache isn't cured in a few days or weeks. These things take time, don't worry though, you will be back and better than ever

How long were you two together and the details of the break up?

We were together for 7 years, it was a long distance relationship, we love each other very much, we trusted each other and have faith in each other. He wanted to end the relationship for both of our sake as we don’t see a further for us and it’s not working (although we’ve tried to resolve it). Although now that we’re apart, we still love each other, and we always will….. but it’s just hard to move on and let go of someone that I love so dearly. This painful feeling is killing me…..

I believe the proper gauge for the healing measure is 1 month for every year you were together. Some take longer, some take shorter

I read once, that our bodies don't really fully process stress as an in the momnet kind of thing. I was also advised by may counselers that stress takes roughly a year to leave our body.

From what I can tell, you need to give yourself some time during the day, not too long like 10-15mins, to sit and think about the break up. Listen to sad songs, and cry, it's OK I do it and Im a guy! It's a good way to releave stress, if you let it happen and don't restrain. So curl up with your pillow and cuddle it, and let it all out for 10-15 min and then get up, and do something fun, happy, or exercise. Also change the music to happy, not angery, or aggressive. Trust me that's not easy.

Let yourself feel the feelings that are caged up, but on your terms. Be strong you'll feel better.

Peace be with you.

From what i can tell, you need to give your self some time during the day, not too long like 10-15mins, to sit and think about the break up. listen to sad songs, and cry, it's ok i do it and Im a guy! It's a good way to releave stress, if you let it happen and dont' restrain. So curl up with your pillow and cuddle it, and let it all out for 10-15 min and then get up, and do something fun, happy, or exercise. Also change the music to happy, not angery, or agressive. Trust me thats not easy.
.

I've tried that and I agree with you, it does feel better after I let it out. For some reasons, I always have that sad and lonely feeling on the weekends, even when I'm with friends doing something.

I've tried that and I agree with you, it does feel better after I let it out. For some reasons, I always have that sad and lonely feeling on the weekends, even when I'm with friends doing something.

I was with my girlfriend for 4 years, and I did everything for that girl. I loved her so much, and I still do to this day. It's bin 3 years since she left me for some one else. For three weeks I asked her are we still together, and every time she said yes, she lied. But I gave her her space let her date another guy, and she would come home and get dressed up, just like she would for me on dates, and she would say "see you later."
But I usually didn't see her till the next day, she said she was at her sisters the night before. I doubt it.

The point is, that I still hurt 3 years after just as much as I did that day she told me she like him not me. Yet, I still love her the same as I did the day I met her. I remember every thing, about my walking in her door seeing her on the computer looking at her art work. She could draw like you wouldn't believe. These things will never go away, but you have to just keep going, never give up.

I have realised that people are always thinking life should never be sad, but that's not really true. Some times we just have to be sad and pretend like we're not. I have a saying, not sure where I got it but, " you can't have one with out the other." If you are Happy, then you must be sad at some time or another.

You may be becoming depressed, which is understandable. Keep doing what you are, until you feel like its not worth it, then go see a counseler. It may be a good idea to do any way.

Another thing to look into, do you think there are triggers to your sad lonely feelings? Try to guard yourself against them, become aware of it, and train yourself to think other wise, or simply to accept it as it is.

YouTube - everybody's free to wear sunscreen (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=L44WMesvTUU&feature=channel_page) try watching this, it helps me.

I'm sorry for your pain, if you can persever through it, I promise you'll feel better again.

Peace can kindness

break those chains and set yourself free.:d

I think everyone is going on about it like she doesn't want things to work out. People shouldn't assume or suggest she ignores him. She might be asking for help on how to go on about been back with him in a graceful manor.
So anyway, yes I think he is interested in you and that's why he is curious about what you are up to etc. Its natural to feel like that once you've stopped contact for a few weeks. The ball is now in your court, and if you deeply still love him and would want things to be all right again, then there is ways to go on about that. Basically he has opened that window to let you choose whether to take him back or not. Off course its all up to you. If you do feel better without him and don't want him back then just ignore it.
BUT... from the way you've asked that question, it seems like you are hoping he is still interested in making it work, which I think is the case. I would suggest you (if you want him back) don't throw yourself at him and tell him how much you've missed him etc. I think its best to just talk to him in a cool manner and not to come across like you want him back, just talk to him but not for long periods. Make sure you keep him curious in different ways, suggest you are abit busy to talk right now but maybe meet up sometime soon. And when he does ask to meet up after been ignored a little bit more for up to about a week and surely he will ask. You delay it by a few days to meet up. Keep him on edge. Keep him guessing and make him wonder why you are so calm and cool. Although you might be going through all sorts of feelings ups and downs, but best way is to keep it together and when you do meet up , act calm and confident but don't be too harsh or it will backfire on you and you'll be the one doing the chasing. DO NOT suggest of getting back together, until he does and you then must make sure you don't accept it straight away and do tell him you need to think about it etc.
You get the idea... good luck..
p.s. like I said, if you don't want him back , then just ignore his calls.

