Hey guys, I've recently been going through a break up with a girl. Im not as bad as I was the first time this happened, but more than anything I want to learn from it and become better.
First ill let you guys know that as a boyfriend I am controlling, I tend to overreact about small things, and I'm very serious about my girlfriends being similar to me to a certain degree so I often find myself having a hard time coping with their differences if they're too dramatic. Anyway, I broke up with my girlfriend because she wasn't giving me enough space. In that respect I admit I am a complete hippocrite, but the thing was, I wanted to meet people and get friends, my girlfriend hadn't wanted to so whenever she was talking to a guy it felt so weird to see that I found myself getting worried very quickly. Ever since I broke up with my ex, she has suddenly become very different. She partys all the time, she's made out with 3 guys, (all fraternity guys) she gets drunk on weeknights, she started smoking, and most of all.. she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. Now I find her with all the power, as I suddenly have become interested in talking to her, yet there is an element that is not interested at all. She is unaware that I know about her making out with guys, so that changes things a bit. Ive asked her to be honest about what the worst thing she's done since we broke up was, but she's given me bs answers. I don't know why I care so much, I want the pain to subside. I fear that I am unable to cope with being alone, as I have had 2 back to back 2 year relationships. I think that my reasons for breaking up with her, although seemingly selfish, were correct, this girl is honestly a very confused person. I feel like I mightve made it worse, and part of me wants to so badly try to fix it. The other part is a realist, the part I use when I'm answering questions on this sight. I am incapable of taking my own advice, and I know it. Im keeping busy, or at least trying to, but I feel worried about her and part of me misses that companionship that a relationship brings. The ability to hold someone and rest with them, and all the deep personal conversations. I am a very introverted and deep person, so not having this outlet is really starting to take a toll on me. I just want as many takes on this as people can give me. I realize communication has to stop, I try but I will fail again I'm sure. I will give it a good effort though. Please criticize me. Thanks.

I have to say that controlling people suck! I live with one every day of my life. Take this advice: Get help with your need to control someone else's life. Treat people the way that you want to be treated. If you can't do that then you desearve what you get. You can't worry about what she is doing if you broke up with her. Why should it make a difference to you. Do you feel guilty for your actions? You should nobody has a right to control another person. We all desearve to live happy lives. She hasn't told you about the 3 frat guys because its not your concern. She was probably faithful to you before you were controlling her. Get a clue and get some help. HELP BEFORE YOU HURT SOME OTHER GIRL!

Agree with the above post. It also sounds like you are judging the way she lives her life now... who are you? She can do what she wants, and obviously she is experimenting with life right now since your controlling a$$ didn't give her a chance to do that when you dated her. You also DO NOT have a right to ask her "the worst thing she has done since you broke up?" You seem like you are still in control of her... she doesn't owe you any answers to that question, and the fact that you ask that question sends a red flag up to me.

Fact: THE ONLY reason you care about her now is because you DON'T have control of her anymore.

Fix yourself. You don't need to control anyone to find happiness. Humans are individuals with ever changing needs and wants. We are not meant to be tied down and ruled upon. Quit talking to her and quit being creepy and trying to find information out about her... especially information regarding her sexual tendencies or bad habits. Why in the hell do you want to know about that stuff anyway?

You asked to be criticized, so don't get mad when you read my post. I am just saying my opinion, and I am not sitting here trying to make you feel like crap.

We were honest with each other all the time. I feel like I can't stop being honest with her, and I expect the same thing from her for some reason. I admit that I was controlling to a certain degree, but more than anything I was hoping she would get better from this break up, not go out and do things she was going to regret. I am not pursuing control of her, but for some reason I want her to be honest with me. I feel like she is becoming someone I could never see myself with again, and although I'm partial to getting back together, I think if she became more of an individual I wouldn't mind talking to her again like that. I agree with what you guys are saying, it is very hard to understand it clearly.

You broke up with her and SHE DOES NOT OWE YOU ONE THING.. she doesn't HAVE to be honest with you anymore, she doesn't even have to answer her phone..

You are not with her anymore, and what goes on in her life is HER business and her's alone..

Why don't you stop focusing on her life and what she's doing wrong and work on yourself.. you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it.. deal with it and move on.. leave this poor girl alone.. you have already done enough damage..

How was that for critical?

Listen, the idea behind this was to be criticized. Please understand however, that the picture I have painted is a very negative one of myself to make it easier. At the same time, understand that there were a lot of aspects to her that really weren't very good. I just really want to understand what it is that makes me so drawn to her even though I know if I had her back I probably wouldn't be happy. I seriously have considered asking her out again, I've lost sight of everything that was negative about her and I can only seem to focus on what's wrong with me. I feel like she is perfect all of a sudden and I know she wasn't.

I think you still care because deep down you still love her. That is something you need to work on. Quit worrying about her, as she obviously isn't worried about you. You would be shocked to know how radically people change in a split second. It is life man. Nothing you can do about it. Worry about the things you have control of, and if she wants to do the negative things she is doing, then so be it. It is her God given right.

Do you think after 2 years someone could truly just stop caring about someone as much in a split second?

Happened to me after 4 1/2 years. People change... not overnight, but it is happening. Usually you just don't notice the signs...

You broke up with the girl, she's doing what she has to to move on.

Remember you also broke up with her for a reason. That's why I feel it's really important to write in journal when you go through hard times like this, so you can go back and remember why she wasn't right for you..

You're hurting and you miss her so you're putting her on a pedestal in your mind, you're only remembering the good.. but just remember.. most people don't change their flaws.. if one thing was bothering you before, chances are she hasn't changed it and it will bother you again if you get back with her

Thanks a lot for all the help, I feel better in a lot of ways, I actually really agree about the journal thing. I might start doing that, it sounds like a good idea. I appreciate all the advice, please if anyone sees this, feel free to add your two cents. I know this is right, its just accepting it that's hard for me. I go through phases where I don't think about her at all and couldn't be happier to be in the situation I'm in, then there are times wherei feel broken, and worthless. Ive felt all this before, so I know its normal. I know what I should do... I just don't do it. I will most likely be back on this site =) Hopefully I won't need to ask any more questions for a while though. Thanks again.

You need to learn to get rid of your jealousy tendencies and control issues but, the thing is you already knew you had these things! You didn't need us to tell you what had to change you already knew. You broke up with her, let her go and be herself, if she loves you and wants to come back, and don't worry about her "party" phase in my experiences with women especially and even my friends, is that the party phases out real quick, especially when it's not them at all. I wish the best to you my friend and learn from your mistakes because if this doesn't work out some one who cares a lot about you is going to walk into your life and you need to take care of them from what you learned from this. Good luck pal.