:D

It has been 5 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. Although I broke up with him, but I can't stop thinking about him and still miss him very much.

I broke up with him not because I don't love him, it's because I can't be with him or marry him due to my family backgroud. I don't want to continue our relationship and having both of us living in pain. We love each other very much.

I know I've hurt him very much and have caused him lot of pain. No matter how hard I tried, I can't seem to forget him.

Yesterday was his birthday, I sent him a text message and an email to wish him a happy birthday. But I didn't get any respond from him, I guess he must hate me very much.

What can I do to forget him and not to think of him ?

Why is your family background preventing you from being with him?

Don't let the background, or other family come between you. IF there is compatibility between the two of you, and you love each other, you should see where this goes. You will have to live with him, not your background, or family.

My family is very conservative, and parent would not allow me to marry him cause he about 20 years older than me.

I really want to contact him, but I'm afraid that he doesn't want to talk to me. He probably hates me, he even deleted the birthday wish email I sent him (we have access to each other email, we still do even after we broke up). Does it means he has already moved on and doesn't want to hear from me ?

My family is very conservative, and parent would not allow me to marry him cause he about 20 years older than me.

I really want to contact him, but I'm afraid that he doesn't want to talk to me. He probably hates me, he even deleted the birthday wish email I sent him (we have access to each other email, we still do even after we broke up). Does it means he has already moved on and doesn't want to hear from me ?

How old are you?

I'm 28

I'm 28

If you love this man and he is good to you and he loves you, don't let your parents stand in the way. I don't mean you should disrespect them, but you are miserable.

You're 28 and he's 48... big deal. When you are old enough and you love someone older there is nothing wrong with it. You think about this; would you rather be just OK in a marriage with someone you don't love who is your age or madly in love with the 48 year old and spending your life with him

You're old enough to make your own decisions and you need to do it now. Explain to your parents about how your heart is breaking without him. Do what your heart
Tells you to do. Life is too short to worry about an age difference. Good Luck.


What are your cultural beliefs?

Have to agree with kat.. you are a grown woman... you parents are not going to spend the rest of their lives with you and have a family etc etc... there comes a point in life where you need to make your own decisions and not fear what you family is going to say... you really don't need their approval to be with this man... my advice would be to try to make amends with this guy if you truly love him and stop spending so much time worrying about what outsiders think..

Whether he wants to or not he will move on and then where will you be?

There was a saying in a movie. "I'd rather have three minutes of wonderful, than a life time of nothing".

You're parents have no right to keep you from the man you love.

There are woman out there and believe me, they are looking for a man like him.

Do what your heart tells you to do. Don't settle for a lifetime of unhappiness.

Why do the wishes of your family come before what YOU want?? Do you depend on your family to support YOU?

After reading and merging your other threads, I see that its possible this thing has been on and off for more than a few YEARS, so can you clarify this for us with more information.

It's up to you. I could respond to you a million times and you would still be the one who has to make the decision.

Happiness or misery. To me it's a no brainier.

This has been going on for two years. So did you break NC and start contacting him again?
Unless your family situation has changed, Unless you are ready to be an adult and make your own decisions about your life, leave him alone. This has been dragged through the mud for a long time.

He's not going to wait around forever. Twenty years from now or even a year from now you will be living the life you chose. With or without him. He's going to move on.

Hmm, I've read the whole saga. Wow. So you two got back together at some point? As others have said, this been going on too long. If I were you, I'd stick with no contact for good, it's just lose-lose situation.

I also see that you've changed a story a couple time about who break up with who - not like it really matters at this point, but you should own up your part and quit playing games.

He is probably done for good, at age of 48 how much more time he has to waste in a dead-end relationship, and who would blame him. Just look how much time you spent on this board crying you want him back, and when you finally got back together with him, you ended up at square one. This relationship is so messed up, I'd just leave it all alone.

Good luck.